I talk a lot about how people seem to be in such a hurry to rush into a dating relationship. I always emphasize how important it is to develop a strong friendship as a foundation before heading into romance. Say you've done this, what's next?
Lucy asked our first 'best guy friend' question:
Does my best guy friend like me as more than just a friend? And how do I know if he is falling in love with me?
Maybe you are wondering, "Is this really love?"
Friendship and dating are very important. In the end, best friends make great marriages. That being said, since you didn't say what your feelings are for this guy, I'm guessing you don't have romantic feelings for him. So for him, this is unquestionably a very delicate situation.
If he is actually falling in love with you, he's probably scared and nervous about you finding out, since he doesn't know how you'll respond.
He doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize the friendship you already have. That's a good thing. Friendships are priceless and need protecting and nurturing so they will grow.
Here are a couple of questions you may want to ask yourself:
1. When you talk with your friend about other people who you are dating, or are interested in, is he supportive and encouraging, or does he become quiet and distant?
- A friend will be supportive, but someone whose emotions are clouded with the possibility of being in love will tend to have a more emotional response.
2. Does he want to spend time only with you, or is he okay doing things with you and others?
- A friend is willing to share you with others, but someone who is trying to balance their emotional feelings toward you may tend to be a bit more possessive.
In the end, you will need to communicate with each other and define what your relationship really is.
Even though it may hurt him, if you don't have the same feelings for him that he has for you, knowing the truth is always better than not.
However you feel about him, I'm sure what you tell him will be filled with love and respect. After all, a good close friend of the opposite sex is priceless.
Rebecca brings us our next question about moving from friendship to dating:
How can you tell if the friendship should go to the next level?
The decision to take a friendship to the next level, from friendship to a dating relationship, has to be mutual. Both sides have to agree that they want to go deeper with the other person.
These Things Have to Be Talked Out.
Unless they are talked out, there can be confusion and hurt feelings. So whoever brings up the subject has put themselves in somewhat of a vulnerable position. Yet, good friendships can endure these trying times.
The Best Thing I Can Tell You is to Be Patient.
Let the relationship grow, and when you feel like you're ready, I'd encourage you to find a time when the two of you are alone, and try bringing up the topic. With a friendship based on honesty and trust, you will be able to face the challenge of being vulnerable.
The Right Thing to Say:
Try saying something like, "You're a great friend, and I don't ever want that to change. And honestly, I've always wondered if this friendship would ever turn into something deeper. But I'm not sure how we would know. Do you have any ideas?" Asking him for his opinion is a great way to show you value what he thinks and feels, and you'll find out if you're on track.
Let's assume for a moment that your guy friend agrees with you about taking the relationship to the next level. What then should you do? I would encourage you to sit down together and make a list of the things you have been doing that have made your friendship so strong. Commit to keep doing them, and your relationship will automatically grow. But be extremely careful about becoming very affectionate and sexual with each other. I have seen so many potentially great relationships ruined by the misuse of sex. As someone once said, if you settle for cheap sex, you will never discover priceless love.
Life is short. So be open and honest with your feelings, but be prepared for them not to be reciprocated. But with him knowing how you feel, you very well might open the door for him to start seeing you in a different, more romantic light.
Still wondering if the feelings are mutual? Read this blog to find out if it's really love.
Hi..
So we have been best friend since last 2 years. I was being in relationship but i was not happy with him. After a while both me and my best friend confessed that we love each other. I made my best friend go away from me so that i could protect him as my boyfriend was a horrible person. I planned on catching my best friend later but its been 9 month since then. I tried again and again to get him back at last he agreed to talk to me but only once a week for whole day,i know he still loves me he said that his other friends wont let him talk to me anymore because they all are afraid that i will hurt him again. He also told me to not tell anyone that we talk to each other or his friends would let him talk to me again. But the truth is i love him and want him back to me.i dont know what to do. Sometimes he says that he want to go away from me coz im forcinh him to talk to me. Sometimes he make me feels that he needs me and says that he miss me a lot. I'm very confused about all of this. Plzz help me.
Hi..i need ur help..i love my friend when i was class 11...He reject me becoz he love someone else..who broke his heart....
He said me That he will never love me he will treat me as just a friend ..I agreed..Days Goes on..Nw I have completed graduation..bt i still love him....problem is somehow again he realize that i started fallen love with him..he started avoiding me....not repying my answer..wat will i do...I tried to stay away from him but i couldnt...As u know heart never listen to u...what will i do....will i give him sometime ???or little space ..??PLZZZ help me......
I'm really confused with my situation with my best friend. She has a boyfriend but she is extremely huggy, affectionate, likes to grab my hand and my leg and just overall tochy. She tells me everything about her, she always comes to me for advice, she always gets excited when she sees me around and comes running to hang out with me but the thing is she isn't like this with her boyfriend or anyone else. Only me she's like this to. Does she like me or is she just my affectionate best mate?
Most likely she does like u because I'm the same way with one of my best guy friend that I secretly have a crush on lol
If u guys r really close and comfortable about talking to her about that kind of stuff but don't want to make it to obvious maybe u could text her and start up a game of 20 questions and half way through the game u could ask if she only likes her boyfriend or if she has ever thought about dating another guy other than him and just kinda work up from there
Hope this helps
So my besrfriend me he loved me..about a week ago. And he broke up with his girlfriend bc he thimks there might be a chance of is.. idk what to do? I thhink i really do love him too
i am suffering the same problem n i really am disturb i want him by myside as a frnd bt he is totally ignoring me n when i dnt talk to him he texts me or anythng to get attention its really hurting he is my only frnd in uni i cant imagine my uni wdout him we use to spend alot of time toghtr hst us n some how may be he is attracted to me one of my another close frnd told me to behave the same way like he is doing ignore him n he will be back on track again is that so wt u guys think???/ will it work my frnd is also a guy who suggested me to ignore him n he is very confident abt it that he will be back on track again not the way we use to bt like he is with other fellows
I am deeply in love with my best friend but she is happily engaged.
I began ignoring her for months on end at times. It's not out of dislike or being a bad friend.
It's painful, that's all. I want her happy and she is. Unfortunately, I don't know. I feel like a piece of crap.
Recently visited her town and tried to avoid her. She reached out for me and my heart sank. I saw her last night. She's such a beautiful person. I'm glad she's happy. I love her so much.
I think I just need to be alone. I don't know how I got on this site. She's happy and I'm being selfish.
I hope my own reasoning shed some light on your situation, Lisa.
Sometimes the juice isn't worth the squeeze. I couldn't imagine if E resented me for expressing myself.
She has already built boundaries as well from the moment we met. I know better and maybe your friend does too.
Cut him some slack. Unrequited love with someone truly special (best friend) can feel like dying sometimes. Avoidance can just help ease the pain and get him time to realize where he really sits and to act appropriately for friendship or to cut ties and not jeopardize her relationship that's been built on for so many years. It's unfair but ____ it right? LoL