When you are in a dating relationship all kinds of questions come up, especially at the beginning. I get asked a lot of questions about this and so today I have some new relationship advice to offer.
The Start of a Dating Relationship
The start of a dating relationship can be a wild time as you are both just trying to figure out all the details. Things like:
- How/when do you tell other people about your relationship?
- When are you going to make time for each other?
- Falling hard for someone really quickly
Let's Start off with Amy who asks the first question, "I've been seeing a guy for about a month now. Neither of us has told anyone about the relationship I sort of want to, but he does not."
Why Does My Boyfriend Feel the Need to Keep Our Relationship a Secret? Should I Be Worried?
Anytime There Is Secrecy Involved in a Relationship, There’s a Cause for Worry.
Some people like to keep a relationship private when they're not sure where it's going. Still, others want to keep a relationship secret because they are also involved with another person, or not completely over their previous relationship. I'm not sure what the exact situation is with your boyfriend, but he may be using you, or he may even be worried about being embarrassed.
Either way, his secrecy should give you concern. Someone who truly cares about you should be proud to tell other people about you.
Secrecy in Relationships Is Cause for Concern
Relationships should be about joy, happiness, and love...not secrecy. If I, were you, I would tell him how much you're enjoying your relationship with him, but how difficult it is to not be able to talk about it with those who are closest to you. Ask him if you could tell your best friend about the relationship and see how he reacts.
On the other hand, maybe it's okay to not to push your secret boyfriend to immediately "define" your relationship. Some people feel they have to tell the world when they are dating someone. This can be frightening to guys who are often afraid of calling something a relationship before they are really sure what it is.
Time and communication are going to be your two best friends in this situation. In the end, if he really cares about you, he'll want the world to know.
Tasha brings us the next new relationship question:
What Should You Do When You Fall Hard for Someone and In a Really Short Time?
What You’re Dealing With Is a Lot of Fantasy and not a lot of Reality.
What you're experiencing happens to a lot of people. It's called infatuation. Infatuation is the emotional feeling of romantic love. It feels like love. It acts like love. But it does not pass an important test: the test of time.
There is nothing wrong with being infatuated, most relationships start there. But you just can't build a lasting relationship with looks alone. You are probably feeling a great deal of attraction, even though you don't know much about him. I would be very cautious if I were you because you're dealing with a lot of emotion and fantasy, and not a lot of reality.
You're most likely living off of the thoughts about "how great it would be to have this person love me and care for me" and the emotional high when he begins to show signs, he really cares for you.
Over Time, You’ll Find a Whole lot More of Who He Really Is, Not What You Dream He Is.
While it's difficult to do, you need to slow down your emotions. It's a very confusing time, and you might be tempted to say or do things you will later regret. Get to know him as a friend and let him get to know you.
In this situation, time is one of your best friends, because over time, you'll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is. You will be able to make a better decision about whether or not to get more involved with him at that point. In this case, let your head tell you how to act, as opposed to your emotions.
Avoiding Heartbreak
I hear from a lot of people who are struggling with a broken heart. Some of my most read blogs are about getting over a broken heart. Not every broken heart is avoidable, but the two questions I was asked above to point to ways to protect yourself. Don't jump in too fast and beware of secrets.
Relationship decisions are a big deal. That's why I am asked so many questions about them. So I would always encourage you to pray to God about any relationship you are entering, especially if you have some concerns. Ask God if this is what he really desires for you.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
God wants the best for you. So, ask him to help you make the best decisions with your relationships.
I've been dating this guy for 11months now, the last time bu saw him was 6months ago. He lives about 3hrs drive away from me, I've asked him countless times to come by but he always gives me excuses that he is busy. He won't let me come visit cause he claims he stays with his daughter and doesn't want to bring girls around her, everytime I asked him if he is just taking me for a ride he claims he isn't but loves me. I have a feeling he doesn't care about me just the attention I give him..But I love him, i was in the same city as him for the first 3months of our relationship but had to move to a different location, that's when he started acting funny.. am I fighting a losing battle?
I dated a guy back 4years ago. our relationship went on so fast a couple of months into it I got pregnant and soon a girl come to me asking If my boyfriend and I wer in a relationship .later did I know this girl was my boyfriend's girlfriend too. sadly at about 6months into the pregnancy i lost the child. I decided to move on with my life and I left town.3 years later he contacts me and we hashed things out and we agreed in being in a relationship. A month later I find out he's still seeing the girl he left me for when i was pregnant 4years ago and they have a child together. He keeps telling me he's falling in love with me and he doesn't want to lose me but he still loves he's baby mama too. I'm caught in the middle of the same thing I run away from 4years ago I don't want to lose him but I can't keep getting hurt.my related with him is a secret I'm afraid of telling people of our relationship because of what he did to me 4years ago and because my friends and he's baby mama's friends are mutual friends and I don't want her to get hurt. I don't want to be causing troubles for him with he's Baby mama and I don't think he's told anyone about our relationship because he still loves he's baby dearly....but then I don't understand what am I to him then???
Recently the man that I have been engaged to for two years, got arrested for the first time in his life and he's 51.
He suspected at the time of his arrest that I was the one that caused the arrest but later discovered that it was someone else.
We are now in a secret relationship where we both meet up at a hotel.
He has a home of his own, but his 28 year old son has moved in since this.
I feel like maybe he said some horrible things about me in the process and is too embarrassed to simply tell these people that he made a mistake in his words.
I can anyone give me advice as to why we are now in a secret relationship and what I should do.
I've been dating this guy for 3 years and never meant his family
I'va been woth my boyfriend for a year and a half, but he is still not ready for it to be public. It hurts me, and makes me feel like a mistress. I dont get to be a part of his real life, just his night. He says its because if his ex finds out he has a girlfriend, that she will make sure he never sees the kids, and she will persecute him. He tells me i have to do what is right for me, and that he doesnt want to hurt me. But he also tells me that i am the love of his life. What am I supposed to do?? This is killing me.