What To Do When You Hate Yourself

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It’s so tragic to hear someone say “I hate myself.” But down deep, many people do. It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. Some people, perhaps even you, are locked in their own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.

Have you ever heard someone say they hate themselves? It might seem like they are just crying out for attention. But many times, it’s a very honest evaluation of how miserable someone feels about himself or herself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic.

shutterstock_176375423Caroline described her self-hatred like this: “For a while I hated myself because I thought I wasn’t good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.”

So why do people hate themselves? We took a poll on my website, and asked what reasons you might have had to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by “I didn’t feel loved,” and then “I failed at a relationship.” Each of these could be their own blogs. But for now, let’s examine what I see to be some of the greatest causes of self-hate.

When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is
spiral down into self-pity.

Life is exhausting – When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It’s easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love.

Betsy wrote: “I hated myself for a while and wished I could just disappear. I felt that I wasn’t worth anything and wondered why anyone would want to waste their time on me.”

Sometimes self-hate is nothing more than emotional exhaustion. It’s important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you are rested.

Rejection or Abandonment – Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It’s normal. But it’s difficult. Not everybody is going to love you, or accept you.
But it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.

Tom wrote: “I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. I imagined all the worst things, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I’d go crazy.”

Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don’t let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden, like Tom did, will give you great joy. He’s right, it’s not worth going crazy over something you really can’t control.

Thinking bad thoughts about yourself – This is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won’t. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Or fat. Or inadequate. It’s like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.

Mona wrote: “I hate who I’ve become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I’ve come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.”

Why should I hate someone God loves so much? 

The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down.  One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God’s love for me. I ask myself, “Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face?” He’s the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason. There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn’t that incredible? That person…YOU…is worth loving.

  • http://affiliateaffirmation.com Gerard

    I needed this. Thankyou

  • Kris

    That’s a great point to make, why do I hate myself so much, when God loves me unconditionally. I’ll try to keep this in mind for those very dark days I often encounter….

  • nyarielee

    I really need prayer and help though
    I loved reading this it helps thank you

  • Karina

    This didn’t help me, none of the other websites did… I don’t know what to do now knowing nothing will work..

    • Renee

      praying for you Karina

  • Renee

    This was great..thank you so much for the post

  • http://Www.fanfiction.net Nobody

    This did nothing but state the obvious. I agree with Karina. It didn’t help. Self hate is not my only problem, but it’s so frustrating not really understanding what is wrong. What is going on in my head. AND WHY DO I HATE MYSELF?! I don’t really know.

    There, I have been social. Leave me alone.

  • No one

    This didn’t help me either! It almost felt like it was rubbing salt in an already open wound. If god truly loved us we wouldn’t feel this way in the first place!

    • No one

      And what if you hate a lot of people God loves unconditionally. Just sayin.

      • mike

        I really needed to read this I felt so alone by my self an kept blamming my girl friend for it I felt un loved un wanted u felt ugly i felt like noone was here for all becouse of my dad an mom aren’t here I blame my srlf I call my self stupid I try killing my self becouse I feel unwanted I thank you guys alot for helping me every time I feel this way imma read this thabks

  • K

    I think if you hate yourself it is important to find out why, because self hate leads to self harm.

  • http://hopeline.com someone

    Yes, it may lead to self harm or a life time of thinking those dark thoughts. For me, self hatred has lead to a life alone. I am 48 now and live alone. I’ve let most of my friends fade away without any explaination to them. Only a few persistant friends remain. I so want to be social. I grew up good at being social and made many friends but inevitably I would say something that caused an awkward silence or something that offended someone. I would be a wreck for days, filled with self hatred…Going over and over the incident in my head all the while knowing that the incident was quickly forgotten to those who witnessed it. The self hatred is magnified 10 fold when an incident involves family. My heart hurts for all of you who suffer with this affliction because I know the depths of it. For the 1st time I have sought out therapy and it does help to get professional insite. Prayers for all.

    • Dallas

      This is exactly my experience. I have felt this way so many times that it has crippled personality. I go for days without speaking. This is troubling for me, as I grew up bring very personable, friendly and well liked. I don’t know why my mind has plummeted so quickly into this self hatred. I don’t really enjoy my life anymore. I no longer make any attempt to be social. I don’t have any friends. Every day I feel hopeless. I’m sorry for the rant.

  • Junk

    It’ not self pity! I’m 55 and life has been bad for as long as I can remember! Nothing helps! Like the post from above said if god loved us he would make all things good after all these years and it keeps getting worse! I want out of this world! The pain is too intense! I hate opening my eyes up in the morning to face another day of disappointment, anxiety, depression, loneliness etc. EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE!

    • Sue

      you are not alone in feeling this way…

  • someone

    It is all here; God has given us everything we need to claim the wonderous, unique life that is you and me. I know God is blameless for my mortal failings. Even though my life is and has always been an embarassment to me I find some hope in knowing that God is rooting for me. My inner voice tells me do this thing or that thing because its the right thing, the right path but 9 times out of 10 I don’t. God has already given us everything we could possibly need to change our dark, self-damning thoughts to something more normal more productive and positive. I know the pain of self hatred. The only difference is that I don’t blaim God. I lean on him and pray for the courage to make a big change and he give me hope. Keep plugg’n along as I will. Its not over yet.

