What To Do When You Hate Yourself

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It’s so tragic to hear someone say “I hate myself.” But down deep, many people do. It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. Some people, perhaps even you, are locked in their own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.

Have you ever heard someone say they hate themselves? It might seem like they are just crying out for attention. But many times, it’s a very honest evaluation of how miserable someone feels about himself or herself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic.

shutterstock_176375423Caroline described her self-hatred like this: “For a while I hated myself because I thought I wasn’t good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.”

So why do people hate themselves? We took a poll on my website, and asked what reasons you might have had to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by “I didn’t feel loved,” and then “I failed at a relationship.” Each of these could be their own blogs. But for now, let’s examine what I see to be some of the greatest causes of self-hate.

When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is
spiral down into self-pity.

Life is exhausting – When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It’s easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love.

Betsy wrote: “I hated myself for a while and wished I could just disappear. I felt that I wasn’t worth anything and wondered why anyone would want to waste their time on me.”

Sometimes self-hate is nothing more than emotional exhaustion. It’s important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you are rested.

Rejection or Abandonment – Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It’s normal. But it’s difficult. Not everybody is going to love you, or accept you.
But it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.

Tom wrote: “I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. I imagined all the worst things, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I’d go crazy.”

Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don’t let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden, like Tom did, will give you great joy. He’s right, it’s not worth going crazy over something you really can’t control.

Thinking bad thoughts about yourself – This is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won’t. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Or fat. Or inadequate. It’s like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.

Mona wrote: “I hate who I’ve become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I’ve come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.”

Why should I hate someone God loves so much? 

The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down.  One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God’s love for me. I ask myself, “Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face?” He’s the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason. There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn’t that incredible? That person…YOU…is worth loving.

Due to the volume of comments, we are unable to respond to all of them. Thank you for posting your comment. ~TheHopeLine Team
  • http://affiliateaffirmation.com Gerard

    I needed this. Thankyou

  • Kris

    That’s a great point to make, why do I hate myself so much, when God loves me unconditionally. I’ll try to keep this in mind for those very dark days I often encounter….

  • nyarielee

    I really need prayer and help though
    I loved reading this it helps thank you

  • Karina

    This didn’t help me, none of the other websites did… I don’t know what to do now knowing nothing will work..

    • Renee

      praying for you Karina

  • Renee

    This was great..thank you so much for the post

  • http://Www.fanfiction.net Nobody

    This did nothing but state the obvious. I agree with Karina. It didn’t help. Self hate is not my only problem, but it’s so frustrating not really understanding what is wrong. What is going on in my head. AND WHY DO I HATE MYSELF?! I don’t really know.

    There, I have been social. Leave me alone.

  • No one

    This didn’t help me either! It almost felt like it was rubbing salt in an already open wound. If god truly loved us we wouldn’t feel this way in the first place!

    • No one

      And what if you hate a lot of people God loves unconditionally. Just sayin.

      • mike

        I really needed to read this I felt so alone by my self an kept blamming my girl friend for it I felt un loved un wanted u felt ugly i felt like noone was here for all becouse of my dad an mom aren’t here I blame my srlf I call my self stupid I try killing my self becouse I feel unwanted I thank you guys alot for helping me every time I feel this way imma read this thabks

  • K

    I think if you hate yourself it is important to find out why, because self hate leads to self harm.

  • http://hopeline.com someone

    Yes, it may lead to self harm or a life time of thinking those dark thoughts. For me, self hatred has lead to a life alone. I am 48 now and live alone. I’ve let most of my friends fade away without any explaination to them. Only a few persistant friends remain. I so want to be social. I grew up good at being social and made many friends but inevitably I would say something that caused an awkward silence or something that offended someone. I would be a wreck for days, filled with self hatred…Going over and over the incident in my head all the while knowing that the incident was quickly forgotten to those who witnessed it. The self hatred is magnified 10 fold when an incident involves family. My heart hurts for all of you who suffer with this affliction because I know the depths of it. For the 1st time I have sought out therapy and it does help to get professional insite. Prayers for all.

    • Dallas

      This is exactly my experience. I have felt this way so many times that it has crippled personality. I go for days without speaking. This is troubling for me, as I grew up bring very personable, friendly and well liked. I don’t know why my mind has plummeted so quickly into this self hatred. I don’t really enjoy my life anymore. I no longer make any attempt to be social. I don’t have any friends. Every day I feel hopeless. I’m sorry for the rant.

  • Junk

    It’ not self pity! I’m 55 and life has been bad for as long as I can remember! Nothing helps! Like the post from above said if god loved us he would make all things good after all these years and it keeps getting worse! I want out of this world! The pain is too intense! I hate opening my eyes up in the morning to face another day of disappointment, anxiety, depression, loneliness etc. EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE!

    • Sue

      you are not alone in feeling this way…

  • someone

    It is all here; God has given us everything we need to claim the wonderous, unique life that is you and me. I know God is blameless for my mortal failings. Even though my life is and has always been an embarassment to me I find some hope in knowing that God is rooting for me. My inner voice tells me do this thing or that thing because its the right thing, the right path but 9 times out of 10 I don’t. God has already given us everything we could possibly need to change our dark, self-damning thoughts to something more normal more productive and positive. I know the pain of self hatred. The only difference is that I don’t blaim God. I lean on him and pray for the courage to make a big change and he give me hope. Keep plugg’n along as I will. Its not over yet.

  • April Jones

    I thought this article was okay, until you started mentioning God.
    If there’s a God, he doesn’t love me as much as you claim he does, or else he wouldn’t make me feel this way in the first place.

    • Anonymous Catholic

      God doesn’t make you feel that way, April, though I understand where you are coming from. However, I want you to know that God gave us a gift of free will – the power to make our own decisions in terms of things like choosing to love and serve him, how we treat other people, and how we treat ourselves. Don’t think that I don’t know how you feel, because I do and am in the same boat as you. My advice to you is to turn to Him with your struggles. He loves you regardless of whether you decide to follow him or not. And if you ever feel alone – remember He is always with you.

  • Worthy to be loved

    I have struggled with negative thoughts most of my life, and self hate. I have have children now and it started to affect them because they would hear me say things against myself, to see my daughters cry and want for me to be happy changed my life. I have a husband of 14 years who has been by my side through my struggles. He loves me but often feels his love is not accepted because how can he love a woman so much who does not love her self. It hurts to be surrounded by so much love and not feel that for myself. I searched one day for the meaning of my name and ironically it means worthy to be loved which is something I never really felt. I have accepted that I am worthy to be loved and God has been so good to me but I have refuse to accept the LOVE He has for me . I’m learning to love the beauty in myself/ they are so many standards by the world I can see how we get caught up in hating ourselves/ so I am learning not judge myself by those standards and enjoy being me. There are many things that Love about me and the things that don’t like , but I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself I want to be free so it’s either STOP COMPLAINING OR DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT !!! Our pain is our testimony and with survival we can help someone thru they pain… may we send our love out not be returned voided

  • Thomas

    God is fictitious. Challenge him once or for the rest of your life and god will loose every single time. God doesn’t help the many that die innocently. We call it the devils work if someone innocent dies yet we fail to realize that if that’s true then god doesn’t do his job. Find peace from inside and not religion. We as people do more than any religious figure could ever do.

    • Anonymous Catholic

      I’ll be praying for you, Thomas.

  • anonymous

    I want to be someone else who is handsome who have respect all over who is rich and he has someone special who loves him very much

    My face become horrible when i see my face i hate myself nobody wants to love me everybody make fun of me in back even god not help me am i that much bad??
    Why god do such type of injustice with me???

  • ronak

    I jst don’t know what to say.. it literally breaks me down.. that.. I jst don’t kbow how to say it.. it all started when I got in a relationship.. aftr that.. it ended in an unjustified way.. I got no resn fir it.. I was broken.. I started wruting poetry and some sorts of phrases.. to drain all my pain on the paper.. in my diary.. people soon came to know about my writings.. they started praising.. now I hv got my resn of brkup.. and she is evn back.. looks lik an happy ending.. bt for the year when she was away.. I was broken like hell… and now.. evrythng seems basically ok.. bt its not.. still everything’s wrong.. I jst don’t know.. I just hate myself.. and it’s all because of “preferences” they show as if they care.. bt I just don’t know.. nothing seems good…

  • truth

    Ronak ….Its seems you’ve given all your power to this woman. You are at her mercy. Be strong…You can survive and even thrive on your own. Let her know it or end up resenting her for possessing all the power in the relationship. Stand up and embrace yourself. You are worthy of that much. And your writings; maybe you have found it. The one thing that is unmistakably, beautifully you. Keep writing.

  • moja

    Why was i in this site..i think its because i have the same problem and CAN U BELIEVE it, i am in Tanzania
    But i think most of the people are wrong (like the above) about everything and GOD
    Though i have this problem and many other as mentioned by others, i believe GOD loved us and still love us dearly
    and gave us EVERYTHING in every possible way.
    Then if so; who is to BLAME and be BLAMED?
    ITS us human being
    Relatives, friends or supposed to be friends, society e.t.c (THE WHOLE MAN MADE HUMAN LIFE, JUDGEMENT, PRIVILEGES, PREFERENCES SYSTEM)
    IMAGINE: WHAT IF YOU LOOK LIKE GOD AND YOU DONT LIKE IT OR PEOPLE DONT LIKE IT
    Think and be positive GOD knows what is best for you and when to give IT to you( your best) AND YOU ARE NOT LOOSING ANYTHING
    BE HAPPY, find and do what makes you happy and dont think much about what they say or do abot you though first it is difficult
    ENJOY

  • Sylvia

    I have no self convince. When im walking in the halls at school I feel like every one is saying something rude about me or how ugly iam. I don’t feel pretty I im not smart, I cant do anything right. I try to make myself feel better by thinking that a some guys think im pretty but I was worng the only guys I attract are users.

    • Carl

      Chose one positive thing about your self and write it down and keep it close. Every time you feel bad about yourself read it and make yourself believe it. Change it up every so often. This is what helped me.

  • light

    sylvia,
    when I read your post I thought…..This was me when I was in junior high and high school. I was confused about why i was filled with such self doubt and everyone else just seemed to be so sure of everything and comfortable with who they were. Does this sound familiar? At your stage in life kids are beginning to find out who they are separate from their parents. They are learning to love the little personality traits that make them unique and enjoying sharing their personalities with others. I believe that something is preventing you from seeing the unique, special person you are.
    Maybe someone close to you puts you down or maybe your blaming yourself for something that is beyond you control. In any case its time for you to move full steam ahead. Join things, volunteer somewhere, Research something you’ve always been curious about. The more things you become involved in the more life knowledge you aquire. The more you can speak about a variety of different things the more you come to know and like yourself. You certainly are not alone…….and I promise things do get better. As for the boys……just because he’s attracted to you doesn’t your attracted to him. You do the choosing not them. Oh, and one more thing. When I was young my mother always told me I wasn’t very smart. Well guess what she was wrong…..I graduated college with a masters degree. Claim your true self and your life. There is so much to look forward to.

