Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It’s so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. Some people, perhaps even you, are locked in their own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate To Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn’t good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn’t feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
For now, let’s examine what I see to be some of the greatest causes of self-hate.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It’s easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
When bad things happen, we blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred. Click To TweetSometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It’s important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It’s normal. But it’s difficult. Not everybody is going to love you, or accept you.
But it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Not everybody is going to love you, or accept you. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. Click To TweetTom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I’d go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don’t let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He’s right, it’s not worth going crazy over something you really can’t control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won’t. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It’s like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I’ve become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I’ve come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
So what can you do to feel better about yourself?
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God’s love for me.
I ask myself, “Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He’s the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason.” There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn’t that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
There's no one else in the whole world who's just like you or me. That person, YOU, is worth loving. Click To TweetSo how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
Your Friend,
I hate myself. I hate myself so much that it’s always on my mind. It makes living very hard. Then I hate myself for saying that. It would be easier to not be here. Thank God for my husband and the three best kids in the entire solar system.🌾
I’ve been bullied and talked down to my whole life. I am finally with someone that loves me and treats me real good, but no matter what I do I am insecure about my own body and I feel like I’m to fat for him
Honestly, if he loves you, then tell yourself that in his eyes, your worth it. Keep thinking of this, and of the things he does to make you feel loved or wanted and reassure yourself that to him your worth it. That all the other people who suck, suck!
Him and you are worth it.
❤️
I have a compartment in my mind that works against the rest. I am constantly getting flashbacks of bad things I’ve done/said as a child, and I don’t have the defensive weapons you all have to defend against bullies. I’ve been shouted at and punished my whole life and get those flashbacks too, about fifty a day. I’m too sensitive for a man and have been bullied by females because of it, and been made to feel like that’s a crime. My personality has been under attack for years and I’m always scared knowing the next bully can come any time. I will be fifty years old soon.
There are many people in this world who like to kick people when they’re down to make themselves feel like they’re better than you… It’s a shame that you have been judged unfairly and brought down even further rather than someone try to get to know you and lift you up. You are in my heart.
I have suffered depression and mental breakdown for 3 years in a row! I don’t feel relaxed even after that because all my friends and loved ones have started to hate and avoid me for the blunders I did. I am totally distracted and not able to concentrate on building my career but yes! now feeling better….Thank you!
Dawson I’m glad you have this website and have published a book to help people deal with self-hatred. I too am trying to help as many people as I can. Blessings to you.
Hades!!! I’ve attempted suicide twice—been in therapy—saw over 20 “professionals” helped buy them new Mercedes each—was alll the good it done—I am balding and cannot build muscles—I am doomed with females—-
I literally am super uglu and dumb …. why me ?
Its not about ur beauty and dumbness….i think this is the way u are….u should proud of this tht if u r ugly no one else is like u..start loving urself ..no one is like u in this world….wht u cn do no one else can do that
So let me get this clear… Your only answer is god? What if your a not believer?
i hate myself I am stupid ugly and an idiot also I am really small I’m 4ft 6 inches and i look like a 10 year old! I seriously hate myself and I need help
Chole, you are amazing, and you probably don’t even realize it. Don’t say those things about yourself!
You must have a beautiful soul, please keep on loving yourself <3 🙂 You are more loved than you think!
I just hate myself, I don’t know why, and I don’t know how to find out why. I’m insecure and feel like people are stealing away those I love, which they aren’t, and if they knew that I felt that way they’d either hate me or… I don’t know what they’d do. I don’t like this at all… nor do I really want to deal with it anymore. I kinda just want to go back to being alone…