To Love or Not to Love?
A lot of people read my blogs, not because I’m such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.
He said, “I have a better piece of advice: Don’t ever fall in love in the first place. Just don’t do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it’s never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It’s as simple as that.”
I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
Being hurt is not the worst thing that will happen to us. Not to love is far worse. #BrokenHeart Click To TweetSo how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here:
15 Ways To Get Over A Broken Heart
The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.
6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart:
Take heart, you will get through this.
Having your heartbroken over a relationship is going to hurt. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.
But you will get through this. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So take heart and hold on.
Talk to someone who cares.
I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing with is like a human crutch to help you through a time of brokenness. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.
The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” So find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.
“Talking to someone who you know and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much.” (Kaitlyn)
Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult and touch raw emotions. This proves we are human. It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.
“No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last and you end up worse off than you were before.” (Jonathan)
Take your broken heart to God.
There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.
You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.
It says in the Bible, “I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.
“It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart.” (-Osman)
Give yourself time to heal.
If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.
“The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost.” (Lindsey)
The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. #BrokenHeart Click To TweetLearn lessons from the experience.
It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:
- Open communication
- Sensitivity to each other’s feelings
- Trust
- Ability to see things from each other’s perspective
Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
“It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it.” (Brian T.)
Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak
My bf broke up with me on 9/5/18. We talked everyday up until that date and were eachother best friends. He even confirmed that I was his best friend but we were both too stubborn and independent to be together. He emailed me and wrote me a hand written letter after our breakup to say that I didn’t nothing wrong and that I was everything he wanted in a girlfriend. We were together 3 years which flew by. I guess it doesn’t matter how good a girlfriend I was if in that time period he didn’t ask me to be his wife. I haven’t spoken to him since October. In that time I got a new job and moved out of state. It’s been almost 7 months but the loneliness and heartbreak still follow me. When will it end?
Give it time to heal. It’s obvious that you still have feelings for him, while you recovering from your heartbreak take steps into finding yourself and find what makes you special. And for the guy… Don’t worry about him please excuse my language but leave his a** where he’s at. He doesn’t deserve you and that lame excuse that he gave you is bull. Move on with life I know it’s been a long couple of years, but hopefully one day your true love will come knocking on your door. So when your healing don’t think about him, think about yourself.
Am down,depressed and lonely … Can I ever fall in love again
Hey, really looking for some advice here, so my relationship of over 16 years and 3 awesome kids seems to be completed over. We were still living in the same house until yesterday and for weeks she would go out and come home drunk, 4 to 5 nights out of the week. She wouldn’t spend time with her kids and she would lock herself in the room and talk on the phones with these new friends, guys and girls.
We are still relatively young despite the time we been together, we are both in our mid thirties and it seems she is trying to reclaim her youth her new best friend is 21 and she is out with her all the time
She seemed to have transformed into a completely different person even the kids have asked her whats wrong with mom. She always mad and she doesn’t cook or read to us anymore.
I just couldn’t bare it, so I left She reached out to me recently and said that this is no longer a break up but a separation, its supposed to be time for us to explore life since we didn’t get a chance in our 20’s
She has made a point to ensure that I still manage the bulk of her expenses as well as my own. I feel like she is using me because of the love for my kids. I am supposed to return in a few months as per our agreement, but I don’t see thing ever being the same.
has anyone ever been through something like this before. Is it just about the money and enabling her to live wild while I pay the bills and suffer?
Is she dangling a carrot over my head to keep me hopeful?
If you still love her and want to work things out, you need to have open communication and tell her your concerns and how you feel. Talk openly and honestly without seeming like you’re confronting her. Have total honesty about how youre feeling and tell her you expect the same.
I feel so heartbroken. I’m just realizing that my boyfriend of a few years and someone that I have loved for over 12 years no longer exists in my heart. It’s very difficult to move on and heal but I’ll make conscious efforts. I really wish I didn’t have to move on but it’s for the best I guess. And yes, I’m dealing with this all alone because I really don’t have anyone to share all this pain with.
Bless, i can understand very much your pain. i am sorry about if you need to talk to someone you can always reach me -many hugs to you!
hi i dont know whats happening to me in past three months , i made a friend in october i have gradually developed feelings for him . my parents want me to do arrange marriage . i m so troubled all the time . please help me i dont talk to anyone these days i feel so awful and sad all the time
I felt in love with a coworker that at first treat me right later he started to send me pictures of the people he went out, few weeks later told me wants to sleep with me nothing happen than he started to talk about his girlfriend later goes away than came back and I am so stupid that I allow him to come back and hurt me than started to give me hopes again right now I blocked him but I feel deeply hurt and my mind it is not ok
I am in same situation.,but I am trying to stay positive that one day I will be heal.i miss him so badly..but I need to move on and do the right thing.. accepting that he never want me anymore.