  • Riley

    I’ve hated myself since i was in about sixth grade. I mean, I’d started to hit puberty, that didn’t really bother me, I was happy with my body but then I walked into school one day and an eighth grader called me name as I walked into school and just called me ugly and my crush was with him and they all laughed and IDK that was the beginning of it I guess. I’ve always been shy and I’ve never really been assertive. My best friend left that year for another school also and for about a month all the girls hated me and I felt so alone and I dreaded going to school i felt like sooo horrible. And then the year after that I’d gained a little weight, so I tried to starve myself and that didn’t work at all, i mean i was always too hungry to starve myself so that was stupid of me. When I got to high school I thought it would be different like different people and stuff, and it didn’t really change much. I mean, I always think to much about what others think of me, and my friend told me i’d never get a boyfriend, and I’ve never had one, no one has ever kissed me or asked me out. I felt so ugly i still feel so ugly and just stupid. I feel like i make the stupidest choices and say the stupidest stuff. My friends are only my friends when they feel like it, and that honestly makes me so sad all the time. Earlier this year it was so bad that I cried just about every night i saw no reason to do anything and I felt like people were being so mean to me at that time, but then closer to summer IDK what came over me i started to feel so much better. I felt so much better that I didn’t even notice how better I’d gotten. Every time I’d cry at night earlier this year I’d pray and ask God to help me feel better about myself. And I got better and I didn’t even notice until July and I was like oh my god i haven’t cried in forever and that felt so good! Nothing was worrying me, and now I’m starting to get back into what and i was earlier this year and I can’t imagine ever feeling 100% about myself. Especially now that I’m going to go off to college in two years. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do for a living I kinda suck at everything :/ lol no really like i’m bad at stuff.

  • Linda

    I’m new on here. I have hated my self for as long as I can remember. I am 54 now, when will this get better.

  • mcgooch

    Hi, I have never done this before but I need help. I hate myself and it seems to be getting worse. I’m in an amazing relationship and my boyfriend loves me. But I think he’s too good for me. I think well I know I’m fat and ugly. I go to the gym and I wouldn’t say I’m the biggest girl in the world but that’s all I see when I look in the mirror. I don’t know what to do. It’s killing me everyday. I’m getting to the point where I don’t want to be here anymore.

    • Anonymous

      Instead of focusing on why you think your boyfriend is too good for you, appreciate the relationship you both share. Think about it, if he’s your boyfriend and if he feels the same way about you that you do about him, why does it matter if he’s too good for you? There are also a ton of girls in the world that would love to have a boyfriend like you do, so just remember that if out of all of those girls he has feelings for you, then you must be special.

  • Sey

    i hate myself more than anyone all i can do is cut myself so i know im at least doing a good thing, hurting myself because i deserve it,

  • tammy

    I have good intentions. I compromise. I love. I laugh. I learn. I accept. I appreciate. I am treat like a doormat. I am ignored. I am abused mentally, physically and emotionally. I am constantly ripped off by people promising the earth. This has been going on for 30 years. I do not ask for this. I do not manifest this. I do not pray for this. I now have no money, home or relationship. I have a 2 year old I cant look at because of my inadequacies and she is a major reminder of them (her dad was the only one who ever loved me. I was with him for 2 glorious years. He died when I was 3 months pregnant, never seeing a scan or her face). She is confused. I am suicidal. I am good at explaining my feelings, only for them to be ignored. I know I am worth so much more, but life and others seem to differ in opinion. I have had enough. I cant breathe anymore. I cant look in the mirror without crying. I am so tempted just to give in. I just dont want to leave my daughter on her own, as an orphan and in the system. Cheers for this. I know you mean well, however sometimes it is too deep, painful and constant to face, hence the self harm, the self imposed guilt, the self imposed abuse. There is a saying that everyone cant be wrong. Everyone thinks the same about me as I do. they have their standards for me which differ from mine and I fail to achieve anything other than negativity, oppression, vile comments and physical punches, just for being me. My daughter sees all of this and I can do nothing to stop it.

    • way

      Your are not trash. You are not stupid. You are not ugly. You are not invisible. You are not worthless. Your life is beautiful, wondrous, spiritual and imperfect by design. You are perfectly unique and your life, a gift not a curse. With such a precious gift we must protect it….So if you are as low as low can be then look up and reach, claw, drag your way out. Research therapy, meditation, acupuncture, yoga, bible study and what ever else you can think of that could help to deliver you to a place where you feel genuine love for yourself .. Meditation helps me. Go to a peaceful place and watch the sunset tonight and reflect on the beauty that is in you and around you. So long for now

    • ondela

      Tammy how r u now. I relate so much. There is no one who wouldve put it better that u did. God is by our side my sister,We r under Gods watchful eye. Take a deep breath and come down now, it will all be ok. I’m just holding on to that, faith! U and I are exactly in the same both. This is not our battle to fight.

    • Ag

      Tammy you are not alone, in this world there might be people who ignore you and abuse you,  but there also those who will listen to you and love you, like the father of your daughter did and people like me and others who have read you’re comment. I don’t know where you are, we may be worlds apart but I hope you know I care what happens to you. I wish I could express myself better, some how my words seem shallow.

  • Massimo

    I prayed for all of you and will continue. We can overcome this.

  • Marissa

    prayers and good thoughts would be greatly appreciated right now.

  • K

    For all the postings of despair and hopelessness there are just as many postings from people praying and trying to reach out to help. For those of you who feel so hopeless, what has helped you to make it on your darkest days. For me it helps to see myself as a little girl struggling to make her way in this cold cruel world, and I feel compassion towards her, I don’t hate her. She is doing the best she can with what she knows. We don’t have a road map, so how can we hate ourselves if we have made a few bad decisions? Life goes on and we can still make a difference and help others.

  • SomeGirl

    So how can I overcome my hatred?

  • K

    Would you hate the younger you? The little 8 year old you that only wants to be loved and accepted? Are you angry at her?

  • Linx

    I’ve hated myself sense around when I was in 1-2nd grade. It happened it was out of my control. I couldn’t stop it and didn’t know how to stop it. I started growing up, hiding and repressing feelings of all kinds besides select few. Hate, anger, and rage. It fills each and every day, my depression makes it all worse. I haven’t had a wonderful life, but I haven’t had it as bad as others, causing a whole new level of guilt. This has lead me to numbness and partial insanity, which I can lose the rest quickly. I have a wonder boyfriend, we are long distance and that already kills what is left of my corrupted heart. And it makes me feel terrible that I can’t really give him what he wants or deserves, our words hurt eachother even if not meant that way. He knows about what happened back when i was younger, but i feel like he doesn’t understand. He became my light and has helped me start to feel some good things again. He just doesn’t see what somethings do to me. I continue to hide hideous feelings from myself, from him, friends, and family. Some of these comments fit so perfectly it hurts. And the kind words others say are nice but hurt even more, because I can’t fully accept them and knowing I can’t accept love hurts so bad. I recently came out as a victim. A small part of me wants to be loved, and could maybe just maybe accept it. But how can someone love you and how can you love someone if you have held hatred as number 1 in your broken heart for so long? My religious view is so confused and mixed I don’t know what to believe in. Gods love or not I haven’t felt loved ever sense I can remember, but saying this I don’t know what love is. So I don’t know if I have ever really felt it or not. Thank you have a good day, it just feels nice getting that out…

  • K

    You are too cute. “A small part wants to be loved and could maybe just maybe accept love.” That is where it starts-with that small part. Your heart is not corrupt. Just a little broken and it can heal. You were abused, but that does not define you. Allow your heart to open to life. It is like getting into the ocean….you start with one foot, then the other, then before you know you are up to your calves, then thighs, then stomach, chest, neck, and before too long you are swimming in those waters that initially seemed so cold and uninviting. Allow yourself to be loved. Start slowly, start with that small part and allow it to grow. You are worth it.

  • Cooper

    Why shouldn’t I kill myself?
    I feel selfish doing this, as I have not taken the time to help others. And I don’t want help or feel I deserve help myself because of that reason. But here it is.. I hate myself. Every aspect of myself. Why do I want to end my life so badly? Why do I have such bad anxiety? Why would I rather pick at my skin and think hatred thoughts about myself and life in general, than go and make something of myself like the rest of my family and society. I’ve always liked to draw and paint and sculpt and I thought I was the best, and I still have materials to do so within reach. I used to play basketball and soccer and loved getting better and just doing it. Now, I won’t get up and put a pen to a piece of paper, or walk down to the courts and shoot. I get anxious even thinking about the activities. And when I do finally force myself to hold the brush and set up the paints and make my first few marks.. I hate it.. I suck.. Why am I even doing this? I push all of that shit aside and cry.
    I have shunned my family, I feel I am a disgrace to them. I don’t wish to reconnect with any of them, nor do I feel worthy of their attention or acceptance.
    Day after day, I starve myself only eating when I feel I will collapse, and sometimes just letting myself because I want to sleep more than anything so why give myself the energy that will prolong consciousness. I get anxious thinking about the fact that I need to get up and eat something. I won’t go to the grocery store because I do not want to be seen. I don’t deserve food.
    And now I’m complaining on the internet…. I hate myself.

  • K

    Hi Cooper. Based on the symptoms you describe, I wonder if you suffer from clinical depression. I would encourage you to see your doctor and get a complete physical. Some depression is related to chemical or hormonal imbalances that can be easily treated with medication. There is nothing wrong with getting treatment for a mood disorder, particularly one that has so negatively affected your life. You might be surprised how good you feel after getting the treatment you need. You may become energized in the mornings and start to feel alive and enjoy life again. Suppose you had an accident and broke your leg. You would be in pretty severe pain. Nobody would fault you for taking medication to ease the pain and have surgery to get your leg fixed. It sounds to me like you are truly suffering and I want to encourage you to seek treatment. Some depression is situational and brought about by circumstances. But if these feelings you describe, including a loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy, not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, not wanting to eat, etc….if these symptoms have been going on for several months, then you may have major depression and perhaps speaking with a therapist and medications may help you immensely. Once you start feeling better, you may find the joy you once had in creating your art. But please don’t strive to be the best or reach some arbitrary level of “perfection.” Do it because it brings you joy and makes you feel fulfilled. Others will feel your energy. Be encouraged.

