I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for My Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Amelia asked, "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past the feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?"
I think there are a couple of issues going on here.
Too High of a Pedestal
First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn't. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It's great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.
Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.
What Would Make You Feel Good Enough?
But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you're not aware of them right now.
I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.
It's important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don't feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there's a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.
Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:
Braden asked, "Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?"
The short answer to your question is no.
Most People Don't Do Things Like Breaking Up With Someone for No Reason at All
Girls don't usually say, "Oh, it's Tuesday, I think I'll break up with my boyfriend today." It's usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.
Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it's because there's someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She's probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.
We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.
Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I'd encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you'll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.
There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don't let this girl's lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.
Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul
I'm 17 and the guy I like is 18 and I really like him and he really likes me and he's amazing in so many ways but I'm just so scared that one day I won't be good enough and I'll just break and he won't be there for me...and I might relapse
My partner left me because were I live and he was new to the area but I'm not we been to gether before and he left because he didn't no any one and his panic attacks but we message but not as much as we used to but he loves me n I love him what do I do
Hello 🙂 I'm 34 and my boyfriend of 3 months is 38. We're both pretty busy people, he works A LOT and I have a 9yr old child. When we first met he wasn't expecting that a relationship would form, but it did and it's been great. He tells me how much he likes me, he says that everything feels right and easy between us, BUT! he's in a crossroads in his life in regards to his career and feels that he needs to figure out his direction before he can continue to pursue this relationship (or a relationship) any further. He needs things to slow down and is asking that I be patient, although he has said that if I'm unhappy that he's not asking me to stay, but that he's also not asking me to go. He's been open and honest about telling me how much "committment" he's able to give me at this particular time. I don't fear that he's cheating on me
or being unfaithful, however; I do feel a bit let down and question where I fit in his life, if at all. He’s been so busy with work and projects and life in general, that we’ve only been seeing each other 1 day a week. We do talk daily, either on the phone or text, but lately I’ve been having this feeling of not being good enough and it’s making me sad. I guess I believe that if you really want someone, or something, you’ll do whatever you need to do to get it? I might be overthinking all of this and allowing my fears of my past get the best of me? I don’t want to accidently sabotage something that might be good, but for the past few days I have been contemplating if I should respectfully remove myself from this relationship and give him the space he clearly needs to figure out his currently life situation? Or is that possibly being too dramatic? I’m beginning to fall in love with this man (although he doesn’t know) and losing him scares me because I do believe that him and I can have something wonderful, but right now I just feel a little bit sad and unclear as to what to do? Please help!
I think that deep down your instincts are telling you that this man isn't as interested as you'd like him to be. Or possibly as he once was. You say you believe that if you really want someone you'll do anything to get it. I agree with you. If I really want to be with someone I'll do my best to spend time with them.
My situation is very much like yours, similar age too. I was seeing a man for about three months. At first he couldn't get enough of me, to the point where it even annoyed me, but it calmed down gradually until one day i realized some things,that he isn't texting me as much in the mornings, that although we hasn't seen one another for four weeks due to one thing and another, he'd made no effort to see me. I was the one who ended up pushing to meet up. It turned out to be our last meeting. I sensed something different straight away between us and as I left that evening I knew I wouldn't be coming back. Yet it still shocked me and upset me when days later he ended it, saying he clearly isn't good enough, blah blah. He told me he fancied me, finds me attractive and likes me. Yet he wanted to end it. Makes no sense does it. If you like someone and fancy them you don't dump them! I know he felt bad about ending it, he apologized the day after, he often text me to see how I am and just general texts.
So what went wrong. I guess he was infatuated at the beginning then lost interest. I'm just glad I didn't try to cling on to him and even now I won't text him first. This is what he wants. This is what he's got.
Hello! Um I'm 19 and my bf is 21 .. We used to be friends earlier but from past couple of months we've officially entered into a relationship. It's been great for a month or two but since then I don't know something just doesn't seem right. We rarely talk and whenever we do there's just no sign of affection in it. I mean I know he loves just the same but he doesn't show it. And now I've started to think do I not look good enough anymore. Am I not compatible with him. This is also because... well he's hot and tall and I'm I guess average looking and short 🙁 He doesn't compliments even once and that really discourages me.
Any advice please?
You're the female you have the "goods" be a tease show him what he's missing, there must've been a little "clingyness" going on also you both are very young and indecisive. My advice would be to chill out don't get so worked up over it because you know what? This guy may-be tall and hot but you might actually meet a "short cute guy" if you could look past the appearance and appreciate eachothers lives for what they are. Hope that helped a little bit
Hi I have been dating my girlfriend for 8 months now but we have been though a lot and the while relationship guys have popped up and start saying things to her like what they wanna do to her but they are gone. but now cause she does cheer their is a guy that has been causing problems with me and my girlfriend and he is trying to break me and her up i asked her to stop talking to her but she wont listen and she just sees him as someone harmless but due to everything before this i am just so worried and i am scared im going to lose her what should i do 🙁
I dont know if youre still reading this or if the situation is changed, but honestly if she doesnt respect your feelings about the situation then you shouldnt be with her, relationships are about communication, trust and respect if you guys cant talk about it then theres a more serious problem.