I am absolutely amazed by the number of questions you have about the opposite sex. Let’s face it, relationships and romance and the emotions that come with them are really important. In this blog I will address two issues I’ve been asked recently about dating relationships that you might be able to relate to.
“I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for my Boyfriend/Girlfriend”
Our caller Amelia asked: “I’ve been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he’s great, but I just feel like I’m not good enough for him. I’m 19, he’s 21, and he’s perfect, but I always feel like I’m being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I’m just not good for him. He says that’s not true, but I can’t get past feeling that he’s too good for me. It’s starting to affect our relationship, how do I get over this?”
DAWSON: I think there are a couple of issues going on here. First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn’t. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about of the opposite sex our hero, or even our god. It’s great to respect your bf/gf, but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.
Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
What would make you feel good enough?
But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. No matter what he tells you, you just won’t believe you bring as much to the relationship as he does. What would make you feel good enough for him? Whatever it is, you still would not be able to meet those standards. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you’re not aware of them right now.
It’s important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don’t feel worthy. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there’s a good chance they are going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on just your weaknesses, and only his/her strengths. Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving him. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.
Braden asked: “Is it normal for a girl to break-up for no reason? If so, why?”
Most people don’t do things like breaking-up with someone for no reason at all.
DAWSON: The short answer to your question is no. Most people don’t do things like breaking-up with someone for no reason at all. Most girls don’t say, Oh, it’s Tuesday, I think I’ll break up with my boyfriend today.It’s usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking-up with you.
Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it’s because there’s someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. In many cases, you will never know the real reason. She’s probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself, or protect you from getting mad or hurt.
We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.
Still, sometimes the not knowing whyis more difficult than the actual break-up. I’d encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you’ll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.
There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don’t let this girl’s lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.