  • http://zombo.com crinkled moth

    I am not religious. I believe in nature. The way we understand nature is science.

    All of these comments… I am ashamed in humanity, society, culture, and myself. I feel like societys structure has not evolved, and is trapped by money, greed, and incompetence. I cannot live up to medias standard of beauty with my genetics. I will never be a size small or be able to change the structure of my face or body without unnatural forces. I find it so hard to stay healthy in this instsnt satisfactory and oh so convenient lifestyle. What am I even doing here? I cannot live in the moment, I cannot get things dons because I am dreary for the future and regretful from the past. I have searched for my niche… My home…my companions. I keep being told confidence comes from success. My only passion is useless in today’s society, other than doubtful entertainment. I dream of a world with compassion and closeness. When I was 13, I realized how cruel the world could be, how society has directions for success, how cookie cutter life can be. Smoke stained gray. I told myself, this is a huge world, kid. I’m sure there’s a way to make it my own. To own my life. To assert happiness and express my passion, creativity, and love. I’m 24 now, and I’m still looking. I’m in college doing what I’m told to do for a sustainable life. I’ve tried all the shortcuts: drugs, camping, moving. I cannot shake this cloud that dampens every environment I step foot in. My mind plagued by pharmaceutical drugs. Why can I not be happy with simplicity? What am I even suppose to be doing? Working? For what? For retirement? If I’m lucky, a decade of freedom when I’m too old and weak to enjoy it? That decade will be gone in a blink and my life will never be remembered. Another mass grave without roses. I want to be apart of something. Valued, appericated, unique. I think I’m ready now to become earth and let my electrical energy collide with… Something… I hope… I am un reassured as my hopes, thoughts, and ego are all physical aspects of tissue in my brain.

    I am angry I cannot appericate what I have either. I have all the resources but no motivation. I’m just waiting…. All I live for is for others now. But mostly my dog.

    • Don’tForget

      I think you have reached your conclusion that nothing in life is sustaining, satisfying, or wonderful. Childhood fantasies were crushed…which is sad. Don’t give up. There is more to life. Valuable, appreciated, and unique. A world of compassion, closeness. And mercy–but the base is love. It’s in God. Find Him, and you find what you’ve been looking for. Life has meaning again.

      I know you said you weren’t religious. I’m praying for you and hoping that you come to find your root for true happiness and meaning.

  • sheila

    My god, Cooper. Your words describe so accurately a place I once was; a place I fear someday I’ll return. I get it.
    I know how the emotional pain can be so intense it actually hurts physically. I know the strange fear of going out and being seen by people….Its like, being afraid that someone might acknowledge your existence. I remember how sleep was my only peace but the guilt I felt over sleeping all the time made my soul ache. I decided one day that maybe taking a drive to my favorite spot (the beach) would lift my spirits and it did. I went to that spot every day for a couple weeks and slowly I started coming around. …But that just me. I wish I had the magic words that would lift you up. Through all the self hated and sever depression I was in, I did know deep down that I was worth something, that I my life had some value and I hope deep down you know that too. You know you need help. Please reach out to someone. I’ll be thinking of you.

  • f0x

    @crinkled moth – your comment describes how I feel almost to a T, although I’m 18 and realized the world sucks a bit later than you did. I was supposed to start college this year, but I withdrew at the last minute because I feel like I’m only going because I’m expected to. I don’t even know if it’s what I want to do with my life.

  • ftw

    I’m 41, I have a bad back, bad hip, weight of 350lbs and in pain always. I’m on 2 different depression meds (that don’t work). My physiologist said after these two there’s nothing more to try, that was 5 months ago. Yet still I can’t stand me! I think of suicide all the time. I don’t want to die, but know how much better it would be just to have it over. I don’t want to be this way!!!! I don’t want to think this way!!!! Sometimes got to give. I know that suicide is not the answer. Just cause I think of it, don’t mean it’s what I’m going to do, cause I also know it’s not the right or smart thing to do.

  • K

    You guys got to, you have to re – engage in life. I would encourage you to listen to motivational books and tapes. There are so many podcasts out there that you can listen to on a daily commute or a walk outside. Life is about challenges. They make life exciting. Doing something you have never done before. You can wake up tomorrow and say “I’m gonna be that.” Or “I’m gonna do that.” Then do it. What sort of things did you love to do when you were a kid. Ask yourself what was it you enjoyed about it. Was it running? Did you enjoy feeling the wind rushing in your face? Was it acting? Did you enjoy being on stage? You can visualize the person you want to become, then set a plan in action to do it. It is said that the best cure for anxiety is action. So after you have seen your doctor, got your medications, and been medically cleared for what you wanna do, then go about doing it, and don’t believe anybody that says you can’t. You are the only one who can stop you. Break out of those boxes you have put yourselves into and go forth with gladness!!!

  • Deepika

    why i this world there is so much sorrow especially in my house in my life what to do i have no courage to commit sucide what i do i want to go out from this environment but nobody understands me and do not allow to escape me what to do tell me please my life is hell.

  • ftw

    K
    It easy go some one to talk about getting out and doing something about your life when there’s nothing wrong with ya. But me I can’t get out and run, like I said my back and hip are messed up. My big thing when I was younger was ridding a 21 speed bycycle cross country, but now I can’t get on a bike without hurting myself, I tried about 6 months ago and every peddle was to painful to enjoy.

  • K

    Oh no, ftw…I did not mean go out and run. I have had surgery on my back so I cannot run, but I do try to walk regularly. Sometimes my back hurts even when I walk, but then I slow down. I said be sure to see your doctor and get a medical clearance before you do anything physical, cause you do not want to hurt yourself more, but I just recommend listening to motivational audio books or podcasts that you can do while you exercise or drive in your car. It helps to listen and get encouragement daily because life can be challenging, but we need to reach out and not suffer in silence. I am glad that we can connect on this website. Sharing our struggles helps other people. We can utilize our gifts, like art and writing to share ourselves with other people. And as we do this, we feel better because we connect with others.

  • Savannah

    There are manh reason I hate myself.. And I might as well explain.
    1. Faces.. Everyone has different faces whoever they are but in public I dispise mine.
    2. I screw up everything in my life, relatioships and friends and always doing the wrong thing at the wrong time.
    3. I’m butt ugly. Everyone I know has someone close to their heart and well I’m just me. Somedays I prefer it to be that way but other days I can only blame me as the problem
    4. Deep down inside of me I feel this little bit if evilness and meaness that I want to let out but I often know that is the wrong thing.. But it lets itself one way or another so adventually I screw up the things and people that mattered most to me.
    5. I’m very stupid.

    • TheHopeLine Team

      Savannah, We want you to know you are loved and that you are beautiful, smart and worthy! Please call or chat with a HopeCoach that cares anytime 24/7 at 800.394.4673. If you want download our free app to your phone to chat, call, email and get encouraged here is the link to download it. http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp

  • stacy

    I feel your pain.

    life sucks, I am in horrible pain, and I feel pathetic.

    suicide is never the answer………………you may end up somewhere worse

    I wish you all the best

    all we can do is try to have better tomorrow

    • Sj

      Please stop saying these things about ur self u are none of those things if other people say that they r def not ur friends and u need to walk away ( talk to the hand baby) u are not a silly person why are u believing all this about ur self u and I don’t even know each other a good phase I hear all the time not sure I think if fits but anyway It worked for me last time don’t know why ( MAN UP )in the nicest way don’t let them get u down.

  • nikki

    I am 20 but people say that I’m still like a Kid.I am a College goer and i’m studying Science.subject That I’m Studying Is Quite Difficult but when I had began I thought I would do it anyway.I would work hard for it but the things didn’t go as i planned.I have a very low confidence and whenever i turn my book and start to study at home,I will be prisoned by all the thoughts filled in the world…I can’t stop my mind from wandering…during school i used to be a bright student,looking back at that i always took challenging subjects,thinking i will get back in that track..but this is not happening…my confidence is going very down and thats why today in exam when teacher asked me simple questions ,i couldn’t answer….not because i didn’t know but because i had been feeling very down…..i felt myself to be an alien infront of her…i’m sure she might have thought that i am the most weaker person in the whole college….i am feeling so humiliated i cant tell you…i have become a dumbest person in the world….my brain’s negativity stops myself before i try to hard work and that ultimately leads to humiliation….quitting subject is not an option because I have come really far…and my low self esteem is not letting me to raise….i think i will reach nowhere in my life.. :(

    • K

      Hi Nikki. You might want to clarify what you mean why people say you are “still like a Kid.” It may be that there are issues coming up in your like now that you are older that were never dealt with before and is affecting your studies. You are smart and bright, but maybe there are emotional issues that cannot be ignored or covered up by “working hard.” I would encourage you to speak with someone you trust or perhaps a school counselor about whatever issue is causing you to feel “humiliated.” I think it is deeper than not being able to answer a question in class. I hope you are able to resolve this because you can definitely have a bright and happy future.

    • Sj

      All I can say is life sometimes is crap
      We all. Have it hard sometimes I’m nearly 40 and life still stucks please don’t give up though I came on this site really needing something or someone to make me feel better about myself u know what that’s not happened but I’ve read so many of ur sad emails all of u young with all of ur lives to live that now I feel I want to help inspire u
      My life has not been easy
      But I do have a grt hubby and 2 grt kids although all of them are my symptom of my angrer! Please forgive me for that
      But I read most of ur comments and ur all at least 10 yrs younger than me and I want to encourage u all to keep going life Is crap a lot of the time, friends are crap most of the time, family is crap most of the time, but somehow u get through all the crap to achieve ur goal. please keep going

  • looser38

    I have endless health problems, a dead end job, no partner, no friends, low self esteem, and social anxiety. But I still believe God loves me he gave me 2 beautiful children and IM STILL ALIVE!!!!!!!

    • K

      Hi. I was wondering how severe is your social anxiety, because I was thinking you might enjoy volunteering in some capacity at your kids’ school or maybe joining a support group with other people that have similar health challenges as you do. It may help you realize just how much of a blessing you can be to others, allow you to meet other people, and raise your self-esteem.

  • hopeless

    So many people in pain like me… Makes me hate my life even more that I dare feel pain when I know there are others worse off… My problems seem minescules compared to some people… Then I have thoughts of why bother posting here so many comments, no one will hear you… Then I feel guilty for being so selfish… Then I think well I will probably never even come back to check if anyone replied and then feel guilty about that.

    I miss my kids so bad but I dont even think they would give a toss if they ever saw me again… They’re only young and dont understand… Having a great time… And I am glad about that but would like if they missed me but then I feel bad about that cos just shows how bad a person I am! How selfish I am… Then I think should I even be here, would they even know if I was gone… Would they care, I honestly dont think they would.

