How to Heal & Get Over a Broken Heart - 6 Steps

To Love or Not to Love? 

A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.

He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."

I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here: 

The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.   

How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart


1. Take heart. You will get through this.

Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache.  It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.

But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.

2. Talk to someone who cares.

I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.

The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.

"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)

3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.

One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.

It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.

"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)

4. Take your broken heart to God.

If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.

You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.

It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.

"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)

5. Give yourself time to heal.

If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.

"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)

6. Learn lessons from the experience.

It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:

  • Open communication
  • Sensitivity to each other's feelings
  • Trust
  • Ability to see things from each other's perspective

Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)

Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak

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693 comments on “How to Heal & Get Over a Broken Heart - 6 Steps”

  1. "If the heartbreak is so intense that after two or so weeks we don’t feel like working or..." Two or three weeks would be an absolute luxury and I'd fall in love every fourth week because two or three weeks is nothing. Two other men I know share the same break up as myself. Our wives simply left without a word and never returned. Where'd she go, is she dead, do I really exist, and so many other questions, literal pain in every part of your body, heart hurts like a constant heart attack for months on end, you will have no energy because of the stress and your heart is not functioning properly so you will not receive enough oxygen to your system. I need to haul in at lest two loads of firewood each day and night, that's my sole heat source. I found that the task was almost to much for me, I was exhausted after that and needed to rest for a good 5-10 minutes just to catch some breath. Insomnia, now hypersomnia, no apetite, the prettiest girl trying to get your attention is wasting her time, the ceiling becomes a real boring thing to look at during the long lonely nights which never end until, without any sleep, you watch the sun come up and begin it's journey to dusk again, which you dread because it will happen again and you still haven't slept more than 2-3 hours and sometimes no sleep at all. Life is hell and it starts each day all over again. For me it's been 20 months and nothing seems to help. For the other two men, one is still suffering after 25 years, and my brother finally was able to date and marry a girl after some twenty years.
    Where does this two to three weeks thing come into play, that's maybe some kind of cute puppy love or your cat died. The other is a person you loved no longer feels it necessary to tell you to kiss off and die.

    1. Im sorry to say the pain will always be there. It took me four years. Not everyone heart heals the same. I don't think there is a time limit. They are just saying don't live in the past, because backwards Is not the direction you should be moving towards. Stay positive. Some days are worse than others. Only when you are ready will you be able to accept it and move on. I too had the depression, insomnia, and all the bad life decisions that go along with that, and then one day, I told myself to get it together because that's not who I am and that's not who I want to be. It will come for you, stay positive and never give up.

  2. The hardest part was going to the super market and not knowing what to buy for myself, having been together for so long I didn’t even know which pasta I liked, moving on to the milk was hell and then I just wept in front of the dairy section, went home to have a bath and the room literally started spinning, I had to go outside to get some fresh air, I walked for miles in the rain thinking I’ll go and watch a film, got to the cinema complex that was spinning too, a friend called and I started to explain what was happening and the trigger, she suggested, medical help, then another friend called and asked me to drop in and for some reason I just started to talk and talk and talk by the end of the tea, I felt much better and headed straight back to the supper market and bought myself some food, went home and cooked. It is true that opening up helped me immensely as did my dog he was so supportive, one time I was doing my yoga and just cracked up crying, he came over sat on his hind legs and licked my tears, and that was when I realised that I was not alone and that I could cope and that I was going to get through this. I did and a year later was married the only side effect I have from that broken heart is claustrophobia, but it is quite manageable.

  3. I just got my 2nd broken first was with a guy that rejected me because he won't have time because of exams and all..and my 2nd actually just happen...i fall for a guy who's heart was already taken by someone else..i got emotionally in his fights with his crush..they were both my good friends..his crush and him..i started to fall for him when..they fight..i started to get really close to him..when i decided to tell him i got a crush on him..he admitted he started to have feelings for me too..IMAGINE how happy i was that day..but when they started to talk back it tears my heart because he was about to propose her and this left me broken..i talk to him and when i told him that whoever he chose i will accept his decision and life will go on..he finally choose her..and now am heartbroken..the fact that he made me feel important..wanted..loved..and SPECIAL..i've got no words left to say..when the first time he put his lips on mine..i felt fireworks..he was my first kiss..and my true first love...idk what to do now..but i'mma try and talk to God..crying one last time for that pathetic situation..then i guess move on........

  4. Spent the past few months with a girl I met online. We played games together quite often and eventually we fell in love. We started talking sweet to each other while she was dating another man. She claimed she didn’t love him because they were always constantly getting into fights. Been like that for around a year. When they broke up we continued to be sweet to one another but she never wanted to be with me. She always said she was in too much pain to be in a relationship. I said I would wait for her to heal so we could have a chance. I looked after her the best I could, helped her pay bills and bought her gifts to keep her happy. She never asked for them, it was my choice to give her those things. I later learned she has depression and has cut herself in the past. I stayed by her not letting that come between her because I loved her too much. She then got into a really bad fight with her ex(stated above) which he said he no longer loved her which turns out she had been waiting for him and her to be together again. She said she and I would probably never be together because she loves him too much and I just felt broken. I did so much to keep her happy, I was her shoulder to cry on but it turns out she never loved me like I loved her. It hurts really bad and I don’t know what to do right now.

    1. She doesn't deserve you and now since you know that she used you, it's time for you to be the bigger person and show her what she lost in an amazing person like you. Going through a heartbreak is not easy just make sure that you have friends, family, and mainly god to guide you out of your current situation. For next time when you meet somebody try to build a foundation with them (like a friendship) and try not to get so attached, this way you can learn more about the person. If she's no good just drop her as a friend, is she's wifey material carry her up like a queen that she is. Most importantly, enjoy life it's her fault that she didn't notice what a good person you are.- From Ozzy

  5. My love left me a week before Christmas. So it’s been about 3 and half months. Feels like forever ago and at the same time just yesterday. I couldn’t sleep. Eat. Or stop crying. I felt like there was a knife in my chest. After a month I had moments where I might have a feeling of normalcy. Briefly. And then back into the pain. Then out for a little bit. And it see sawed between. I did hear from him many times. He would tell me this new woman wasn’t what I thought she was to him. Even though he stayed night after night with her. At about three months later I’ve had good days. Tears sneak in. What has helped? Lots of video blogs about relationships. I would be happy to share which I found most helpful. I Focused on the idea that I mourned the loss of the future I planned with him, the way I loved how I was around him, the way I thought he loved me. Realizing that these are things/feelings that can be found again in someone else. Telling myself often that if he can betray me and leave me the way he did, then I don’t want him no matter how much I love him still. I don’t know that I will ever get completely over him. But I’m getting out now to meet others and feel sparks of interest and that helps a lot. So move forward. You don’t want someone who doesn’t want you. That thought kills me. But I know that there is someone , maybe a few, out there that would love a chance to get to know you. You have a lot of love to give and are worth it!

    1. Please share the video blogs that helped you. I almost feel like im going through the most difficult stage emotionally

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