  • April Jones

    I thought this article was okay, until you started mentioning God.
    If there’s a God, he doesn’t love me as much as you claim he does, or else he wouldn’t make me feel this way in the first place.

    • Anonymous Catholic

      God doesn’t make you feel that way, April, though I understand where you are coming from. However, I want you to know that God gave us a gift of free will – the power to make our own decisions in terms of things like choosing to love and serve him, how we treat other people, and how we treat ourselves. Don’t think that I don’t know how you feel, because I do and am in the same boat as you. My advice to you is to turn to Him with your struggles. He loves you regardless of whether you decide to follow him or not. And if you ever feel alone – remember He is always with you.

  • Worthy to be loved

    I have struggled with negative thoughts most of my life, and self hate. I have have children now and it started to affect them because they would hear me say things against myself, to see my daughters cry and want for me to be happy changed my life. I have a husband of 14 years who has been by my side through my struggles. He loves me but often feels his love is not accepted because how can he love a woman so much who does not love her self. It hurts to be surrounded by so much love and not feel that for myself. I searched one day for the meaning of my name and ironically it means worthy to be loved which is something I never really felt. I have accepted that I am worthy to be loved and God has been so good to me but I have refuse to accept the LOVE He has for me . I’m learning to love the beauty in myself/ they are so many standards by the world I can see how we get caught up in hating ourselves/ so I am learning not judge myself by those standards and enjoy being me. There are many things that Love about me and the things that don’t like , but I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself I want to be free so it’s either STOP COMPLAINING OR DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT !!! Our pain is our testimony and with survival we can help someone thru they pain… may we send our love out not be returned voided

  • Thomas

    God is fictitious. Challenge him once or for the rest of your life and god will loose every single time. God doesn’t help the many that die innocently. We call it the devils work if someone innocent dies yet we fail to realize that if that’s true then god doesn’t do his job. Find peace from inside and not religion. We as people do more than any religious figure could ever do.

    • Anonymous Catholic

      I’ll be praying for you, Thomas.

  • anonymous

    I want to be someone else who is handsome who have respect all over who is rich and he has someone special who loves him very much

    My face become horrible when i see my face i hate myself nobody wants to love me everybody make fun of me in back even god not help me am i that much bad??
    Why god do such type of injustice with me???

  • ronak

    I jst don’t know what to say.. it literally breaks me down.. that.. I jst don’t kbow how to say it.. it all started when I got in a relationship.. aftr that.. it ended in an unjustified way.. I got no resn fir it.. I was broken.. I started wruting poetry and some sorts of phrases.. to drain all my pain on the paper.. in my diary.. people soon came to know about my writings.. they started praising.. now I hv got my resn of brkup.. and she is evn back.. looks lik an happy ending.. bt for the year when she was away.. I was broken like hell… and now.. evrythng seems basically ok.. bt its not.. still everything’s wrong.. I jst don’t know.. I just hate myself.. and it’s all because of “preferences” they show as if they care.. bt I just don’t know.. nothing seems good…

  • truth

    Ronak ….Its seems you’ve given all your power to this woman. You are at her mercy. Be strong…You can survive and even thrive on your own. Let her know it or end up resenting her for possessing all the power in the relationship. Stand up and embrace yourself. You are worthy of that much. And your writings; maybe you have found it. The one thing that is unmistakably, beautifully you. Keep writing.

  • moja

    Why was i in this site..i think its because i have the same problem and CAN U BELIEVE it, i am in Tanzania
    But i think most of the people are wrong (like the above) about everything and GOD
    Though i have this problem and many other as mentioned by others, i believe GOD loved us and still love us dearly
    and gave us EVERYTHING in every possible way.
    Then if so; who is to BLAME and be BLAMED?
    ITS us human being
    Relatives, friends or supposed to be friends, society e.t.c (THE WHOLE MAN MADE HUMAN LIFE, JUDGEMENT, PRIVILEGES, PREFERENCES SYSTEM)
    IMAGINE: WHAT IF YOU LOOK LIKE GOD AND YOU DONT LIKE IT OR PEOPLE DONT LIKE IT
    Think and be positive GOD knows what is best for you and when to give IT to you( your best) AND YOU ARE NOT LOOSING ANYTHING
    BE HAPPY, find and do what makes you happy and dont think much about what they say or do abot you though first it is difficult
    ENJOY

  • Sylvia

    I have no self convince. When im walking in the halls at school I feel like every one is saying something rude about me or how ugly iam. I don’t feel pretty I im not smart, I cant do anything right. I try to make myself feel better by thinking that a some guys think im pretty but I was worng the only guys I attract are users.

    • Carl

      Chose one positive thing about your self and write it down and keep it close. Every time you feel bad about yourself read it and make yourself believe it. Change it up every so often. This is what helped me.

  • light

    sylvia,
    when I read your post I thought…..This was me when I was in junior high and high school. I was confused about why i was filled with such self doubt and everyone else just seemed to be so sure of everything and comfortable with who they were. Does this sound familiar? At your stage in life kids are beginning to find out who they are separate from their parents. They are learning to love the little personality traits that make them unique and enjoying sharing their personalities with others. I believe that something is preventing you from seeing the unique, special person you are.
    Maybe someone close to you puts you down or maybe your blaming yourself for something that is beyond you control. In any case its time for you to move full steam ahead. Join things, volunteer somewhere, Research something you’ve always been curious about. The more things you become involved in the more life knowledge you aquire. The more you can speak about a variety of different things the more you come to know and like yourself. You certainly are not alone…….and I promise things do get better. As for the boys……just because he’s attracted to you doesn’t your attracted to him. You do the choosing not them. Oh, and one more thing. When I was young my mother always told me I wasn’t very smart. Well guess what she was wrong…..I graduated college with a masters degree. Claim your true self and your life. There is so much to look forward to.