    Life is a terrible mess for me… I mess everything up, always have… As a kid I remember thinking that when I am an adult it will be great cos no one will pick on me and I can do what I like etc. Nah, still sucks… Now my kids have gone I have nothing, no-one… Just emptiness everyday… Empty cupboards and desperation… I’ll even lose my home soon… Be on the streets… Something to look forward to ay…

    I cant kill myself though, far too much a coward for that… It’ll hurt and I am weak… Maybe it will get even worse and I will have no choice… But even then I dont think I could…

    Atleast I am not alone in my misery… I know why I hate myself… Its because I suck so bad at life. At everything…

    • Anonymous

      I completely understand you…
      I want all of this pain to stop, but I’m too much of a coward to actually kill myself. I’ve tried though…
      I’m only 16 years old and I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life.
      I used to have ambitions, big dreams, but now I have nothing. I know that we’re all far better off than kids in Afrika, who don’t even have one good meal per day and I feel horrible and selfish that I act the way I do.

      I hope you know that you’re not alone…

  • self hater

    How am I supposed to like myself or not think I have a problem when I can’t even figure out how to talk to my wife about relationship.

  • self hater

    Nothing like waking up on a new day and still hating yourself. I love my wife & children but I deeply hate myself.

    • Jason

      I lost my wife because of that same problem. She found another man who she can communicate with. I suggest being honest with your self. write those things on a paper and bring it to a therapist and either read it to them or let them read it. Because as a guy seeking help is different than babbling about “feelings”- and how can you seek help if you can formulate out loud your emotional needs? That’s why I said to write your thoughts/feelings/emotions down if you can. For me my Ex did not understand that it wasn’t that I didn’t care about communicating or that I wasn’t in love with her. I later found out that I wasn’t able to formulate out loud my emotional needs. I’m not alone. You are not either. Most guys where a mask to hide their true emotions from an early age.We get it stuck in our head as young kids that crying is for girls. If you get hurt you better not cry or everyone will laugh at you or the ” Only women talk about their emotions”. From then until now we are still that little kid that is afraid to cry and express emotion. I’m not anymore and the next women I bring into mine and my daughters life will be lucky to have such a sincere man by her side. If you don’t get help now you wife will leave you and then you will feel true sadness on a whole different level that you have now. I never write on these message boards man let alone know how I even got to this site. Maybe I was meant to read your post.

  • Jack

    I look at everything here and it makes me think about everything I’ve been through. I’m only fourteen and my parents are divorced, both remarried, and my mother has turned to God and away from me, and she can’t realize this. For years my cats were the only source of my happiness, and now they’re gone because my stepbrother is allergic to them. I constantly think about dying and how I don’t care about living anymore. A few months ago my parents called the cops on me due to a mental breakdown and I was sent to a rubber room in a nearby hospital.

    I understand I’m not alone. I see everyone’s problems and I grieve for them. One of my friends is suffering from a horrible case of suicidal behavior and I can’t make her understand just how much she means to me. I read some of the things above, about how people thirty or more years older than me with children are suffering from this and I know that maybe someday that will be me. I’ve devoted my life to trying to save other people from my fate and I just wish that everyone understood me when I told them how much I love them. I hate the world but love everyone in it. Convoluted, huh? Yeah. But that’s all I have to say, at least all I can say without breaking down again.

    • Gary Smith

      Thanks for sharing Jack. It feels good to help others….because you value that. You have a big heart. Why is it easier to care for others…than care for ourselves. I don’t have the answer. I should research that. But…I know that’s true with me as well. I do know that it’s important to care for yourself. And…with practice caring for yourself, it will lead to compassion for yourself — which will make your life more fulfilling. Life isn’t supposed to be all happy times. That’s not the way it works. But we really aren’t taught HOW to deal with sadness…hurt. So you….and others on this forum….are NOT ALONE. Being happy is easy. However, coping skills to deal with our own sadness is so important. We can’t really help others as well (one of our values) if we don’t care for ourselves. And why shouldn’t we care for ourselves? We are alive…a miracle. We can breathe….feel…touch….see…hear. Just a matter of sitting back — and Observing these things we take for granted everyday. As I mentioned to Jane above…..try putting your hand on your heart — and say…I Love You. Do that Every Single Day. You ARE important. You DO matter. Even if only for yourself. Follow your values. In that way, even if you stumble, fail……it will be okay….because you will be doing what you value. For me, I value being a father. I don’t have the best relationship with my oldest daughter. It hurts. We were close when she was younger – but my ex in leaving the marriage….manipulated her. I text and call her everyday. She doesn’t always answer. It hurts. But I do it everyday anyway. It makes me feel good. And….when she does text or call….I soak it up. Enjoy every word. Caring for ourselves, I believe. Takes practice. Sadly/Wrongly/Most of us aren’t taught this skill. For me, I had to read about it. And I try to help others. Because I hate seeing people in pain. I know how it feels. And I don’t like being alone. So I write. Maybe no one will listen. But….maybe they will. Care for yourself Jack. You are a miracle. There’s ONLY ONE YOU…in this entire WORLD. WOW.

  • Jane

    I feel like a constant failure. I was the prime target for my mother’s emotional abuse in our home. She openly favoured my brother, even to this day – I’m 45 years old. I had to meet all of her demanding expectations, otherwise I was shut out and denied affection. My mother never believed anything I ever had to say, and she would always believe others over me. It was easy for my brother to blame me for stuff and my mother would punish me (because she always believed him… according to her, all I ever did was lie).

    I married a man who was abusive. I divorced him and he used the kids to continue wielding his abuse for the past 15 years – always holding me accountable for his problems and constantly looking for proof that I was the problem in everything (especially in our marriage)… and trying to convince our kids of the same.

    I married a 2nd time and my 2nd husband dumped all his emotional angst onto me, too… and so did his ex-wife. Suddenly, I found myself being blamed for all of their problems, too! After 6 years I left the marriage. With that, my 1st ex-husband used my “failed” marriage (as he called it) in his court papers to try to prove (yet again) that I’m the problem in everything. To this day, he continues to set-up situations whereby, if I don’t do what he wants, he uses it as an example to our kids that I’m “difficult” and that they’re not getting what they want because of me. My 2nd husband and his ex-wife did the same thing.

    I feel like a horrible parent. I have done my best to protect my kids, but I was alone in trying to protect myself. My mother was of no help in this regard (she was one of my abusers) until I ended up in the hospital after a suicide attempt – the 3rd attempt in my life. The 1st time she didn’t know about (she just would have made me feel bad about it anyway). The 2nd time, a friend of mine called her to let her know I was in the hospital and she told my friend that I was just looking for attention and hung up on her – she didn’t even visit or check up on me after I was released. The only reason she became concerned the 3rd time, was because my 1st ex-husband waited 3 days to let her know I was in the hospital, and when he spoke to her about it, he told her I was crazy. Something about the word “crazy” set her off and she rushed home from her trip. My mother tells everyone my business.

    My son is angry because of my 2nd divorce. “I” ruined everything for him. It didn’t matter that my 2nd husband would actively ignore me for weeks and sometimes months on end… I took away his family by leaving. My son is now into drugs and continues to demand that tolerate his behaviours (in my home). I kicked him out. I simply can’t deal with it anymore… and somehow, I already know that this, too, will be blamed all on me. He will blame me. His dad will blame me. So what’s the point?

    My mother accepted any responsibility for her abuse on me. I was trained to take the blame… and so the only way I know how to stop the pain of the blame-game, is to cut people out of my life. Funny… my 1st ex-husband ridicules me for that, too!

    I feel like I’m here on this earth to be everyone’s target, so that they never have to face themselves. But where does that leave me? It leaves me feeling worthless and suicidal.

    Thank you for listening.

    • Gary Smith

      Thanks for sharing Jane. I’m so sorry you are sad. I can relate very much as I just went through a divorce…child custody battle…dealt with emotional and financial abuse. It’s hard. Sometimes you just have to love yourself…to help yourself…and others. Put your hand on your heart, show compassion for yourself, say to yourself — I love you. Its a miracle that we are here. No doubt about that. Find peace in the everyday miracles…your body…all of the wonders around us…by just observing. I used to hate giving my dog a bath. But now I enjoy it. I try to soak every pleasure in. And…when people say rude things….blame me…etc….realize that the words themselves can’t hurt you….if you don’t let them in. Imagine yourself in your car, it’s raining, the raindrops hitting the windshield are those blaming you…uncaring words…now turn on your wipers — SWISH them AWAY….Seriously…try that…with practice…it really works. Then….when alone…and you realize you didn’t let those words bother you….SMILE. Love yourself. You are a beautiful person. In my divorce, I have regrets. I apologized…I didn’t want my marriage to end. I pleaded. But after a while, I realized there was nothing I could say or do. It hurts. But, I care about my two daughters. It hurts that they are not with me full time. But I try to enjoy every moment with them. My oldest daughter can be rude at times. It hurts. But she’s 17….really not mature yet. She will learn. I will try to lead by example. Love yourself. Soak in all of lifes pleasures. It won’t be perfect. You will still hurt sometimes. We all do….everyone does. But as we get older we can appreciate even more all the miracles around us. Also….forgive others. Believe me…this is hard. But you are doing this for yourself. No, it’s not easy. Its something to practice constantly. But its worth it. A better more satisfying life….by caring for yourself….is worth it. God Bless and Good Luck Jane.

    • Alana.

      Dear Jane.
      I don’t know if you believe in God or not but He loves you no matter what you or anyone else thinks about you. I too have suffered my adult son turning on me for my faith in Jesus. The enemy ( Satan) will do all he can to make you feel worthless. That’s a huge lie! When you accept Jesus as your Lord of your life He accepts you warts and all. He is healing me after years of abuse and I know He longs to do the same for you too. I have finally surrendered everything in my life to Him as I can’t do it in my own strength. It probably sounds like a cliche but give it all to God and trust Him to see you through. He will do it! Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re worthless cause you’re not. Please read Jeremiah 29:11-14. God has a plan for you Jane. Do you really think He would want you to take your own life? No way! He sent His Son Jesus to die for you He loves you that much! ( John 3:16) Hang in there Jane! Give it ALL to God. Your fears doubts low self esteem your family hopes dreams- surrender it all in faith and trust and see what He will do! I mean it Jane. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. God wants to turn this all around for your good and He will if you let Him! God bless you! Alana.

    • Who

      Jane, sugarcube, even though I’ve never met you in person, I think you are a women worth fighting for.
      And if I ever meet your “husbands” I’ll give them the finger and ask them why in the name of all things good did they want to hate you.
      It WILL get better soon, I promise.

