I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for My Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Amelia asked, "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past the feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?"
I think there are a couple of issues going on here.
Too High of a Pedestal
First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn't. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It's great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.
Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.
What Would Make You Feel Good Enough?
But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you're not aware of them right now.
I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.
It's important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don't feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there's a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.
Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:
Braden asked, "Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?"
The short answer to your question is no.
Most People Don't Do Things Like Breaking Up With Someone for No Reason at All
Girls don't usually say, "Oh, it's Tuesday, I think I'll break up with my boyfriend today." It's usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.
Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it's because there's someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She's probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.
We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.
Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I'd encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you'll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.
There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don't let this girl's lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.
Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul
I would never post on here, but since it is some what anonymous I thought I would just make one post. My name is Nicole and for a long time now I have been feeling more alone, sad, and independent with everything. I am in college and I am doing really well in all of my classes. I received a 4.0 for this semester. But I feel that I am just not a good enough person. I am always there for my friends and help them with situations and I always invite them to hang out, but they never can unless they need something from me. I don't know what is wrong with me and why I can't make good close friends or be liked by anyone. I have never had a boyfriend and I just want to find my "soulmate" or best friend so I can confide in and be with that person. I have been working really hard to loose weight and fix myself to be more liked. I will never be good enough. What I have learned is "every man for himself" and I suppose I need to be more selfish and take more, because that seems as if that is what all of my friends are doing and what guys like. Everything that I do or say is wrong and when someone says something about it I feel like a horrible person and I tend to close myself off more. I don't know what to do anymore.
Hi Nicole, don't ever think that losing weight is the way to be liked. I am a very thin individual and that doesn't change anything. You and I still have the same issues and I m not even as smart as you! I wish I had. 4.0 wow!! The real people who appreciate you and love you for who you are will come into your life, you just wait or keep doing your thing, because when it happens, it feels so good because they liked you for you. Don't try to be liked by people who only put you as an option when you are a priority kind of girl!! Take care!
I just got out of a 6 year relationship where alcohol was her problem. I tried to get her to stop and feel that I wasn't good enough to get her to stop. I keep asking myself what else could have I done or done differently.
It sounds like he has a problem. It's not about whether you are good enough, but more about him not focusing on one person. He doesn't sound very respectful of you. It helps to talk about it with someone to get perspective. You can chat with us about it anytime 24/7. All chats are free and confidential. http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
Hi I've been with my partner for six months now and I just don't feel I am enough for him. It's the little things that count with me and what he's doing I don't like he amazing wonderful caring funny and he's the love of my life but little things he's doing I need someone else's opinion. He put pictures on his Facebook just of him never of us both, he doesn't really like anything I put on there but the likes loads of other girls pictures, he has banta with other girls but doesn't cheat, he never really walks down the roads next to me he's always in front or behind, I've noticed him looking girls up and down and sometimes it's like he doesn't want to touch me sexually please tell me your opinion
Well I am done with men but plagued with the not good enough syndrome. I have cancer and was ill for sometime and going back to work or any given day really I get this 'hurry up and die' look from my co-worker, you know that fake smile? I cannot seem to die soon enough. I pray and make sure I forgive all wrongs but still do not trust people being the middle child and getting the short end of the stick on any quality time. I am struggling to have a will to live.
I feel like that coach in Waterboy before Adam comes along. I know my attitude stinks and working on it. I just really needed to vent.
You are a hero - fighting cancer takes a warrior. You are welcome to vent to us anytime. In fact our online chat is open 24/7 https://www.thehopeline.com/GetHelp/ We care about you and we want to hear your story.