Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
Just recently for a couple of months I have been self-hating. It has a lot to do
with childhood and present day problems that have accelerated with 4 deaths in
the family 2 cousins, 1 Auntie and the final straw; Father; all in less than a
year. I never was truly happy in childhood, nor in my teenage years, as they
were filled with ongoing rejection with friendship groups, my schooling was
failing also due to learning difficulties that would keep me at the lower end
of academic excellence. Learning was a frustrating - stressful = I don't care
anymore; help was sought but was not often given. Then along came 2 friends
that did make me very happy and we spent more time out of school than in
school, that today I wonder how I even finish year 10 and year 12 of Junior and
Senior High. On the other hand, I also had a Mother at the time that was very
character destroying, she was verbally destructive calling me "stupid" and "dumb" and would get into a temper when helping me with school work. Tutors were expensive, family weren't around all the time to help or didn't want too. Education was a real struggle even in college, especially affordability. On the note of work, it has always been hard to find and I have ended up with temp jobs throughout my life even now at 40 years, which is just not good enough, that I see myself unable to pay rent or rates, that may land me living on the street in the future, though I'm on Centrelink payments. At least I'm single with no kids to drag them with me. My problem with work is inability to learn quickly, (I have to lie here that I'm a quick
learner) and many cases I land in hot water with staff because I learn at a
slower rate as others that gets me a lot of complaints at the beginning.
Generally, I suffer a lot of anxiety, fear and depression, especially since
we've become very isolated from friends and relatives. I think it is because
they think we are going to ask them for money since the death of my Father and
they have this attitude we can't afford it or see them because I don't have a
car. I think many of them are ungrateful we sponsored them to this country.
(Never sponsor people, they become ungrateful to you later on in life and
forget you!). I just feel so angry at myself and Father as he always in life
was such a alarmist over everything, but when it come to him at the end, it was
me alone fixing up his funeral paperwork and paying a lot of the costs which
ate up all my savings and left me with nothing in the end. I even had to get
money from my superannuation to keep us all going with life expenses. Life just
hasn't been happy at all and I do feel it's my fault, plus believe I can't
change my environment or my circumstances, due to many things against me as
affordability, unemployment, learning difficulties and inability to escape a
dependent overbearing controlling Mother. I would love to own my own house, car and travel but their dreams unrealized that I feel will never happen.
I hate myself so much. I hate that my anxiety keeps me from things "normal" people can do with out a problem. I have not had a date in 18 years because of anxiety. I really wish I could just die and get it over with. I would not hurt myself but I really do wish I was not here on this earth. What for? To be miserable and lonely? I have tried antidepressants and therapy for years and it has not helped. Can not take antidepressants because the side effects are horrendous.
Glade i m not the only one feeling this way, its been a while that i m looking for some how to release my depressed sad unhappy feelings , truth is i dont even know why i feel this way , having people who love me around me n still feeling alone !! Having an amazing husband and a baby but still feel like i m missing alot ! .. May be my too much overthinking n worrying n living for tomorrow instead of today is the reson of what i feel .. I tried to change myself but no success .. Dont know what should i do ? You know that feeling u get when nothing cheers u up not a gift not a nice dinner not flowers not a nice talk not an appreciation just nothing........
if there is biggest enemy of me in world than i myself is,,,,i always face rejection in life because of my peorsnality...my face...my structure...i feel like if God can do mistakes of making people like me than we r humans only we can also do mistakes in life ... i cant share these things to anyone because no one interested in listing that...this is for people who thought that money is everything i am not poor but also i am not happy...rejection, lack of love and romance make huge difference....its all about priorty...i want love but my fate and my personality never alow me ...i wanna say only that if we r all good loking perosnality and make gf than no one realise the value of feeling of low perosnality and ugly...thats why we.. low personality people r here in world...
Oh and please do accept my comments, kids never did have right, even now, they have more, but still barely, and only adults or teens in later years, and when I do things like that, no one even accepts the comment, as to, when someone's life isn't good, they have to try harder to find a solution, and In all those years, asking the world is the only thing that ever works, but not ussually