  • maha

    i feel so guilty if my frnd asking doubt to other person in front of me no one can speak wit me properly and i feel so bad about my studies so i hate my self so worstly.

  • sany

    all the tym i feel im not study properly..even i take book to study my mind nt to set for studies but my inner feelings told study study study

  • mariannd

    I used to be a social butterfly when i was young, but now at my early 20s, i became more and more undocial person, its just like im too unconfident to start a conversation, and when they start it, i tend to answer them shortly, thats it.. i became more and more afraid to open myself to others.
    I dont see any major flaw on me, im not ugly, my grade at uni is good, i myself really dont understand why it happen

  • sophie

    I don’t have single thing to be unhappy about. But i am empty on the inside. I have a husband and two kids who all say they love me, but i feel nothing but guilt i can’t reciprocate. I accepted Jesus as my savior, and the following year and a half was good. but for the last 14 yrs i have hated waking every morning to another day of not enjoying anything. It does not compute with me. I know in my head i have everything cause i have Christ in me, but why so empty feelings al the time? I just want to go home/heaven. Then my husband can find a wife who can love him from the heart and my kids will get a chance at seeing what joy in people actually looks like.

    • J

      Feels like me…
      I feel like I fail/suck at life..right now im meant to be at my little brother’s birthday thing. Im hiding at home.
      Why do I suck at life…

    • Johnny Bravo5713

      Dear Sophie, I feel you were telling about the past 14 years. There were some great times for you in the past and i’m sure in your childhood. The guilt you have is due to some reason which you alone know and you cant even tell your husband. I’m guessing and i might be right or wrong.You don’t have to answer me that. I faced a similar situation like you in my life.Its as if my life was limited to the 90’s.Those were the best days and after i grew big in 2000’s i was just like empty.You just live because you have to.That’s what it felt like. But the responsibilities you have to take care of them.Even felt like ending my life.Meant no anger to others.but felt the same like you. But i found the purpose in my life. Its great you have accepted Jesus.Ok ask yourself one question?

      Why are you mother of 2 children and wife to the one particular person in worlds population of 720 crores.. After hearing that you’ll feel life even negligible. But the truth is God put you there in that exact place to take care of your husband and those two gifts God gave you.And not 1 out of 720 crores other than you will love them like you nor take care of them.Even if you’re miserable inside find meaning for your life by laying your life for them rather than yourself.”Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

      Do that by taking care of them everyday

      And you wanna go home/heaven then this life is a probation period/assignment given by god for you to complete.So finish it with distinction dear.

      Read your Bible,Pray everyday & take care lovingly your husband and your 2 angels.That is your purpose and redemption dear.

      Read the book”The Purpose driven life by Rick Warren’.Buy it online and read it for sure.it’ll defintily help.

      And in the end as a co believer i wish you all the best sister and May God Bless You.

      Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee.Psalm 55:22
      Bi dear

      C

    • jkvolfan

      Its amazing reading these blogs, it seems there is more to this self loathing and procrastination and depression.. its more than just having a bad day or a bad month. Im approaching 44 and i have felt this way since i was a child. I feel sorry for the people i love having to put up with me. I have always been a hard worker and have been successful. Nothing seems to change im “happily” married and all i do is bring my loving wife and family down. I dont know how to change. I try with no avail. I have put on that face for many years and i dont know if i can continue.. i have turned to alcohol as its the only friend i have and i hate myself for that. There must be something undiscovered in our brains that we dont know of that causes us to feel this way because in all honesty most of the time i have no real reason to feel the way i do as i me sure some of you feel this too

  • Jackie

    I don’t know. I feel like my self hatred is justified.I have let procrastination and laziness take over my life. My house is a mess, my car is a mess. I no longer have anyone to tell me what to do or to judge me, so i only do what passes me, like a child. I work full time but I feel like that’s all I do. I signed up for classes to finish my associates I got one bad grade and decided to give up/slack off. I’m ashamed of myself. I hate everyone and despise their happiness. I suppose that’d mean I’m selfish, spiteful and bitter. I don’t like using depression as an excuse. I don’t have motivation to make things better. I procrastinate my life away and stall things until ours to late to do them anymore. This is why i hate myself.

    • JB

      in contrast to you yet still the same I am all together. I have a great job, make a great living, have fabulous friends, an awesome son, yet I still see myself as a failure. How does that work?

    • AG

      That’s exactly how I am and how I feel. Reading this comment made me feel better, I guess misery does love company. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I hope you know you’re not alone and we can change, to be the person we want to be.

    • dligac

      I hate myself in the same way. I’m the same as you. Except I have no job. And I don’t want any. I have no plans or desires. I just want to leave this stupid place. I hate everyone and I hate myself the most.

  • JB

    why is it that when I read what is written it makes sense, but I still single myself out as different. I am so tired of looking at myself in the mirror that it makes me sick . I am a 44 yr old single female that will never find a mate because I never feel someone could actually love me. So why do I continue? I know it is a catch 22- i hate myself, so therefore noone else can love me, and that makes me hate myself even more, and so on….

    • Who

      Girl, just look at yourself in the mirror, and listen to “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars, then you’ll see what losers the guys that rejected you are.
      You’re amazing the way you are, don’t forget it. :-)

  • Mask

    From time to time I type into Google “How to deal with hating yourself”. I read the articles, read the comments & then move on for I never truly find the answer.
    I truly despise myself. I feel I don’t deserve friends, caring family or any happiness in life at all. I constantly battle the darkness that I have inside and my family has seen how it pulls me into a state of sadness and depression. I always am able to come out of it and put on the mask of the loving husband and father. As I get older though, it becomes harder every day. The battle truly wears you down over the years and eventually it will be lost.
    The only thing that keeps me going is the sense of duty that I have to my family. No matter what I feel about myself, my sense of duty always prevails. When my children move on and I’m no longer needed, then I can stop fighting and let my darkness finally win.
    Do I believe in God? ABSOLUTELY! I’ve had enough God sightings in my life to make me a true believer. Do I believe I deserve to be saved? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It doesn’t matter what good I do in life and I will NOT have my darkness affect other souls.
    For all whom are fighting the same demons that I am, I truly feel sorry for you. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Just remember that no matter how bad you feel inside, your family comes before anything else. Let them be the light that you fight for. It can get you through the day.
    I will add one final item. I have never posted, shared my thoughts or discussed my view points before. Maybe after 24 years of fighting in silence, something has finally broken through.
    I apologize if I have offended anyone with what I’ve said. It was not my intent.

    • barracuda43

      You have not me at least… but i have felt and am going through that feeling right now of feeling worthless, not good enough.. ect… I am a believer, and am saved and I have seen changes in me enough to believe god is changing me… for i despise the world not humans per say. But when I see how bad the world is getting, children abused, women raped, kidnapped, rise in violence, materialism. I wish I was never born. I would have rather been an angel with no will of my own and to serve god in all his glory and be his loving servant rather than a human full of sin and a free will…i would gladly trade my life and free will to have never been born and have been an angelic being serving god than to live on this earth… my life has been chaos since I was born, as a catholic raised i used to feel god hated me so much that he let me suffer physical, mental sexual abuse from my father, than my mother died when i was 3, my stepmother was an abusive person, burned my brother hands on a stove heater, for being hungry and getting into the peanut butter, that is the kind of child hood I came from…all my life I have had things happened to me. NOw I can say I have been blessed my second marriage with a loving husband and he adopted my two girls, my first husband was an alcoholic and extremely jealouse, physically abusive and emotionally. Atfter 10 years i finally divorced him and then a year later met my now husband. I have felt the love of god and christ’s redeeming love. I have seen changes in myself for the best but I still at times especially when I get so upset at injustice done on others i just cry and I cannot understand why humans can be so evil causing pain on others. I know there is a purpose … I do not question god i do not blame god I blame humans. I wish god had destroyed Eve when she disobeyed god in the garden of eden and had created another woman for adam an obedient god fearing woman… I would have destroyed all humanity during NOah’s day.. i would have not left one human alive… I am so sorry but sometimes I feel this way. I ask Jesus to fill me with the fruit of the holy spirit, to transform me from glory to glory.. I know I am saved because of the blood of Christ. At the cross and when I get angry i am so passionate about my feelings about wishing justice that I am so ashamed about my sin in anger… that I feel I am a stupid, silly, childish and scum because I do not know how to help others outside my home. I raised my daughters with morals, love as i knew it because i really did not know what it was to be loved. But I just knew I would treat my daughters with kindness and love and godly discipline. o They turned out decent good god fearing young ladies. But I still feel so worthless…. your not alone…

  • Dylan

    I really need help :/. I’ve been like this since I was 12 or so maybe before. As long as I’ve had realized thoughts outside of being a child. I hate myself
    On a level that is overwhelming. I’m 20 goin on 21. So for the last decade I’ve felt alone. I know I’m ugly, I don’t see myself as attractive. I constantly stare at mirrors and always hate the reflection staring me back. This may sound dramatic, but I’ve never had a girlfriend. My whole life I’ve looked for a companion, someone to call mine, to feel loved but no one has wanted me. And I’ve tried, many many times, finding people I feel a connection with and hoping they do too. I’m a very good person, loving, kind, I have to malice or conciedeness in me. I just don’t wanna be alone anymore. A whole life alone is not a life worth living. And I know it’s because of my looks. I’m not cute and no matter what I am, the sweet person doesn’t matter if no one could get past the way I look. I mean I truly believe I would have had easily got someone to feel the same for me
    If I was attractive, and as such I’ve tried so Hard in vain. As I’m getting older now I feel like look worse and worse. I don’t know what to do, I’m
    Heavily considering plastic surgery, to feel
    Better because I know it’s not goin to go away. And I don’t wanna live like this :/ thanks for listening

    • LM

      Please know that you are loved and are cared for. TheHopeLine is always here for you. Please call or chat with one of the HopeCoaches at 800.394.4673 or to chat go to http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp. Never, never give up on yourself.

    • Linda

      you know if you really look at JZ, he is really not that attractive. So attractiveness doesn’t necessarily get the girl. But taking an interest in your look and self-confidence does work.

  • mike

    I really needed to read this I felt so alone by my self an kept blamming my girl friend for it I felt un loved un wanted u felt ugly i felt like noone was here for all becouse of my dad an mom aren’t here I blame my srlf I call my self stupid I try killing my self becouse I feel unwanted I thank you guys alot for helping me every time I feel this way imma read this thabks

  • Trysten

    Everyday if I’m at school or if I’m at home I’m always getting beat up, bullied and hated on I feel so unloved and uncared for its been like this since kindergarden i hate myself and everything about me I wonder why am I special why am I alive I want to kill myself I have always been like this and I can’t figure out why I don’t know why I should be living if I ever find anyone that loves me ill die from a heart attack

    • TheHopeLine

      Trysten, Please know that you are loved and we care for you. TheHopeLine is always here for you. Please call or chat with one of our HopeCoaches at 800.394.4673 or to chat go to http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp. Never, never give up on yourself.

