I talk a lot about how people seem to be in such a hurry to rush into a dating relationship. I always emphasize how important it is to develop a strong friendship as a foundation before heading into romance. Say you've done this, what's next?
Lucy asked our first 'best guy friend' question:
Does my best guy friend like me as more than just a friend? And how do I know if he is falling in love with me?
Maybe you are wondering, "Is this really love?"
Friendship and dating are very important. In the end, best friends make great marriages. That being said, since you didn't say what your feelings are for this guy, I'm guessing you don't have romantic feelings for him. So for him, this is unquestionably a very delicate situation.
If he is actually falling in love with you, he's probably scared and nervous about you finding out, since he doesn't know how you'll respond.
He doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize the friendship you already have. That's a good thing. Friendships are priceless and need protecting and nurturing so they will grow.
Here are a couple of questions you may want to ask yourself:
1. When you talk with your friend about other people who you are dating, or are interested in, is he supportive and encouraging, or does he become quiet and distant?
- A friend will be supportive, but someone whose emotions are clouded with the possibility of being in love will tend to have a more emotional response.
2. Does he want to spend time only with you, or is he okay doing things with you and others?
- A friend is willing to share you with others, but someone who is trying to balance their emotional feelings toward you may tend to be a bit more possessive.
In the end, you will need to communicate with each other and define what your relationship really is.
Even though it may hurt him, if you don't have the same feelings for him that he has for you, knowing the truth is always better than not.
However you feel about him, I'm sure what you tell him will be filled with love and respect. After all, a good close friend of the opposite sex is priceless.
Rebecca brings us our next question about moving from friendship to dating:
How can you tell if the friendship should go to the next level?
The decision to take a friendship to the next level, from friendship to a dating relationship, has to be mutual. Both sides have to agree that they want to go deeper with the other person.
These Things Have to Be Talked Out.
Unless they are talked out, there can be confusion and hurt feelings. So whoever brings up the subject has put themselves in somewhat of a vulnerable position. Yet, good friendships can endure these trying times.
The Best Thing I Can Tell You is to Be Patient.
Let the relationship grow, and when you feel like you're ready, I'd encourage you to find a time when the two of you are alone, and try bringing up the topic. With a friendship based on honesty and trust, you will be able to face the challenge of being vulnerable.
The Right Thing to Say:
Try saying something like, "You're a great friend, and I don't ever want that to change. And honestly, I've always wondered if this friendship would ever turn into something deeper. But I'm not sure how we would know. Do you have any ideas?" Asking him for his opinion is a great way to show you value what he thinks and feels, and you'll find out if you're on track.
Let's assume for a moment that your guy friend agrees with you about taking the relationship to the next level. What then should you do? I would encourage you to sit down together and make a list of the things you have been doing that have made your friendship so strong. Commit to keep doing them, and your relationship will automatically grow. But be extremely careful about becoming very affectionate and sexual with each other. I have seen so many potentially great relationships ruined by the misuse of sex. As someone once said, if you settle for cheap sex, you will never discover priceless love.
Life is short. So be open and honest with your feelings, but be prepared for them not to be reciprocated. But with him knowing how you feel, you very well might open the door for him to start seeing you in a different, more romantic light.
Still wondering if the feelings are mutual? Read this blog to find out if it's really love.
I have a complicated relationship me and this guy best friend of me have been friends first and when I told him my callings he had to tell me he didn't feel the same that time he thought I would leave and our friendship would end he cried in front of me and we both cried then we argued and I left and hours later I came back like lets talk it out n start fresh from there we did and he started changing he cared more about me we always text from good morning to goodnight to all night and we hang out every week through a job and college we both busy all the time esp me . But we make it work we try , and he has another girl best friend she likes him I know it and he doesn't like her I can tell . But I got jealous we argue we ignore eachother then we go back to eachother talking it out and saying sorry cause we can't stay mad or upset but I've never tried this hard for any guy sometimes my patience is like on the roof top I give up but I don't we chill talk hang out he's sweet helps me gives me advice we went on a study date we do have a strong attraction . I just don't know if he's my friends with benefits or my actually guy best friend
I have strong feelings for my guy best friend. We have nick names for each other and he has given me a stuffed animal and we cuddle. I honestly can't tell if he likes me because he talks about his one ex. We talk all the time and I get really happy when he wakes up and sends me goodmorning beautiful. He makes me so happy to talk to. Please help me
Hello !! Anisha here.... I n my best friend hv been studying in the same school since nursery class n then we became bestbof friends in the 8th class n its been 5 n half years that we r best friends !! Even wen we go out most of the ppl get confused by the bonding between us !! I think i hv fallen for him... & I dnt know if he loves me but all i know is he has recebtly had a brkup with his firat ever girlfriend and now he is not ready for any second relationship cuz he thinks this is all crap !! Also we hv had a brief discussion how it wuld be if both of us get into a relationship and it was quite awkward for both and we took the topic lightly !! I dont know what to do .... sometimes i feel let the time and destiny decide !! He also once confessed to me that he will want a wife like me !! What should i do ??
My best friend and i are next-door neighbours and have been since we were born. We have grown up together and we say i love you to each other whenever we speak. He's usually more loving towards me than i am to him, in new years i texted him to say "thank you for everything you did in 2014 you’re one of the most important people in my life" and he answered by saying that i was the most important person in his. I didn't think of it much. He's a very emotional person so it's not strange for him to say that and he's very touchy-feely with his other female
friends too, however he says he can only act as himself with me. The more I think about the possibility of him liking me I realize that i may have more-than-friends feelings for him. GAAAAHH. Maybe I’m reading this wrong though? I think the whole “boy next-door†thing may be rising my expectations and the idea of it seems better than the actual thing? Please help
hi there.
i donno if im correct or not but i think my guy best friend is falling for me but im not too sure if he is or not.
he basicly knows everything about me, he was the only one who told me straight up about my ex (who dumped me on the 26th of september this year- 2014) was cheating on me and when i did get dumped me lent me his shoulder to cry on and he even wiped away the tears from my face, kissed me on my forehead and cheek and tried to passionately kiss me on the night that i got dumped.
last month i invited him around to mine to catch up and watch movies and pig out on pizzas and he came around and spent time with me and then on another day i used the excuse of my other mates wanted to know if i was the better kisser out of me and my ex (they knew my ex and we had all made fun of my ex for hilarious things) and so my best mate kieron, he came around and he and i we kissed passionately (each time it lasted around a minute each then when he left we both stood up and he kissed me again before going to his car and going home.
hes invited me to things such as a class of 09 5 yr reunion (my supposedly class that i was suppose to graduate but i graduated in 2010) and also to hangout with him on the weekend but tonight (3/12/14) his mate asked me to hang out with his friend only and its not a date... im just confused atm and just wondering if he has fallen for me because he and i have been close for years and my family adore him and his vice versa.
sorry for the long length of my message and hopefully be able to hear back from you.