  • Riley

    I’ve hated myself since i was in about sixth grade. I mean, I’d started to hit puberty, that didn’t really bother me, I was happy with my body but then I walked into school one day and an eighth grader called me name as I walked into school and just called me ugly and my crush was with him and they all laughed and IDK that was the beginning of it I guess. I’ve always been shy and I’ve never really been assertive. My best friend left that year for another school also and for about a month all the girls hated me and I felt so alone and I dreaded going to school i felt like sooo horrible. And then the year after that I’d gained a little weight, so I tried to starve myself and that didn’t work at all, i mean i was always too hungry to starve myself so that was stupid of me. When I got to high school I thought it would be different like different people and stuff, and it didn’t really change much. I mean, I always think to much about what others think of me, and my friend told me i’d never get a boyfriend, and I’ve never had one, no one has ever kissed me or asked me out. I felt so ugly i still feel so ugly and just stupid. I feel like i make the stupidest choices and say the stupidest stuff. My friends are only my friends when they feel like it, and that honestly makes me so sad all the time. Earlier this year it was so bad that I cried just about every night i saw no reason to do anything and I felt like people were being so mean to me at that time, but then closer to summer IDK what came over me i started to feel so much better. I felt so much better that I didn’t even notice how better I’d gotten. Every time I’d cry at night earlier this year I’d pray and ask God to help me feel better about myself. And I got better and I didn’t even notice until July and I was like oh my god i haven’t cried in forever and that felt so good! Nothing was worrying me, and now I’m starting to get back into what and i was earlier this year and I can’t imagine ever feeling 100% about myself. Especially now that I’m going to go off to college in two years. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do for a living I kinda suck at everything :/ lol no really like i’m bad at stuff.

  • Linda

    I’m new on here. I have hated my self for as long as I can remember. I am 54 now, when will this get better.

  • mcgooch

    Hi, I have never done this before but I need help. I hate myself and it seems to be getting worse. I’m in an amazing relationship and my boyfriend loves me. But I think he’s too good for me. I think well I know I’m fat and ugly. I go to the gym and I wouldn’t say I’m the biggest girl in the world but that’s all I see when I look in the mirror. I don’t know what to do. It’s killing me everyday. I’m getting to the point where I don’t want to be here anymore.

    • Anonymous

      Instead of focusing on why you think your boyfriend is too good for you, appreciate the relationship you both share. Think about it, if he’s your boyfriend and if he feels the same way about you that you do about him, why does it matter if he’s too good for you? There are also a ton of girls in the world that would love to have a boyfriend like you do, so just remember that if out of all of those girls he has feelings for you, then you must be special.

  • Sey

    i hate myself more than anyone all i can do is cut myself so i know im at least doing a good thing, hurting myself because i deserve it,

  • tammy

    I have good intentions. I compromise. I love. I laugh. I learn. I accept. I appreciate. I am treat like a doormat. I am ignored. I am abused mentally, physically and emotionally. I am constantly ripped off by people promising the earth. This has been going on for 30 years. I do not ask for this. I do not manifest this. I do not pray for this. I now have no money, home or relationship. I have a 2 year old I cant look at because of my inadequacies and she is a major reminder of them (her dad was the only one who ever loved me. I was with him for 2 glorious years. He died when I was 3 months pregnant, never seeing a scan or her face). She is confused. I am suicidal. I am good at explaining my feelings, only for them to be ignored. I know I am worth so much more, but life and others seem to differ in opinion. I have had enough. I cant breathe anymore. I cant look in the mirror without crying. I am so tempted just to give in. I just dont want to leave my daughter on her own, as an orphan and in the system. Cheers for this. I know you mean well, however sometimes it is too deep, painful and constant to face, hence the self harm, the self imposed guilt, the self imposed abuse. There is a saying that everyone cant be wrong. Everyone thinks the same about me as I do. they have their standards for me which differ from mine and I fail to achieve anything other than negativity, oppression, vile comments and physical punches, just for being me. My daughter sees all of this and I can do nothing to stop it.

    • way

      Your are not trash. You are not stupid. You are not ugly. You are not invisible. You are not worthless. Your life is beautiful, wondrous, spiritual and imperfect by design. You are perfectly unique and your life, a gift not a curse. With such a precious gift we must protect it….So if you are as low as low can be then look up and reach, claw, drag your way out. Research therapy, meditation, acupuncture, yoga, bible study and what ever else you can think of that could help to deliver you to a place where you feel genuine love for yourself .. Meditation helps me. Go to a peaceful place and watch the sunset tonight and reflect on the beauty that is in you and around you. So long for now

    • ondela

      Tammy how r u now. I relate so much. There is no one who wouldve put it better that u did. God is by our side my sister,We r under Gods watchful eye. Take a deep breath and come down now, it will all be ok. I’m just holding on to that, faith! U and I are exactly in the same both. This is not our battle to fight.

  • Massimo

    I prayed for all of you and will continue. We can overcome this.

  • Marissa

    prayers and good thoughts would be greatly appreciated right now.