I feel the same way. I miss her sooo much. It feels like a death, I just keep thinking about mistakes that I made and how I could have fixed things before they got to this point.
I’m not a crier and that was one of her complaints my lack of emotion, man have I cried over the last two weeks. I started to think something was wrong with me, maybe I was going crazy.
I’ve never had a broken heart before, I honestly cant see going through this again its too painful.
I am going through something similar as well. My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years and I have broken up. I last saw him at my son’s birthday party a week ago. I feel so humiliated and embarrassed. I don’t know how to get through the pain. I don’t have much family that I can talk to. I have tons of acquaintances, but not many friends that will just check up on me. How do I even tell my kids that they will no longer see him? It just hurts. I feel like I gave so much (too much). Everyone says that I am
An amazing person, but I’m not feeling so amazing. I’m feeling rejected. I don’t know how to get over this. I don’t know how to move on. The pain is too much. I don’t want to start over or open my heart again.
Hi, I have just broken up with my wife of 13 years, I admit I wasn’t the best husband I could have done much much more
there was no infidelity involved, there was very little intimacy for the last couple of years, I was content just plodding along was happy enough, we had our arguments like every couple, it came to a head this day last week and she has left
this is serious I know and feel it, there is no communication from her nothing. I am really hurting I am lonely and very sad over this I cant sleep my mind is racing all crazy thoughts of her with someone else and just forgetting me and being happy
I cant stop thinking about her and how things would be different this time any body have any suggestions or hints I am trying to keep busy but its always there to the front of my mind.
So sorry to hear this. I am going through something similar at the moment I thought that my girlfriend was ‘the one’ and it came as a big surprise when she dumped me two days ago. I keep trying to tell myself that I will get through this and you should do the same too. You’re broken heart will heal and your children will understand because they love you. I know it might seem strange but there are numbers you can call where someone will listen. Don’t suffer alone. Good luck.
Hi All,
After 7 years together my boyfriend broke up with me on Sep 3, 2018. It’s been almost 7 months and I’m still in the middle of the pain. I didn’t like myself much by the end of the relationship and have thankfully been able to find myself again. What hurts is not having that second chance to be my real self and then see how things work out you know? He has made it very clear that he’s moved on and is now seeing someone else. Ugh life, am I right? Lol
I have been in this relationship for 10 years. On 9-7-18, he said that he wanted to break up. I felt we had been growing apart because he would find excuses not to be together. Always saying he had to do things for his daughter, his mother or other family members. That’s when I started feeling he was involved with someone else. When you go looking, you will find. I decided to go through his phone and learned that he was involved with someone at work. He was involved with this person for one year. That’s where all the excuses came to play.
We tried to work on the relationship because he said it was worth fighting for but put no effort into it. Finally, he said he wanted out because he had feelings for her on 2-16-19. This really devastated me. I was truly and still is hurt behind this. I gave him ten years. I realize that I lost my worth. I lost my way. I lost who I am. I try to convince myself that I am better off without him. However, I still love him.
I wonder, how long will this hurt and pain last? I know it will take time and the pain will eventually fade…when?
Is it wrong for me to tell him that I forgive him? It has been 31 days since I have seen or spoken to him. By the way, he lives with his mom. He was married before and divorced after 2 years. I love his daughter as she was my own. Which is another reason for the pain. His mother and I are very close. She is like my second mother. I love everyone in his family.
Hi Lisa, my name is Amy & I’m am going through somethig similar to you. My bf left me on 2/18/19 for someone else. I have not spoken to him & I cant describe the pain. I really would like to hear more about what your going through. We may be able to help each other through this rough time.
Hi Lisa, I am currently going through something similar to your situation. My boyfriend of 10 years decided to end our relationship on 3/10/19. He told me he is seeing someone new and that he cant be with me anymore. It pains my heart because I am still madly in love with him. I spent all those years with him, those are years that I can never get back. I am thankful that I have my family as a support system to help me get through this, but I am embarrassed to tell them the real reason why we broke up, because he was living with my family for over 5 years, recently got his own place and within 5 months of moving out he ended our relationship. I felt like he used my family and I. I gave him 10 years of my life, I felt like I loved him more than I love myself. I lost myself in this thing called love, but its time for me to heal. It’s time for me to replenish what I have been giving out all these years. I am typing this with tears rolling down my face, because I still love him, but I need to find back myself. I know I worth more than this. Moving forward won’t be easy but we all can get through this rough time together. I would also like to hear more of what your going through and maybe share with each other things that we are using to heal our broken hearts.