When to Stop Talking to & Pursuing a Girl - 12 Signs

There is value in being fearless and bold in the pursuit of your dreams. But for some guys, their dream is to date the most amazing girl they know to the point they don't know when to stop pursuing this dream.

So, let's have an honest look at when it may be time to give up.

How to Stop Pursuing Someone

Signs it May be Time to Stop Pursuing a Girl

In life, persistence often pays off. But when it comes to a guy pursuing a girl, it can be just plain confusing.

Danny wrote: There's this girl who I really like. But I have no idea whether she likes me or not. Sometimes she acts like she does, but other times she doesn't. I'm just confused.

Well, Danny - here are some obvious signs that it might be time to move on. But then keep reading for great tips on how to pursue a girl in a more appropriate way.

12 Signs to Move On

  • When she obviously avoids you
  • If you show an interest in her, but she seems to ignore you
  • She acts one way around you, and another way around her friends
  • No longer responds to your calls/texts/emails/snaps
  • She asks you to stop
  • Or tells you you're coming on too strong
  • Your friends tell you to move on
  • She talks to you about another guy she's interested in
  • If she seems bothered, irritated or angry at you
  • Your self-esteem starts to suffer for it
  • You start to think you are going crazy about the whole situation
  • If you're wondering if you should stop pursuing her, it's probably time.

Skye wrote: People need to use the common sense the good Lord gave them. When something in your head tells you not to do something, don't do it. You'll thank yourself later.

Roy wrote: Everyone I knew early on told us it would never work out, but I stayed with her to prove them wrong. In the end, it left me more broken and confused. Had I listened early on I would have saved myself a great deal of trouble and pain.

The most annoying guys are the ones who are convinced they have to be with this one particular girl, even though they might not even really know her. These guys are usually so strongly attracted to something about this girl, that he thinks he's in love before he even knows her.

Bottom line - if it is taking a lot of effort to get her interested and she is showing no indication she likes you, it is time to back off for both of your sakes.

How to Tell if a Girl Likes You

How Do Girls Show Signs of Interest?

This is one of those times in life where it’s best to just get the awkward part over with. Instead of trying to read “the signs,” go talk to her! Ask her how she feels, and be direct. Is that scary? Yes. Will it help you figure out what you need to know? Also yes.

Waiting around to see if you can interpret her interest level based on eye contact or emojis is a recipe for confusion, hurt feelings, anxiety, and a whoooooooole lot of time spent guessing that could have been spent dating!

There’s a catch, though: you have to accept her answer, whatever it is. If you approach her and ask if she’s interested in you or if she wants to go on a date, and she says “no,” you need to respect that. Don’t think that she said “no” and then continue reading into her body language, wondering if she was really playing hard to get. Take her at her word, give your feelings some time to recover from the rejection, and then start focusing on the good things you have going in your life.

Here are some things you could try saying, texting, or dming if you’re sure you’re ready to know, once and for all, if she’s interested:

“Hey ______, I really like talking to you, so I’m just gonna come right out and ask, would you go on a date with me?”

“I’m nervous, so I’m gonna spit it out—I like you. Do you like me back?”

“How would you feel about dating me? I think it would be really nice.”

“I like you. May I hold your hand?”

Don’t overthink it. You’ve got this.

So how can you pursue a girl in an appropriate way?

Relationships take time to develop. You can't force your way into someone else's life.

First, just seek to be friends.

Give yourself time to get to know her. But even more importantly, give her time to get to know you. You deserve someone who is interested in you, as well.

Second, don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are.

That's a lot of pressure on a girl. She wants someone who is happy and confident in their own right.

Third, show her respect.

Most girls love to be pursued by a guy or viewed as someone special. Most of the time they appreciate a guy's persistence and confidence. But more than anything, a girl wants to be respected and valued. The more respect you can show as you pursue her, the better.

Fourth, give the chase a rest.

If you stop pursuing her, and give the chase a rest, you might find out the answer you're looking for. If she's interested in you, she may try to find out where you've been. She might actually become more interested in you, because you're not trying so hard. But you might also find that she doesn't care that you've stopped pursuing her. That's a good sign that you were pursuing the wrong girl. It's probably time to take a break, and hope that you can get to know each other as friends over time.

Fifth, relax.

Be relaxed in your pursuit of your dream girl. Don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are. Keep in mind there are plenty of girls in the world, some of whom will find you attractive and well worth their time.

