Dawson’s Blog

Disadvantages of Diving Into a Dating Relationship Too Soon

Meeting someone who suddenly makes you feel alive and loved is very exciting.

You may think no one has ever made you feel like this and you can’t help but be amazed at the chemistry, or electricity between you and this new love. Many relationships start this way. But sadly those involved don’t take the time to get to know each other before jumping into something serious.

Often these kinds of relationships built on infatuation can die as quickly as they sprung up. Wikipedia defines infatuation as: the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual desire, and or anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another.

shutterstock_120855931_disadvantages of diving into dating.insideblogThe truth is, this feeling of urgency and intensity or strong attraction toward another person is not necessarily a reliable indicator of whether you are in love or should immediately dive into a serious dating relationship.

The wisest man in the bible, King Solomon said, Guard your affections, for out of them come the issues of life. I see far too many people jumping into relationships and not guarding their affections, only to become confused, disillusioned, and devastated. We need to keep telling ourselves the basic truths of a healthy and truly loving relationship.

The Best Dating Relationships Develop out of Great Friendships

Finding a meaningful relationship takes time. While you spend time getting to know someone as a friend, you are able to see more clearly whether they are right for you and you for them. There is no more valuable friend to a dating relationship than time. But sadly, many people want to feel that rush of emotion that makes them feel like they are in love. So they push hard and quickly to feel that overwhelming emotion that says, I am in love. But is it really love?

Rushing into a relationship is always a mistake.

Be patient with the process.

Impatience is a sure sign of relational immaturity that will lead to hurt unimaginable.

The truth is that the best dating relationships develop out of great friendships.

Riah describes how rushing into a relationship has a lot of disadvantages: “First, if you go too far you could get hurt mentally because of a bad break-up, and physically you could get an STD or something. Just because a guy says they like something about you doesn’t mean you need to get in a relationship. Some guys can talk but it doesn’t mean you need to fall head over heels for them. Because then you gave your heart away way too fast and you’re open to be hurt very easily. To me that is like settling for anything and you shouldn’t settle for less than the best. Don’t rush into something that you didn’t even have time to think about.” 

People don’t fall in love, they fall in ditches.

When you rush into a romantic relationship you:

  • Say things you don’t mean.
  • Make promises you can’t keep.
  • Dig a hole that’s hard to get out of.
  • Arouse expectations you can’t fulfill.
  • Trust your feelings rather than the truth.
  • Find it easy to make wrong choices.
  • Don’t give the relationship time to grow in a healthy way.
  • Keep looking for more emotional thrills and then invite the curse of boredom into the relationship, where everything normal starts to feel boring.
  • End up spending too much time with the one you’re dating, and excluding your friends.
  • Believe in the myth of love at first sight. There’s no such thing. There’s good chemistry at first sight, but not love at first sight. People don’t fall in love, they fall in ditches.

Misplaced Love Hunger can Hurt You

The picture of relationships we see on television or in the movies doesn’t allow us to see the time and commitment it takes to build a solid foundation. After a 22 minute episode or a 90 minute move we are left thinking the most romantic relationships happen very quickly, are extremely intense and will last forever. The fact is that strong relationships develop slowly over time with much hard work and commitment. 

Most students I talk to on my show, Dawson McAllister Live, are so anxious to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, sometimes just to feel loved. While it is a great thrill to meet someone you connect with, or feel attracted to, don’t let your love hunger to be in a relationship throw you into a situation that is going to distract and hurt you.

Amber is honest when she admits her need to always be in a relationship: “I’m quick to open my heart too early because I lack that something. I’m always told that I act immature in relationships and I tend to push them over the edge. I do not trust men and I feel the need to test them to see if they will hurt me. When a girl is hurt by a male or she lives life with an absent father figure, there is a void in her soul and she searches high and low to fill it. If it even RESEMBLES a small taste of what has been missing, she grabs it, not being logical in her actions but so emotionally consumed that filling that void is all she sees.”

I have talked to thousands of teenagers and young adults who keep making the same mistake over and over again. I tell myself if I can just get some of these tragic souls to slow down and get a hold of themselves, I can save them hours of unnecessary drama and needless suffering.

