When An Ex Won’t Leave You Alone

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When they don’t get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel.


Breaking up with your bf/gf is hard to do. But it’s even more difficult when your ex won’t leave you alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won’t let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or just trying to get back at you.


When they don’t get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try not to approach this difficult issue when you’re frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message. 

It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you’re working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to the place where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing to you and how it makes you feel.

You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for some hope you might want to get back together. This is the time to be firm, because you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight, you are merely communicating your boundaries.

You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody.


You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again. 

Ty says: “My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don’t know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can’t because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn’t, and I’m afraid that if he keeps doing this it’s going to get to where he might hurt me.”

It is not her responsibility to keep him happy, secure, or even alive.


Kalya says it’s been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is priceless: 
“When it’s time to let go, do it—there can be no comparing or second guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.”

By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you.


By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them.

If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell an authority figure like a parent, principal or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don’t wait until it’s too late. 

Next week, we’re going to talk about the advantages of not dating. Comment to me about why you think you don’t have to be in a dating relationship to be happy.

Due to the volume of comments, we are unable to respond to all of them. Thank you for posting your comment. ~TheHopeLine Team