I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for My Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Amelia asked, "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past the feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?"
I think there are a couple of issues going on here.
Too High of a Pedestal
First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn't. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It's great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.
Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.
What Would Make You Feel Good Enough?
But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you're not aware of them right now.
I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.
It's important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don't feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there's a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.
Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:
Braden asked, "Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?"
The short answer to your question is no.
Most People Don't Do Things Like Breaking Up With Someone for No Reason at All
Girls don't usually say, "Oh, it's Tuesday, I think I'll break up with my boyfriend today." It's usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.
Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it's because there's someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She's probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.
We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.
Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I'd encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you'll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.
There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don't let this girl's lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.
Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul
Oh, Ellie, I am so sorry this is happening to you. It is definitely a way of being cheated on by someone you are in a relationship with. Please chat with a HopeCoach to talk about what to do next and how to talk to your boyfriend about it. We are here for you. https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
iv been with my boyfreind for over two years now, and i adore and love him to bits but earlier today i was looking through facebook thinkin git was mine trying to find a message through my freind to see he was messaging another girl and sending nudes to each other last year. i feel so bad and hurt but even more guilty for looking at his messages even though it was an accident. I feel so down and like im not good enough, i mean he was doing that with another girl for over a month somthing must be wrong with me yet he goes on about how bright are future is. i feel so down and unworthy, why have me when he can have a girl thats ten times prettier.I used to feel like this then he reasuured me i was pretty but now i dont even know anymore.
i love him so much, he has been my rock for just under two years but i dont know how to make myself feel good enough again...
Hey, so I always have this problem too. I think my boyfriend is pretty great, and I don't know why I can't even talk to him about most of the stuff I feel. We've been together for a pretty long time, but I don't think I'm good enough for him. I mean I annoy everybody and my younger sister pretty much hates me, so why am I good enough for such a great guy
Hi
There was a girl who had a crush on me in high school . Being the shy person that I was , I never would flirt back or go up to her and ask her out . I feel a reason to my low self esteem was mainly due to the fact that I had a terrible stutter , which has gone away now (almost) . I had never asked her out because I felt I was not good enough , and That I couldn't offer her what I felt she deserved . Even though my speech has improved , I feel I am still not good enough to be in realationships .
I've been with a guy for 3 years but known for 7 years.When we were just friends, we told eachother everything and when i felt down he was always there for me. I was living in canada and decided to move back to my country australia to be with him. To me, that was a really big step and i thought he knew what i was giving up in order to be with him. Our relationship began and it wasnt what i expected, it basically went down hill pretty fast. 2012 to the present 2015 its been lots of mental abuse and my feelings and emotions arent being heard. we had split up twice and during the second break up i was pregnant with his baby. he would always chat up girls online and somehow theyd make it to my fb and send me terrible messages while in hospital. he up and left us to move somewhere else, then decided to come back after i had a fall out with my family. I thought we could work it out, but he still continues to this day chatting up girls online, making me feel unless and unworthy.. and basically thinks hes above me and that i should know my place. I always thought i could always talk to this man about every part of me.. 3 years of this and its almost 2016 and i dont think i can do this anymore.. Its hard for anyone to understand because everyone can have support, from friends and family.. i do not have that and its just me and my little boy and i try everyday to be the best i can for him and him only. my strength to leave this relationship is weak, how could i do it twice before and not now? sorry for my long story, i hope someone can shine some light on me to where theres a happy ending.