Meeting Someone Who Suddenly Makes You Feel Alive and Loved - Is Very Exciting!
You may think no one has ever made you feel like this, and you can't help but be amazed at the chemistry, or electricity between you and this new love. Many relationships start this way. But sadly, if you don't take the time to get to know each other before jumping into something serious, heartbreak can happen in the end.
Often these kinds of relationships built on infatuation can die as quickly as they spring up. Wikipedia defines infatuation as: the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual desire, and or anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another.
The truth is this feeling of urgency and intensity or strong attraction toward another person is not necessarily a reliable indicator of whether you are in love or should immediately dive into a serious dating relationship.
The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon said, guard your affections, for out of them come the issues of life. I see far too many people jumping into relationships and not guarding their affections, only to become confused, disillusioned, and devastated.
We need to keep telling ourselves the basic truths of a healthy and truly loving relationship.
The Best Dating Relationships Develop out of Great Friendships
Finding a meaningful relationship takes time. While you spend time getting to know someone as a friend, you are able to see more clearly whether they are right for you and you for them. There is no more valuable friend to a dating relationship than time. But sadly, many people want to feel that rush of emotion that makes them feel like they are in love. So, they push hard and quickly to feel that overwhelming emotion that says, I am in love. But is it really love?
Rushing into a relationship is always a mistake. Be patient with the process. Impatience is a sure sign of relational immaturity that will lead to hurt unimaginably.
The truth is that the best dating relationships develop out of great friendships.
Riah describes how rushing into a relationship has a lot of disadvantages, "First, if you go too far you could get hurt mentally because of a bad break-up, and physically you could get an STD or something. Just because a guy says they like something about you doesn't mean you need to get in a relationship. Some guys can talk but it doesn't mean you need to fall head over heels for them. Because then you gave your heart away way too fast and you're open to being hurt very easily. To me, that is like settling for anything and you shouldn't settle for less than the best. Don't rush into something that you didn't even have time to think about."
People Don't Fall in Love, They Fall in Ditches
When you rush into a romantic relationship you:
- Say things you don't mean.
- Make promises you can't keep.
- Dig a hole that's hard to get out of.
- Arouse expectations you can't fulfill.
- Trust your feelings rather than the truth.
- Find it easy to make wrong choices.
- Don't give the relationship time to grow in a healthy way.
- Keep looking for more emotional thrills and then invite the curse of boredom into the relationship, where everything normal starts to feel boring.
- End up spending too much time with the one you're dating and excluding your friends.
- Believe in the myth of love at first sight. There's no such thing. There's good chemistry at first sight, but not love at first sight. People don't fall in love; they fall in ditches.
Misplaced Hunger for Love Can Hurt You
The picture of relationships we see on television or in the movies doesn't allow us to see the time and commitment it takes to build a solid foundation. After a 22-minute episode or a 90-minute movie we are left thinking the most romantic relationships happen very quickly, are extremely intense and will last forever. The fact is that strong relationships develop slowly over time with much hard work and commitment.
Most people I talk to on my show are so anxious to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, sometimes just to feel loved. While it is a great thrill to meet someone you connect with or feel attracted to, don't let your hunger for love throw you into a situation that is going to distract and hurt you.
Amber is honest when she admits her need to always be in a relationship, "I'm quick to open my heart too early because I lack that something. I'm always told that I act immature in relationships, and I tend to push them over the edge. I do not trust men and I feel the need to test them to see if they will hurt me. When a girl is hurt by a male or she lives life with an absent father figure, there is a void in her soul and she searches high and low to fill it. If it even RESEMBLES a small taste of what has been missing, she grabs it, not being logical in her actions but so emotionally consumed that filling that void is all she sees."
Just Slow Down
I have talked to thousands of young adults who keep making the same mistake over and over again. I tell myself if I can just get some of these tragic souls to slow down and get a hold of themselves, I can save them hours of unnecessary drama and needless suffering.
