How to Heal & Get Over a Broken Heart - 6 Steps

To Love or Not to Love? 

A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.

He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."

I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here: 

The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.   

How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart

 

1. Take heart. You will get through this.

Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache.  It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.

But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.

2. Talk to someone who cares.

I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.

The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.

"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)

3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.

One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.

It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.

"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)

4. Take your broken heart to God.

If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.

You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.

It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.

"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)

5. Give yourself time to heal.

If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.

"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)

6. Learn lessons from the experience.

It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:

  • Open communication
  • Sensitivity to each other's feelings
  • Trust
  • Ability to see things from each other's perspective

Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)

Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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693 comments on “How to Heal & Get Over a Broken Heart - 6 Steps”

  1. My bf broke up with me on 9/5/18. We talked everyday up until that date and were eachother best friends. He even confirmed that I was his best friend but we were both too stubborn and independent to be together. He emailed me and wrote me a hand written letter after our breakup to say that I didn't nothing wrong and that I was everything he wanted in a girlfriend. We were together 3 years which flew by. I guess it doesn't matter how good a girlfriend I was if in that time period he didn't ask me to be his wife. I haven't spoken to him since October. In that time I got a new job and moved out of state. It's been almost 7 months but the loneliness and heartbreak still follow me. When will it end?

    1. Give it time to heal. It's obvious that you still have feelings for him, while you recovering from your heartbreak take steps into finding yourself and find what makes you special. And for the guy... Don't worry about him please excuse my language but leave his a** where he's at. He doesn't deserve you and that lame excuse that he gave you is bull. Move on with life I know it's been a long couple of years, but hopefully one day your true love will come knocking on your door. So when your healing don't think about him, think about yourself.

  2. Hey, really looking for some advice here, so my relationship of over 16 years and 3 awesome kids seems to be completed over. We were still living in the same house until yesterday and for weeks she would go out and come home drunk, 4 to 5 nights out of the week. She wouldn't spend time with her kids and she would lock herself in the room and talk on the phones with these new friends, guys and girls.
    We are still relatively young despite the time we been together, we are both in our mid thirties and it seems she is trying to reclaim her youth her new best friend is 21 and she is out with her all the time
    She seemed to have transformed into a completely different person even the kids have asked her whats wrong with mom. She always mad and she doesn't cook or read to us anymore.
    I just couldn't bare it, so I left She reached out to me recently and said that this is no longer a break up but a separation, its supposed to be time for us to explore life since we didn't get a chance in our 20's
    She has made a point to ensure that I still manage the bulk of her expenses as well as my own. I feel like she is using me because of the love for my kids. I am supposed to return in a few months as per our agreement, but I don't see thing ever being the same.
    has anyone ever been through something like this before. Is it just about the money and enabling her to live wild while I pay the bills and suffer?
    Is she dangling a carrot over my head to keep me hopeful?

    1. If you still love her and want to work things out, you need to have open communication and tell her your concerns and how you feel. Talk openly and honestly without seeming like you're confronting her. Have total honesty about how youre feeling and tell her you expect the same.

  3. I feel so heartbroken. I’m just realizing that my boyfriend of a few years and someone that I have loved for over 12 years no longer exists in my heart. It’s very difficult to move on and heal but I’ll make conscious efforts. I really wish I didn’t have to move on but it’s for the best I guess. And yes, I’m dealing with this all alone because I really don’t have anyone to share all this pain with.

  4. hi i dont know whats happening to me in past three months , i made a friend in october i have gradually developed feelings for him . my parents want me to do arrange marriage . i m so troubled all the time . please help me i dont talk to anyone these days i feel so awful and sad all the time

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