Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is hard to do. But it's even more difficult when your ex won't leave you alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won't let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or they are just trying to get back at you.
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel.
Clarify the Message that the Relationship is Over
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try not to approach this difficult issue when you're frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message.
Clarify the Boundaries
It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you're working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to a point where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing and how it makes you feel.
You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for hope that you want to get back together. This is the time to be firm because you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight. You are merely communicating your boundaries.
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody.
Get Back into a Relationship with an Ex?
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again.
Listen to my call with Vanessa who's pregnant and still has feelings for her baby's father who cheated on her and pulled a knife on her mom.
I also talked to Ty who says: My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don't know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can't because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn't, and I'm afraid that if he keeps doing this it's going to get to where he might hurt me.
Act Like an Adult and Firmly End It
Kalya says it's been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is priceless: When it's time to let go, do it, there can be no comparing or second-guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.
By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them.
Are You in Danger From Your Stalking Ex?
If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell someone...a parent, trusted advisor, principal, friend or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don't wait until it's too late.
Listen to my call with Candice. The father of Candice's son hit her mom and won't leave her alone. She has a restraining order against him but he keeps trying to come to her house and he's called her over 200 times in the past month.
Be Strong
You don't need to face this struggle alone. God promises that He is with us and will help us whatever the struggle. He tells us to be strong and not afraid because HE IS WITH US.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Don't back down from what you know is right for you. Ask God to give you the strength you need.
This is really serious. Has your family done anything to make sure you are all protected? When you feel scared please chat with us - https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
My fiancé and I are almost 8 months pregnant and his ex girlfriend (who has a boyfriend of her own) still contacts him after telling her to stop over the last 8 month's! It's making me very unhappy to be in a relationship with him with a baby on the way. He keeps saying he'll handle the situation and he hasn't been able to do so I. 8 months short or changing his number. He said a month ago that the next she contacts him he is going to change his number. It's been a month and he's still saying that but hasn't done it because of work, friends and family. But I don't want to marry him and raise our child with him if she's not going to respect our wishes and get it through her thick skull that they are no longer apart of each other's lives! He's with me and she's with someone new as well! I'm doing being angry! Now I'm just hurting and crying helplessly feeling hopeless and worthless!
Why do you say "we" are pregnant? Are you not aware you cannot get pregnant for your bf?
Hi. Im kid who is scared of my sisters ex. She broke up with him because he used her for money but he keeps threatening my sister saying stuff like "If you don't come back to me, I will kill/harm your family" Its terrifying and I hate how I have to listen to my sister argue with him on the phone everyday. Hes constantly stalking her and won't leave her alone. I don't want this to keep happening in my life. When I see somebody that looks like him I get panic attacks. I cannot sleep at night either.. :/ please help me I don't want this to go on.
Vidhya, We can help your through this and help you take the next step to move on from this relationship. Please chat online with one of our HopeCoaches as soon as you can. You can chat with a HopeCoach anytime...day or night at http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp
Look as someone who has been dumped by someone I loved and went out with for five years the reason people get like this is often just because they miss your company not the relationship, because the connection they had with you felt so strong that to end in such a sudden way makes them doubt their ability to connect or trust people and friends to stick by them and help them through thick and thin. Some people in long term relationships just take it for granted after a certain while that the friendship they've built up with that person is enough to last the rest of their lives regardless of whether the relationship ends. The reason people get crazy like this is often just that they don't feel respected or listened to just as you don't feel respected by them contacting you too often. The sad reality is that you both probably have a world of respect for one another. I think everyone has a responsibility to someone to end things in a way that both parties are as happy as possible, no you shouldnt waste months on it if you do want to move on and cut ties thats your choice and should be respected and you don't have a responsibility to continuinly help that person if you've been kind and clear, bearing in mind that the first six months or so there should be little contact and any that happens will probably be messy(and that's no ones fault) but if it continues to be such a problem why not a give a day up to talk to this person who you loved and should still trust in a cafe? There is so much difference between saying its over get over it and blocking someone and sitting down with someone remminising cathching up wishing them the best and making your mind up about whether or not to stay friends and then saying you know what this is too difficult for me but I wish it wasn't and I think your'e a great guy/girl. I don't get this pre-emptive protective stuff, if you went out with the person for such a long time then chances are you'll always get along now or in fifty years time why are people so keen to forget this and so quick not to give friendship a chance, sure there's a lot of ways it couldn't work but there's alot of ways it could.