I would also recommend taking the time to pray to God and ask him to guide you as you consider a relationship with someone. This is an important decision that involves your heart. Solomon also said, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 God wants to guide you and protect you so ask Him!
Just remember what Jessica has to say: "Don't jump in too quick, get to know the guy first. Talk to people who know him and that will help you see the real him. Make sure he has a good relationship with his family. That can tell a lot about a guy, especially the way he treats his mother."
Are you questioning if what you are feeling is real love? Read - How to Know It's Really Love.
Title: Did I jump in too soon?
There was this guy I had a small crush on back in highschool (senior year) it wasn’t anything too serious because at the time I was dating somebody else.
Well me and that person (my ex now) ended up breaking up after 2 years and it was a pretty bad break up that caused me to have meltdowns often afterwards and to become slightly frightened of relationships or men in general
I started college and ended up running back into the guy from senior year and we talked for a small bit, flirted a little and everything and now we have decided to go out and date yknow? Like actual bf and gf.
However I’m worried that I jumped in too fast. It has been a year since my ex but I can’t help but feel guilty with my new boyfriend. Like I’m just leading him on ot what not. I mean, he is sweet and kind and really understanding of my poor mental health but I’m still worried.
What if I just jumped into this relationship because I was sick of people telling me to hurry up and move on? Or because I was lonely and wanted somebody to care about me again?
I’m also worried because he is a really good friend of mine and if we end up breaking up I’ll lose him forever because he isn’t the type to stay friends with his ex after breakups no matter what.
Please help...
What if its too late? I jumped in too fast and now I want to back off
Yea me to this girl that i have almost known but haven't talk to until 2018 first she said that we can hangout and than i said how about dinner and a movie and everything was going well but i wasn't thinking i just went with my excitement and how i really felt about her just came out at the wrong time and than tried tell her the truth idk just couldn't seem to get it out because you know your mind is everywhere trying to come up with a Solution to the problem but i just kept digging myself a deeper hole even though unconsciously i wasn't trying to do that. > If someone could help me on what to do that would be a big help Thanks
I was together with my bf for three years. Right before moving in to our new home together he pre-proposed and after two weeks in the new flat he walked away saying he loves me and always will, but he doesn't feel the in love in the same way as he used to and his feelings are always up and down.. we didn't see each other for three months and when we did we slept together, later on I have found out he basically started seeing this girl he met right before we broke up, and she fell for him, then he went to work overseas and met another girl there and just stopped talking to this other girl whom had fallen for him... meanwhile he had been trying to keep distance from me but sometimes tried to have a conversation then suddenly ignored me. Two months of him knowing this new girl overseas that he worked with he deletes me on fb out of the blue and starts posting all over social media how much he loves her... same goes for the girl, and he makes sure to tell my friends bf that he is in a new relationship/ as well as tagged her below my comment on my friends video right before he deleted me on fb. He has never been the guy that posts loads of soppy things on social media, and that was a bit of an issue for me that he was aware of. However now he is being the compete opposite. To the point where even my guy mates have asked what is going on with him.. he recently sent me a long message about how sorry he was for evening and that I deserve closure but when I said we could at least meet up after three years and that I thought we were best friends and we could talk about everything he said we were past the point of closure and it would be inappropriate as he was In a relationship... you can imagine how that felt. He said so many times after the break that he will always love me and it would take him years to get over me, and now he is acting like he doesn't care and never cared about me at all. Anyone have any opinions about this? Would help me a lot ,, especially speaking of the rushing in to a relationship/ being in love and loving someone...
This guy is extremely immature if not dishonest .How old is he and how old are you?
The statement 'I'll always love you' is basically telling you ' I'll always love you for the person that you are but that I'm not in love with you'. He clearly couldn't commit to you at the time and then ruined 2 other girls hearts after.
