How Lying Hurts You

It seems everyone has been affected one way or the other by lies. Everyone agrees lying is a destructive habit that hurts you and everyone around you. So, I want to talk about the powerful and damaging effects of lying. So how does lying hurt all of us?

Everyone agrees that lying hurts you and everyone around you.

Lying Destroys Relationships

If you've ever been lied to, you know how difficult it can be to ever trust that person again. You can't help but wonder why a friend or family member would treat you so poorly. I received a comment from Brooke, who said: My dad lies to us (my brothers and I) about going out to bars and drinking. He doesn't think we will find out, but he is always wrong! I tell him how much it hurts us each time he does lie but he just keeps on lying. The worst lie he has told me was that he was with my brother and not at the bar, but I was with my brother.

When you lie, even if you think others will never find out, you will almost certainly create a barrier of hurt in your relationship. Rebecca said: I am a single mom of a teenage daughter. Her continuous lies have created a huge barrier in our relationship. I always catch her in lies and it hurts. The lying escalated to sneaking around doing things with friends I don't approve of and that hurts.

Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it's nearly impossible to regain trust. This has been Ally's experience. She said: Once someone has lied to you, it somehow always happens again.

Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it's nearly impossible to regain trust.

Jessie said: When I was little, I told lies all the time, and never felt guilty about them. But then something happened that I needed to tell someone about, and nobody believed me. My early lying paved the way for years of heartache. Now, I never lie. Ever. It's just not worth it. When you need the trust of others that you've lost, it's the worst feeling in the world.

So, what do you want your relationships to be based on? Lies that you tell, in order to protect yourself, or to avoid conflict. Or do you want relationships to be based on a commitment to honesty and integrity, regardless of the hard times? It's up to you to decide.

When you lie, it's like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go.

Lying Destroys You with its Vicious Cycle

When you continue to lie, it's like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go. It is a relationship destroyer that ends up destroying you.

A fellow blogger wrote to me about his problem with lying: I have a lying problem and it has been causing issues ever since I was a little kid. The worst part is how I have to constantly break ties with people so I won't get caught in the lies I've told. So time and time again I find myself all alone, with no friends and a lot of places I have to avoid. And I can't even blame anybody else because it's my fault for telling those lies in the first place and then not being able to face up to them.

Lying destroys us because it takes us into a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to get free from. Once you tell a lie, you usually have to lie again to cover up the first lie, and you feel even worse. Steven H. said: Lies grow, they never stand alone, they need more lies to support the first lie. So, if you don't fess up immediately...it grows like a cancer. It cannot be stopped. 

Whitney said: "For me lying is like a drug, an addiction. I have become used to lying - it comes out without me even thinking or realizing I am doing it. To me, lying is so bad I sometimes think I'm lying to myself."

It's time for you to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of your life.

People who are trapped in a cycle of lying become controlled by a fear of not only being found out as a liar, but also having the truth uncovered about themselves. Jordan said: "I've lied to my parents a lot. They know almost nothing about me, except for who I pretend to be. I wish I could clear the air with them but I know they wouldn't accept the true me, so instead I lie to please them. I wish I had told the truth." Jordan fails to understand that he can clear the air with his parents and have the freedom of walking in the truth.

It all comes down to this: Lying comes with a huge cost - it destroys lives. Relationships will crumble and people will refuse to trust you. But the person most hurt by your lying is you. It's time for all of us to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of our lives. Are you up for it?

You can overcome your compulsive lying habit! Listen to my podcast, where I help three people struggling with a lying habit that is destroying their lives.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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36 comments on “How Lying Hurts You”

  1. Trying to overcome the addiction to lying myself, I want to offer you hope. It's easy to beat yourself up and feel like you are all alone but you are not. The thing is, EVERYONE struggles with something. These struggles come from living in a sinful world. We have choices and although you might feel that you "can't help yourself" that in itself is a lie straight from hell. I think of any addiction as a stronghold. In order to break a stronghold, the first step to breaking it is you realize you have a problem. The second step is writing out goals on how you are going you break this habit. I've started by praying "I will watch my ways & keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth" (Psalm 39:1). I have overcome other strongholds in this manner. There is power in the word of God to break every chain that binds you. The Lord is full of mercy and grace and he is just to forgive every sin. Lying is sin. Period. And calling it what it is is another step in overcoming it. The good news is God promises to complete the good work he started in you and he will see you through this if you trust in Him with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. He loves you just were you are. Forgive yourself too (this is one of the hardest things to do). You are not a bad person because you lie. Lying is wrong but it does not define you if you are a child of God. Confess your sin and turn from i

    1. Thank you so much Hope for your encouragement, I am actually paying for my lies as I have completely lost the confidence of my family. I believe the only way is to trust God more and recognize how sinful my behavior was. There is a solution to overcome that addiction, which is absolutely an addiction. And that solution is the Word of God.
      Be blessed abundantly

  2. I just broke up with the love of my life. We are a mature couple and have been together for six years living in our own places. He had the opportunity to tell me two female friends were to visit him. When I arrived unexpectedly at his pool I playfully called him to say hi...he didn't answer the phone...he walked to a private area and called me...saying hi sweetie...I miss u etc.....I then asked him where he was....he told me in his office.....he said he didn't want to hear my comments if he told me the truth....needless to say I'm leaving the relationship....only need to pick up a few things...he seems very upset....I have a broken heart and will never be able to trust him....btw...when he called me back and lied over the phone...after he said he was working ....I asked him to look to the right and there I sat!!! Obviously he wasn't as committed as I thought and his lack of respect for me was overwhelming....as so is my pain.

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