  • K

    For all the postings of despair and hopelessness there are just as many postings from people praying and trying to reach out to help. For those of you who feel so hopeless, what has helped you to make it on your darkest days. For me it helps to see myself as a little girl struggling to make her way in this cold cruel world, and I feel compassion towards her, I don’t hate her. She is doing the best she can with what she knows. We don’t have a road map, so how can we hate ourselves if we have made a few bad decisions? Life goes on and we can still make a difference and help others.

  • SomeGirl

    So how can I overcome my hatred?

  • K

    Would you hate the younger you? The little 8 year old you that only wants to be loved and accepted? Are you angry at her?

  • Linx

    I’ve hated myself sense around when I was in 1-2nd grade. It happened it was out of my control. I couldn’t stop it and didn’t know how to stop it. I started growing up, hiding and repressing feelings of all kinds besides select few. Hate, anger, and rage. It fills each and every day, my depression makes it all worse. I haven’t had a wonderful life, but I haven’t had it as bad as others, causing a whole new level of guilt. This has lead me to numbness and partial insanity, which I can lose the rest quickly. I have a wonder boyfriend, we are long distance and that already kills what is left of my corrupted heart. And it makes me feel terrible that I can’t really give him what he wants or deserves, our words hurt eachother even if not meant that way. He knows about what happened back when i was younger, but i feel like he doesn’t understand. He became my light and has helped me start to feel some good things again. He just doesn’t see what somethings do to me. I continue to hide hideous feelings from myself, from him, friends, and family. Some of these comments fit so perfectly it hurts. And the kind words others say are nice but hurt even more, because I can’t fully accept them and knowing I can’t accept love hurts so bad. I recently came out as a victim. A small part of me wants to be loved, and could maybe just maybe accept it. But how can someone love you and how can you love someone if you have held hatred as number 1 in your broken heart for so long? My religious view is so confused and mixed I don’t know what to believe in. Gods love or not I haven’t felt loved ever sense I can remember, but saying this I don’t know what love is. So I don’t know if I have ever really felt it or not. Thank you have a good day, it just feels nice getting that out…

  • K

    You are too cute. “A small part wants to be loved and could maybe just maybe accept love.” That is where it starts-with that small part. Your heart is not corrupt. Just a little broken and it can heal. You were abused, but that does not define you. Allow your heart to open to life. It is like getting into the ocean….you start with one foot, then the other, then before you know you are up to your calves, then thighs, then stomach, chest, neck, and before too long you are swimming in those waters that initially seemed so cold and uninviting. Allow yourself to be loved. Start slowly, start with that small part and allow it to grow. You are worth it.

  • Cooper

    Why shouldn’t I kill myself?
    I feel selfish doing this, as I have not taken the time to help others. And I don’t want help or feel I deserve help myself because of that reason. But here it is.. I hate myself. Every aspect of myself. Why do I want to end my life so badly? Why do I have such bad anxiety? Why would I rather pick at my skin and think hatred thoughts about myself and life in general, than go and make something of myself like the rest of my family and society. I’ve always liked to draw and paint and sculpt and I thought I was the best, and I still have materials to do so within reach. I used to play basketball and soccer and loved getting better and just doing it. Now, I won’t get up and put a pen to a piece of paper, or walk down to the courts and shoot. I get anxious even thinking about the activities. And when I do finally force myself to hold the brush and set up the paints and make my first few marks.. I hate it.. I suck.. Why am I even doing this? I push all of that shit aside and cry.
    I have shunned my family, I feel I am a disgrace to them. I don’t wish to reconnect with any of them, nor do I feel worthy of their attention or acceptance.
    Day after day, I starve myself only eating when I feel I will collapse, and sometimes just letting myself because I want to sleep more than anything so why give myself the energy that will prolong consciousness. I get anxious thinking about the fact that I need to get up and eat something. I won’t go to the grocery store because I do not want to be seen. I don’t deserve food.
    And now I’m complaining on the internet…. I hate myself.

  • K

    Hi Cooper. Based on the symptoms you describe, I wonder if you suffer from clinical depression. I would encourage you to see your doctor and get a complete physical. Some depression is related to chemical or hormonal imbalances that can be easily treated with medication. There is nothing wrong with getting treatment for a mood disorder, particularly one that has so negatively affected your life. You might be surprised how good you feel after getting the treatment you need. You may become energized in the mornings and start to feel alive and enjoy life again. Suppose you had an accident and broke your leg. You would be in pretty severe pain. Nobody would fault you for taking medication to ease the pain and have surgery to get your leg fixed. It sounds to me like you are truly suffering and I want to encourage you to seek treatment. Some depression is situational and brought about by circumstances. But if these feelings you describe, including a loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy, not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, not wanting to eat, etc….if these symptoms have been going on for several months, then you may have major depression and perhaps speaking with a therapist and medications may help you immensely. Once you start feeling better, you may find the joy you once had in creating your art. But please don’t strive to be the best or reach some arbitrary level of “perfection.” Do it because it brings you joy and makes you feel fulfilled. Others will feel your energy. Be encouraged.

  • http://zombo.com crinkled moth

    I am not religious. I believe in nature. The way we understand nature is science.