Any one male or female splashing soppy love crap all over Facebook ; it's never what they say it is. Always remember ; the happiest couples are the ones that are the quietest and most dignified. There's a big ego at work here.
I am sorry to hear how hurt you are ; the same thing happened to me 17 years ago when I was 28 and he was 41. It was devastating.He told me he wanted a future with me, had never felt this way , then he was doing all he could to get out of the relationship within weeks which completely confused me and wrecked my head.It ended so nasty . The worst I was ever subjected to. Yet I put so much belief into his words. He kept telling me he loved me.
He also hooked up
With another women straight after me; when that first one broke off with him after 6 months , he then met another one 4 weeks later and moved in with her within 4 weeks.!!!
Both those women who were much older than me and him, both eventually kicked him out as they saw him
For the selfish manipulative creep he was. He screwed one of the women
After 12 years for €39,000 after living in her luxury house and had use of her car and good lifestyle. He was naturally charming and used it as part of his way to charm the women but would also turn moody and nasty when it suited him. . I only knew him 2 weeks when he told me with tears in his eyes that he'd never felt this way before and that he'd move in with me the next day !!!! He also 'promised'he wouldn't let me down , which he did within weeks. I had concerns about his rush rush attitude , it wasn't normal. He was just an incredibly selfish guy. It's that simple.
Your guy you describe is of the same breed. My advice is to cut the contact and screw his excuses; he's predominantly weak and these cowards wil
Always hurt the most. Block him on Facebook and break the attachment.
Make the decision to extricate him from your life now and make a fresh start.
A better man is waiting out there to meet you.
Cut your contact and don't allow him to manipulate you any further. All the best xx
Stay strong and if you meet him it will only make it harder for you to move on.
Susan! Thank you SO much for replying! I didn't see this until now, as I haven't been on this page for a while (Working on myself, and distansing myself from him)
We got together when we were 21, he is no 25 and I'm 24, soon turning 25..
(Techincally 1 year/6 months diffrence between us)
I deinetly agree with you with the splashing on social media.. However, I can't help but to look at them and they look SO happy!
I must tell you. A month after he sent me this message they got ENGANGED!! And ofc. SPLASHED it over facebook! 4 post's in one day and he went on an on about how compatable they are.. And well.. Those three things he said was so "to good to be true, so perfect etc" was food addiction, love for music and love for the enviroment. They had known each other 6 months when they got enganged! He also proceeded to name her my nick name that he used for 3 years, in the post announcing their engangment... I'm just really at a cross-roads. i don't know if its real, of if its just him.. Doing all the things you are saying, and not wanting to be alone.. And needing an ego boost. It feels in many ways that he has replaced me, and is trying to copy our relationship.As they have started a music duo etc.. Which was what we had. However, I didnt want to sacrifize my career by doing contracts and going over-seas.. As i needed to stay put in my city for contacts. And now, it seems he has someone that want's to do exactly that. Travel around playing other peoples music. Nothing wrong with that, but I do feel it very similar! However.. Musicians tend to attract each other..
I guess what i'm mostly hurt about is that he has made our 3 years out to be nothing more than meaningless, and the way he has acted. With saying that it would be inaproritate to meet, when he was the one reaching out, deleting me on facebook etc.. Cutting me out like that, aparantly doesn't mention me at all to friends or family. Even though he has made i clear i never did anything wrong. It just seems like he has been able to push a delete-button on everything we had, and now im sitting here wondering if the three years, the planning of a future, the kids-names we had decided on, if that literally didn't mean anything?
By the way! What a CRAZY story! Definetly sounds like a bag egg that one.. And I know that there is a chance mine one is as well. I have just always more looked at him at a lost, poor soul who is super confused and basically hates himself. Now i really dont know what is real anymore..
I am really moving on.. And it doenst hurt as much as it used to. However, i do find myself missing him and wanting to talk to him. And wrapping my head around what is going on between him and this girl.. And if the engangment is real or not..
