I talk a lot about how people seem to be in such a hurry to rush into a dating relationship. I always emphasize how important it is to develop a strong friendship as a foundation before heading into romance. Say you’ve done this, what’s next?
Lucy asked our first ‘best guy friend’ question below:
Does my best guy friend like me as more than just a friend?
And how do I know if he is falling in love with me?
Maybe you are wondering, “Is this really love?”
DAWSON: Friendship and dating are very important. In the end, best friends make great marriages. That being said, since you didn’t say what your feelings are for this guy, I’m guessing you don’t have romantic feelings for him. So for him, this is unquestionably a very delicate situation.
If he is actually falling in love with you, he’s probably scared and nervous about you finding out, since he doesn’t know how you’ll respond.
He doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the friendship you already have. That’s a good thing. Friendships are priceless and need protecting and nurturing so they will grow.
Here are a couple of questions you may want to ask yourself.
- When you talk with your friend about other people who you are dating, or are interested in, is he supportive and encouraging, or does he become quiet and distant? A friend will be supportive, but someone whose emotions are clouded with the possibility of being in love will tend to have a more emotional response.
- Does he want to spend time only with you, or is he okay doing things with you together with others? A friend is willing to share you with others, but someone who is trying to balance their emotional feelings toward you may tend to be a bit more possessive.
In the end, you will need to communicate with each other and define what your relationship really is.
Even though it may hurt him, if you don’t have the same feelings for him that he has for you, knowing the truth is always better than not.
However you feel about him, I’m sure what you tell him will be filled with love and respect. After all, a good close friend of the opposite sex is priceless.
Rebecca brings us our next question about moving from friendship to dating:
How can you tell if the friendship SHOULD go on to the next level?
DAWSON: The decision to take a friendship to the next level, from friendship to a dating relationship, has to be a mutual decision. Both sides have to agree they want to go deeper with the other person.
But as I often say, these things have to be talked out. Unless they are talked out, there can be confusion and hurt feelings. So whoever brings up the subject has put themselves in somewhat of a vulnerable position. Yet, good friendships can endure these trying times.
The best thing I can tell you is to be patient. Let the relationship grow, and when you feel like you’re ready, I’d encourage you to find a time when the two of you are alone, and try bringing up the topic. With a friendship based on honesty and trust, you will be able to face the challenge of being vulnerable.
The Right Thing to Say:
Try saying something like, “You’re a great friend, and I don’t ever want that to change. And honestly, I’ve always wondered if this friendship would ever turn into something deeper. But I’m not sure how we would know. Do you have any ideas?” Asking him for his opinion is a great way to show you value what he thinks and feels, and you’ll find out if you’re on track.
Let’s assume for a moment your guy friend agrees with you about taking the relationship to the next level. What then should you do? I would encourage you to sit down together and make a list of the things you have been doing that have made your friendship so strong. Commit to keep doing them, and your relationship will automatically grow. But be extremely careful about becoming very affectionate and sexual with each other. I have seen so many potentially great relationships ruined by the misuse of sex. As someone once said, if you settle for cheap sex, you will never discover priceless love.
Life is short. So be open and honest with your feelings, but be prepared for them not to be reciprocated. But with him knowing how you feel, you very well might open the door for him to start seeing you in a different, more romantic light.
Still wondering if the feelings are mutual? Read this blog to find out if it’s really love.
Your Friend,
Photo Credit: Duri from Mocup
My besti and i are good frnds but he is dating and he told me he’s not dat d girl is just his crush.what does it mean?
Thank you very much for my best friend falling for me, it’s difficult for me to get such kind of information most of the time always… I really hope I can work on your tips and it works for me too, I am happy to come across your article.
My guy friend of 25 years has confessed how hes really felt about me all this time and it blowing my mind. Hes very attractive. But I never really noticed how attractive intil he told me. We grew up in the same city but I moved away 10 years ago. Its great timing because he confessed his feelings only a few months after I decided to maybe move home. Anyway. I adore him. He’s beautiful inside and out. Im just nervous about ruining the friendship if he changes his mind. Guys do that a lot.
My best guy friend made me fall for in love with him by the way he started acting with me,he’s the kind of boy who’s shy and reserved but very kind and close to me, suddenly he started acting very weird with me and i was so confused because he’s never like that: saying I love you and hugging me longer than usually playing with my hand, trying to make me laugh he sometimes put his head on my shoulder last week end we were at the movies with our friends and they was no place next to them so we watched alone in the other column that is opposite to where our friends where sitting but nothing happened .all those things made me fall for him and i truly love him from all my heart and I’m so happy when he’s around but i don’t want to get false hope is he in love with me or this is normal to happen between friends? and why did he suddenly change his attitude around me
I’m dating my bestfriend now I know he’s in love with me but I do not feel the same way. I don’t know how to tell him without him literally dying of a heartbreak since he has never gone through one before. Not telling him is killing me and I hate it because the longer I make it go on the more he will be hurt. I don’t want to hurt him at all. I just don’t know what to do.
Dear Emily,
I really appreciate that you care about your best friend and as well as his feelings. I would suggest that you need to discuss with him as early as possible about your feelings without hurting him. The longer time you take things will go worse. I am pretty sure if you discuss with him lovingly he will definitely understand your feelings and thoughts about this relationship. Best of luck.
Me and my guy friend are like really close and me (being a trans gay dude and him not being gay) both say we love eachother but like….in a friendly way. And I had said that when we say that it hurts my heart, and he agreed. What does this mean.. help plz im much confusion.
I agree that that is a confusing situation. If you haven’t already, feel free to ask him what he meant when he said that. There is nothing wrong with that, even if it was a few months ago. if you are really close then he most likely will not have a problem with you asking him. He will probably see it as a good opportunity to further your friendship and to express himself.
You owe it to yourself to find out what he meant, no matter what. Don’t let anything (passively or actively) bully you into not knowing! even if he pushes it off, ask him why it is bothering him. Be communicative! that’s how relationship (of any kind) thrive and succeed. Best of luck I’ll keep you guys in my prayers (:
I think my best friend is still in love with me. We already discussed that I don’t have feelings for him but I feel he’s still trying too hard to convince me that’s he’s the one for me. It’s extremely annoying. He’s very nice and sweet but he’s always doing what boyfriends usually do. Whenever I talk about who I’m with or an ex, his answers are very emotional as if he’s trying to say “I LOVE YOU!” or something. He’s my best friend and I love him but not like that. What can I do to get him to back off?
Keep reminding him you do not see him in the same light and he will eventually come to understand and will move on with his efforts with itherbwomwn. And, hopefully be there as a friend. Which is what you want.
Hello
I need some suggestns
We know each other from last 2years through chats and recently we meet 2 times. Frst time he was with his frnds and 2nd time we both.
Between our this 2 meet we have our daily converstan at that time he told i m his best friend and seeing my one pic he told he may had kissd me if i was infront of him, our phone calls had became common after our 1st meet and now he told he want me more than best friend for life time.
Does he loves me or he is just flirting?