    • Michelee

      Please don’t say this. My heart hurts for you . You are loved and special. Are you being hurt in your own home? If so please tell someone. I know it’s confusing but you need to feel safe.

    • Arielle Le Blanc

      Hey Trysten.. I do already like you. Do not kill yourself please. World is much different than it seems to be. How old are you? Those who cannot appreciate your existence are idiots. Yes even if those are your parents. Most people have messed up values especially in our materialistic society. They are simply blind. No one is perfect. You are not perfect either. There are many things you will have to work on this life and change yourself. But that doesnt mean that you have no value and that you shouldnt be respected. Thats nonsense.

    • barracuda43

      If you only knew how precious you are to god, my brother went through the same thing, i was a bit stronger so I could handle my bullies, I would try to protect him as much as I could. We lost our mother when he was born, my father blamed my brother for her death and hated him therefore abused him, physically, sexually and mentally both of us, he married a woman who was equally abuse but not sexually abusive. We always felt no body could or would love us. I thought god hated us. But now I am grown and a born again christian, my poor brother long dead. I have seen changes in my self and have felt god’s love and now I understand how much he loves us. Remember John the Baptist? He lived a life of a vagabond, living in cave he , eating locusts wearing animal skins was considered a crazy lunatic, anti social out cast. But did you know that even Jesus said ” there has never been a prophet or shall never be one like John the Baptist” I bet you he felt like you and me. Just remember dear one that those who are god’s children, the world and satan will hate. He will make our lives on earth a living hell. Because this is not our home we are sojourners here on this earth, we don’t belong to this world there fore the world won’t recognize as one of it’s own. Be happy and glad that you are not part of this world. Jesus love those who were lowly, and humble, those who were considered outcasts. Jehovah used sinners and out casts for his glory and purpose and were even part of Christ’s family lineage.. like Hagar the madam harlot one of Jesus’s ancestors, Ruth the pagan moabites who converted later. David who committed adultery, and murder.. Moses who killed a guard in egypt, and had to run and hide the desert for 40 years, before Jehovah used him greatly. . the 12 apostles were bullied, imprisoned, run out of towns. Boiled in oil, cut in half, be headed, hung upside down on a cross. etc… dear friend you see being in Christ and belong to him will set the enemy on you and the world will hate us and despise us . it is not easy to say because sometimes I suffer times of self hate and self loathing, but I turn immediately to god’s word for a shaking up to his powerful words of encouragement and then I fast and pray that has been my deliverance from self destruction and self pity. I wish I knew you to help you and encourage you and to tell you that you are so important to god … you have a purpose even if it is to use that suffering you have experienced to help others..I am glad to have had this experience of pain in order to understand others with the same sufferings to be able to help what I have learned through the precious word of god through the holy spirit. We have to endure and pray every night and morning as you rise never stopping. Day by day take a day at a time. Sometimes I think I become so overwhelmed with my emotions of worthlessness and self hate. That I have to go to my room pick up word of god and a book titled ” God’s transforming power” it helps me when I am feeling bad about myself. So take it a day at a time. It is crucial that you stay on the word of Jesus. Keep your eyes on him and he will carry you through each day. I do this myself.. The enemy attacks more when he sees how much you are growing in christ and he knows your weakness, it is a battle but through Christ anything is possible in your faith and hope that we will be with him soon, and receiving the crown of glory if we just run the race preserving and even if you fail and fall get up and do not give up or that is where our reward shall be. It is the race for our souls.. This world shall pass but god’s love never passes God is always the same never changing never failing, always l so please do not lose hope. Your soul is sooooo preciouse to god..

    • deb

      I have a son who has suffered bullying for past six months and it breaks my heart people who bully are weak alone only tough together do not be afraid of anyone stand tall tell school my son has and the situation is getting dealt with and I won’t stop until it gets sorted everyone should be valued the same and everyone of us deserves to be loved ;-)

    • Peggy

      Trysten I went thru bullying years ago…even by the teacher who wanted to be in with the cool kids. I cried every day, but we didn’t consider suicide much back then. Don’t let these people define you, God does love you more than you can imagine. You sound like you may be depressed and there’s no shame in talking to a therapist or going on medication if needed. God gave his children the intelligence to become doctors and therapists. If you do this make sure it’s someone you’re comfortable with…sometimes you have to go to a few to find that. God got me through…He will do the same for you. God bless and don’t give up…He made you special!

  • judy

    I hated myself ever sense i was nine but i kept on going dealing with the pain and sadness but when i saw the famous Ann Miller . she told me that it doesn’t madder if you did something wrong it just matters if you have love with family friends then the past wont bother you and just one thing if you believe in me god and happiness the you will be OK . Ever since the i listen to her and now you just have to get through life and one suggest en don’t ever give up keep trying and believe

  • shelley

    I really hate my life.I have always been in controlling relationships and it seems it doesn’t get any better.I’m always walking on egg shells to please him,he is always accusing me and the list goes on.I’ve done nothing but cry and wonder what I’ve done to have a life like this…

  • Ethan

    I feel like nobody likes me the way I am!

  • Alex

    I hate myself. I just was pampered, and now I feel depressed. I am not worthy to be here.

  • https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeASbou5Md75SMAk0fHullg Blink i dare you

    i just dont like me. every time im out with my family i screw something up.i just hate me… i know that im soo weird that no one ever talks to me other then 5 friends at school.i just dont like me

  • hannah

    I’ve began to notice I’ve been developing signs of depression, which makes me hate myself even more. I feel like my family is unhappy with me in their family, I’m always crying because my feelings have been hurt or I’m just mad at myself for something. it’s been an awful feeling and my parents seem to have no consideration for how I’ve actually been feeling. They just stand there and call ME rude, inconsiderate, selfish, ungrateful, a piece of work right in front of my face. They seem to not understand that these things kill me inside, hating myself because I’m not a good enough child. I’m only 15. The only time I can make them proud is when I play sports. That’s all. I don’t make phenomenal grades, I annoy them, I’m “needy”, I’m always in their way. It seems to secretly be all about them. They always give the same old we love you speech. I think it’s bullshit they’re saying because they’re my parents. I know they do love me, maybe. But it doesn’t seem like it. You don’t show love by letting me shop, or give me things I want. Seems that’s what they think it is. I feel empty. I always feel my friends hate me. I’m always fighting with my sister. Its all bullshit and I’m starting to develop these feelings, evaluating my parents words of what they think of me and it makes me HATE MYSELF.

  • Karl Greenberg

    I’m just an idiot

  • Kylie

    I have hated my self for a long time my mom abusive boyfriend has raised me ever since I was little to be a fighting machine I almost killed my friend when I was 7 he moved away I was lonely for a while after that I couldn’t make friends we’ll I live an abusive home and found out my real father left my mother cause of me … I am bullied at school and no one seems to care about me … I wish I wasn’t here and I hate me and my life I have attempted suicide 2 times but failed because someone had stopped me I have been to a mental asylum for cutting my self depression suicidal thoughts and a lot more , and I’m tired of it this new medication they have put me on hurts me but they won’t take me off ! I still want to die ! I don’t belong here ! Please someone help

  • Anonymous

    I can really relate to this article…
    I absolutely hate myself. I’m 16 years old and the past couple of years I’ve started to hate myself more and more every single day. I’ve thought about commiting suicide more than once, but even for that I’m too much of a coward.
    When I was a kid I didn’t used to hate myself, but everyone else did. I got completely ignored in school by my classmates and out of school I barely had any friends.
    Now people do like me and hang out with me in school, but deep inside I still hate every single piece of me.
    I have had a few boyfriends, but I kept breaking up with them because I was too scared that someday I would somehow hurt them and I just didn’t want to ruin their lives.
    I keep hiding my self-loathe from the rest of the world. On the outside I look like a happy little girl who loves to make music and is very polite and kind to other people.
    But when I get home, that’s when the drama starts and I start hating myself more and more. For some reason I keep taking all of the anger I have towards myself out on her and I hate myself for it! I’m honestly a little brat, who doesn’t know how to respect her own mother and believe me in her eyes I’m the worst daughter in the whole wide world. She even tells me I look like my father, who used to abuse me and once she’s said those things she just acts like she never tried to hurt me.
    I absolutely hate myself and I wanna be a better person, but I don’t know how. Even typing it out here makes me feel worse about myself.
    But I have to get it out of my system and since I have absolutely no one to talk to about this, without them thinking I wanna get loads of attention, I thought that this might help… But I’m not so sure.
    I wish someone could help me, but I know that there’s nobody out there who’d even think about helping me.

    Sincerely,
    A horrible person

    • mediocrebrownhair101

      Dear Anonymous,
      I want you to know that you are not alone. As I was reading these comments, I saw yours and felt somewhat relating to your situation. Please know that your life will not always be this way! One of my favorite quotes is “Think of all the beauty around you and be happy.” -Anne Frank. I’m sure you can count some of the things in your life that make you smile or feel alright—not perfect…but alright. Just try to focus on not all the misery around you, but of the good things still there. That’s the start of being a better person. Grow closer to your friends, and maybe try sharing how you feel. You’ve already taken a step by sharing here–on a public website. I think that it is fortunate when someone has friends. I don’t have any, which is embarrassing to say as a sixteen-year-old girl.But I’m trying really, so hard not to define myself with silly things like that. And you should too. I really believe in your ability to help yourself! :) I don’t know if you are a Christian, but I’m praying for you.. :)

      Sincerely,
      Someone who thinks you are strong enough!!

  • Kaye

    I hate myself because of my appearance. Many nights I cry myself to sleep trying to find relief. A few times I have taken an overdose of sleeping pills but it doesnt work. Why am I here? I want to kill myself. School is hard, I am depressed and I am nearly failing. I just want to go in a deep hole and hide. I have no help just no one to help. Only the victim knows. When someone tries to cheer you up and explain things to u like u are gods creation, or u are unique, or the most popular one~words cant hurt. Well it does because we have hearts and brains. We have feelings. Most times it is depressing especially when u are nice but the only thing people always see is ur flaws. Just remember this we only have one life. You are not alone. I am not alone and so arent you.