Just remember what Jessica has to say: “Don’t jump in too quick, get to know the guy first. Talk to people who know him and that will help you see the real him. Make sure he has a good relationship with his family. That can tell a lot about a guy, especially the way he treats his mother.” 

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
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  • gz

    how many successful relationships have u had and for how long ?

  • Shaun Chevalier

    I met someone. Crazy butterfly attraction feelings for the first week. The 2nd week we started dating, having sex, and then the I love you came. We both were honest about everything and realized we went too far. But now I feel like the attraction is not there so much as it use to be. We decided to take a breather but is it possible to go back? Start over maybe? I literally never felt this way about someone Ever and I just can’t believe it’s gone for good. We want to do a complete redo and take it much slower. We both have issues and they’re out in the open. Super honest with one another. I’d like for it to work but I’m scared now. Do we need more time apart. No communication? I’ve never been in a serious relationship before so I’m not sure what’s normal and what’s not normal for me.

  • ankit rawat

    Hello,
    I am in love with a girl who loves me a lot too but last night we had a fight she said shez afraid that she will fall out of love Nd shez worried about that.she also said that falling into relationship was too quick Nd she expected my proposal as it was so nice to see all that happen Nd she said that she always required more time to think over Nd agreed that it was all quick. But tell u truth I gave her full time period of 5 months Nd to put in note we r college mates
    I asked her last night to take time Nd not contact me for a week Nd if she misses me that means its not infatuation
    Was I ryt doing this or should I do something else.
    Plzz tell I’m dying to see Ur reply Nd I m sure about my side Nd I love her a lot
    Plzz help

  • Koko

    What if you’ve been in a serious relationship with someone for almost 3 years and suddenly they breakup with you, even though they’ve been hugging and kissing you the night before. Telling you not to leave them (few months back). And now they say that they don’t love you…they’re not happy. Even though they gave you a promise ring just 2 months back. This is not right.

  • Ashton

    I’m 16 and I know at this age I shouldn’t be so focused on a relationship but I’ve know this guy for awhile now and I’m just stuck on the fence about what I should do. I understand I need to be patient. We’ve both discussed that we don’t want to rush into a relationship and ruin the friendship we already have. We’ve been friends for a few years but back around Christmas time we both admitted our feelings for each other and we both admitted that we like each other. Around the same time he also asked me to prom. Well prom was a week ago and I had a great time. He was a gentleman and I couldn’t have asked for a better night. I’m just not sure if were going to just be friends forever or eventually turn it into more than friends? Me and this boy both have the same Christian veiws. He comes from a wonderful Christian family I do as well so religious views match up which is a deal breaker for me. He overall has all the qualities I would want a potential boyfriend to have. But my problem is if I wait around paitiently to see if a relationship happens or move on? What if hes not even interested in me any more? I’m scared if I wait around I am going to be disappointed but I’m also scared if I move on that I missed a perfect opportunity with him. I’m just so confused and I need advice. I don’t want to ruin our friendship because I’d rather have that then nothing at all with him.

    • Lance Conley

      Make sure he stays a gentleman is all I would say (former youth pastor). Keep your Christian values what they are and it should all be okay. 🙂

  • Nicole

    Hi would anyone be able to give me some advice please. I have know my bf for about 1month and we have been in a relationship for a three weeks. We have rushed in both emotionally and physically. I have been in numerous long term relationship before, but never felt the way I do about my bf. He told me loves me but is not in love with me, I have told him I am in love with him because that is exactly how I feel. The only problem is we have completely rushed into our relationship and now I’m thinking of the future but he is not ready to talk about that yet which I fully understand and appreciate. However how do I slow down our relationship as it’s getting a bit much for him. I’m so confused as my feelings I have for him are so strong and pure and I really don’t want to ruin our relationship. We see each other nearly everyday so I know that should be reduced but when I’m not with him my head and emotions are everywhere. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks.

