When An Ex Won’t Leave You Alone

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Breaking up with your bf/gf is hard to do. But it’s even more difficult when your ex won’t leave you alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won’t let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or just trying to get back at you.

When they don’t get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel.

Clarify the Message that the Relationship is Over

When they don’t get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try not to approach this difficult issue when you’re frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message.

Clarify the Boundaries, and Get Help!

It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you’re working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to the place where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing to you and how it makes you feel.

You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for some hope you might want to get back together. This is the time to be firm, because you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight, you are merely communicating your boundaries.

You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody.

Get Back into a Relationship with an Ex?

You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again.

Ty says: My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don’t know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can’t because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn’t, and I’m afraid that if he keeps doing this it’s going to get to where he might hurt me.

It is not her responsibility to keep him happy, secure, or even alive.

Act like an adult and firmly end it.

Kalya says it’s been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is priceless: When it’s time to let go, do it”there can be no comparing or second guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.

By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you.

By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them.

Are you in danger from your stalking Ex?

If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell an authority figure like a parent, principal or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Next week, we’re going to talk about the advantages of not dating. Comment to me about why you think you don’t have to be in a dating relationship to be happy.

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
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  • Franco

    Im with someone who keeps messing around their ex,often doing so in chats on xbox and its getting to me badly. I don’t know if i can be around someone like this anymore. She claims i’m jealous but i’m really not. How she carelessly flaunts total disregard to my feelings leaves me feeling suicidal. This woman doesn’t know how much shes hurting me. What hurts worse is she truly believes she did nothing wrong. What gives? I’m not friendly with my ex. A closed relationship should stay forgotten. Why does she do this to me?

    • Mohamed Ali

      Im gonna give you the best advice. You gotta be a man about this and dont allow your feelings to make you weak. Don’t let your GF take advantage of you like this. Let her know your angry.
      People do what you let them do, if your too kind and considerate to her she will walk all over you and lose respect for you.
      Put down the law no before its to late, dont be really sweet and make exceptions for her because in the long run that will mess the relation ship up more!

    • LaShawn

      She sounds like a classic narccisist to me. My best advice is to look into the disorder/arm yourself with knowledge and fill your life with positive activities/people. Good luck.

  • Kayla

    My ex constantly messes with me, & I can’t stop it. I’ve tried being nice. I broke up w/ him w/o sexual activities. I will be on my way to class and get stopped by him. He calls me everything he can think of and I end up cussing him out telling him to leave me alone & it never works. Especially after school w/ his childish friends. I’m sick of it. He knows the relationship is over. & some of my other friends say he is trying to get w/ them so obviously he doesn’t want me back. I’ve been there done that w/ him too many times. I’ve cussed him out that’s the only thing I can do & he just laughs.

    • LaShawn

      He’s doing his best to toy with you; calls himself getting back at you- why else would he target your friends? He likes when or if you cuss him out. My ex is the same way but I have kids by him so I have learned to just keep it about them and nothing more. If you haven’t already, I would suggest ignoring him. You have better things to do and you arebetter off than him.

  • amanda

    Hi! I’m in a bust right now. I broke up with my ex 5 months ago, and I have a boyfriend now. My ex won’t leave my boyfriend alone! What do I do?

  • Luce

    This is a sad scenario. One of the number one reasons why it is so deeply important to pray always when seeking a mate. If we would consider one another as souls, valuable beyond comprehension in the eyes of God, we would find true success in the command Jesus gives to us to “love one another as I have loved you.” I believe we would be able to see beyond the failures and deeply sinful behavior of others and feel compassion. I have seen many suffer not only as a result of other’s sins, but as a result of their response to that sin and all subsequent behavior. The real trouble comes when people begin to disbelieve in the existence of sin, or perhaps they never did to begin with. If we cannot see our own sick deficiencies, how are we ever to reslove them? Sad world in which we live.

  • pecahh

    My ex thinks he’s doing right by having two girls at the same time.. he manipulates situation. He acts like he is going to kill him self, but then doesn’t. He broke into my house and stole my laptop and other things like that . And movie tickets. He has a problem not to mention he is really sick in the head.

    • Jacqueline Berumen

      Put a restaing order against him.

  • Jacqueline Berumen

    He’s just trying to end your current relationship so you could fall back just for a use. Dont fall for it !

  • fedup

    I am going through hell i have ended a really unhappy relationship with my ex partner who i have 3 children with, he has left the family home but will not stop texting me and ringing his children asking why i am doing this to him , he as even threatened suicide i just do not want to go back there any suggestions what to do ?

  • waterblue

    I agree. I don’t think that people who keep calling/texting after you break up with them and tell them clearly that it’s over are clear-minded and rational, so you can’t really sit down with them and talk calmly. You just have to do it in no uncertain terms and be mean if you have to. Not violent, just totally honest. My ex confused honesty with me being mean all the time – i would hear “why do you have to be ugly with me” and i’d say, i’m not being ugly, just honest, and you need to learn the difference.” I got so sick of the same crap all the time, day in & day out. I ended it last weekend in a way I thought was definitive but obviously it wasn’t because i get a text later, “I’m sorry you hate me” (what this really means is i hate myself) and today congrats that my favorite team won. Sorry excuses just like during the whole relationship.

  • http://www.thehopeline.com/ TheHopeLine

    Yes, stalking is a serious matter. Have you read this true story? http://www.thehopeline.com/abuse-in-relationships-can-turn-into-tragedy/
    Chat with a HopeCoach if you need help figuring out what to do. http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/

  • http://www.thehopeline.com/ TheHopeLine

    Have you read this guest blog? http://www.thehopeline.com/abuse-in-relationships-can-turn-into-tragedy/ It’s a true story and has some resources for getting help. Please chat with a HopeCoach anytime for advice on what to do – http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp
    We care about your safety!