Dawson’s Blog

Is My Best Friend Falling For Me?

I talk a lot about how people seem to be in such a hurry to rush into a dating relationship. I always emphasize how important it is to develop a strong friendship as a foundation before heading into romance. Say you’ve done this, what’s next?

Lucy asked our first ‘best guy friend’ question below:

Does my best guy friend like me as more than just a friend?

And how do I know if he is falling in love with me?

Maybe you are wondering, “Is this really love?

DAWSON: Friendship and dating are very important. In the end, best friends make great marriages. That being said, since you didn’t say what your feelings are for this guy, I’m guessing you don’t have romantic feelings for him. So for him, this is unquestionably a very delicate situation.

If he is actually falling in love with you, he’s probably scared and nervous about you finding out, since he doesn’t know how you’ll respond.

Someone who is trying to balance their emotional feelings toward you may tend to be a bit more possessive.

He doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the friendship you already have. That’s a good thing. Friendships are priceless and need protecting and nurturing so they will grow.

Related Posts:
How To Find A Meaningful Relationship
How To Know It’s Really Love
4 Ways To Avoid Heartbreak
8 Signs Your Relationship Is Unhealthy

Here are a couple of questions you may want to ask yourself.

  1. When you talk with your friend about other people who you are dating, or are interested in, is he supportive and encouraging, or does he become quiet and distant? A friend will be supportive, but someone whose emotions are clouded with the possibility of being in love will tend to have a more emotional response.
  2. Does he want to spend time only with you, or is he okay doing things with you together with others? A friend is willing to share you with others, but someone who is trying to balance their emotional feelings toward you may tend to be a bit more possessive.

Maybe my best friend is falling for me...In the end, you will need to communicate with each other and define what your relationship really is.

Even though it may hurt him, if you don’t have the same feelings for him that he has for you, knowing the truth is always better than not.

However you feel about him, I’m sure what you tell him will be filled with love and respect. After all, a good close friend of the opposite sex is priceless.

Rebecca brings us our next question about moving from friendship to dating:

How can you tell if the friendship SHOULD go on to the next level?

With a friendship based on honesty and trust, you will be able to face the challenge of being vulnerable.

DAWSON: The decision to take a friendship to the next level, from friendship to a dating relationship, has to be a mutual decision. Both sides have to agree they want to go deeper with the other person.

But as I often say, these things have to be talked out, even though you are best of friends. Unless they are talked out, there can be confusion and hurt feelings. So whoever brings up the subject has put themselves in somewhat of a vulnerable position. Yet, good friendships can endure these trying times.

The best thing I can tell you is to be patient. Let the relationship grow, and when you feel like you’re ready, I’d encourage you to find a time when the two of you are alone, and try bringing up the topic. With a friendship based on honesty and trust, you will be able to face the challenge of being vulnerable.

The Right Thing to Say:

Try saying something like, “You’re a great friend, and I don’t ever want that to change. And honestly, I’ve always wondered if this friendship would ever turn into something deeper. But I’m not sure how we would know. Do you have any ideas?” Asking him for his opinion is a great way to show you value what he thinks and feels, and you’ll find out if you’re on track.

Let’s assume for a moment your guy friend agrees with you about taking the relationship to the next level. What then should you do? I would encourage you to sit down together and make a list of the things you have been doing that have made your friendship so strong. Commit to keep doing them, and your relationship will automatically grow. But be extremely careful about becoming very affectionate and sexual with each other. I have seen so many potentially great relationships ruined by the misuse of sex. As someone once said, if you settle for cheap sex, you will never discover priceless love.

If you settle for cheap sex, you will never discover priceless love.

Life is short. So be open and honest with your feelings, but be prepared for them not to be reciprocated. But with him knowing how you feel, you very well might open the door for him to start seeing you in a different, more romantic light.

For more insight into the opposite sex download one of our free eBooks today.