  • Aaron L Davis

    Live and learn

  • Karen

    I have been dating a guy for 4 months. I have kids, he has kids. They have all met. My kids are not crazy about him. I don’t think they are ready to have another father figure in the picture. We looked at rings this weekend and talking about our future! He is slowly moving his things into my house. We spend almost everyday together. When I get home from work, he is at my house. I am getting very annoyed with this.I just finished my divorce in March of this year. I jumped right into dating. I am feeling very overwhelmed right now. I feel like I am losing my independence. How do I tell him I want to slow things down? I want to have my own place, and he have his own place, yeah know…not sleep in the same house almost every night! I was married for over 10 years. I kinda don’t want to continue with this relationship as serious as we are now. I do love him, but its just too fast!
    Thanks all!

  • Scott

    I think I really need to take this on board. I’ve hurt people because I’ve not thought about it. Any advice you can give on following this advice (which I appreciate is madness) would be really well received. Thank you for the great article.

  • Andrew Garcia

    I’m 23 years old and I never had a girlfriend. I’m always too shy around girls but I still don’t mind talking to them. Another problem I have is that I see many girls nowadays don’t want to be bothered and that’s the actual reason why I have trouble getting with women. Truth is, I’m not sure if I really want a girlfriend; I get this depressing feeling of loneliness and feel like I want one but I don’t believe that I’m ready for a relationship. I just have a problem getting social with the opposite sex because of my lackluster experience with women and I feel like a creeper that does nothing but bother their spaces. I feel like I want to be loved and have something meaningful with a special someone but I feel empty and I cope this loneliness with masturbation and pornography which later on strikes this irritating feeling of slapping myself and not wanting to be touched. Lastly, whenever I see other men in relationships, it gives me this comparison issue of feeling like they’re better than me all because they have a girlfriend, nice car, better job and many other values that I feel like I can’t seem to obtain.

    • I am sorry you are experiencing this struggle right now of feeling depressed and lonely. I really appreciate your honesty. The pornography can lead to even more isolation and loneliness. This week we have a new blog about it. I really think you should check it out. Also, we are here for you and want to help you find hope. You can chat with us anytime 24/7 – here’s the link to log in for chat http://www.thehopeline.com/GetHelp/ I hope you will chat with us online.
      And here’s the new blog that posted this week – http://www.thehopeline.com/the-gateway-drug-to-sexual-violence/

  • biju

    I met a man for last four months. We are in deep feeling (not including sexually as both of us don’t believe before). He doesn’t have a good family life basically he hates his mom as she was not caring and loving to him since his childhood. He is short tempered but loves me.

    • Guest

      I was married to someone like this unfortunately. Walk away.

  • You are so right!!! We just posted a blog about “Finding the Right Guy” – https://www.thehopeline.com/finding-the-right-guy/ There is a really helpful checklist of things to ask yourself. Respect is definitely an important part of a good relationship.

  • Jenna

    I rushed into a relationship after only two weeks of infatuation- not only did I find out he lied about the mother of his child being in the picture, but that they were in a 7 year relationship where I found “I love you” text messages. He told me it wasn’t like that and the intimacy and infatuation took over my brain and I believed him. 4 months down the road, after realizing I didn’t even like his personality anymore, but I was so infatuated with him and our sex and comfort, he began to become abusive. He physically abused me two times in the 6th month of our relationship- I just couldn’t understand why I kept taking him back. I guess all those days and nights I spent in his arms really took a toll on my judgement of Love. Finally, I did what I could to leave him, but even by the time I had left left, I found out he was seeing another girl near the end of our relationship. That alone was enough to make me stay. I got upset and didn’t speak to him for 3 weeks because I knew deep down he’s not for me and he is abusive! I learned from the mother of his child that he has been abusive to her, to his mother, and to other women before me. If I hadn’t rushed, I wouldn’t have ended up here. Right now, at this very moment. Feeling lost and hurt and in pain- and MISSING HIM. Did I mention that after 3 weeks of no contact, I finally saw him and we had sex and then he hit me because we got into a fight??? I put him in jail. He’s not in jail and let me tell you what I’m feeling. At first I was happy, then I felt revengeful for the other girl not having him too. Now I just feel sad and like I miss him.

    I’m on dating sites. My question is, do you think me jumping back into online dating only a week after this trauma, is bad idea? Or should I heal the sad, lonely, way?

    Sincerely,
    Ms. I rush way too fast.