  • ugly girl

    what i would do was go on google and see things i could do to make me prety or something but then i just realized that it was never going to happen me ever being beautiful because nobody can cure ugly…unless you get surgery but who would want that it just be better if you werent born and thats what i kept telling myself. i hate myself because everytime i look in the mirror i dont like what i see and i see a UGLY GIRL and that girl is me. i can’t help to point out all my flaws out and it hurts me that i got so many. i compare myself to every other girl i see at school and i always end up being ugly and feeling it. ive never really liked myself since i was in the fourth grade i would always be that ugly girl and i still do feel that way. sometimes i wonder if anyone ever gets tired or their eyes start to hurt just by looking at me.

  • Sofie

    I hate myself because Im not even special… I feel worthless. I don’t even know why God put me here. Compared to the other girls at school, I’m garbage. And I know comparing yourself is a bad thing to do, but I can’t stop. Their all so pretty and atheltic, but I have pimples and messy curly hair, and I can’t run without getting winded. I suck at every sport Ive ever played. The teachers hate me, because I’m a liar. I dug my own hole. And I can’t get out. No one will help me in real life. My mom, teachers, friends, they just don’t get it..
    It just feels like itd be easier to die than live with this self loathing.

    • AnneRose180

      God put you here because He knows you are strong enough to live life and overcome. He also knows exactly your struggles and just how hard it is for you sometimes, or maybe all of the time. But He loves you, so much. No matter what you do, what you see yourself as, God will never stop loving you. And He wants you to remember that you are worth it all in His eyes.
      Physical imperfections don’t define you. Perfection doesn’t define those other girls. Beating yourself down about this only makes it harder to overcome. I’ve learned it time and time again. All you can do is just pray. Pray to overcome. I know it’s silly. But the only one who can handle this perfectly is God. I know how this feels. I try to change myself, starve myself, abuse myself with words, but what is the real answer? Nothing. My ways never worked, because I thought I had to change myself to solve it. The real answer is to accept that you are you….and you are good enough.
      Pretty tough to do. I’m still trying too, so you’re not alone in this. Just pray–even if you feel it wasn’t heard. He’ll be there.
      I don’t know if you’re a Christian, but just try to take that first step if you are tired of trying to survive on your own. I’m praying for you.

  • Matthew

    Well, I don’t feel happy in my life. I have an incredibly low self esteem, I always care for other people. My Mom and Dad both left me when I was 3 years old, only to be brought in by my parents Denise and Jim; who had 3 other kids, my sister Mallorie and I have been housed by them for the last 10 years and it’s been an emotional struggle for me. Here’s my story, I used to be bullied like no tomorrow, I was picked on for my issues and people badgered me constantly about it. My Mom and Dad have an intense favoritism of my older brother, my Grandma favors my cousin Austin because I’m an atheist and he’s a “goody two shoes Christian who gets his ass up to Church every Sunday”, but I lost all faith by the time I was 9 years old, I realized deep down in this world there probably is no God and I’ve sort of accepted that fact. The next two years went by, I still had issues, I was still picked on. In the 6th grade, oh boy that was my worst. My issues soared more than ever, I had girls who didn’t reciprocate the same feelings, I had people pick on me for my anger issues, and by May, I was expelled after going to an alternative school. I transferred to another school, only to be picked on again, being called “herpes face” because of my bad acne, I didn’t care anymore, the year went by, and yeah. The 8th grade, was my breaking point; I pushed my Mom into a staircase, and I still constantly live to that emotional torment, my girlfriend left me around 9 days after that because she was scared; I was at my edge, I was attempting suicide, I began smoking cigarettes, and pot. My Grandma didn’t want me at her Christmas day event with everyone if I was getting suspended from school and I felt rejected until my Mom said something that I should go and no one deserves to be “alone during Christmas; especially your own family”. I then had another girlfriend who left me sighting “differences” when really she became a lesbian.. These months went by, during the summer I thought of suicide, but I could never do it. My friends Gavin and David would talk me out of it a lot. In August, school came back, I was so unhappy, I had girls call me attractive who hated my guts three years ago. But then I met a girl who is the light of my life, Elysha. I lover her a lot and I asked her out eventually, she said yes. We’ve been dating for a bit and she’s an amazing girlfriend who I love more than anything and anyone; she’s accepted my mistakes and this time reciprocates the same feelings. I also began running more and trying to ride my bike, I feel somewhat happier in my life but I can’t quite get rid of the torment from my past.

  • ELM

    I thought I had the love of my life and had to kick him to the curb for his cheating. I feel like I’ve lost 15years of my life. 13 with him and the 2 years I’ve been grieving. I still work with him and have to see him occasionally. So disappointed in all that life has handed me so far. I am born again and feel like a loser because I keep giving this over to God because His “yoke is strong” then wind up in depression again every day. What’s wrong with me? I hate myself and want out but have people who depend on me. I don’t believe in love or happiness anymore even though I know God promises it.

  • Me

    For a long while now I’ve been feeling down I think about 2yrs Ican’t I can do anything right,I tried turning to God but I ruined that too. I would have committed suicide a long while ago if I didn’t know its a sin. I put up a happy and cheerful expression when I’m around people my mum recently noticed it. I know God loves me but its hard to believe sometimes. I am so tired of life ,if I weren’t so scared of hell id have committed suicide a long time ago. My life sucks and I.need help but I don’t really trust anyone and if Ithink God is sick of hearing me complain

  • Todd

    May as well share my story since I read ya’ll’s, All my life I’ve always felt alone like I have a older brother but he never cared for me and both my parents prefer him over me. I didn’t have many friends I just had two and with being alone I took on smoking weed regularly cause it was the only thing to make me forget who I am and I can actual smile and enjoy things. Then few years later I met the girl of my dreams and she was my 1st real love. We dated for 3 yrs 2 months and she broke up with me and during that time she was the only person there for me. If it wasn’t for her I would have spent a few Christmas’ alone and every year of my birthday. So I was actually happy, like a real happy then after we broke up I just went back to who I was before just a lonely outcast. Just few days after we broke up I guess I could call it my dark time. I didn’t eat for a week I lost my job and when I went to do some work for extra money and I couldn’t do anything cause i didn’t have the strength. I just kept getting dizzy and shaking it was hard to stand. Then when I tried to find someone to talk to me or just anything and I couldn’t. find anyone I had gave up all my friends so I could spend more time with my ex gf. Then that’s when I started taking pills to make me feel numb and one day I just wanted to escape so I took all the pills I had left and washed it down with liquor and then I don’t remember much. I just remember waking up on the floor with black vomit next to me and my left arm had been cut up with a knife and my arm was soaked in blood. I had real bad pains in my kidneys and stomach areas. My mom did see my cut up arm and she didn’t even talk to me about it. She just talked about herself which kinda made it worse. I’m still here and I still talk to my ex on daily basis when I wake up till we fall asleep but that’s all.All I really have to look forward to now is talking to her and I’m sure she’s the only reason I’m still here cause I don’t want to break her heart if I did something to myself again. She’s all I ever had. My family doesn’t care about me I haven’t seen any of them in years. And sadly I never had a family member to tell me happy birthday well my dad can’t even remember me on birthday and that hurts so bad. Btw, I wait every year for a phone call to tell me happy b day but it never comes. Am I that bad of person that no one wants anything to do with me? I’m tired of crying myself to sleep, tired of always being alone and not having any one. All I got left now is my music, video games, and my weed that’s my life right now…sounds fun right ?
    Sorry I went to far I just had a lot if stuff I wanted to say.

    • Marie

      hey, i can relate to you massivley. although i havent quit smoking weed, you should maybe cut down. although you feel good when you are smoking it it makes you feel more down when you are sober, at least thats the case with me. i only smoke some to help me with sleep now. love does terrible things to you when it goes wrong. i like to talk to people over the internet, maybe make friends over forums about the things you are interested in, you dont have to be alone. i had a lot of heartbreak with my ex, i got strung along a lot, and i thought enough is enough i deserve better than that. i have also thought about hurting myself and took pills but it never helps, i just feel guilty afterwards. i have been in this situation for a ages, almost 5 years now, and i find the best thing is to look for your passions, be creative, read lots about anything that excites you, go for walks in the middle of the night look at the stars, anything to break the cycle. its just a suggestion, when i do this i feel different. the stars make me wonder, which helps my mind drift from all the negative things. i am feeling very alone right now, but i like to think its a chance to get to know myself, spend a lot of time doing the things i want to do, teaching myself things i want to learn. people say life is too short but it is the longest thing you will ever do and all you have is time, give yourself a break and thankyou for opening up, there are many of us that are too frightened or ashamed to talk about their problems, remember you are brave and there is hope, i really do hope you feel better soon. another thing is change, i move my room around a lot so i dont feel like im stuck in the same room, it might work for you, but we are all very different. it pains me to know a LOT of people out there feel the same as i do, i would not wish it upon anybody, i really do hope this helps. take care and stay positive if you can, x

  • michelle

    I quit my job because of how stressed I was. So much so that I was taking everything out on my kids. What sucks is that now, my husband tells me that this is why I’m a bad mom and why he is considering divorce. I try so hard to make everyone else happy before myself, and when I do something for myself my world comes crashing down. It’s hard not to hate yourself when this happens. I do feel like my very existence is a burden to everyone around me. Maybe my girls would be better off if I weren’t in the picture anymore…

    • sharmila

      hi michelle hang in there..you are a well deserving person ..god loves you a lot….and your girls love you more…pick yourself up n live..you have immense strength in you..please dun ever give that up

  • Sickoftrying

    I am a waste of space and i hate myself. Im ugly, fat and weird. Im worthless and no body likes me. I have no friends and no hope for the future. Its been years since i picked up a blade but temptation runs so deep

  • Rashed ALrashed

    I hate my self but i accept my self i don’t see that i am worth thinking about but i am fine i don’t need to like my self as long as i accept who i am. I am just empty that’s why i do everything

  • Sasha

    I am a 21 year old woman; and have given up with both myself and life. I remember being happy at primary school, but when i started secondary school that changed. I knew no one, the only friends i could make were very sweet but very ‘different’. People i knew i wouldn’t be life long friends with them. In classes where i didn’t have friends i just day dreamed, dreamed of being an adult, having no school and of being happy. These dreams were enough to keep me going. When i left school i went to collage part-time and for the first time since i was a child became truly happy.
    I made friends with a close group of 4 girls and a boy; we got drunk together almost everyday, they did drugs too, which i did try when i got to 17. Well i loved drugs from that first time, life was a party i was defo making up for those horrible school days. Then when i hit 19 i knew it was time to grow up. I got a full-time job, started to quit drugs and the only alcohol i aloud myself was a friday night down the pub. I remained best friends with the 5 people i’d met at collage, but then one of them ‘Laura was murdered. Her bf was a brute but non of us saw it coming. All of us went into meltdown then; drinking non-stop, drugs the lot. I ended up in hospital and can never drink again or that’s it for me. So i went sober again, and 1 by 1 all the group put the drugs and alcohol behind us. Life has never been the same since; slowly but surely ive been sinking deeper into myself. Our group is no more, non of us talk much although we still count each other as best friends.

