When you are in a dating relationship all kinds of questions come up, especially at the beginning. I get asked a lot of questions about this and so today I have some new relationship advice to offer.
The start of a dating relationship can be a wild time as you are both just trying to figure out all the details. Things like:
- How/when do you tell other people about your relationship?
- When are you going to make time for each other?
- Falling hard for someone really quickly
Let’s Start off with Amy who asks the first question:
I’ve been seeing a guy for about a month now. Neither of us have told anyone about the relationship I sort of want to, but he does not.
Why does my boyfriend feel the need to keep our relationship a secret? Should I be worried?
Anytime there is secrecy involved in a relationship, there’s a cause for worry.
DAWSON: Some people like to keep a relationship private when they’re not sure where it’s going. Still others want to keep a relationship secret when they are already involved with another person, or not completely over their previous relationship. I’m not sure what the exact situation is with your boyfriend, but he may be using you, or he may even be worried about being embarrassed if other people find out he’s in a relationship with you.
Either way, his secrecy should give you concern. Someone who truly cares about you should be proud to tell other people about you.
Secrecy in Relationships is Worrisome
Anytime there is secrecy involved in a relationship there’s a cause for worry. Relationships should be about joy, happiness, and love not secrecy. If I were you, I would tell him how much you’re enjoying your relationship with him, but how difficult it is to not be able to talk about it with those who are closest to you. Ask him if you could tell your best friend about the relationship, and see how he reacts.
On the other hand, I want to encourage you to not be too quick to define your relationship with your secret boyfriend.
Some people feel they have to tell the world when they are dating someone. This can be frightening to guys who are often afraid of calling something a relationship, before they are really sure what it is.
Time and communication are going to be your two best friends in this situation. In the end, if he really cares about you, he’ll want the world to know.
Tasha brings us the next new relationship question:
What should you do when you fall hard for someone and in a really short time?
What you’re dealing with is a lot of fantasy and not a lot of reality.
DAWSON: What you’re experiencing happens to a lot of people. It’s called infatuation. Infatuation is the emotional feeling of romantic love. It feels like love. It acts like love. But it does not pass an important test: the test of time.
There is nothing wrong with being infatuated, most relationships start there. But you just can’t build a lasting relationship with looks alone. You are probably feeling a great deal of attraction, even though you don’t know much about him. I would be very cautious if I were you, because you’re dealing with a lot of emotion and fantasy, and not a lot of reality.
You’re most likely living off of the thoughts about “how great it would be to have this person love me and care for me” and the emotional high when he begins to show signs he really cares for you.
Over time, you’ll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is.
While it’s difficult to do, you need to slow down your emotions. It’s a very confusing time, and you might be tempted to say or do things you will later regret. Get to know him as a friend, and let him get to know you.
In this situation, time is one of your best friends, because over time, you’ll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is. You will be able to make a better decision about whether or not to get more involved with him at that point. In this case, let your head tell you how to act, as opposed to your emotions.