Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
I am not religious. I believe in nature. The way we understand nature is science.
All of these comments... I am ashamed in humanity, society, culture, and myself. I feel like societys structure has not evolved, and is trapped by money, greed, and incompetence. I cannot live up to medias standard of beauty with my genetics. I will never be a size small or be able to change the structure of my face or body without unnatural forces. I find it so hard to stay healthy in this instsnt satisfactory and oh so convenient lifestyle. What am I even doing here? I cannot live in the moment, I cannot get things dons because I am dreary for the future and regretful from the past. I have searched for my niche... My home...my companions. I keep being told confidence comes from success. My only passion is useless in today's society, other than doubtful entertainment. I dream of a world with compassion and closeness. When I was 13, I realized how cruel the world could be, how society has directions for success, how cookie cutter life can be. Smoke stained gray. I told myself, this is a huge world, kid. I'm sure there's a way to make it my own. To own my life. To assert happiness and express my passion, creativity, and love. I'm 24 now, and I'm still looking. I'm in college doing what I'm told to do for a sustainable life. I've tried all the shortcuts: drugs, camping, moving. I cannot shake this cloud that dampens every environment I step foot in. My mind plagued by pharmaceutical drugs. Why can I not be happy with simplicity? What am I even suppose to be doing? Working? For what? For retirement? If I'm lucky, a decade of freedom when I'm too old and weak to enjoy it? That decade will be gone in a blink and my life will never be remembered. Another mass grave without roses. I want to be apart of something. Valued, appericated, unique. I think I'm ready now to become earth and let my electrical energy collide with... Something... I hope... I am un reassured as my hopes, thoughts, and ego are all physical aspects of tissue in my brain.
I am angry I cannot appericate what I have either. I have all the resources but no motivation. I'm just waiting.... All I live for is for others now. But mostly my dog.
I think you have reached your conclusion that nothing in life is sustaining, satisfying, or wonderful. Childhood fantasies were crushed...which is sad. Don't give up. There is more to life. Valuable, appreciated, and unique. A world of compassion, closeness. And mercy--but the base is love. It's in God. Find Him, and you find what you've been looking for. Life has meaning again.
I know you said you weren't religious. I'm praying for you and hoping that you come to find your root for true happiness and meaning.
Hi Cooper. Based on the symptoms you describe, I wonder if you suffer from clinical depression. I would encourage you to see your doctor and get a complete physical. Some depression is related to chemical or hormonal imbalances that can be easily treated with medication. There is nothing wrong with getting treatment for a mood disorder, particularly one that has so negatively affected your life. You might be surprised how good you feel after getting the treatment you need. You may become energized in the mornings and start to feel alive and enjoy life again. Suppose you had an accident and broke your leg. You would be in pretty severe pain. Nobody would fault you for taking medication to ease the pain and have surgery to get your leg fixed. It sounds to me like you are truly suffering and I want to encourage you to seek treatment. Some depression is situational and brought about by circumstances. But if these feelings you describe, including a loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy, not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, not wanting to eat, etc….if these symptoms have been going on for several months, then you may have major depression and perhaps speaking with a therapist and medications may help you immensely. Once you start feeling better, you may find the joy you once had in creating your art. But please don’t strive to be the best or reach some arbitrary level of “perfection.†Do it because it brings you joy and makes you feel fulfilled. Others will feel your energy. Be encouraged.
Why shouldn't I kill myself?
I feel selfish doing this, as I have not taken the time to help others. And I don't want help or feel I deserve help myself because of that reason. But here it is.. I hate myself. Every aspect of myself. Why do I want to end my life so badly? Why do I have such bad anxiety? Why would I rather pick at my skin and think hatred thoughts about myself and life in general, than go and make something of myself like the rest of my family and society. I've always liked to draw and paint and sculpt and I thought I was the best, and I still have materials to do so within reach. I used to play basketball and soccer and loved getting better and just doing it. Now, I won't get up and put a pen to a piece of paper, or walk down to the courts and shoot. I get anxious even thinking about the activities. And when I do finally force myself to hold the brush and set up the paints and make my first few marks.. I hate it.. I suck.. Why am I even doing this? I push all of that shit aside and cry.
I have shunned my family, I feel I am a disgrace to them. I don't wish to reconnect with any of them, nor do I feel worthy of their attention or acceptance.
Day after day, I starve myself only eating when I feel I will collapse, and sometimes just letting myself because I want to sleep more than anything so why give myself the energy that will prolong consciousness. I get anxious thinking about the fact that I need to get up and eat something. I won't go to the grocery store because I do not want to be seen. I don't deserve food.
And now I'm complaining on the internet.... I hate myself.
You are too cute. "A small part wants to be loved and could maybe just maybe accept love." That is where it starts-with that small part. Your heart is not corrupt. Just a little broken and it can heal. You were abused, but that does not define you. Allow your heart to open to life. It is like getting into the ocean....you start with one foot, then the other, then before you know you are up to your calves, then thighs, then stomach, chest, neck, and before too long you are swimming in those waters that initially seemed so cold and uninviting. Allow yourself to be loved. Start slowly, start with that small part and allow it to grow. You are worth it.
I've hated myself sense around when I was in 1-2nd grade. It happened it was out of my control. I couldn't stop it and didn't know how to stop it. I started growing up, hiding and repressing feelings of all kinds besides select few. Hate, anger, and rage. It fills each and every day, my depression makes it all worse. I haven't had a wonderful life, but I haven't had it as bad as others, causing a whole new level of guilt. This has lead me to numbness and partial insanity, which I can lose the rest quickly. I have a wonder boyfriend, we are long distance and that already kills what is left of my corrupted heart. And it makes me feel terrible that I can't really give him what he wants or deserves, our words hurt eachother even if not meant that way. He knows about what happened back when i was younger, but i feel like he doesn't understand. He became my light and has helped me start to feel some good things again. He just doesn't see what somethings do to me. I continue to hide hideous feelings from myself, from him, friends, and family. Some of these comments fit so perfectly it hurts. And the kind words others say are nice but hurt even more, because I can't fully accept them and knowing I can't accept love hurts so bad. I recently came out as a victim. A small part of me wants to be loved, and could maybe just maybe accept it. But how can someone love you and how can you love someone if you have held hatred as number 1 in your broken heart for so long? My religious view is so confused and mixed I don't know what to believe in. Gods love or not I haven't felt loved ever sense I can remember, but saying this I don't know what love is. So I don't know if I have ever really felt it or not. Thank you have a good day, it just feels nice getting that out...