How Do I Talk to My Son About His Absent Father? EP 39

Single Mom to a Son with an Absent Father

Bree is a single mom raising her 7-year-old son, Carter, on her own. His father hasn’t seen him in over 2 years. Bree wants to know how to explain to her son why his father is never around. She works with her son’s father’s girlfriend, who has two children that are not his. The other day he was posting pictures of his girlfriend’s kids, saying how they complete his life and mean everything to him. Bree has tried to keep this from her son, so it doesn’t hurt him since his dad is not involved in his life. But he’s heard Bree talking to her brother about it. A man at the church says, God is a father to all. It’s true and her son understands, but it still hurts him. His father hasn’t seen him in 2 years, but he cares about some other kids.

What Do I Say When His Father is a No Show?

Bree says her son is not resentful yet but she’s afraid it’s going to turn into anger eventually because he doesn’t have a male role model in his life. He has Bree’s brother but he’s out of town for work most of the time. Bree can see her son is hurt and she doesn’t know what to say to make it better. She wants him to understand it’s not him, that it’s not his fault his father is not around.

Peer to Peer: Advice Needed for Bree

Bree would like your advice and she needs your encouragement! Van and Laura had spot-on advice for Bree. Here’s what they had to say:

Make Sure He Knows It’s Not His Fault

Van says, I know what you are going through. I know the pain as a mother, watching your son suffer. My advice:

  1. Explain to him that it has nothing to do with him. It’s not his fault. It’s his dad making poor decisions.
  2. Get involved in a church where he can be involved with the kid’s youth group. I’ve found there’s usually a lot of fellows willing to step up and be a good role model for him.

Reassure Him of Yours and God's Love for Him

Laura was a single parent for 9 years. She says, both of my son’s dads never cared. What I told my kids was, I love you guys very much and I’m always here for you. God loves you very much. I took them to church and got them involved in church. I took them to a lot of fun things and made their life fun. I reassured them I would always be there for them. I told them it’s not their fault their dad is not there. And explained that some people make decisions in life that are wrong. My son is now, 25 years old and his dad is trying to connect with him. My son doesn’t want anything to do with him but I’m trying to explain to him to forgive. You can’t change the past, but you can forgive and move on. Keep on every day telling him you love him and reassure him how much God loves him.

Involved in a Group at Church

Bree says she’s been thinking a lot about getting him involved in a group at church. She needs to sit down with someone there and explain what she needs. Her son will find other kids who have been abandoned there as well. He’ll be surrounded by a group where there’s a lot of love.

What advice would you give Bree?

If you’ve been a single parent and have some wisdom for Bree, please share in the comments below!

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

It’s tough being a single mother, handling the load of both parents all the while trying to protect your child. Bree is doing a great job. She’s reassuring her son of her love for him. She doesn’t bad mouth his father. She’s willing to go to church and get him involved and try to find a male role model for him. Bree doesn’t have to be a father, she only has to be the mother. She can trust God to step in to be his Father and do what He will do. We need to trust the Lord with Carter’s life, helping him to cope.
[bctt tweet="It’s tough being a single mother, handling the load of both parents all the while trying to protect your child. #absentfather" username=""]
Abandonment can be so hurtful and make you feel as you aren’t worth anything, but that’s not the way God sees Carter. He loves Carter and will be a father to him. As Psalm 68:5 says, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” Bree is going to have to rely on the Lord. God can provide men to be father figures and role models for Carter.

Resources for Abandonment and Single Moms:

Even though the wounds of abandonment can run deep, there’s hope and healing available. To get that help: Understanding Abandonment.
We also have Verses of Hope for Single Moms.
Also, check out my blogs for single moms:

And my blogs on Abandonment:

Need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, then: Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.
Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope! 
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