Answers to Tough Questions
I am continuing to answer many of your questions about the opposite sex. It is a journey to be sure. Today I answer a question about why girls sometimes dress provocatively and also about how guys sometimes brag about the girls they are with. Both touchy subjects, but I hope that in the process of honestly answering your questions we will all learn what it means to relate to each other in a healthy way. I hope my answers will help you get through your life with more love and confidence.
So here was the first question from Michael:
“Why do girls dress so provocatively one minute, then complain that guys are superficial the next?”
This is a difficult question with many sides to it. One part of the answer is that some girls feel confident if they receive attention for the way they dress. It’s nice to be noticed. Often girls even dress to impress other girls, maybe even more than guys. But for many young teenage girls it’s even more important to fit in. Many young women feel it is social suicide to try to stick out in the crowd or wear something no one else is wearing. So if all the girls are dressing in short skirts and low-cut shirts, they better do it as well, they think. Sometimes the styles may be more provocative than a girl feels comfortable wearing, but due to peer pressure, she will wear it anyway.
Why do girls sometimes dress provocatively and why do guys brag about the girls they're with? Click To TweetSome girls might not even realize that how they are dressing can affect guys. Don’t get me wrong, some girls know exactly what they are doing, but some are just wearing what they think looks good. Since guys are sexually driven by what they see, it becomes easy for them to objectify women based on how they are dressed, but that doesn’t make it right.
What message are you sending?
So please know ladies that what you wear often sends a message…whether you intend it to or not. If you are flaunting your body, guys will be tempted to come after your body. However, if you advertise who you are on the inside, with such traits as kindness, gentleness, sensitivity, great personality, etc., they will be drawn to you for that.
Guys, it is important to realize most women want to be loved and respected for who they are on the inside. It’s just the lies of the culture and confusion about how best to attract men gets things all confused. As a guy, when you compliment a girl you have an opportunity to tell her she’s beautiful, without expectations on what her response should be. Women often want to be thought of as beautiful, but they don’t want to be disrespected. That’s a fine line, but I believe it’s possible for mature guys to walk that line.
Related Posts:
How To Find A Meaningful Relationship
How To Know It’s Really Love
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8 Signs Your Relationship Is Unhealthy
The next question is also complicated and it is from Tiana:
Why do guys feel the need to brag about the girl they are with, and their sexual relationship with her?
Unfortunately, some guys do like to talk to other guys about their sexual conquests. I think this often comes out of a deep insecurity and a desire to impress other guys. It’s a competition thing. If one guy has more success with women than others, his ranking in the group goes higher. That is why there is not only bragging, but exaggerating, and even downright lies about their experiences with women. When this happens it shows a guy’s immaturity and lack of respect for the opposite sex. These particular guys are working hard to develop a reputation as a macho guy. Watch out for these guys because they are more concerned about themselves than the girl they are with. Don’t lose heart, there are good guys out there who don’t behave in this way.
Real manliness is when a guy fights to protect a women's reputation and feelings. #dating Click To TweetThis kind of bragging is certainly not done to impress other women, as women are usually completely turned off by the idea of a guy talking about what he did with other women. Women respect a man more who can keep silent about what happens in private. Real manliness is when a guy fights to protect a women’s reputation and feelings. Little boys like to exaggerate. Real men who are confident and secure don’t have to brag to feel good about themselves.
For more insight into dating, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.
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I am an 18 year old guy who is a senior at a catholic high school.The girls wear their uniform skirts well above their knees to midthigh length and act provacitive around us guys.After school,many of the sophomore and junior girls,as well as a few senior girls unbutton the top two or three buttons of their white blouses and sit around outside in small groups talking and acting slutty around the boys!Since their uniform skirts are short,their underwear can be seen and they do this on purpose.Our parish that is connected with our school does confirmation at 16 and in 10th grade and the boys wear a dark colored suit and tie and the girls wear a white,poofy,short sleeve,floor length dress with a veil,white tights and white mary jane style shoes.Like their First Holy Communion dresses,their confirmation dresses are considered an extension of their baptism outfit they were baptized in as babies,so to represent the ‘purity’ of their baptisms,they wear a white under shirt as their top and a cloth diaper and plastic pants under their tights.What is so ironic is that even tho these sophomore girls are dressed in the white outfits,they still act provacitive and slutty! I have both seen and heard of some of these girls after the confirmation mass sneak of with either their boyfriends or another boy to a secluded spot and get down on their knees and give their boyfriend or boy oral sex! Since i was a freshman,i have seen and heard this many times and last year when i was a junior,one of the confirmation girls even wanted me to go off with her to a secluded place and give me oral sex in which i refused,so she got another guy to do it with!I just cant believe some of these girls,in their white outfits with the cloth diaper and plastic pants on under their tights and representing the purity of their baptisms,would do something like this! I dont know what these girls are thinking or if they are out to prove a point or not,but i guess it might be the way i feel.
Omg all you people are gullible! Male and female alike, almost silly.
Firstly women who dress revealing clothing like attention, gives them power whether single or not. Personally I would rather want appreciation for my mind not how I look. Girls should be raised to be appreciated for what their body does, not look like. Men can complain about it but unfortunately they like it so complaining won’t do much, put a sock in it.
