There is value in being fearless and bold in the pursuit of your dreams. But for some guys, their dream is to date the most amazing girl they know to the point they don't know when to stop pursuing this dream.
So, let's have an honest look at when it may be time to give up.
How to Stop Pursuing Someone
Signs it May be Time to Stop Pursuing a Girl
In life, persistence often pays off. But when it comes to a guy pursuing a girl, it can be just plain confusing.
Danny wrote: There's this girl who I really like. But I have no idea whether she likes me or not. Sometimes she acts like she does, but other times she doesn't. I'm just confused.
Well, Danny - here are some obvious signs that it might be time to move on. But then keep reading for great tips on how to pursue a girl in a more appropriate way.
12 Signs to Move On
- When she obviously avoids you
- If you show an interest in her, but she seems to ignore you
- She acts one way around you, and another way around her friends
- No longer responds to your calls/texts/emails/snaps
- She asks you to stop
- Or tells you you're coming on too strong
- Your friends tell you to move on
- She talks to you about another guy she's interested in
- If she seems bothered, irritated or angry at you
- Your self-esteem starts to suffer for it
- You start to think you are going crazy about the whole situation
- If you're wondering if you should stop pursuing her, it's probably time.
Skye wrote: People need to use the common sense the good Lord gave them. When something in your head tells you not to do something, don't do it. You'll thank yourself later.
Roy wrote: Everyone I knew early on told us it would never work out, but I stayed with her to prove them wrong. In the end, it left me more broken and confused. Had I listened early on I would have saved myself a great deal of trouble and pain.
The most annoying guys are the ones who are convinced they have to be with this one particular girl, even though they might not even really know her. These guys are usually so strongly attracted to something about this girl, that he thinks he's in love before he even knows her.
Bottom line - if it is taking a lot of effort to get her interested and she is showing no indication she likes you, it is time to back off for both of your sakes.
How to Tell if a Girl Likes You
How Do Girls Show Signs of Interest?
This is one of those times in life where it’s best to just get the awkward part over with. Instead of trying to read “the signs,” go talk to her! Ask her how she feels, and be direct. Is that scary? Yes. Will it help you figure out what you need to know? Also yes.
Waiting around to see if you can interpret her interest level based on eye contact or emojis is a recipe for confusion, hurt feelings, anxiety, and a whoooooooole lot of time spent guessing that could have been spent dating!
There’s a catch, though: you have to accept her answer, whatever it is. If you approach her and ask if she’s interested in you or if she wants to go on a date, and she says “no,” you need to respect that. Don’t think that she said “no” and then continue reading into her body language, wondering if she was really playing hard to get. Take her at her word, give your feelings some time to recover from the rejection, and then start focusing on the good things you have going in your life.
Here are some things you could try saying, texting, or dming if you’re sure you’re ready to know, once and for all, if she’s interested:
“Hey ______, I really like talking to you, so I’m just gonna come right out and ask, would you go on a date with me?”
“I’m nervous, so I’m gonna spit it out—I like you. Do you like me back?”
“How would you feel about dating me? I think it would be really nice.”
“I like you. May I hold your hand?”
Don’t overthink it. You’ve got this.
So how can you pursue a girl in an appropriate way?
Relationships take time to develop. You can't force your way into someone else's life.
First, just seek to be friends.
Give yourself time to get to know her. But even more importantly, give her time to get to know you. You deserve someone who is interested in you, as well.
Second, don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are.
That's a lot of pressure on a girl. She wants someone who is happy and confident in their own right.
Third, show her respect.
Most girls love to be pursued by a guy or viewed as someone special. Most of the time they appreciate a guy's persistence and confidence. But more than anything, a girl wants to be respected and valued. The more respect you can show as you pursue her, the better.
Fourth, give the chase a rest.
If you stop pursuing her, and give the chase a rest, you might find out the answer you're looking for. If she's interested in you, she may try to find out where you've been. She might actually become more interested in you, because you're not trying so hard. But you might also find that she doesn't care that you've stopped pursuing her. That's a good sign that you were pursuing the wrong girl. It's probably time to take a break, and hope that you can get to know each other as friends over time.
Fifth, relax.
Be relaxed in your pursuit of your dream girl. Don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are. Keep in mind there are plenty of girls in the world, some of whom will find you attractive and well worth their time.