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
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  • fedrica

    hi,i wud really want to knw wat my bff thnks of me.i thnk am in love wth him,we r comfortable wth each other we kiss passionately,caress deeplybt prob is he has a girlfriend en i dnt knw how to define our relationship

  • Sabrina

    I’m not surehow to say this but I think that my B.F is in love whit me. but I’m not sure that my best friend is in love whit me. we talk a lot by the whatsapp and give us emoji like hugs and kisses and I’m not sure what to do. on this Saturday he invited me to go out so I’m nervous this is my first time going out with a guy. and I’m not sure what to do? the truth I feel something but I’m not sure if is friendship or love now I’m very confused
    I need help please help me

    • TheHopeLine Team

      Sabrina, Sorry for the delay in our reply. Relationships can be very confusing at times. We talk to many at TheHopeLine that are struggling with a relationship. We would love to listen and help you through this. Please call or chat with a HopeCoach anytime 24/7 at 800.394.4673. If you want download our free app to your phone to chat, call, email and get encouraged here is the link to download it. http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp

  • james

    Mine is kinda wierd ok so my bestfriend liked me and i didnt know but i had a little bit of feelings for her now i really like her she stoped liking me cause she said it was hopeless and now she has a boyfriend pls help pls

  • Aanya

    hi! i know its kinda weird but i think i like my best friend and he also does the same. so to be sure about it i searched the internet and came to know about many signs that show if a guy likes you and he matched almost 90% of them. And i feel like he has very protective attitude towards me and our friends always say that we make up a good couple and we both love each other but we are not realising it. so i wanted know your opinion on it. pls i need help , pls help ! and ya another thing he seems very caring , he is jst always asking if i am ok or not .

    • PeopleNeedLove

      Just say something to him or have a friend talk to him for you. Maybe your friend can tell him that you like him and maybe he should ask you out. I hope this helped

  • kimya

    My best friend and i are next-door neighbours and have been since we were born. We have grown up together and we say i love you to each other whenever we speak. He’s usually more loving towards me than i am to him, in new years i texted him to say “thank you for everything you did in 2014 you’re one of the most important people in my life” and he answered by saying that i was the most important person in his. I didn’t think of it much. He’s a very emotional person so it’s not strange for him to say that and he’s very touchy-feely with his other female
    friends too, however he says he can only act as himself with me. The more I think about the possibility of him liking me I realize that i may have more-than-friends feelings for him. GAAAAHH. Maybe I’m reading this wrong though? I think the whole “boy next-door” thing may be rising my expectations and the idea of it seems better than the actual thing? Please help

  • @nisha

    Hello !! Anisha here…. I n my best friend hv been studying in the same school since nursery class n then we became bestbof friends in the 8th class n its been 5 n half years that we r best friends !! Even wen we go out most of the ppl get confused by the bonding between us !! I think i hv fallen for him… & I dnt know if he loves me but all i know is he has recebtly had a brkup with his firat ever girlfriend and now he is not ready for any second relationship cuz he thinks this is all crap !! Also we hv had a brief discussion how it wuld be if both of us get into a relationship and it was quite awkward for both and we took the topic lightly !! I dont know what to do …. sometimes i feel let the time and destiny decide !! He also once confessed to me that he will want a wife like me !! What should i do ??

  • Angel

    I have a complicated relationship me and this guy best friend of me have been friends first and when I told him my callings he had to tell me he didn’t feel the same that time he thought I would leave and our friendship would end he cried in front of me and we both cried then we argued and I left and hours later I came back like lets talk it out n start fresh from there we did and he started changing he cared more about me we always text from good morning to goodnight to all night and we hang out every week through a job and college we both busy all the time esp me . But we make it work we try , and he has another girl best friend she likes him I know it and he doesn’t like her I can tell . But I got jealous we argue we ignore eachother then we go back to eachother talking it out and saying sorry cause we can’t stay mad or upset but I’ve never tried this hard for any guy sometimes my patience is like on the roof top I give up but I don’t we chill talk hang out he’s sweet helps me gives me advice we went on a study date we do have a strong attraction . I just don’t know if he’s my friends with benefits or my actually guy best friend

  • yayaegr

    I do excatly all those things with my best guy friend! But he is bisexual and he has a girlfriend right now. At school he talks to almost every girl because theyre all drooling over him and im there a jealous friend but i just dont tell him. What can i do ?

