I Was Raped and Hate Who I Am: EP 48

The Pain is Still Haunting Me

Janely shares her story: “When I was 16, I was raped, and I kept it a secret from everybody. My anger and by the way I kept bottling up everything, my mom figured it out. To this day, I feel a lot of hatred toward myself and a lot of guilt. I hate who I am. I hate everything about myself. I felt like I could have changed something if I had something. But I was hanging out with a friend and shouldn’t have even been there. I can’t help but be upset and angry. It’s been a long time and I thought I came to peace with it, and it still haunts me to this day. I don’t know how to treat it. I don’t know how to get rid of it. It’s just there, haunting me.”

It’s Time for a Breakthrough

Janely needs a breakthrough and I believe she can get one today. I have a verse for her, “The LORD your God is among you; He is mighty to save. He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17 That’s what she needs, God to quiet her with His love.

Peer to Peer: Talking About It Helps to Release Emotions

Janely has been stuffing and bottling her pain for so long, but now, by talking about what happened she’s beginning to release some of those deep emotions. Even though it’s extremely painful, sharing what happened to her and how she feels is the start of her healing. This is the beginning of a breakthrough. We asked for people with advice and encouragement for Janely to call in. She received compassionate and uplifting messages from some amazing people who sympathized with Janely’s heartache. We first heard from Caleb; whose wife was raped.

My Wife and I Both Have Forgiven Her Abusers ~ Caleb

Caleb – Right now it must be very painful. My wife was abused by her father for many years; as well as she was raped when she was 14 years old. What you’re feeling right now is something that is indescribably painful, especially if you keep it bundled up. My wife denied the rape as well. It’s something that helps us keep the pain down. Now, that it’s coming out in the open, the best thing you can do right now is go to God. She’s completely healed now. She’s forgiven the rapist and her dad, and so have I.

How Did She Get to Where She Could Forgive Like That?

First, you have to accept it. Then you have to let the emotion out. You have to let it out some way, whatever that is to you…yelling, hitting something, whatever it is, it’s inside your heart and needs to come out. And then God can heal. But if it stays bottled up, then it will never be healed.

The More You Talk About it, The Better You Feel ~ Jermaine

Jermaine – I want to congratulate you for coming forward, that’s the first step towards the healing. Talk about it – the more you talk about it to people you can trust, and get it out there, will make you feel a whole lot better. My wife was raped by her uncles, and her mother knew about it. It tore her life apart. I asked her one day, “How did you manage to get over it?” She said, “Jermaine, I prayed to God every night, and asked God to give me the strength and the ability to forgive.” When you truly fall in love with Jesus Christ, you won’t forget it, but He’s the only one that can do this. It doesn’t matter how many books you read, no matter what you do, you have to allow God to do the work He’s trying to do within you, to allow the hurt to be removed. I’m praying for you, Janely, and I love you.

There are Beautiful Men Out There ~ Maria

Maria – First of all, I want to thank the two beautiful men that called in. Because I was expecting women to call in, to have a heart for another woman, but two men calling in, you realize there are beautiful men out there. Not every man wants to hurt a woman. After hearing them, I almost feel like my word is ignorant. My word was, they can take your body, but they can’t take your heart and soul and mind, and what’s in your mind. You have to control what is in your mind from this point forward. But those two beautiful men brought it to God and their wives brought it to God. I’m ignorant on the subject, but my heart broke for you, that you are still feeling so hurt, that’s why I wanted to call in.

I hope you meet a Godly man, and he brings you the happiness you deserve and brings your mind away from not loving yourself.

You Are Move Loved Than You’ll Ever Know ~ Evan

Evan – No matter what you think, the Lord will never forsake you or leave you. You don’t know how much you are loved. You are more loved than you’ll ever know. If the Lord can forgive you for holding back the truth from her family and friends then you can forgive yourself too.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17-19

That was More Powerful Than I Thought It Would Be ~ Janely

Janely: That was more powerful than I thought it would be.

Dawson: Did you know Jesus was sexually violated?

Janely: I didn’t know that.

Dawson: Let me explain it to you.
When he was on the cross, he was stripped naked. They mocked him (Psalm 22). They made fun of him in violent ways. There he was being sexually abused and being totally abused. He completely understands and wants to heal you. We are work on our healing. I promise you this God who loves you, has a man for you in His time.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Jesus said, pray for your enemies, pray for those who persecute you. You can’t pray for someone every day without having a changed attitude towards them. God does that transformation. Other than that, you will forever be a slave to the abuse you’ve suffered.

If you’ve been raped or experienced sexual violence and want to share how you got through it, please leave your message for Janely in the comments below!

More Help and Resources for Sexual Assault:

Need to talk to someone? Chat Live with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now on our Give Now page.

This is the Dawson McAllister Podcast, and until next time…Remember you are loved, you are valuable, and God has an amazing plan for your life. – Rachel

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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