Sixth, don't change who you are.

I know you like this girl a lot, but you don’t want a relationship that is this much work. You don't want to pretend to be someone else just to stay in a relationship. That's exhausting. You deserve someone who likes you just the way you are! Create healthy boundaries for yourself. Boundaries are emotional markers that clearly define where one person ends, and the other person begins.

Healthy boundaries allow you to be free to be yourself, and not feel like your happiness is dependent on what another person thinks about you.

God created you just the way you are. You are uniquely you with your talents, sense of humor, interests, and style. God designed you with a purpose and has great plans for you. Don't let a girl ever make you question if you are good enough and if you should change.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Do you put yourself down all the time? Want to stop? Read this checklist of 10 ways to increase your self-esteem for a healthier self-image.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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219 comments on “When to Stop Talking to & Pursuing a Girl - 12 Signs”

  1. What if she doesn't show these signs you listed above, what if she enjoys your company and loves spending time with you, and shows she misses you when you disappear. But she said no when you asked her out? Should you move on?.

  2. Dude she is giving u a hallpass. U could be having a good time with her and another girl. Make her see i are desired by other women. That usually hota them hard on the face and they will react by chasing u or dumping u is a win for u that way u know how she felt about u. And i u are not having sex with her kick her out the curv. I feel bad for what i read here.

    1. 3 years later, still unable to figure out how to talk to a girl... Gone bald already... Wish I had learnt some flirting skills while I was young. Guess I am too old for this dating game. Better luck in my next birth.

  3. She is awesome. We have a one year friendly relationship over chatting in FB. She is intelligent, beautiful, but kind of bizarre or unemotional. She is unlike many other girls. She sometimes act like she is impressed by me and very much interested too. I also show her very much care, sympathy, respect and admiration to her. But sometimes she shrewdly avoids me! Though both of us know that something is brewing in between us, but no one admits it. Rather we chat as friends or nobody. We were being more intimate in our talks in last month. But suddenly now, for last one week, she is deliberately ignoring me! I also am waiting for her to reply that unseen message in FB. But not being impatient in the fear of messing it up. Today she posted a photo in which was written- "I wish I had a Delete button in my life to delete somebody, some memories, some feelings!"
    What it means? It's really being very much painful for me. What should I do?

  4. I need a head up. there is this girl I like sometimes she show she care but sometime I just don't understand her. Before she even told me how much she want to be in my arm to hug me and me to squeeze her and to kiss her. sometimes I text her, I was texting with to 2 or 3 sentence she reply: yeah, wha, oh, really mhmm. We don't text that much. If a question get happy she would reply in 3 sentence or more. That get me mad. When I talk to her face to face she respond the same way she did before as usual. some other times she act like she didn't see me. Another time she would give me that eye like she was saying: "you weird" or interesting. another time she look at me like she's thinking should "I give him a chance or not give him a chance". One day her Ipad was broken I fix It for her she gave me her password I saw in a text a guy ask her: Do you have a bae a boyfriend or someone you like? she reply "nope, all the guys around here are monkeys and weird but, you seem to be cool". I was shocked, she even ask question to know more about the guy but the guy respond yeah, oh, really like he was not interested. I still act normal after giving her her Ipad back but I change after seeing that to "not love a girl with my heart but with my head instead". I had gave her a special gift for her birthday a box with a headband, earrings, Bracelet and a ring with her favorite color on them all. I fix the Ipad and gave her the gifts for her birthday. She didn't even jump in delight to see what I got her she was only asking me what is inside. She got home she did even text me to say Thank you. Later on was rehearsal at a church I saw her sitting I was walking to the left side in the church. Her head was straight forward but she turn her eyes to the corner left to look at me. Then I ask her what she think about the gift, she said I like then all. I saw that she wear one of the gift I gave her, the headband. She was texting a friend on kik instead of me. Now she wear one of the gift I'm shocked and Suprised at the same time. I saw on kik she made a picture wearing all but never a answer from her texting me. I feel like giving up in go check out other females. The lesson I learned is THE GUY THAT CARE TO MUCH ABOUT A GIRL IS THE ONE THAT GET HURT, BUT THE ONE TREATING HER LIKE TRASH IS THE ONE SHE RUN AFTER. I'm thinking about acting normal, don't show her I'm mad. I'm goig to say "Hi" to her and smile, but the conversation stop there. I hate to be confused and hurt. ANY IDEAS PEOPLE.

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