  • ronni

    So , my guy best friend .. We’ve been best friends got almost 3 years now . when we became friends I liked him then but he had a gf. After that I never saw him as more than a friend until January. We always have fun and he always tries to keep me entertained, he won an animal at the fair for me, every time I see him he stares at me , like while I’m watching a movie or playing his game. he kisses me and says things like I love you bae, I like you , you so cute and it’s repeatedly and he acknowledges that i don’t say i l love you back. I know he’s not trying to get sex from me , he knows he’s not going to. He’s even danced with me and we laugh seeing him is always just amazing. He does and said all this sweet stuff but then he won’t finish a text conversation with me or he never texts me first and I’m confused . that’s really the main thing that confuses me , there is no way someone is into you, but won’t talk to you consistently. I know this is complicated, but Is he into me?

    • Jonathan

      He probably is shy or doesn’t want to seem too dominant and doesn’t want to hurt u in any way either so that’s why he doesn’t finish the conversation as he wants u to end the conversation first, maybe he feels he might be bothering u and he doesn’t want to seem desperate or anything that’s probably why he wants u to text him first, but he is into u and he probably likes u alot

  • liza

    i am suffering the same problem n i really am disturb i want him by myside as a frnd bt he is totally ignoring me n when i dnt talk to him he texts me or anythng to get attention its really hurting he is my only frnd in uni i cant imagine my uni wdout him we use to spend alot of time toghtr hst us n some how may be he is attracted to me one of my another close frnd told me to behave the same way like he is doing ignore him n he will be back on track again is that so wt u guys think???/ will it work my frnd is also a guy who suggested me to ignore him n he is very confident abt it that he will be back on track again not the way we use to bt like he is with other fellows

  • amy

    So my besrfriend me he loved me..about a week ago. And he broke up with his girlfriend bc he thimks there might be a chance of is.. idk what to do? I thhink i really do love him too

  • Liam moose xerox

    I’m really confused with my situation with my best friend. She has a boyfriend but she is extremely huggy, affectionate, likes to grab my hand and my leg and just overall tochy. She tells me everything about her, she always comes to me for advice, she always gets excited when she sees me around and comes running to hang out with me but the thing is she isn’t like this with her boyfriend or anyone else. Only me she’s like this to. Does she like me or is she just my affectionate best mate?

    • kayle

      Most likely she does like u because I’m the same way with one of my best guy friend that I secretly have a crush on lol
      If u guys r really close and comfortable about talking to her about that kind of stuff but don’t want to make it to obvious maybe u could text her and start up a game of 20 questions and half way through the game u could ask if she only likes her boyfriend or if she has ever thought about dating another guy other than him and just kinda work up from there

      Hope this helps

  • alisha sarkar

    Hi..i need ur help..i love my friend when i was class 11…He reject me becoz he love someone else..who broke his heart….
    He said me That he will never love me he will treat me as just a friend ..I agreed..Days Goes on..Nw I have completed graduation..bt i still love him….problem is somehow again he realize that i started fallen love with him..he started avoiding me….not repying my answer..wat will i do…I tried to stay away from him but i couldnt…As u know heart never listen to u…what will i do….will i give him sometime ???or little space ..??PLZZZ help me……

  • Hass

    My best friend guy lives back in my home country. He used to call me almost everyday until recently he started talking to me twice a day everyday. He keeps saying I’m cute and that he loves me. He says things like if I’m lonely that he would come to me and give me a hug or cuddle me. Today he even asked me to give him a kiss through the call and he gave me few too. But in the middle of the conversation he talked about some other girls and also mentioned that I’m his best friend. I’m confused. I feel like I’m falling for him too but I don’t know if he really does like me. Help me please.

