Is There A Cure For Love Addiction?

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I have been blogging about love addiction (articles) the last three weeks. I have learned so much about it and how it affects you, me, and just about everybody else. A love addict is relatively easy to spot within ourselves and in others.

For example, if you are a love addict, you no doubt obsessively and compulsively try to relieve or medicate the deep pain in your life through romantic relationships.

mannequin being clingyOnce in a relationship, you feel you can’t live without the other person and you will do whatever you have to do to keep the relationship going. If that doesn’t work, you panic and will do whatever you have to do to get into a new relationship.

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No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try…

Just looking at this definition makes us think of how many people, including ourselves, in one way or another fit this description. Think of all the desperate, wounded people there are on the treadmill of what they think is love, and yet they can’t get off.

They’re searching for someone who will heal them and make them feel whole, but that person is not out there. No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try, but yet we keep on searching.
My mom used to say, “It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.” The only problem with love addiction is there isn’t even a needle to be found.

It’s one thing to know what love addiction is. It’s still another to break away from its chains. I received a very direct and candid comment from Sarah.

“Dawson, do you really think it is possible to be cured? I’m not sure. Doesn’t the saying go, ‘once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic?’ So then, ‘once a love addict, always a love addict?’ I’ve learned how to deal with the external stuff that stems from a love addiction, but the internal struggle is often pretty intense. I don’t think I am cured. I think I just learned to practice self-control in relation to the symptoms. The ‘craving’ hasn’t just disappeared. How do you fix the inside stuff?” (Sarah)
Yes Sarah, there are cures to love addiction. It won’t be easy, but the struggle and the journey to find healthy relationships and peace are well worth it. So let’s begin.

To Get Free of Love Addiction

To get free from love addiction, we must clearly understand how deeply the cravings for love penetrate our hearts. It’s what comes out of our hearts that affects everything else we do. There is no deeper emotional desire we have than to love and be loved.
King Solomon, whose been called the wisest man in the Bible, said,

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

Emotionally, our hearts are extremely fragile and can be easily hurt, therefore sending us in the wrong direction of life. Our innermost being started out as a beautiful creation of God, but with wrong choices we can easily trash it and leave it sick and in great need.
Picture in your mind for a moment a beautiful white carpet (perfectly white). Then picture someone coming in to the room where the white carpet is, and throwing garbage, manure, and staining paint all over the carpet. The white carpet was never designed to be trashed like that. Something beautiful has become disfigured. That is a lot like our hearts. We, and other people, do not guard our hearts and therefore they become stained and damaged.

It is heartbreaking for me to see how many people simply throw their heart away allowing themselves to be repeatedly hurt while trying to soothe their heart. They go from one relationship to another to another to another on the treadmill of tragedy.
Before long, their whole life is ruined. “…there is more to life than…your partner. To have them playing god is too much to ask. I know because I did the same and now [my boyfriend] has hurt me and left. This was going to happen anyway, my mother left me and I leaned too much on him causing the stress on his shoulders. I don’t blame him for leaving, but [what] he said hurt and I’ll never get over that…For those who seek something more and personal need to find it within them selves. Address the problem and take time to heal. If you don’t, it could be worse and you could lose everything plus more…” (Tori) Tori is absolutely right. If you don’t guard your heart, you could end up losing what’s most important in life – love.

So where does the healing for love addiction begin? It begins by admitting our hearts are priceless, and affect every area of our lives. We must make a commitment to protect our hearts and not just throw them away looking for love in people and places where love cannot be found. Let us all respect our own hearts.

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
Due to the volume of comments, we are unable to respond to all of them.
  • Lost in love

    I believe I’m a love addict but don’t know what to do about it. I’m in this relationship that hurts but I can’t break free. The woman I’m involved with it’s compassionate or affectionate. Only when it’s time for sex does she open up to me. Most of the time its me begging for attention and I hate myself for appearing so weak and needy especially since I’m a guy. She’s started lieing about when she has to work and I think it’s because she gets tired of being around me and my unquenchable thurst for attention. I just don’t know what to do and it’s killing me.I honestly believe that if I were in my right mind I would have stayed broken up with her and moved on.But I can’t let go of the longing to have her in my life. I’m lieing in bed now beside her while she sleeps and even though she doesn’t feel good physically all I can think of is how to wake her up and get her to hold me and be kind

    • TheHopeLine Team

      Lost in love, Thanks for reaching out and telling your story. You are not alone in thinking you have a love addiction. We talk to many at TheHopeLine that share your issue. We would love to listen and help you through this. Please call or chat with a HopeCoach anytime 24/7 at 800.394.4673. If you want download our free app to your phone to chat, call, email and get encouraged here is the link to download it. http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp

  • Maddys_Mom

    I have been researching love addiction for the past few days. I have come to accept and realize that I am a raging love addict. Now in the stage of withdrawals, I have been struggling to recover from the loss of my relationship with my 4 month old daughter’s father. He left our relationship of 3 years 3 weeks after our child was born. The pain, self hate, desperation, and disfunction Ive been experiencing has been unreal. Up until now I chose to look at myself as the victim. How could he do this to me? I even resorted to rage and suicide attempts. Looking back on not only our relationship but every relationship in my past, I depended on him to create a sense of unwaivering security for me. He came with his own set of problems (fear of intimacy and anger) which initially made me feel as if he was my soul mate. In the beginning of our relationship we were bound by passion. But eventually reality set in for the both of us….however I was more willing to sacrifice myself in order to keep the relationship afloat. I was trapped. Not really happy because he couldn’t meet my expectations…but hell bent for finding and savoring the love I WAS getting. He even told me that he was tired of being my rock. My inability to see my addiction has driven me insane. I was verbally abusive in our relationship because of his inability to meet my expectations. He was no angel either, but understanding my role has left me with unspeakable remorse. I never wanted him to leave. I wanted to grow and evolve TOGETHER. These feelings of attatchment only increased after becoming pregnant with my daughter.The hurt and pain of rejection that I feel now plus every painful moment from my past has been magnified. As far back as I can remember I have used drugs, sex, and food to help me cope with the trauma of not being able to be somebody’s everything. I really care for my child’s father and hate that I put that much pressure on him. All I can think about is him being with someone else and it drives me insane. He has made it clear that he does not want to be with me and although I desperately want help with my addiction I also cannot help but to feel guilty. This has sent me into a great pit of depression. Love and finding it (or losing it) consumes my entire exsistence. I can’t help but to feel abandoned and unloveable. I want to fix it but don’t know where to start. HELP,