Women stop complaining about getting attention from the wrong person, do you like being overly picky about who likes it? It’s a free world so do what you like, I encourage it! But you are what you dress, fact! Don’t complain. Ever heard the saying don’t leave your wallet in a car with the window down….do we say “hey thieves pls don’t steal” no! we say “don’t leave it there due to temptation of thieves” same thing, you dress how you do you will get certain attention Simple! Can’t change that.
Blah blah if a man wore next to nothing he doesn’t get cat called…. Are you being stupid! The reason why is because women find it too embarrassing to cat call men in the first place, that’s your problem for feeling that way. When women dress sexy umm men like it, blame evolution! Or how about we rewire the biology of all males on the planet to stop them from perving…..nothing to do with disrespect.
Men if you want to appreciate a womans asthetics you dont go all ape and act like a rapist. You simply say “wow you are beautiful” not act like a vulcher.
It’s funny when women say they are being sexualised when they like theattention themselves, how does that make sense! Oh that’s right that excuse “women are complicated” pops up again.
Shut up! Lol
I especially hate it when women buy provocative clothes to eachother. Like they basically encourage eachother to be provocative. Which isn’t good. And women should feel confident with the way they look like, without showing their skin off so much and without revealing and giving association to their inappropriate parts. Yet see it because of a regular thing, because society encourages them to do so by doing the same thing. And they fall into a shameful coil. Is it possible to stop that? And is it beneficial to stop that for female gender?
They are attractive and they don’t want to hide that light under a bushel. Their right to dress as they choose should not be infringed by the predatory actions of men and boys.
So what about these women that play the hypocrite? Why do they get mad at the men they attract, when they KNOW how they are dressing because “They’re proud of their bodies?” Then they say that only the MEN are in the wrong?
You’re blaming a person for their clothes though.. How do you not see the lunacy in that? lol! Men can walk around in shorts and absolutely NOTHING else, and no one says it’s provocative, and they don’t blame his clothing for his bad woman, but a woman shows a bit of cleavage and it’s her fault men lose their minds and she has a crappy guy? OK.. lol.
We need to be careful with that kind of talk. A man wearing only shorts would not be provocative in most settings because he is a man. A woman doing the same would certainly be provocative because she is a woman – it’s not gender appropriate to do so. A man is a man. A woman is a woman. There is a profound difference, so we need to not confuse the two.
It goes the other way too. It is rarely appropriate for a man to wear a dress or halter top – these are simply not gender appropriate clothing choices.
Debbie, but wouldn’t you rather a man be attracted to your mind…Your goods should be for his eyes only and not for everyones eyes, but, in private especially if you don’t want a man to lust for your body..You don’t have to dress like a nun, but not a food dish either…If that’s the case, that would be the only thing he would attracted too
I appreciate your response; it is relief to hear your words depicting a woman whom is attractive in heart, mind, spirit, and whom only shares herself physically (visually included) with her husband (though you said “man”).
Yupppp
Sprayed-on leggings and compression pants,, short sweaters and jackets that do not quite cover the…then, when the season changes, short-shorts, skirts like wide belts, low necklines, “strappy” tops, low-riding jeans, especially with those adorable tears in the legs, cheerleader uniforms, and need I mention revealing yoga wear?
I have read and personally heard every single argument against men ogling women- the “perv” argument (how is obeying nature “perverted”?)- the “objectifying” argument (I *never* consider women as objects; more often, I have been inclined to treat them as goddesses, to my grief)- the “addiction” argument (I am not addicted to anything, *clinically*, and that is the only definition i accept)- the “hurting your partner’s feelings” argument (I have made a covenant with my one good eye, and with my wife, not to ogle anyone in her presence)- and lastly the “angry boyfriend/ dad/ mom” argument (the law is on *my* side, and if anyone tries anything physical, I will give them a Mace face and/or a shellacking; and again the law will back me. My self-defense trumps their self-righteousness).
Having considered all the erroneous, morally-pretentious arguments against ogling women, and I definitely include young women (yes, even those teenage cheerleaders in Jacksonville, whose middleage female chaperone gave me a self-righteus stare), I keep coming back to the same statement. I will keep this statement with me unless and until I discover some new and contradictory evidence (something along the lines of natural selection of favored races *not* being the origin of species). *I shall ogle women all I want,with my two decades of life and my one eye; Just as long as women keep dressing for the eye, they will, by the Web of Life, get mine!*
to get a guys attention
Hi Mr. McAllister
What I’m wondering is a addictive to how women dress provocatively.
What I want to know is why do women dress proactively when they go out despite being in a relationship? To me dressing up in such a manner means you want attention from other men, and it’s like advertising merchandise that already taken. Do they not see it as disrespectful and hurtful to their partner to see them dress in such a manner knowing that would have men look at them in a sexual manner while their not their ?
No, it doesn’t mean they want attention from other man. They want attention from a particular men. It can be the one they are with, or a particular one they are after. It can also be that they feel good dressing sexy or to show other women. If its for you Joshua, you will know by the way she looks and smiles at you.
Men are visual. For a woman to dress in provocative clothing is hurtful to a man, as they recognize men may look at their wife/significant other. I desire my wife dress modestly. The ida that women only want the attention of their one man may be true, but those women are ignorant of how men work – we are visual (and definitely value internal, personal qualities – heart, etc.). I desire a woman whom dresses modestly. She is to be mine, and for no other man.
That’s a crock. You’re dressing that way in public, in front of your significant other, (Note IN PUBLIC) is the same thing as your man ogling another woman other than you.