Why Do You Hate Yourself?

Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?

It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.

Can You Relate to Caroline?

Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real.  You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.

Caroline described her self-hatred like this:  I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.

So why do people hate themselves?

We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.

Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen

When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.

Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.

Rejection or Abandonment

Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.

Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.

Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.

Negative Self-Talk

Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.

Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.

The Fight Against Self-Hate

The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.

I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.

So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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810 comments on “Why Do You Hate Yourself?”

  1. I can tell that you are a loving mom, because of your love and concern for your own children. When we have had a difficult childhood sometimes having children can bring up a lot of emotions from the past to the surface (like insecurity, worthlessness, powerless). This is normal and there is help. Looking at the past from an adult perspective and especially as a mom can help you heal. The things that happened to you were not your fault. Please chat with us online to continue the conversation and to find hope and healing. You are on the right path! http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/

  2. I just don't know how much longer i can continue to feel the way i do. Ive never wanted people to feel sorry for me and i know that im not perfect and no one is. Just can't continue to have these thoughts and feelings as i do. Why do i hate myself and my life so bad..??i love allv3 of my children just not myself. Its worse at times than it is at others

  3. You CAN make it through this season of despair. You might be suffering from depression, which can make everything look like it has a black cloud hanging over it. Chat with us online and tell us more about your struggle. We are here to give you hope and to connect you with resources to set your life on a better path. We believe in you! http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/

  4. I'm 17, and stuck in school. Failing everything and everyone around me is getting a job or has a relationship and a car, but all I do everyday is work and never acknowledge any of the irrelevant information that is approaching me.
    Recently, music had been the only thing that made me happy since everything else I have is rather broken, or unusable. People ruined music for me, and I feel like I'm going no where in life because I'm an utter failure who's good at nothing, is failing in school (The one thing I'm supposed to be achieving something in), and I'm just generally unhappy and don't want to be here because I feel like I'm a waist of space and make everyone miserable because I'm incredibly negative. People always tell me not to be, but it just really sucks when you see yourself falling deeper and deeper into a pit you can't climb out of. I've tried to find a job around my town, but everywhere out here you rather have to be 18, or work in fast food, which I get sick around. I just don't want to do this anymore.

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