I was always told that honesty is important. So I was truthful, always. Well, apparently people don’t appreciate it when you’re honest. When you tell someone who’s being dishonest that they are, they might get angry. Especially teachers, or so I’ve learned. I would always get in trouble, but I never understood why. I was always polite as I’d learned and I was always honest as I’d learned. For a long time I just thought the problem was with me — I’m not likable, people just instantly hate me, I’m worthless. I struggled with these feelings from an early age. I changed schools, I got older, I tried new “tricks” to get in line. I did anything I could think of to please everybody. But people, both children and adults, seemed to take an instant disliking to me.
I didn’t understand other kids. I didn’t understand why they would be so loud or move so much. I hated games like “tag”; the touching made me feel uncomfortable. They’d say I was a sore loser but it wasn’t the being “tagged” that I disliked, it was the touch that came along with it. And I didn’t like the way everybody would move in an unpredictable way. I hated the shouting and the yelling that came along with it. In every way, other children were like aliens to me. I didn’t understand what they liked to talk about, how they liked to play, why they moved so much, the kind of toys they wanted for Christmas. Why they wouldn’t listen to their parents and our teachers. Because I always did what I was told, literally. Which in my experience got me in more trouble, with peers as well as adults. And that’s even more confusing.
I have autism spectrum disorder (ASD). After having quite a bumpy ride in my youth, I finally got the diagnosis that made everything come together at age 21. Now I’m 25 and it might sound weird to some, but I’m happy with my diagnosis. For such a long time there have been so many things that confused me or enraged me or made me feel uncomfortable in any other way. But I never understood those feelings, I couldn’t handle them, couldn’t channel them. So I got in trouble. I got in trouble a lot. That’s why, at an early age, I began struggling with the feeling that I didn’t want to live anymore. I told my mother for the first time when I was about 5, but when I saw her reaction, I decided not to mention it again. My parents are very important to me; for a very long time they have felt like the only true friends I had. I could say anything to them and they would understand. But she didn’t understand this, so I shut it away.
But it never left me. Even now I struggle with suicidal thoughts sometimes. I’ve had an eating disorder in my early 20s. I’ve struggled with anxiety attacks. There was a period that I’d self-harm as a way of coping, as a way of stimming. But with my diagnosis came understanding. Now I know who I am, why I do the things I do. And I have learned so much in these last couple of years. I always like to describe it as a “playbook” I have in my brain. I need this especially for social situations. “If A, then B. If not A, then C.” It may take me a while, but I’ll get you an appropriate response eventually. Most of the time. And when I don’t, I don’t. At least I won’t beat myself up over it.
It can be hard being an adult with ASD. People don’t believe me when I tell them. They think people with ASD are aggressive or anti-social. They think a lot. But they don’t think I could have it. That’s why I don’t like to tell people. Dealing with the comments of disbelief. I don’t want to have to validate my ASD. So I shut my mouth and deal with life the way I do. Even though I feel this might help keep the stigma, the misunderstanding, the disbelief in place. So yes, I’m sorry for not breaking through the ignorance. I’m sorry for not speaking up.
One way we can support autism is by trying to understand how someone with autism sees the world. You've just read one person's story!
Here is another! Watch this video chat call that Brooks Gibbs had with Michael who is on the autism spectrum and has learned to not let his autism define him.
Lyocto Es, writer and contributor for The Mighty, shares his story.
If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.
Internet Addiction Disorder, Electronic Screen Syndrome, Digital Detoxes, Digital Diets, etc. Have you heard these terms? They are subjects that are currently generating a lot of discussions.
It’s an interesting conversation and one I’m glad is occurring.
As far as personal experience goes, yes, it is true, I don’t own a smartphone myself. I am still using the archaic mode of communication…the flip phone.
However, I hear from many people who struggle with screen addictions or social media addictions to the point that it is adversely affecting their lives. So I understand the challenge from the stories they share and I’ve done my research to offer the best help I can. Listen to my call with Melissa:
Chances are you probably don’t think you have a problem. Right? I mean all your friends are just as obsessed with their devices as you are. Everyone you know checks their Instagram feed constantly, keeps 50 Snap Chat streaks alive every day, watches YouTube and Netflix for hours on end. You are just like everyone else. That may be true or maybe you are fooling yourself.