Sixth, don't change who you are.
I know you like this girl a lot, but you don’t want a relationship that is this much work. You don't want to pretend to be someone else just to stay in a relationship. That's exhausting. You deserve someone who likes you just the way you are! Create healthy boundaries for yourself. Boundaries are emotional markers that clearly define where one person ends, and the other person begins.
Healthy boundaries allow you to be free to be yourself, and not feel like your happiness is dependent on what another person thinks about you.
God created you just the way you are. You are uniquely you with your talents, sense of humor, interests, and style. God designed you with a purpose and has great plans for you. Don't let a girl ever make you question if you are good enough and if you should change.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Do you put yourself down all the time? Want to stop? Read this checklist of 10 ways to increase your self-esteem for a healthier self-image.
In the para "So how can a guy know when he’s supposed to stop pursuing a girl?" that every mentioned point happened to me. Your suggestions really did worth to me a lot.. that suggestions helped me to make a fresh start of myself..
I'm ha ing this problem. When we first broke up I thought maybe that was just it. So I let her vo but she started showing signs of interest so I persued her too hard because I never wanted to lose her in the first place. That ended with "stop trying to contact me". So I did eventually and a few years later I was in town visiting a friend and she saw me and showed so much interest she nearly ran me over. But I was so paralyzed by fear of displeasing her again I didnt speak much but I did respond to her. We sat at her house for about an hour almost without word and that was the best I've ever fealt in my life. She moved near me and put my arm around her. After the silence I left town. Now I chased her again, of course after she told me to stop again, and now she blocked my facebook and changed her picture to her kissing her new boyfriend. What do I do. Leaving her seems impossible.
And I thought I had it bad! This girls sounds like very bad news. My advice to you is to cut all ties with her immediately. Don't see her. Don't talk to her. Don't text. Don't FB. Just drop off the face of the planet. And if she comes fishing for you, do not respond no matter how tempting. Read the Greek mythology about "Ulysses". You are not Ulysses. Do not even hear her siren call. Stay away.
Now after you've done that, read all you can about "teases", or "girl teases". Read read read all the literature, even if it's redundant. Read until its burned into your brain.
This may seem difficult to do, but you need to regain your ability to think clearly. I've pursued a girl for about a year, only to be dropped. I found out in the process that she enjoys leading men on and dropping them. The longer she leads on, the worse it feels for you, and the more joy she gets out of it.
You need to see the signs of what a tease is, so you can avoid them, or know how to deal with them. My advice, is to avoid them as much as you can, and with this girl, avoid her forever.
So there's this girl that I really like a lot. And we get along pretty well in private or over texts, but she acts like I'm hardly her friend when we are around other people. It's really confusing.
Thanks guys, I find that ignoring her makes her more interested, but she doesn't actively do anything about it, so I'm not going to change my stance. Sadly enough, the heart wants what it wants and I'm still dealing with the "loss" privately. We talked once later (it was more of a hobby related context since she's an expert on the subject) but I kept it curt and professional and haven't talked since (it's been more than a month). I've kept busy focusing on other activities, although seeing her now and then still burns me, so I'm planning on rearranging my schedule so i never have to bump into her again. Won't lie, this is harder to do than it is to write about.
But of course, the shaming begins in a highly feminist society. Don't have the "balls", "man up" without being labeled a creeper, harasser or a loser.
Let me see if I got this straight. She ignored u once when she was talking to her friends so u are acting like it's the end between u two? She's probably looking at u wondering what's wrong with u. Are u depressed or something? I say what do u have to lose. Man do talk to this girl. How do u expect to get better with women if u don't give yourself any experience? Get to know her a little. Find out what she likes then ask her out.
i had the same thing happen to me. i been talking to this girl for 6 months..we became very good friends then...we became more than friends but it was all on the phone since she is in another country. i can say that i truly care for her and she did at some point. i tried to be very romantic and she liked it ... but then she started changing when i asked whats going on? she say that i like to fight too much. asking those kinds of question and that notting was happening.. but she changed and everytime, was worse. to the point that we barely talk. and when we do she says she cares about me. but i dont feel that way. i asked her if she was atracted to me she said "i dont know" the funny thing is 2 month early we talking of moving together....(sorry for my gramar english is my 3rd tongue.