Sex and Father Hunger
I’ve been thinking a lot about why girls give in to guys. It’s almost at epidemic proportions. I am saddened when I hear about so many girls who thought they were in love become devastated by giving in to guys when it wasn’t love at all. So why do girls give in to guys?
There are several reasons why. I’d like to talk about one few people think about Father Hunger.
Father Hunger is a deep longing that comes into our lives when there is little or no closeness between us and our fathers. This longing causes us to crave a father figure to fill that role.
What does Father Hunger have to do with girls giving in to guys? Leah, in her comment, answers that question:
Girls who have poor relationships with their fathers easily give into sex because they are looking for something or someone to fill the void their father has left.
Few of us have any idea the impact fathers play in our lives, for good or for bad. We are emotionally hardwired to be loved and accepted by our dads. I was blessed with a great father who loved and accepted me. When he died, I was devastated. I still miss him greatly and think about him everyday. He made a profound impact on my life. One thing fathers are designed to do is be a role model on how to relate to the opposite sex. As Derek said,
Women who don’t have good relationships with their fathers never get to see how a man should treat women, and especially the woman he loves. Without this basis for how a relationship should go, they are lost and confused.
Maybe your father failed to be a role model in your life and never taught you how to relate to the opposite sex. Without his example and encouragement, you could easily be confused and vulnerable to some guys who only want to use you. Father hunger can easily cause an intense craving in you to be accepted and loved by a father figure. It’s easy to confuse that craving with what you feel is love. Sex without love and commitment (marriage) never meets needs, it only uncovers them. A guy named Michael wrote one of the most insightful thoughts I have read in a long time:
Since some girls never got the right attention from their fathers they want to get the wrong attention from their boyfriend.
King Solomon, whose been called the wisest man in the Bible, said this:
When you’re hungry, even what taste bitter taste good.
Sex without commitment will never solve your Father Hunger. In fact, it will only make matters much worse. Father Hunger is so deep it can only be filled a lot of work and the grace of God. Let’s face it, if you are a female, you are under tremendous pressure to have sex without commitment (marriage). For example, there is your own natural and healthy emotional and sexual attraction to guys. Then the culture glamorizes it and tells you it’s okay. Also, there is a lie at your school which says, Sex is love. So if you think you are in love, it’s only normal to have sex. Plus, at one time or another, you will probably be pressured by a guy to give in. Finally, there’s the incredible emotional cravings of father hunger that causes you to long even more for to fill your need (good or bad). That makes you more susceptible to destructive sex. That’s a lot of pressure. As Kendra put it
When a girl is hurt in life by her fatherthe daughter will search the rest of her life for love from a man. She needs a strong male figure in her life, but without a dad to show her what a real man is, she will fall for any trick of the trade.
That doesn’t mean you have to, or will. Some girls have great relationships with their fathers and still give in to guys. Others have very poor, or no relationships with their fathers and never give in. So how do you stay strong? Someone once said, If you want to be happy, know yourself and know your God. As you understand yourself better, it will be easier for you to protect yourself not only from some guy who may want to use you, but also from your own weaknesses.
I am totally in your corner. That’s why I’ve told you the truth. We all need to understand ourselves better, and together face difficult issues like Father Hunger. Check out my blog on “How to Deal with Father Hunger”