Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
These comments are so heart wrenching because when i read them i recognise that I have felt the same way in the past but that after about 6 years I am starting to get through it.
The best things that have worked for me are:
- Going on a 20mg dose of Citalopram which is both an anti depressant and anti anxiety pill.
- Doing exercise daily
These might help you. I really recommend the anti depressants. I was trying to fix everything by myself through exercise, positive thinking, mindfulness, seeing psychologists, seeing my friends and keeping busy, but in the end this was all that worked for me. You just need to try to find the right one for you
I hate myself so much. I can no longer take it
My friend has some feelings that she nver share Bt ya she told me that she feels so empty from inside,so confused about anything n she scares alot whether if she gonna loose it..I just wanna help her she is a kind person from heart Bt she don't like herself she feels like everyone is better than her..
I feel as if everything is my fault, my family so rarely gets along. Not that we hate each other I love my family in a "thanks for not abandoning me sort of way" I can't complain I was clothed, well fed, had a roof over my head. I try my hardest to be the daughter they always wanted but no matter what I do nothing ever pleases them, I go out of my way to do extra chores, since my brother is lazy and both of my parents work full time, and instead of a thank you or any sort of recognition they just mention what I didn't do. "well what about the cobwebs" "Is all the laundry done" I typically go ahead and fix what they point out to me with no complaint. I usually get mad at myself for not seeing and fixing the problem before they say something. My mother went into depression after my birth and she always sent me off to my grandmas house when she couldn't deal with me. Most of my childhood memories are with my grandma I never got to bond with my mom and dad the way most infants do, I had to walk on egg shells around her as a toddler I had to learn to watch what I say. I never knew what would set her off in to one of her fits which usually involved taking her anger out on me. Mostly verbal but sometimes it got physical nothing extreme like bruising or anything but I'd have plenty of hand print outlines all over my arms, legs, and face. I never really had friends because I was always in trouble for something. Then my brother came along when I was 6, by this time mom had finally got some medications for her depression so she actually took care of my brother, he was an angel he never did anything wrong and so on. No matter what happened it somehow traced back to being me. I never got that bond with my mom like my brother did I still to this day hold resentment towards my brother. I was mostly mad at the fact he never seemed to get mad at him. (sorry I am boring you with my life story) my parents never listen to me. Even to this day I can't argue with my father. He won't let you get a word in edge wise, he is so close minded and conservative he won't change his opinion. I hate the way my parents treat me even now that I am 20 they still pull the "cause I said so card" I had to went to college once, fresh out of high school, and I found it boring. It was high school all over again only with a $20,000 a year tuition because I though that a small private college would be best for me. Of course I received scholarships which eased the financial burden but I couldn't see myself spending another 3 1/2 years doing the same thing I did in high school only to go through a masters course after graduating said college. Which was more money. So I dropped out of college and I was belittled by my family and felt their disappointment which made me feel bad about myself I got into this weird mood where I, no matter how hard I tried, couldn't fall asleep for hours and when I did fall asleep it was after midnight so I'd sleep in during the day. My dad didn't like this and told me "all you ever do is bum around" they not so nicely told me to find a job or move out. Accusing me of being a free loader, even though I did their dishes, did the laundry, kept the house picked up, and ran errands for them. This made me feel worse and it was to the point I wouldn't leave my bed unless to relieve my bladder or to eat. I didn't even want to eat, I was miserable and felt like complete human waste, I often think of how much better off they would be with out me and wish I were just dead, I am not suicidal I just entertain the thought of death. If I were gone my gran would be sad and I would never do that to her. and my dog too, I couldn't leave her. So now my back story is out there, here is where my problem comes in. I have been working two jobs for the last year and a half, working my butt off in a fast food establishment and a deli for minimum wage and I work crazy hours most days I open at white castle and work till 2 or 3 pm (which is in the next town over a half hour drive) and then drive back to my home town to work the deli usually from 4 or 5 pm till closing. It is tiring but it pays my bills. I have been thinking about going back to school recently, the more I think about it the more possible it seems. But I don't want to go back to college, I was thinking about jobs where I can work with animals with out much college and stumbled upon the possibility of going to a tech school, which is only necessary classes. Probably for park ranger or vet tech. But my family doesn't support me mom said you are still paying off your last mistake why would you go back. and how will you pay for it? dont expect me to co-sign another loan for you. she keeps doubting me. she even laughed the first time I pitched the idea of me going back to school to her. I don't know what I ever did wrong in her eyes I just cant seem to gain her support so instead of going back to school I find myself just going to work, coming home, sleeping, and doing it all over again the next day. It is mentally tiring and i get too annoyed with people. Nothing is more annoying than dealing with the general public at two different jobs a day. I feel so distant and like I go on auto-pilot all day. My two only friends have opposite schedules of me so I am like always working when their free and vice versa. I just hate my jobs but can't bring my self to do anything about it. I hate the way I feel, so empty and afraid. I am afraid I am going to get stuck working this way the rest of my life. one day I am motivated and the next auto-pilot. It is painful if that makes sense. I just feel stuck. I feel passion and motivation to better myself but I lack the energy or ambition to do anything about it. I hate myself and question myself everyday as to why am I still here. What point is there to life? It is a vicious cycle and I am stuck in it. I will always be stuck. I don't know it is just a weird feeling and I am getting increasingly restless or anxious or something. some days i feel nervous but others i feel detached. I just feel I have no control over my emotions I try my hardest to act as if I dont care but I care too much. It's annoying how much I am concerned for my families well being even with the way I was/am treated. I just hate myself for being such disappointment to my parents, I know they love me as I do them but everything is always so tense at my house and I feel I am the cause of it. I am the reason my family is so miserable. So many times I planned elaborate escapes and packed a small bag ready to leave and free my family of my presence. Now I am rambling. I know everybody feels self hate and I am no exception. I just feel better getting all my feeling out in the open even if it's to random strangers. for so long I blamed it on teenage angst but i am a working adult and if anything I feel worse (and by angst I mean "oh my parents don't get me" "my life is so lame" not dye my hair and get tons of piercings, or rely on illegal substances, my parents as detached towards me as they are still raised a smart girl who doesn't think smoking is "cool".) I find alcohol okay in reasonable amounts on occasion. heck most other countries dont even fret over alcohol. it is safe if consumed in a safe manner. smoking and drugs are still bad though. I dont know. Am I just dealing with left over teen angst or what? I dont even know my own feelings so how am I to expect someone to know what I am feeling. I just mostly wanted to vent reasons as to why I am a fail.
I lost motivation to do anything. Right now, my children and wife are the only people to keep me alive.
I am really lost and stuck.