I haven't heard from him since they got enganged. However they have been over-seas working ever since they got enganged and spent every day together for the past 3,5 months or so.. So I wouldn't except him to..
At this point i want to meet him to 1. Get the truth ( but he isn't in a place where he can give me that i think)
2. Just see him
3. Find out if what I'm left feeling now is just a shadow of my feelings and my hurt, and the image of him and me rather than acutally wanting to be with him again.. I go back and forth thinking i love him to.. I deserve better, and.. Maybe I'm over him...
Ps. His friends have also told me that he is polar oposite with her than with me, clingy and lost all his independence. With me he sailed his own ship, and obv asked for my opinions but definetly was his own person. Some people have described it like he is a baby around her..
Sounds like he has issues inside himself and is dealing with them immaturely; the best that you can do for yourself is to not take it personally. You did all you could do, and there was nothing that you could have done to prevent him taking this turn - it's clearly a path he needs to go down and there are lessons he needs to learn from it ...lessons that he is liable to take a long time to come to understand... and you are best to leave him to it and avoid getting involved.
1) You want the truth: you won't get it, the truth is that he is not the same person that you loved/trusted/respected. Learn to identify him as a new person in the same body and grieve the person that is gone (the person you loved). (This happened to me too, I know it hurts; seeing it this way does help though. Otherwise you keep thinking that the person you loved is still here and can be reached --- sadly, he cannot. I'd say, wait for years to pass and ideally wait for him to come to you with the apology you deserve. Right now he is an immature mess.)
2) This won't help. Ice him out - you will not be cruel for doing so, you've already thrown him enough kindness and understanding. Just cut him out and go fully no contact. It will be the best thing you can do for yourself, and hopefully it will teach him the lessons he deserves to learn (this treatment he has given you is NOT acceptable). Go and date people who are kind and who demonstrate a selfless nature. Make kindness and a sense of responsibility your number one priority when choosing your next partner! It will be so rewarding and you will find clarity in your soul. You deserve this.
3) You do deserve better - I know that this statement doesn't make sense (i.e. What is it to deserve something? What makes one person better/more deserving than another? Does this mean he doesn't deserve love? None of it makes sense). However, it is not about him as a person, it is about his current state of behaviour --- you deserve better behaviour and can't waste time waiting for him to change. He is no longer an option for you. You will be better off moving on and building a new life with someone who is not likely to do this to you. We are all capable of falling to great lows and disappointing the people who believe in us, but some are stronger than others...some live their lives in a more principled way and these principles see them through these dark times... Sounds like you are more principled than he is (kinder, more understanding, more consistent and reasonable), so go and find someone else who is reliably principled as well.
You can/will learn to cherish the time you had with him as real and true for what it was/when it was, but as you start to build new memories with new people and see how much you are able to love again... you won't look back with anything but acceptance and understanding.
The best way that you can ensure your chances of moving on is to go full no contact, block all sources of information about him, tell your friends you don't want to hear anything more about him, and just start dating/exploring new relationships. Naturally, don't jump into anything, but allow yourself the opportunity to make friends where there could be something more... slowly build up trust and look for reliable qualities in them, so that you can avoid this happening to you again. Maturity, kindness, reliability, selflessness, principled nature, wisdom, shared values, mutual respect... all pillars of a sound person -- as sound as a person can get anyway...
I know it's hard and sad, but one day it will just be sad... and even in a way a good sad...because you will learn to separate the good from the bad and just focus on happy memories and good times to come.
Wishing you luck and happiness. Stay strong!
It means he wants there to be boundaries between you so that you guys won't end up hurting each other by rushing into anything. It means he wants to build on your guys' intimacy, closeness, and commitment without the passion/sexual part of it. This is honestly the best way to see whether or not you guys are REALLY compatible. As the two of you get closer, you will get to know more about them, AND whether or not you REALLY can see yourself being with that person the rest of your life.