    All of these comments… I am ashamed in humanity, society, culture, and myself. I feel like societys structure has not evolved, and is trapped by money, greed, and incompetence. I cannot live up to medias standard of beauty with my genetics. I will never be a size small or be able to change the structure of my face or body without unnatural forces. I find it so hard to stay healthy in this instsnt satisfactory and oh so convenient lifestyle. What am I even doing here? I cannot live in the moment, I cannot get things dons because I am dreary for the future and regretful from the past. I have searched for my niche… My home…my companions. I keep being told confidence comes from success. My only passion is useless in today’s society, other than doubtful entertainment. I dream of a world with compassion and closeness. When I was 13, I realized how cruel the world could be, how society has directions for success, how cookie cutter life can be. Smoke stained gray. I told myself, this is a huge world, kid. I’m sure there’s a way to make it my own. To own my life. To assert happiness and express my passion, creativity, and love. I’m 24 now, and I’m still looking. I’m in college doing what I’m told to do for a sustainable life. I’ve tried all the shortcuts: drugs, camping, moving. I cannot shake this cloud that dampens every environment I step foot in. My mind plagued by pharmaceutical drugs. Why can I not be happy with simplicity? What am I even suppose to be doing? Working? For what? For retirement? If I’m lucky, a decade of freedom when I’m too old and weak to enjoy it? That decade will be gone in a blink and my life will never be remembered. Another mass grave without roses. I want to be apart of something. Valued, appericated, unique. I think I’m ready now to become earth and let my electrical energy collide with… Something… I hope… I am un reassured as my hopes, thoughts, and ego are all physical aspects of tissue in my brain.

    I am angry I cannot appericate what I have either. I have all the resources but no motivation. I’m just waiting…. All I live for is for others now. But mostly my dog.

  • sheila

    My god, Cooper. Your words describe so accurately a place I once was; a place I fear someday I’ll return. I get it.
    I know how the emotional pain can be so intense it actually hurts physically. I know the strange fear of going out and being seen by people….Its like, being afraid that someone might acknowledge your existence. I remember how sleep was my only peace but the guilt I felt over sleeping all the time made my soul ache. I decided one day that maybe taking a drive to my favorite spot (the beach) would lift my spirits and it did. I went to that spot every day for a couple weeks and slowly I started coming around. …But that just me. I wish I had the magic words that would lift you up. Through all the self hated and sever depression I was in, I did know deep down that I was worth something, that I my life had some value and I hope deep down you know that too. You know you need help. Please reach out to someone. I’ll be thinking of you.

  • f0x

    @crinkled moth – your comment describes how I feel almost to a T, although I’m 18 and realized the world sucks a bit later than you did. I was supposed to start college this year, but I withdrew at the last minute because I feel like I’m only going because I’m expected to. I don’t even know if it’s what I want to do with my life.

  • ftw

    I’m 41, I have a bad back, bad hip, weight of 350lbs and in pain always. I’m on 2 different depression meds (that don’t work). My physiologist said after these two there’s nothing more to try, that was 5 months ago. Yet still I can’t stand me! I think of suicide all the time. I don’t want to die, but know how much better it would be just to have it over. I don’t want to be this way!!!! I don’t want to think this way!!!! Sometimes got to give. I know that suicide is not the answer. Just cause I think of it, don’t mean it’s what I’m going to do, cause I also know it’s not the right or smart thing to do.

  • K

    You guys got to, you have to re – engage in life. I would encourage you to listen to motivational books and tapes. There are so many podcasts out there that you can listen to on a daily commute or a walk outside. Life is about challenges. They make life exciting. Doing something you have never done before. You can wake up tomorrow and say “I’m gonna be that.” Or “I’m gonna do that.” Then do it. What sort of things did you love to do when you were a kid. Ask yourself what was it you enjoyed about it. Was it running? Did you enjoy feeling the wind rushing in your face? Was it acting? Did you enjoy being on stage? You can visualize the person you want to become, then set a plan in action to do it. It is said that the best cure for anxiety is action. So after you have seen your doctor, got your medications, and been medically cleared for what you wanna do, then go about doing it, and don’t believe anybody that says you can’t. You are the only one who can stop you. Break out of those boxes you have put yourselves into and go forth with gladness!!!

  • Deepika

    why i this world there is so much sorrow especially in my house in my life what to do i have no courage to commit sucide what i do i want to go out from this environment but nobody understands me and do not allow to escape me what to do tell me please my life is hell.

  • ftw

    K
    It easy go some one to talk about getting out and doing something about your life when there’s nothing wrong with ya. But me I can’t get out and run, like I said my back and hip are messed up. My big thing when I was younger was ridding a 21 speed bycycle cross country, but now I can’t get on a bike without hurting myself, I tried about 6 months ago and every peddle was to painful to enjoy.

  • K

    Oh no, ftw…I did not mean go out and run. I have had surgery on my back so I cannot run, but I do try to walk regularly. Sometimes my back hurts even when I walk, but then I slow down. I said be sure to see your doctor and get a medical clearance before you do anything physical, cause you do not want to hurt yourself more, but I just recommend listening to motivational audio books or podcasts that you can do while you exercise or drive in your car. It helps to listen and get encouragement daily because life can be challenging, but we need to reach out and not suffer in silence. I am glad that we can connect on this website. Sharing our struggles helps other people. We can utilize our gifts, like art and writing to share ourselves with other people. And as we do this, we feel better because we connect with others.