Here’s the kicker…there isn’t necessarily a specific amount of time spent online which determines if you have a problem. It’s more about how the time you spend online impacts you and your life.
Let me clearly state that I am NOT anti-technology, anti-smart phone or anti-social media. Just because I don’t have a smartphone, doesn’t mean I don’t see how it could be beneficial. I also know that there are tremendous benefits and good uses for Social Media, etc. It just concerns me when any online-related, compulsive behavior begins to interfere with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, and one’s work environment.
So do you want to take a test to see if you have a Screen Addiction?
Here is the Internet Addiction Diagnostic Questionnaire developed by Dr. Kimberly Young. If you answer “yes” to 5 out of the 8 questions, it means you are addicted:
1. Do you feel preoccupied with the Internet (think about a previous online activity or anticipate the next online session)?
2. Do you feel the need to use the Internet with increasing amounts of time in order to achieve satisfaction?
3. Have you repeatedly made unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back, or stop Internet use?
4. Do you feel restless, moody, depressed, or irritable when attempting to cut down or stop Internet use?
5. Do you stay online longer than originally intended?
6. Have you jeopardized or risked the loss of a significant relationship, job, educational or career opportunity because of the Internet?
7. Have you lied to family members, therapists, or others to conceal the extent of involvement with the Internet?
8. Do you use the Internet as a way of escaping from problems or of relieving a dysphoric mood (e.g., feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety, depression)?
How’d you do? If after answering those questions you realize you may actually be addicted to the internet, perhaps you are now thinking “Well, what can I do about it? It’s not like I can just give up my phone.”
Don’t lose heart. You can break this addiction. And you don’t need to quit cold turkey to do it.
Think of a digital diet like a food diet. There comes a time when you just need to make healthier choices to get to a healthier place. A digital diet is about being mindful of what you are doing online and how much time you spend there. It's about embracing the good it brings such as using it for work, school, and fun without over-consuming. It's about moderating yourself.
So what might a digital diet look like?
Try these 5 things:
1. Schedule No-Device times in your day. For example, always put your phone away at mealtimes. Or establish a boundary for yourself to not look at your device past 10 pm. Or perhaps you get an hour of screen time after school and then you put it away for 2 hours. Figure out what works for you and then stick to it. It will be tempting to pick it up…but like a diet…you’ll need a little willpower and in the long run you will be happier.
2. Don’t charge your phone/devices in your room at night. Is it the first thing you look at in the morning and the last thing you look at before bed? Give your brain and eyes a rest. Plug your phone in somewhere else during the night to decrease the temptation. But you say, “It’s my alarm clock.” You know what? They do still make good old-fashioned alarm clocks for very little cost.
3. Avoid Push Notifications. If you have push notifications turned on for everything, your phone will never stop binging. Ask yourself if you really need to know every time someone updates their post or likes a picture or sends an e-mail? What push notifications could you turn off so that you are not inundated by bells and whistles? You can still find every new post and update it when you choose to go look at them. You just don’t need to be interrupted every time one comes in.
4. Limit the number of episodes or videos you watch. Do you find yourself binge-watching a show on Netflix? Or going from one YouTube video to the next? Set a limit for yourself. (You do tell yourself you can't eat the whole package of Oreo's don't you?) Tell yourself you will watch no more than 2 shows at a sitting.
5. Take a social media break. How often do you check your feeds or look at Snap Chat stories? Have you ever actually counted how many times you click on that little icon to see if there is anything new out there? I promise it wouldn’t kill you to take a break.
Maybe for a week give up social media or at least one bit of your social media. See how much more time you have. You might even find you are less stressed when you don’t have to try to stay on top of every feed. And when you start using it again, don’t go back to where you left off and try to get all the way through. Trust me you will live without seeing what your acquaintance ate for supper.
If you are still resistant to taking a digital diet because you are thinking, “Well, really, what’s the big deal? I’m not really hurting myself or anyone else,” the truth is you could very likely be hurting yourself and your relationships with others.
Research shows that internet/screen addiction can damage your brain. Overstimulation can impair brain structure and function, especially when a person’s brain is not fully developed which doesn’t happen until the mid-twenties. The effects of this are vast but here are some examples:
Here are some additional pitfalls of a screen addiction:
1. Superficial Relationships - With a social media addiction your superficial online relationships can start to take the place of real personal relationships.
