Do you have a feeling your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you? If so, you should be aware of some telltale warning signs. Below, I give you 15 signs to test your relationship to determine if your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you.
Do You Have a Feeling Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You?
Can You Tell If Someone Is Cheating?
Without asking whether your spouse or partner is seeing someone else, you may not know for certain if they are being unfaithful. Yes, there are common signs of cheating. People who cheat often seem defensive, or like they are hiding what they've been up to. They might spend more time away from you than usual. Or they might not be as affectionate with you as they once were. But all these circumstances could also point to different problems they're having that have nothing to do with infidelity. Claiming someone is cheating is a serious accusation without complete confirmation. If you are concerned about your partner's behavior, ask them about it directly before making assumptions that they are being unfaithful. For example, "It seems like you've been spending a lot of time away from home and I haven't been able to reach you when you're gone. What's going on? Is everything okay?" This may result in you learning the root of the problem, so you can talk through it. If your partner becomes defensive or lashes out, don't resume the conversation until you've gotten support for having these challenging conversations. Reaching out to a mentor or counselor is a safe way to talk through what you've observed and how your partner responds.
Can you relate to Angela's fear?
Angela's fear of her boyfriend cheating on her led her in all the wrong directions. "I always think in my head that he's cheating, so I want to cheat. Or if he's ignoring me, I don't know what else to do. Every time we fight and he doesn't show me love, I find it somewhere else. If he ever left me, my whole life would fall apart. But I never think about these consequences when I'm doing what I do. It's like drinking and driving; people know the consequences of drinking and driving but yet do it anyway because it seems okay or it's tempting."
Have you been hurt like Katrina?
Katrina had her trust shattered when she was engaged. "I caught my fiancé cheating on me. We had been together for 5 years and all he would tell me was that he wasn't happy. I think when he found that other woman, he uncovered feelings that he didn't feel with me. The worst part is that it went on for a month. He always would tell me he would never do something like this to me."
Now the test...
Test Your Relationship Against These 15 Signs Your Bf/Gf May Be Cheating On You
1. You begin to notice an emotional distance between the two of you. Things just aren't the way they used to be.
2. Your instinct tells you he or she is being unfaithful. Deep in your heart, you sense something has gone wrong with your relationship.
3. You begin spending less time together. Your bf/gf tells you he/she doesn't have the time for you like they used to.
4. The one you love so much stops asking you to go out and do special things together. Your boyfriend/girlfriend just doesn't have the time for you like before.
5. They suddenly start encouraging you to spend time with other people. Their rationalization is that if you spend time with other people, then I can too.
6. There's a distinct change in his or her schedule. They often make excuses for the extended time of running errands.
7. There are huge blocks of time your bf/gf is secretive about. They won't tell you where they have been.
8. You notice suspicious cell phone activity like secret texts, emails, or strange websites. Many people are caught cheating because of what is on their computers or cell phones.
9. He or she doesn't answer certain phone calls when you're around. They look especially panicked when the phone rings.
10. He or she doesn't talk to you about all their deepest feelings anymore.
11. They appear anxious when you're together and want to leave; maybe they say they're just tired. Cheating drains their emotional and physical energy because of fear they're going to get caught or from spending a lot of their time trying to cover their tracks.
12. You notice a sudden change in their appearance, or they have an increased concern about how they look. Your boyfriend or girlfriend probably has a new reason to look great, and that person is most likely the one they're cheating with.
13. He or she hangs around with a new best friend of the opposite sex a lot, even more than they spend time with you.
14. Your bf/gf spends time with his/her ex but claims nothing is happening.
15. He or she begins to be increasingly critical of you or blames you for cheating, even when you haven't. This is a way of putting you on the defensive and making them feel better about what they are doing.
Do you already know they're cheating? Read this...
Be aware. Don't Ignore The Warning Signs
The above indicators are all warning signs. If you notice multiple changes in behavior, routine or personality, and not just isolated incidences, you should confront them about these signs. You should always trust first, but don't ignore red flags.
It's also important to be aware that you can't always trust your "gut feeling." Sometimes it's just jealousy and insecurity creeping in.
Lexie has some closing words of advice for us: "I think what makes a good relationship is honesty. You cannot lie to the other person or cheat! That will seriously ruin everything in the relationship, and you might not be able to fix it after it's happened. If anything's wrong, tell each other and try to work it out."
How do I stop overthinking about cheating?
Overthinking about anything can be exhausting. Overthinking about cheating can be emotionally distressing and put a strain on your relationship. If you’re struggling to put the “what if” thoughts out of your mind, it’s important to address these concerns in a healthy way and find ways to ease your anxieties. Here are some steps you can try:
Open and Honest Communication
- The first step is to communicate with your partner. Express your concerns and feelings openly and honestly. Share your fears and worries about the relationship. Maintaining a healthy, open dialogue with them can provide you with reassurance and ease any unfounded doubts.
Trust Your Partner
- Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Remind yourself that trust is vital, and your partner deserves to be trusted unless there's concrete evidence suggesting otherwise. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and treat them as trustworthy until you have a real reason to distrust them. Ask your partner to do some trust-building activities with you, if you’d like!
- Take time to reflect on the reasons behind your overthinking. Are there past experiences or insecurities contributing to your fears about cheating? Overthinking can be a trauma response. It can also be a symptom of a number of mental health conditions. Understanding the root cause of your overthinking can help you address the issue more effectively.
- Establish clear boundaries in your relationship. Discuss what is acceptable and what is not in terms of behavior, communication, and personal space. If you can be sure that your partner is on the same page as you are about what constitutes cheating, that may help provide you with a sense of security.
- Boost your self-esteem and self-confidence. Self-doubt and overthinking often stem from low self-esteem. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself and work on personal growth. Check out our ideas for boosting self-esteem!
Seek Professional Help
- If your overthinking is causing significant distress and impacting your quality of life, consider seeking help from a licensed therapist. They can help you explore your fears and anxieties, and provide strategies for managing them. They can also help you determine if your constant suspicions are founded in truth, or if they stem from another problem.
Limit Exposure to Triggers
- If certain situations or triggers intensify your overthinking, try to limit your exposure to them. For example, if certain social media interactions lead to jealousy or overthinking, consider taking a break from those platforms. It’s important to note, though, that you can only reduce your exposure to certain triggers—you can’t force your partner to get off social media or forbid them from going to certain places. All you can do is communicate to them about the impact some triggers have on your overthinking, and make it clear that you’ll be avoiding those.
- Overcoming overthinking can take time. Be patient with yourself and the process. Ask your partner, friends, and trusted family for help when you’re struggling. We all have days when we feel anxious, and we all get frustrated with our brains sometimes. By taking these steps and seeking support when you need it, you can work toward a healthier, more secure relationship and reduce unnecessary anxieties about cheating.
Know your worth.
Whatever the outcome, You are Worthy of Love
If you find out your partner is cheating on you, do not let yourself think for a moment that you are not worthy of love. God created you to be just who you are, and He loves you as His precious child. In this messy, sinful world we live in, people will hurt each other. It doesn't mean you ever deserve to be hurt. In fact, God desires that we love each other selflessly, the way He loves us. This is how God describes love in the Bible.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4–8)
For more verses of hope about God's plan for relationships, love, and sex, read these Verses of Hope for Cheating in Relationships.