  • Savannah

    There are manh reason I hate myself.. And I might as well explain.
    1. Faces.. Everyone has different faces whoever they are but in public I dispise mine.
    2. I screw up everything in my life, relatioships and friends and always doing the wrong thing at the wrong time.
    3. I’m butt ugly. Everyone I know has someone close to their heart and well I’m just me. Somedays I prefer it to be that way but other days I can only blame me as the problem
    4. Deep down inside of me I feel this little bit if evilness and meaness that I want to let out but I often know that is the wrong thing.. But it lets itself one way or another so adventually I screw up the things and people that mattered most to me.
    5. I’m very stupid.

    • TheHopeLine Team

      Savannah, We want you to know you are loved and that you are beautiful, smart and worthy! Please call or chat with a HopeCoach that cares anytime 24/7 at 800.394.4673. If you want download our free app to your phone to chat, call, email and get encouraged here is the link to download it. http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp

  • stacy

    I feel your pain.

    life sucks, I am in horrible pain, and I feel pathetic.

    suicide is never the answer………………you may end up somewhere worse

    I wish you all the best

    all we can do is try to have better tomorrow

    • Sj

      Please stop saying these things about ur self u are none of those things if other people say that they r def not ur friends and u need to walk away ( talk to the hand baby) u are not a silly person why are u believing all this about ur self u and I don’t even know each other a good phase I hear all the time not sure I think if fits but anyway It worked for me last time don’t know why ( MAN UP )in the nicest way don’t let them get u down.

  • nikki

    I am 20 but people say that I’m still like a Kid.I am a College goer and i’m studying Science.subject That I’m Studying Is Quite Difficult but when I had began I thought I would do it anyway.I would work hard for it but the things didn’t go as i planned.I have a very low confidence and whenever i turn my book and start to study at home,I will be prisoned by all the thoughts filled in the world…I can’t stop my mind from wandering…during school i used to be a bright student,looking back at that i always took challenging subjects,thinking i will get back in that track..but this is not happening…my confidence is going very down and thats why today in exam when teacher asked me simple questions ,i couldn’t answer….not because i didn’t know but because i had been feeling very down…..i felt myself to be an alien infront of her…i’m sure she might have thought that i am the most weaker person in the whole college….i am feeling so humiliated i cant tell you…i have become a dumbest person in the world….my brain’s negativity stops myself before i try to hard work and that ultimately leads to humiliation….quitting subject is not an option because I have come really far…and my low self esteem is not letting me to raise….i think i will reach nowhere in my life.. :(

    • K

      Hi Nikki. You might want to clarify what you mean why people say you are “still like a Kid.” It may be that there are issues coming up in your like now that you are older that were never dealt with before and is affecting your studies. You are smart and bright, but maybe there are emotional issues that cannot be ignored or covered up by “working hard.” I would encourage you to speak with someone you trust or perhaps a school counselor about whatever issue is causing you to feel “humiliated.” I think it is deeper than not being able to answer a question in class. I hope you are able to resolve this because you can definitely have a bright and happy future.

    • Sj

      All I can say is life sometimes is crap
      We all. Have it hard sometimes I’m nearly 40 and life still stucks please don’t give up though I came on this site really needing something or someone to make me feel better about myself u know what that’s not happened but I’ve read so many of ur sad emails all of u young with all of ur lives to live that now I feel I want to help inspire u
      My life has not been easy
      But I do have a grt hubby and 2 grt kids although all of them are my symptom of my angrer! Please forgive me for that
      But I read most of ur comments and ur all at least 10 yrs younger than me and I want to encourage u all to keep going life Is crap a lot of the time, friends are crap most of the time, family is crap most of the time, but somehow u get through all the crap to achieve ur goal. please keep going

  • looser38

    I have endless health problems, a dead end job, no partner, no friends, low self esteem, and social anxiety. But I still believe God loves me he gave me 2 beautiful children and IM STILL ALIVE!!!!!!!

    • K

      Hi. I was wondering how severe is your social anxiety, because I was thinking you might enjoy volunteering in some capacity at your kids’ school or maybe joining a support group with other people that have similar health challenges as you do. It may help you realize just how much of a blessing you can be to others, allow you to meet other people, and raise your self-esteem.

  • hopeless

    So many people in pain like me… Makes me hate my life even more that I dare feel pain when I know there are others worse off… My problems seem minescules compared to some people… Then I have thoughts of why bother posting here so many comments, no one will hear you… Then I feel guilty for being so selfish… Then I think well I will probably never even come back to check if anyone replied and then feel guilty about that.

    I miss my kids so bad but I dont even think they would give a toss if they ever saw me again… They’re only young and dont understand… Having a great time… And I am glad about that but would like if they missed me but then I feel bad about that cos just shows how bad a person I am! How selfish I am… Then I think should I even be here, would they even know if I was gone… Would they care, I honestly dont think they would.

    Life is a terrible mess for me… I mess everything up, always have… As a kid I remember thinking that when I am an adult it will be great cos no one will pick on me and I can do what I like etc. Nah, still sucks… Now my kids have gone I have nothing, no-one… Just emptiness everyday… Empty cupboards and desperation… I’ll even lose my home soon… Be on the streets… Something to look forward to ay…

    I cant kill myself though, far too much a coward for that… It’ll hurt and I am weak… Maybe it will get even worse and I will have no choice… But even then I dont think I could…

    Atleast I am not alone in my misery… I know why I hate myself… Its because I suck so bad at life. At everything…

  • self hater

    How am I supposed to like myself or not think I have a problem when I can’t even figure out how to talk to my wife about relationship.