2. Become irresponsible - You can waste so much time staring at a screen that, without even realizing it, you were sucked in for hours. During this time perhaps you should have been studying, sleeping, doing tasks around your home. Perhaps it’s even affecting your career. If you feel the need to check your phone at work all the time to keep up on social media or read your push notifications, you will be less productive. Period.
3. Missing out - You can be so engaged in the online world that you ignore the life that is happening around you. Did your parent, sibling, spouse try to have a conversation with you, but you ignored them to stare at your phone? Did someone ask you to go out, but you declined?
4. Trapped Inside - You can forget that there is an outdoors with adventures awaiting because your screen has become too tempting and you just can’t leave it.
5. Boredom – You simply don’t know how to create any fun or excitement in your life anymore. You can’t think creatively and discover things to do. Unless you are looking at a screen, you find life to be boring.
This doesn’t have to happen to you. Take the digital diet today! Do you think screen addiction is a serious problem for people today? Have you struggled yourself? Are there additional tips you can pass along for people addicted to their phones? Please leave a comment below.
For many more tips, videos, and information about screen addictions, please download our free eBook today.
What is TheHopeLine? Who is Dawson McAllister? We are best defined by the people who we have helped. Here are their stories with their heartbreak, and their victories expressed. These are some of the amazing thank you's we've received from people who have come to us in their time of need. We are honored and blessed to have been a small part of their lives...giving love, encouragement, advice, guidance, and hope when all else seemed lost.
Fighting With My Sister...
"Seven years ago my older sister and I got into a big fight. I didn't talk to her for a long time. Then about 5 months ago, I was listening to Dawson's talk show and he helped me. Dawson was talking to someone else about the same situation that my older sister and I had. Well, that helped me because Dawson said to forgive and move forward. And so my sister and I made up. So thank you so much Dawson." ~ Sierra
Suicidal...
"My life was saved tonight, thanks to a HopeCoach who selflessly listened to me and helped me find the strength within myself to keep going. I was ready to end my life, had last all hope in any redemption. Without this service I would be gone. Thank you for saving my life, for supporting me when I had nobody else to turn to and for showing me that there is hope for me. This is an amazing service that has the power to move mountains. Thank you." ~ Jenna
Feeling alone...
"I was feeling totally and utterly alone tonight, so alone that I didn't want to be here anymore. I had an online chat with Kelsey and honestly she couldn't of helped me more! I got that attached, I didn't want to stop talking!! haha Sometimes, you feel like all life is doom and gloom but you've just got to find out what you're good at and show people what you can do, and do something you love! I'm super happy now and although actions still need to be took to get me back on track, after speaking the Kelsey at TheHopeLine, I already feel one step closer to happiness!" ~ Emily
I'm 39 now, I will never forget...
"Hello! Yes, it has been a long time since hearing Dawson McAllister but he was placed on my heart. I would tune in when I was in high school. I struggled with bulimia, cutting and lived in an abusive environment. There is hope!! I am free from bulimia and cutting. I have forgiven those who have abused me...and one of them I dearly love! There is hope!!" ~ Katey
Parent's Divorce...
"My parents divorced in 2008 and it impacted me a lot. I was really attached to my dad and not having him around has really affected me. I was listening to the radio on a Sunday night and I happened upon Dawson McAllister. I thought it was wonderful and decided that I would try it [TheHopeLine], so I did, and I feel wonderful! Thank you Hope Line!!!!" ~ Isabell
Dawson, thank you...
"Hi, I'm Hannah. I was about 10 when I turned my local radio station on for the night and I heard the show. I heard it once, but I didn't turn it on again until I was about 13. That was a horrible time in my life, and it honestly only got worse, but with listening to your show and listening to what other people were going through and the advice that was given to other people, you helped me to feel a lot better about myself and who I was becoming. I felt like a bad person before. I still do sometimes, but now I listen to the show every Sunday night and it is a great start to my week. So, thank you." ~ Hannah
Child Abuse...
"When I was 3 years old, my parents divorced. Now that I'm getting older I have to pick sides. When I was 12, I chose to live with my mom because my dad threatened me. Now I am 13 and being abused in a way my parents don't see. They think everything is okay. In the way I see it, it's hard and it's a struggle. I have tried to commit suicide once and now a year after, I have decided to get help. I got on here and talked to one of the Hope Coaches. I chatted with Bay, she talked me through everything. She listened to me and even suggested that I call the Childhelp. These people really helped me and is helping me to change my life. Thank you!" ~Tia
While I Was in Prison...