    • Someone Who Cares

      It’s really not a good idea to jump back into dating right away, online or otherwise. That’s basically just getting into a rebound relationship, which in most cases do not last and can wind up with more hurt. That being said, you don’t need to heal “the sad, lonely way”. Keep yourself busy by hanging out with friends or taking up a hobby. You might not like this next piece of advice (and I understand why) but look into seeing a counselor. They can help you process what you’re feeling and help you move on. I went through pretty much the same thing you did minus the physical abuse (he was very verbally and emotionally abusive which can be much worse). So do yourself a favor such that when you start missing him, remind yourself of how bad he really was to you and that you deserve better. And finally, keep this in mind: In order to make someone else happy, you must first be able to make YOURSELF happy.

      Sincerely,
      Someone who cares

  • Marina

    I need advice. Please someone give me your opinion.

    So I met this guy a year back but because something had happened to him, we suddenly stopped talking to me and he lost my info and I assumed he wasn’t interested in me….

    A year goes by and he finds me again we get to reconnect and talk casually. After we share our interest in each other we just flirt and get to know each other…
    A month passes And we become official after confessing our love. Everything seemed like it was going smoothly.. We even got to see each other after Thanksgiving, we live two hours away. However…soon within the month being together I found myself struggling, I kept ALWAYS begging him to say me passionate word’s, loving word., Basically be a hopeless romantic…i yearned for that passion.. he felt it was too soon for him to act that way…or say things like that, he promised if I wait it will come naturally..and I tried so bad to hold back and wait… But it was so difficult I struggled to even go a day without him saying I love you…i practically tried forcing him to say compliment even though he refuses to, it’s not in him to say things that come from his own feelings… And I respect that… But it just started getting bad to the point I would suffer and cry over it. Maybe it’s insecurity…and want reassurance.

    I do want to point out he is a genuine caring, humble, friendly sweet guy. He’s a laid back type of guy. At first I felt maybe he doesn’t understand because I’m an emotional type of person and he isn’t as much..as well as me being the first girl to be with that seeks out so much attention and an emotional person. I remember desperately trying to find out why do I feel this way… Than I learned it was because I was rushing…and I wanted him so badly to shower me with his love…to feel needed, wanted, and loved…i was so afraid I would scare him away from me being so clingy.. But he still stayed and still loves me.. he leaves it up to me whether to not talk for awhile than coming back adjusting myself or just continue and hold back some of those feelings..

    Both options have their edges. But I wonder if I can handle not talking to him for a little bit..i want to do it so I can come feeling refreshed. And more confident…. But I guess I’m a little scared to do this approach..
    Thank you for your time. Please enjoy the rest of your day..

  • Marina

    I need advice. Please someone give me your opinion.

    So I met this guy a year back but because something had happened to him, we suddenly stopped talking to me and he lost my info and I assumed he wasn’t interested in me….

    A year goes by and he finds me again we get to reconnect and talk casually. After we share our interest in each other we just flirt and get to know each other…
    A month passes And we become official after confessing our love. Everything seemed like it was going smoothly.. We even got to see each other after Thanksgiving, we live two hours away. However…soon within the month being together I found myself struggling, I kept ALWAYS begging him to say me passionate word’s, loving word., Basically be a hopeless romantic…i yearned for that passion.. he felt it was too soon for him to act that way…or say things like that, he promised if I wait it will come naturally..and I tried so bad to hold back and wait… But it was so difficult I struggled to even go a day without him saying I love you…i practically tried forcing him to say compliment even though he refuses to, it’s not in him to say things that come from his own feelings… And I respect that… But it just started getting bad to the point I would suffer and cry over it. Maybe it’s insecurity…and want reassurance.

    I do want to point out he is a genuine caring, humble, friendly sweet guy. He’s a laid back type of guy. At first I felt maybe he doesn’t understand because I’m an emotional type of person and he isn’t as much..as well as me being the first girl to be with that seeks out so much attention and an emotional person. I remember desperately trying to find out why do I feel this way… Than I learned it was because I was rushing…and I wanted him so badly to shower me with his love…to feel needed, wanted, and loved…i was so afraid I would scare him away from me being so clingy.. But he still stayed and still loves me.. he leaves it up to me whether to not talk for awhile than coming back adjusting myself or just continue and hold back some of those feelings..

    Both options have their edges. But I wonder if I can handle not talking to him