  • self hater

    Nothing like waking up on a new day and still hating yourself. I love my wife & children but I deeply hate myself.

    • Jason

      I lost my wife because of that same problem. She found another man who she can communicate with. I suggest being honest with your self. write those things on a paper and bring it to a therapist and either read it to them or let them read it. Because as a guy seeking help is different than babbling about “feelings”- and how can you seek help if you can formulate out loud your emotional needs? That’s why I said to write your thoughts/feelings/emotions down if you can. For me my Ex did not understand that it wasn’t that I didn’t care about communicating or that I wasn’t in love with her. I later found out that I wasn’t able to formulate out loud my emotional needs. I’m not alone. You are not either. Most guys where a mask to hide their true emotions from an early age.We get it stuck in our head as young kids that crying is for girls. If you get hurt you better not cry or everyone will laugh at you or the ” Only women talk about their emotions”. From then until now we are still that little kid that is afraid to cry and express emotion. I’m not anymore and the next women I bring into mine and my daughters life will be lucky to have such a sincere man by her side. If you don’t get help now you wife will leave you and then you will feel true sadness on a whole different level that you have now. I never write on these message boards man let alone know how I even got to this site. Maybe I was meant to read your post.

  • Jack

    I look at everything here and it makes me think about everything I’ve been through. I’m only fourteen and my parents are divorced, both remarried, and my mother has turned to God and away from me, and she can’t realize this. For years my cats were the only source of my happiness, and now they’re gone because my stepbrother is allergic to them. I constantly think about dying and how I don’t care about living anymore. A few months ago my parents called the cops on me due to a mental breakdown and I was sent to a rubber room in a nearby hospital.

    I understand I’m not alone. I see everyone’s problems and I grieve for them. One of my friends is suffering from a horrible case of suicidal behavior and I can’t make her understand just how much she means to me. I read some of the things above, about how people thirty or more years older than me with children are suffering from this and I know that maybe someday that will be me. I’ve devoted my life to trying to save other people from my fate and I just wish that everyone understood me when I told them how much I love them. I hate the world but love everyone in it. Convoluted, huh? Yeah. But that’s all I have to say, at least all I can say without breaking down again.

  • Jane

    I feel like a constant failure. I was the prime target for my mother’s emotional abuse in our home. She openly favoured my brother, even to this day – I’m 45 years old. I had to meet all of her demanding expectations, otherwise I was shut out and denied affection. My mother never believed anything I ever had to say, and she would always believe others over me. It was easy for my brother to blame me for stuff and my mother would punish me (because she always believed him… according to her, all I ever did was lie).

    I married a man who was abusive. I divorced him and he used the kids to continue wielding his abuse for the past 15 years – always holding me accountable for his problems and constantly looking for proof that I was the problem in everything (especially in our marriage)… and trying to convince our kids of the same.

    I married a 2nd time and my 2nd husband dumped all his emotional angst onto me, too… and so did his ex-wife. Suddenly, I found myself being blamed for all of their problems, too! After 6 years I left the marriage. With that, my 1st ex-husband used my “failed” marriage (as he called it) in his court papers to try to prove (yet again) that I’m the problem in everything. To this day, he continues to set-up situations whereby, if I don’t do what he wants, he uses it as an example to our kids that I’m “difficult” and that they’re not getting what they want because of me. My 2nd husband and his ex-wife did the same thing.

    I feel like a horrible parent. I have done my best to protect my kids, but I was alone in trying to protect myself. My mother was of no help in this regard (she was one of my abusers) until I ended up in the hospital after a suicide attempt – the 3rd attempt in my life. The 1st time she didn’t know about (she just would have made me feel bad about it anyway). The 2nd time, a friend of mine called her to let her know I was in the hospital and she told my friend that I was just looking for attention and hung up on her – she didn’t even visit or check up on me after I was released. The only reason she became concerned the 3rd time, was because my 1st ex-husband waited 3 days to let her know I was in the hospital, and when he spoke to her about it, he told her I was crazy. Something about the word “crazy” set her off and she rushed home from her trip. My mother tells everyone my business.

    My son is angry because of my 2nd divorce. “I” ruined everything for him. It didn’t matter that my 2nd husband would actively ignore me for weeks and sometimes months on end… I took away his family by leaving. My son is now into drugs and continues to demand that tolerate his behaviours (in my home). I kicked him out. I simply can’t deal with it anymore… and somehow, I already know that this, too, will be blamed all on me. He will blame me. His dad will blame me. So what’s the point?

    My mother accepted any responsibility for her abuse on me. I was trained to take the blame… and so the only way I know how to stop the pain of the blame-game, is to cut people out of my life. Funny… my 1st ex-husband ridicules me for that, too!

    I feel like I’m here on this earth to be everyone’s target, so that they never have to face themselves. But where does that leave me? It leaves me feeling worthless and suicidal.

    Thank you for listening.

  • maha

    i feel so guilty if my frnd asking doubt to other person in front of me no one can speak wit me properly and i feel so bad about my studies so i hate my self so worstly.