"Dawson, I just wanted to tell you that I listened to your radio program while I was in prison. I was 20 years old when I committed my crime. When I listened to the young people's stories, I heard so much of my own problems that lead me to prison. Your advice was good and I was glad to know you are a believer. I served 19 years in prison. I used that time to get an education and take classes that helped me better my thinking and behavior. Most of all, God got a hold of me and transformed my life. Keep doing what you do, Dawson. Had I heard your program sooner, it might have kept me from making the bad choices I did. I'm 40 years old and starting my life over, its not easy, but I have a whole different attitude and perspective now. Praise God! May you be blessed." ~ Sherry Ann
Diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety...
"I was going through a lot. I was going through getting diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It was very rough, I wanted to die. I felt like I had no one that cared about me at all. Then I realized there was people out there who cared and might have no clue who you are. The people on TheHopeLine were people who did not even know about me but they still cared about me and how I felt.
Now, I know that if I need someone they are always here for me and I get a different person every time but they still try to understand what is going on." ~ Cassady
Related Posts:
Video: Musician Chris Mora's Struggle With Depression
Mental Illness is not Mental Weakness
3 Keys To Recognizing And Understanding Depression
The Do’s (And Don’ts) When Your Friend Is Battling Depression
Helpful and Encouraging...
"I have used TheHopeLine chat. The people I talked to were helpful and encouraged me. God loves me and you too!" ~ Kimberly
Battling with Depression...
"I was getting really low, and I was starting to think about suicide more and more every day and then I started listening to Dawson. I heard how there were so many other people like me out there and the words of advice that Dawson shared with them, it felt like he was sharing with me. I took what he said to those people to heart and I got some help. My life has gotten so much better! I have a girlfriend now and i have an awesome relationship with my parents. Thanks Dawson for the second Chance at Life! you truly are the grace of God!" ~ Damion
Hopelessness...
"I am older and perhaps not the intended user for the TheHopeLine. But I brought my sorrows here several times and I was startled by the quick response, patience of the coaches, and generosity of spirit. I would like to encourage all young people, whatever issues that challenge you to reach out to your fellow spiritual beings that share this world with you. You will see, most of all, that you are not alone. And from my age perspective, you can survive almost anything with a brighter future to be yours." ~ Tony
I Felt Like I Wanted to Cheat...
"I started my relationship with a girl and it's not a bad relationship. All of a sudden, I started getting an urge to start kissing random female's on the street, but then I found TheHopeLine and started chatting with someone. Now, I am back to normal and loving my girl like no tomorrow. We are now happily married and we have decided to explore the world together as a pair while coming back to our small apartment in the UK every once in a while." ~ John
Frustrating Relationship...
"I was very frustrated with my relationship. HopeCoaches helped me to calm down and attack the problem instead of each other. After a long conversation, I felt great and was ready to make it work with my girlfriend. I just want to say thanks!" ~ Cedrick
Depression...
"For the past couple weeks, I was depressed and I did not talk to anyone about it. Then I decided to talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine and they were very helpful. When they helped me out I could feel the depression and anger leaving me and now I feel better than I did before." ~ Austin
Bullied...
"I signed up for this thinking it was just going to be a website where you get told advice that you have been given before. But I was wrong. They offered me sites to go on and advice that helps. Now I am more happy and can deal with things a lot better!" ~Zack
I Felt Like Ending It...
"I felt very low. Just to say a big thank you to Dawson McAllister on the telephone today as I am in a bad way and he understood and gave me some good resources and guidance that should hopefully help me in the future. Bless TheHopeLine! Hope is Here." ~ Unknown
If you have a story to share about how you were helped by Dawson McAllister or TheHopeLine,
What would you do if you had a cheating boyfriend?
"I found out that there was a high chance my boyfriend was cheating on me but unfortunately didn't know for sure. So I was stressing out about how to go about this issue as I struggle with anxiety. I spoke to a HopeCoach online who helped immensely. She gave me strategies to help me get through my situation and helped me figure out what steps I wanted to take to confront the issue without losing my mind. I can't thank TheHopeLine® and my HopeCoach enough for helping me."
~Tayla
For more on cheating, take some time to explore our cheating topic page with article, more stories, podcasts, and more!