    Over the last two years i’ve been too 16 funerals, almost all young, and mostly to do with drugs. 3 months ago the boy of our group James who was my best friend, my soul mate and my family took his own life. I wasn’t in a good place before, dead end job i hate, weekends sat in watching tv; fun no longer a part of my life. I used to be the biggest party animal about. Since James has gone, i just feel empty, angry and out of control. I always used to put a smile on my face, even when i was crying inside people would make comments about how i was always so happy. From 16-19 i was happier then i think most people will ever feel, i think that’s why now i just can’t find that fake smile anywhere, I know what happiness is now. I know i’ve had my share, i can’t dream about the future, dream of being happy with friends. I’d done it for real and it’s in the past now. The future is just going to be the same dead end job, same boring nights in, no one i can talk to. I can’t even have children which had always been my final dream. There is no point, i dream of going to the pub and going crazy, downing vodka like the old days; passing out for the night and never waking up. I can’t do that to my mum though.

  • the nobody

    I do hate my self because of what others think. And that my life has a lot mistakes, my parents just don’t understand, I feel like the dumbest person in class, and I’m just, well, jugded by everybody.

    • Johnny Bravo5713

      God said in the Bible

      Judge not, that ye be not judged.Matthew 7:1

      So if people are judging you.God will judge them and you dont be worried about that.Just make yourself cool with God.
      I made a lot of mistakes and was going to give up on life but later i got through.So can you.Just be strong girl!
      Take care and live your life :0

  • hasty

    I’m 44 alone woman, so lonely most of my friends got married
    and left me alone despite all the good things and kindness that I have done to
    them and was there for them always, all the time, all the time, everyone says
    that I’m so kind but they leave me so easily, as easy as if I don’t call them
    they won’t .never, ever with no reason.

    I’m alone and in Canada
    with that freaking cold, sad weather. All my family, mom and brothers are in another
    country that I see them once in a year. And no going back to them is not an
    option right now.

    I wake up several times during the night and thinking why,
    why this happened to me. I know I shouldn’t say such a thing like why me but I can’t
    help to stop those though that bombarding me, killing me and drowning me in sadness, starts from morning as soon as I’m out of the
    bed to the night. I have ajob that I
    hate but I even don’t have strong motivation and strength to change it.And now
    food becomes my everything: my family,
    my husband, my kids, my friends, my pet
    my love …. And yes I’m a lonely, fat 44 year old female that surrounded with
    lucky, happy people and she is invisible to them.

    I believe in god, I used to be a strong believer but I don’t
    believe that he likes me. I’m deprived from the simplest human needs that is
    love and to be loved and that’s not fair. I did everything, it is not fair

    I can’t, I can’t write one more word …sobbing

  • mm

    I often feel very hopeless, because I keep falling into the same habits over and over again. I really do want to change and do what I want to do, but I think I am holding myself back because I hate myself so much and tell myself that I’m not good enough which makes me hate myself even more. I really do want to change but can’t bring myself to change and it’s killing me to be stuck in this ongoing cycle. I can be positive and ok sometimes, but when I start falling into a rut again the hatred comes back and I don’t know how to stop this. I really want to stop doing this and change, I REALLY do, but I’ve continuously tried and failed. I don’t want to be here because I don’t feel like I can change because I’ve can’t stick with it. I don’t want to keep living and interfering with peoples lives, but I know it will interfere with people that for some reason care about me if I take my life. I don’t know why I was put in this Earth to be a screw up and hurt other people. I welcome death and yet I don’t quite feel I can go down that road. I just hate being stuck in limbo like this. Please if there is any advice for me to be a better person and stop hating myself so much so that I stop hurting others, it’d be greatly appreciated.

  • A

    How do I tell someone that I hate myself? I feel like I can’t tell anyone because they’ll assume that I’m trying to get attention or just overreacting. I feel like I am incapable of talking to anyone about how I feel because I am so scared that they will judge me or try to “fix” it by telling me, “Oh, everyone loves you!” I’ve tried talking to my mom about it, but she doesn’t help me either. I feel like I am keeping this from everyone and like I am lying to them an that makes me feel even worse. I just want to stop feeling this way and believe me, I’ve tried, but nothing works permanently because in a few days or one to two weeks the feelings of hopelessness and self-hate are back stronger and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

  • abby

    In all of these quotes, it is saying ,”I used to hate myself.” Key word ‘used’. What if we still do?

  • Mapp

    I hate myself. I remember a lot of stuff from my past, a lot of bad stuff that happened to me, caused by others, caused by me. I don’t usually remember happy things, mainly the bad ones. I am hard/strict towards myself when I’m commited to do something, I seek the perfection in many things. Yet, when people notice my skills and I’m requested to do some things I immediatelly think that I’m no good, that my skills in ANYTHING are awful. After doing the task I was given actually pretty well for a first time trial I take the refinement advices, given by long-term professional, as a list of failures I’ve done. Now that this has been going on for years I’ve noticed that this “fear” of not doing things right effects my skills of learning. When someone tells me to do something I’m so consentrated on listening that I’m not “actually listening what he/she” is saying. Because of this, in many cases things have to be told to me step-by-step as if I’m simple-minded. This is bizarre since in many cases I get a very thorough – very professionally thorough – analysis of the whole job process after first try. In these cases I could tell the people I work with some better working methods, but I don’t trust my on logic, not even when I’m actually right. I really hate myself.

  • This guy

    I fail at every friendship or relationship I try to start. I cant finish anything I start. I Have now been to school for makeup, which was a dead end, I gave up after a year because i thought it was too hard. nowim 22 living with my parents andm y boyfriend, back in school for heath care, and feel useless. I hate myself. My life. My family. My loved ones. Myself. I feel like if i give up now, im doing the world a favour. I really just dont see how anyone could apprechiate me.

  • Emily

    I am 17 and can not stand anyone looking at me, I hate what i look like, what clothes i wear and the feel of them and i always feel disgusting in my self. I always have an urge to go in the bath even if i’m out shopping because my hair or skin is irritating me and i try to scrape/scratch my skin away or keep pulling at my hair. I always flip out at everyone who irritates me and i cant even sit in my own room or concentrate on anything. I also suffer with bad stomach cramps, diarrhea, headaches and muscle pain (Hip and Back pain). I dont always feel like this but id say 90% of the time i do. I also feel like i’m going to die and get short of breath and always go light headed… Can anyone help me please? I’m sick of my Mum not taking me seriously and i think the doctors would just not care.

    • TheHopeLine

      Emily, We are here and we are listening. You are not alone in what you are experiencing. We are sending you an email to help you further with what is going on. Please check your email. Also, another resource is signing up for and email mentor that you can email with back and forth for as long s you like. You can sign up at this link, click on the email mentor tab: http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ Please never give up. Chat with us anytime 24/7 to talk about what you are going through.

  • molly

    Glad to see I’m not alone

  • merce

    Hi, i hate myself i really do i cant ever seem to make any friends i try so hard wishing i could be skinnier or prettier and it never haooens, i starve myself to just be thinner, to feel thinner, i have a horrible personality and people hate me for it, im never the person they go to to hangout or talk to no matter how hard i try to be there for them I’m stilleft.behind thinking what i couldve done diffrently to maybe be liked by someone, by anyone. People think the whole sad look i always have is for attention but its really just me, im sad, and i cant do anything to fix it. I have no one to turn to no one who understands. I just want to feel wated i want to not be sad anymore, but thats impossible because im someone no one could love

  • Sean

    I’m working on fixing myself, I was resorting to alcohol for the longest time as a way of numbing the pain. One day I realized it was the wrong thing to do to deal with it and that I was hurting the ones I loved. It’s been a slow and painful processes but I think I’ve finally come to a point where I can appreciate myself.

  • ischa23

    Feb 8,2014 I just lost my mother used call me so much name she was emotional physical mental person I was call dumb stupid ugly all the names in book I felt like my mother never love I never got hug from my from my mom I grew up without father so I felt my mom never love me I feel she hated me me now I’m married of 3yrs I feel my husband hates me i don’t knw if he loves me i don’t knw it wasn’t shown to me i feel ugly i hate myself i don’t love my self

  • junkie

    i hate myself cause im a fucking junkie piece of crap. i’ve stayed up all night shooting stimulant drugs and i’m so addicted and feel so alone and hopeless in this addiction of mine. :( right now im crying and typing this message and being strung out. i’ve hurt so many of my close people and done a lot of bad things and i cant stand myself. i’m so sick of myself and my weak personality. i hate myself.

  • anon

    I have been saved. I understand God’s love. I try to be better. I have a great husband and 4 wonderful kids. My life isn’t perfect but it’s really really good. And I just want to disappear forever. I realize that it’s wrong and I’m not trying to kill myself again but there’s just so much empty inside of me that I can see the attraction. I realize that’s stupid and I’m not trying to act on i t, or anything like that, but it’s not because of my appearance or relationships or any of those things you mentioned. I just feel like everyone would be better if I wasn’t in the picture. Intellectually, I realize that’s a load of poop, but I feel like it would fix everything. I know in my heart that I will ruin everyone’s lives around me with my existence. I know in my brain that I’m an idiot for feeling that way. I hate myself. How do I fix it?

  • Victoria Lyn

    I feel like I cause pain on purpose. I get an attitude over little things and it’s ruining my relationship. It’s like I don’t know how to apologize or admit I’m wrong. I just expect it to go away and everything to be normal again, but my boyfriend won’t let it be like that. I’m always causing something to happen, I feel like I’m so used to it I think it’s normal. My last relationship really messed me up in the head, & I feel like I’m taking that with me in this relationship also. I’m literally driving myself crazy/insane.

  • lost

    I do hate myself. I am a senior in college and I majoring in international studies (which is a joke). I have one class a day and i work whenever im not in class. I started off as an undecided major but took a really cool neuroscience class. I almost could of pulled off a neuro major even though i started late but i thought i wasn’t smart enough. i was valedictorian of my high school but my gpa is only a 3.77. I feel inadequate and like i have failed. I can’t make it through this semester because everything feels meaningless. I hate myself. all i do is work and i can’t even afford a laptop for school. i hate college and i hate wasting such a valuable opportunity because i am too stupid. I could of been happy and doing something smart but instead im having the biggest joke of a semester ever. I don’t understand how anyone could feel satisfied with 4 easy classes and not learning anything. i hate it and it’s too late for me.

  • Justin Bassler

    I.. I’m hated by everyone I’m depressed heavily but I’m slowly struttin through it.