When to Stop Talking to & Pursuing a Girl - 12 Signs

There is value in being fearless and bold in the pursuit of your dreams. But for some guys, their dream is to date the most amazing girl they know to the point they don't know when to stop pursuing this dream.

So, let's have an honest look at when it may be time to give up.

How to Stop Pursuing Someone

Signs it May be Time to Stop Pursuing a Girl

In life, persistence often pays off. But when it comes to a guy pursuing a girl, it can be just plain confusing.

Danny wrote: There's this girl who I really like. But I have no idea whether she likes me or not. Sometimes she acts like she does, but other times she doesn't. I'm just confused.

Well, Danny - here are some obvious signs that it might be time to move on. But then keep reading for great tips on how to pursue a girl in a more appropriate way.

12 Signs to Move On

  • When she obviously avoids you
  • If you show an interest in her, but she seems to ignore you
  • She acts one way around you, and another way around her friends
  • No longer responds to your calls/texts/emails/snaps
  • She asks you to stop
  • Or tells you you're coming on too strong
  • Your friends tell you to move on
  • She talks to you about another guy she's interested in
  • If she seems bothered, irritated or angry at you
  • Your self-esteem starts to suffer for it
  • You start to think you are going crazy about the whole situation
  • If you're wondering if you should stop pursuing her, it's probably time.

Skye wrote: People need to use the common sense the good Lord gave them. When something in your head tells you not to do something, don't do it. You'll thank yourself later.

Roy wrote: Everyone I knew early on told us it would never work out, but I stayed with her to prove them wrong. In the end, it left me more broken and confused. Had I listened early on I would have saved myself a great deal of trouble and pain.

The most annoying guys are the ones who are convinced they have to be with this one particular girl, even though they might not even really know her. These guys are usually so strongly attracted to something about this girl, that he thinks he's in love before he even knows her.

Bottom line - if it is taking a lot of effort to get her interested and she is showing no indication she likes you, it is time to back off for both of your sakes.

How to Tell if a Girl Likes You

How Do Girls Show Signs of Interest?

This is one of those times in life where it’s best to just get the awkward part over with. Instead of trying to read “the signs,” go talk to her! Ask her how she feels, and be direct. Is that scary? Yes. Will it help you figure out what you need to know? Also yes.

Waiting around to see if you can interpret her interest level based on eye contact or emojis is a recipe for confusion, hurt feelings, anxiety, and a whoooooooole lot of time spent guessing that could have been spent dating!

There’s a catch, though: you have to accept her answer, whatever it is. If you approach her and ask if she’s interested in you or if she wants to go on a date, and she says “no,” you need to respect that. Don’t think that she said “no” and then continue reading into her body language, wondering if she was really playing hard to get. Take her at her word, give your feelings some time to recover from the rejection, and then start focusing on the good things you have going in your life.

Here are some things you could try saying, texting, or dming if you’re sure you’re ready to know, once and for all, if she’s interested:

“Hey ______, I really like talking to you, so I’m just gonna come right out and ask, would you go on a date with me?”

“I’m nervous, so I’m gonna spit it out—I like you. Do you like me back?”

“How would you feel about dating me? I think it would be really nice.”

“I like you. May I hold your hand?”

Don’t overthink it. You’ve got this.

So how can you pursue a girl in an appropriate way?

Relationships take time to develop. You can't force your way into someone else's life.

First, just seek to be friends.

Give yourself time to get to know her. But even more importantly, give her time to get to know you. You deserve someone who is interested in you, as well.

Second, don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are.

That's a lot of pressure on a girl. She wants someone who is happy and confident in their own right.

Third, show her respect.

Most girls love to be pursued by a guy or viewed as someone special. Most of the time they appreciate a guy's persistence and confidence. But more than anything, a girl wants to be respected and valued. The more respect you can show as you pursue her, the better.

Fourth, give the chase a rest.

If you stop pursuing her, and give the chase a rest, you might find out the answer you're looking for. If she's interested in you, she may try to find out where you've been. She might actually become more interested in you, because you're not trying so hard. But you might also find that she doesn't care that you've stopped pursuing her. That's a good sign that you were pursuing the wrong girl. It's probably time to take a break, and hope that you can get to know each other as friends over time.

Fifth, relax.

Be relaxed in your pursuit of your dream girl. Don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are. Keep in mind there are plenty of girls in the world, some of whom will find you attractive and well worth their time.

Sixth, don't change who you are.

I know you like this girl a lot, but you don’t want a relationship that is this much work. You don't want to pretend to be someone else just to stay in a relationship. That's exhausting. You deserve someone who likes you just the way you are! Create healthy boundaries for yourself. Boundaries are emotional markers that clearly define where one person ends, and the other person begins.

Healthy boundaries allow you to be free to be yourself, and not feel like your happiness is dependent on what another person thinks about you.

God created you just the way you are. You are uniquely you with your talents, sense of humor, interests, and style. God designed you with a purpose and has great plans for you. Don't let a girl ever make you question if you are good enough and if you should change.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Do you put yourself down all the time? Want to stop? Read this checklist of 10 ways to increase your self-esteem for a healthier self-image.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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219 comments on “When to Stop Talking to & Pursuing a Girl - 12 Signs”

  1. I don't think it's right because there's this girl I've been talking to for about a week we kicked it off good we held couple good conversations we've talked heavily texting calling meeting up she kissed me first for a few days then she hits me with I don't know what I want or I don't think I'm ready for a relationship and I don't feel like I can give a hundred percent but she still wants to talk she doesn't text me as much or call me at all I'm usually the one that tries to start a conversation so what the hell does that mean because I'm really interested in this girl and she's everything I've been looking for we have a date set up for this weekend I don't know if I should keep pursuing her or just say see you later but I'm really into her can someone help

  2. I've had a crush on this girl for 8 years and she's only noticed and been friends with me for like 4, 2 years ago she said she really liked me and thought the same way about me as I did to her. But she acts the same way and has a boyfriend and she sees me and him as equal priority and now I'm depressed because I look at my girlfriend and think of her, I listen to music and the same thing happens it's like she's always on my mind and I'm to shy to tell her how I feel. What do I do

  3. so me and this girl were really close and over summer i tried contacting her but she never responded so this really made depressed but i started thinking that there are other girls out there so i stopped pursuing

  4. Talked to a girl for a few days, asked her out to a not so ordinary date which would've been fun. I have received no response thus far. Not going to pursue because we are in college and have taken a few classes together and I do not want to come off the wrong way. I will admit to having a crush, but sometimes you just gotta to move on. But hey if a girl sees that you're not clingy, that might just be the golden ticket. The reverse is equally possible but you should never go head over heels for a girl that you barely know. I've been there and done that and learning from previous experiences. But if you don't want to play games, make sure there isn't one to be played. Being yourself and denying the temptation to jump into the deep end is much better than the alternative.

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