Does She Like Me?
There are things that guys typically find confusing about girls. I've been asked so many different questions over the years from guys trying to understand girls and vice versa. Today I’m going to answer 3 dating questions that guys have submitted to me. They all have to do with having enough courage to ask a girl out.
How to Know if a Girl Likes You
Understandably this is an area that causes guys a lot of anxiety. Does she like me? This is something every guy wants to know before they dare make a move.
Here’s a question from Jared. How can you tell if a girl wants to be more than a friend if she doesn't tell you?
You're right, Jared, it can be very difficult to know what someone is feeling about you unless they come right out and tell you. I also understand the fear of not wanting to embarrass yourself (or her) by coming out and asking how she feels toward you. It is very difficult to be vulnerable in a healthy way.
Avoid These Two Ditches
We usually fall into one of two ditches, so to speak, when it comes to being open and vulnerable.
The Ditch of Hiding. This describes the person who keeps everything locked inside. They keep all their feelings and thoughts to themselves, as a kind of emotional self-protection...trusting no one. They are safe, but empty.
The Ditch of Over-Sharing. These people immediately express everything they are feeling. They tend to rush into romantic relationships looking for that romantic high. Their actions often end up driving the other person away.
Emotionally, you want to find yourself somewhere in the middle of the road, far from either ditch. If you have a hint the girl, who is your friend, has deeper affection for you, then take it upon yourself to gently and carefully find out. Start by taking an interest in what's going on with the details of her life and see how she responds. If she seems open about sharing her heart with you, that's a sign of trust. Trust is a valuable quality in any relationship.
Good Questions to Ask
You might also want to tell her about a few things like, I really appreciate you. Spending time with you really means a lot to me. I trust you. See how she responds. Sometimes she will say the very same thing back to you, like, I really appreciate you, too. Your friendship is invaluable to me. If this happens, then you have a good indicator that she's probably feeling some of the same emotions you're feeling.
But friend to friend, I want to warn you: Don't start saying things like, I love you, I can't live without you, I need you, or Why don't you text me more. These kinds of words are very emotionally explosive and threatening to a girl. But you will find if you gently, lovingly and openly lead with your own emotions, your friend will in time, respond.
Here's a thought. Why don't you talk with another girl who you can trust, and ask her what you should do? It's always good to get a female's perspective. Take your time with your friend. In the end, given time, the truth always comes out.
Should I Ask a Girl out who Everyone says is “Out of My League”?
We all tend to be persuaded by the opinions of others. Perhaps, to a point we are missing out on a great opportunity.
David asked: I see girls every day I wish I could go out with, but people tell me I don’t have a chance with them. So I don’t know if I should take a risk and overcome my fear and ask out a girl people tell me I don’t have a chance with or if I should play it safe and be miserable?
Thanks for the honesty in your question, David. I have to wonder who these people are that are telling you to not ask out certain girls. Why should you let someone else’s opinion tell you what these girls are thinking? I want to encourage you to be bold and courageous. But let me give you a couple of things to think about first.
Consider what girls find attractive about guys.
Do a little homework before you ask a girl out. First, learn about what girls find attractive about guys. They love a guy who is confident, courageous, funny, interested in them (but not too interested!), strong, and smart. Women desire a man who will sweep them off their feet and treat them special. You are capable of being and doing all these things.
Find a girl with common interests
It is important to take an interest in girls who you have some things in common with. It is also important how you approach her. Approaching a girl from out of the blue might be a bit too confusing and drive her away. Find some common ground and begin a conversation. Be a good listener. Make her the focus of your conversation. Don’t worry about going out with her until you actually get to know her and discover if she likes spending time with you.
Most guys make the mistake of moving too quickly with a girl. Slow down. She isn’t going anywhere.
In the end, you should never choose to be miserable. Don’t let other people tell you what to do. They may think you’re shooting for the moon, by asking out certain girls, but you can prove to them that it’s never wrong to dream big.
How do you show a girl you care without being creepy?
When you are first telling a girl that you are interested in them, you may be slightly awkward. That is normal. You just don’t want your awkwardness to turn weird.
I think this was the challenge Aaron was facing when he asked: How do I show a girl I care about her, without coming off like a complete creep?
Normal Awkwardness or Stalker
Most guys are driven by their attraction to a girl. When they are, it can be exciting, even exhilarating. But there’s often that underlying fear that they will end up making a fool out of themselves. They can be terrified by the awkward feeling of tripping all over themselves, worried it will cause them to be rejected. However, this is normal awkwardness and can even be endearing.
However, it can turn weird when the girl perceives the guy as lingering a bit too long, standing a bit to close, not being able to make eye contact or spying on her. A girl might think a guy is creepy when he oversteps some personal boundaries and doesn’t appear to respect her space both verbally and physically.
Don’t Appear Desperate
Girls are attracted to guys who act out of quiet confidence, rather than desperation.
Don’t give her presents or tell her you love her before you even know her. Do not come across as desperate to be in a relationship. The less desperate you appear, the better your chances of having a relationship with any girl will be. Be willing to let a relationship happen naturally. Find a point of interest you can connect on. Don’t rush things.
Remember, not every girl is going to be attracted to you. But you don’t need every girl. You just need the one who will love you for who you are. Trust me, she’s out there!
For more questions from guys about dating, check out– Why do Bad Guys Get the Good Girls and other dating questions.