  • sany

    all the tym i feel im not study properly..even i take book to study my mind nt to set for studies but my inner feelings told study study study

  • mariannd

    I used to be a social butterfly when i was young, but now at my early 20s, i became more and more undocial person, its just like im too unconfident to start a conversation, and when they start it, i tend to answer them shortly, thats it.. i became more and more afraid to open myself to others.
    I dont see any major flaw on me, im not ugly, my grade at uni is good, i myself really dont understand why it happen

  • sophie

    I don’t have single thing to be unhappy about. But i am empty on the inside. I have a husband and two kids who all say they love me, but i feel nothing but guilt i can’t reciprocate. I accepted Jesus as my savior, and the following year and a half was good. but for the last 14 yrs i have hated waking every morning to another day of not enjoying anything. It does not compute with me. I know in my head i have everything cause i have Christ in me, but why so empty feelings al the time? I just want to go home/heaven. Then my husband can find a wife who can love him from the heart and my kids will get a chance at seeing what joy in people actually looks like.

  • Jackie

    I don’t know. I feel like my self hatred is justified.I have let procrastination and laziness take over my life. My house is a mess, my car is a mess. I no longer have anyone to tell me what to do or to judge me, so i only do what passes me, like a child. I work full time but I feel like that’s all I do. I signed up for classes to finish my associates I got one bad grade and decided to give up/slack off. I’m ashamed of myself. I hate everyone and despise their happiness. I suppose that’d mean I’m selfish, spiteful and bitter. I don’t like using depression as an excuse. I don’t have motivation to make things better. I procrastinate my life away and stall things until ours to late to do them anymore. This is why i hate myself.

    • JB

      in contrast to you yet still the same I am all together. I have a great job, make a great living, have fabulous friends, an awesome son, yet I still see myself as a failure. How does that work?

  • JB

    why is it that when I read what is written it makes sense, but I still single myself out as different. I am so tired of looking at myself in the mirror that it makes me sick . I am a 44 yr old single female that will never find a mate because I never feel someone could actually love me. So why do I continue? I know it is a catch 22- i hate myself, so therefore noone else can love me, and that makes me hate myself even more, and so on….

  • Mask

    From time to time I type into Google “How to deal with hating yourself”. I read the articles, read the comments & then move on for I never truly find the answer.
    I truly despise myself. I feel I don’t deserve friends, caring family or any happiness in life at all. I constantly battle the darkness that I have inside and my family has seen how it pulls me into a state of sadness and depression. I always am able to come out of it and put on the mask of the loving husband and father. As I get older though, it becomes harder every day. The battle truly wears you down over the years and eventually it will be lost.
    The only thing that keeps me going is the sense of duty that I have to my family. No matter what I feel about myself, my sense of duty always prevails. When my children move on and I’m no longer needed, then I can stop fighting and let my darkness finally win.
    Do I believe in God? ABSOLUTELY! I’ve had enough God sightings in my life to make me a true believer. Do I believe I deserve to be saved? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It doesn’t matter what good I do in life and I will NOT have my darkness affect other souls.
    For all whom are fighting the same demons that I am, I truly feel sorry for you. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Just remember that no matter how bad you feel inside, your family comes before anything else. Let them be the light that you fight for. It can get you through the day.
    I will add one final item. I have never posted, shared my thoughts or discussed my view points before. Maybe after 24 years of fighting in silence, something has finally broken through.
    I apologize if I have offended anyone with what I’ve said. It was not my intent.

  • Dylan

    I really need help :/. I’ve been like this since I was 12 or so maybe before. As long as I’ve had realized thoughts outside of being a child. I hate myself
    On a level that is overwhelming. I’m 20 goin on 21. So for the last decade I’ve felt alone. I know I’m ugly, I don’t see myself as attractive. I constantly stare at mirrors and always hate the reflection staring me back. This may sound dramatic, but I’ve never had a girlfriend. My whole life I’ve looked for a companion, someone to call mine, to feel loved but no one has wanted me. And I’ve tried, many many times, finding people I feel a connection with and hoping they do too. I’m a very good person, loving, kind, I have to malice or conciedeness in me. I just don’t wanna be alone anymore. A whole life alone is not a life worth living. And I know it’s because of my looks. I’m not cute and no matter what I am, the sweet person doesn’t matter if no one could get past the way I look. I mean I truly believe I would have had easily got someone to feel the same for me
    If I was attractive, and as such I’ve tried so Hard in vain. As I’m getting older now I feel like look worse and worse. I don’t know what to do, I’m
    Heavily considering plastic surgery, to feel
    Better because I know it’s not goin to go away. And I don’t wanna live like this :/ thanks for listening

  • mike

    I really needed to read this I felt so alone by my self an kept blamming my girl friend for it I felt un loved un wanted u felt ugly i felt like noone was here for all becouse of my dad an mom aren’t here I blame my srlf I call my self stupid I try killing my self becouse I feel unwanted I thank you guys alot for helping me every time I feel this way imma read this thabks

  • Trysten

    Everyday if I’m at school or if I’m at home I’m always getting beat up, bullied and hated on I feel so unloved and uncared for its been like this since kindergarden i hate myself and everything about me I wonder why am I special why am I alive I want to kill myself I have always been like this and I can’t figure out why I don’t know why I should be living if I ever find anyone that loves me ill die from a heart attack

    • TheHopeLine

      Trysten, Please know that you are loved and we care for you. TheHopeLine is always here for you. Please call or chat with one of our HopeCoaches at 800.394.4673 or to chat go to http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp. Never, never give up on yourself.