  • Amy

    I met my best guy friend about a year ago and ever since we’ve actually been really close, all of my friends and his friends shipped us (said that we looked like a couple). I didn’t have feelings for him at first, but I developed feelings for him, and now I am very into him. My best guy friend, on the other hand, didn’t really deny not being my boyfriend when my friend commented on how he wanted to spend more time with his “girlfriend” (a.k.a. me). He doesn’t really deny anything regarding him liking me, but I’m not sure if he likes me because he seems closer with my friend than me… What should I do?

  • Jonathan

    I have been crushing on my best friend ever since i met her, and recently ,she said she started liking me so we started sending each other cute and sweet texts then when we met in real life at school then we realised we can’t see each other as a couple and we can’t adapt to being a couple as we have been best friends for so long so I’m trying to find ways to help to continue our relationship, can someone pls help me 🙁

  • dontworryxx

    so basically my bestfriend and me are really close and I love him he’s always putting his arm around me and hugging me and stuff recently he told me he was thinking about me the other day and he doesn’t know why and then he said to our 2 other bestfriends who are dating if me and him should date while he was hugging me i was kinda surprised and in fear i said lol stop joking around even though he might of been serious our friendship wasn’t really effected by that but i made a mistake and don’t know if he does really like me like that and I’m just so confused plus he recently just broke up with both of our close friend so yeah i need help someone pls help

  • Paige

    I like this guy, who happens to be my friend too, but I just found out he’s dating my friend, she didn’t know I liked him, but since I found out they’re dating, I realised that I really like him! What do I do? Should I tell him or maybe just leave them alone??

  • partygirlyui03

    my friend is so loyal to our friendship,but im falling for him he has a girlfriend though and it makes me jealous i keep denying my feelings for him.and so many people said that we meant together but he denies it.we also have the same b-day month mine is on sept,03 his is on sept06 and theres something im feeling we have a lot in common he makes me lough we already hold hands.but still im afraid to tell him how i feel what he doesnt feel the same feeling i feel for him and might lose our friendship.i just wish that i could get it all out of my chest.

    • Madilyn

      I’m feeling the same way they are right there but out of reach but if we try hard enough we can get a little grip and maybe be able to grab on.

  • Jhess

    I honestly think my best friend (I don’t even know if he still is) are having major argument at the moment and I just want to let him know how I really feel but right now is hair so stressful thinking about this whole thing.

  • Ally C.

    Hey so I told my Bestfriend about talking to this boy and when I did he messaged the guy and got a little protective. I guess you could say we’re friends with benefits. But do you think he has actual feelings for me?

  • Madilyn

    I liked a boy and idk if he liked me back but I became his second best friend (over his best “guy” friend) and I don’t know if he likes me back but he always does weird stuff that he didn’t do before and I am confused if he likes me he tried dating and talked to me about love/breakups/dating and then I moved from that school. I want to contact him but I’m afraid that he won’t feel the same but I’m young and in middle school maybe we can be more than friends in the future.

  • Anlena Robachuand

    So I have a guy bestfriend. But I like him more than just a friend we have dated for 4 years. And were still bestfriends today he has a girlfriend though.I like him alot what should I do?

  • confused

    My best friend (male) likes me, and I used to like him. He’s a kind person and we share interests. Yet today I found out the guy I like is dating. I’m not sure how to feel about this. Meanwhile, my other guy friend is convincing him to ask me out. I’m losing interest in my crush. What do I do?

  • Sad Girl

    Look if your friend is hetero and you’r too it is really difficult to be just friends. My story is really sad. We were friend for 2 years. In the first year I was in love with him but I thought that he was not. Then in 2. year I gave up loving him we were just friends. But 3 days later I found out that he was in love with me since that he saw me. But now I haven’t got that feeling for him. “I’m sorry belive in me I love you but not in that way” (sorry for all grammer faults my english in not good enough)

  • Michael

    My bff ask whether a girl and a boy can be bff without falking in love with each other before we being bff officially. And i said yes. And thats not my answer after 6 months. Should i wait how long before confess to her?