There are things that we all find confusing about the opposite sex…things that boggle our minds about how they think and operate. I’ve been asked so many different questions over the years from guys trying to understand girls and vice versa. It seems that one area that causes guys a lot of anxiety is how to know if a girl likes you. Does she like me? This is something every guy wants to know before they dare make a move.
So today let’s start with this question from Jared.
How can you tell if a girl wants to be more than a friend if she doesn’t tell you?
Dawson: You’re right, Jared, it can be very difficult to know what someone from the opposite sex is feeling about you unless they come right out and tell you. I also understand the fear of not wanting to embarrass yourself (or her) by coming out and asking how she feels toward you. It is very difficult to be vulnerable in a healthy way.
We usually fall into one of two ditches, so to speak, when it comes to being open and vulnerable. The first ditch is the ditch of hiding. This explains the person who keeps everything locked inside. They keep all their feelings and thoughts to themselves, as a kind of emotional self-protection…trusting no one. They are safe, but empty. The second ditch is the ditch of over-indulgence of their feelings. These people tend to rush into romantic relationships looking for that romantic high. Their actions end up driving the other person away.
Emotionally, you want to find yourself somewhere in the middle of the road, far from either ditch. If you have a hint the girl who is your friend has deeper affection for you, then take it upon yourself to gently and carefully find out. Start by taking an interest in what’s going on with the details of her life, and see how she responds. If she’s seems open about sharing her heart with you, that’s a sign of trust. Trust is a valuable quality in any relationship.
You might also want to tell her a few things like, I really appreciate you, Spending time with you really means a lot to me, I trust you, those kinds of words, and see how she responds. Sometimes she will say the very same thing back to you, like, I really appreciate you, too, Your friendship is invaluable to me, too. If this happens, then you have a good indicator that she’s probably feeling some of the same emotions you’re feeling.
But, friend to friend, I want to warn you: Don’t start saying things like, I love you, I can’t live without you, I need you, or Why don’t you text me more. These kinds of words are very emotionally explosive and threatening to a girl. But you will find if you gently, lovingly and openly lead with your own emotions, your friend will in time, respond. Here’s a thought. Why don’t you talk with another girl who you can trust, and ask her what you should do? It’s always good to get a female’s perspective. Take your time with your friend. In the end, given time, the truth always comes out. Good luck, Jared.
Now a questions from Ashley said:
Why does my boyfriend have no clue how I feel at all? It is hard to explain to him how I feel. I don’t tell him how I feel anymore since he doesn’t seem to understand. I might as well give up.
Dawson: : I wouldn’t give up just yet. Emotional communication, as I mentioned above, can be very difficult. Plus, men are wired differently than women, especially when it comes to feelings. If you want him to know how you’re feeling, it would be best to keep it as simple as possible. Guys can feel like girls have to use so many words when they talk about their feelings. When they actually have very short emotional attention spans, and often do not have the verbal skills of most women. The language you use when you talk about emotions might even seem like a foreign language to him. Be patient with him.
Let me ask you this, Ashley. Does he show he cares about you in other ways? If he doesn’t seem to care what you feel, it might be because he actually doesn’t care about anyone except for himself. But if he does care for you, this may just be a small bump in the road you need to work through. Look for other ways he shows you he cares about you. If you can’t find any, it might be time to move on.