How To Feel Like You're Enough for Someone

I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for My Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Amelia asked, "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past the feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?"

I think there are a couple of issues going on here.

Too High of a Pedestal

First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn't. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It's great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.

Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.

What Would Make You Feel Good Enough?

But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you're not aware of them right now.

I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.

It's important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don't feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there's a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.

So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.

Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:

Braden asked, "Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?" 

The short answer to your question is no.

Most People Don't Do Things Like Breaking Up With Someone for No Reason at All

Girls don't usually say, "Oh, it's Tuesday, I think I'll break up with my boyfriend today." It's usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.

Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it's because there's someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She's probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.

We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.

Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I'd encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you'll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.

There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don't let this girl's lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date. 

Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul

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112 comments on “How To Feel Like You're Enough for Someone”

  1. hello, I'm in need of help I feel like I'm choking my boyfriend like I'm not giving him space, but I feel fine that he is with me I really enjoy his company. Just a couple of weeks he was talking to his ex and he told me about it but I got this horrible feeling in my stomach. his made me insecure in some kind of way I tried telling him I didn't like that but It turned into some big argument that didn't have to do about what we were talking about in the first place. I need to write a letter to him so I can read to him with out messing up and telling him we need to give each other some time or should I end it. I've been with him for about a year and a couple of months. please help me write this letter.

  2. I don't manage to fall in love because I always seem to find something bothersome about a person. Every guy I meet just doesn't interest me. It even gets worse as soon as another girls starts to sjow even slight interest in a guy, I suddenly feel almost... disgusted by him. Sometimes they are really nice and cool and I ask myself what is wrong with me because they have treats I always searched for but it still doesn't work to fall in love. When I close my eyes there's this made up boy I see on my inner eyes and I can't seem to find anyone who fits my silly expectations and ideals. And I absolutely know I'm stupid and that there is no person like this. But still, I can't get rid of my illusions.

  3. Hi i have a issue with my boyfriend together for 1yr and 6mths both 37 both work and we live 10 minutes away from our jobs and each other. He only wants to see me 1 night a week and every Saturday night and all day Sunday, i know that it is a lot but I want more, i really like being with him. He gets fustrated and very upset talking about this subject and it never gets resolved, he says the reason he won't stay more is because of work but stays on a Thursday night and then goes to work on a Friday, he did add one extra night to our schedule he says he will see me one extra night during the month, but when that happens he seems to bring it back in my face like it is torture for him to stay with me.
    He never shows affection in public or private he never inates cuddling which I love to do, i iniate every form of cuddling. And during the times that we do not see each other he never jyst randomly texts or calls me, if I want to talk to him i have to text him. And i have asked him twice to move in with me and talk about the future he says why are you damping the night by bringing up this subject. What do I do on the verge of breaking up with him. Help
    Thank you v

  4. My boyfriend and I have been together on and off since high school. Its been a year since we got back together 4 years later. Everything is better than its ever been, but there is one problem when he doesn't get what he wants. Now I don't have a problem giving him what he wants, it's just how he gets when it is not given. Now this is sex that he is acking for. I understand he is a guy and it isn't a bad thing to want from your gf, but to get bitter at me because he didn't get any the nigth before is so wrong to me. He makes is out to seem like I'm not attracted to him anymore, and that I make him feel unwanted. He was never like this until he started feening for it. In the beginning when we were fighting it was my fault, then later he finally realized that he is wrong. But now he is going back on his word and saying he isn't happy. Not with sex, but getting it.

  5. So ive been seeing this guy for about a yr we never really go on dates or anything we dont spend much time together. He ask me for money all the time and if i dont give it to him he gets mad . He has 2 children with 2 different woman whom i believe he still loves . Im not insecure but with him its like i never feel good enough i always feel like hes going to leave one day . He says he loves me and i dont necessarily FEEL that he does but i try to stear clear from that conversation. He makes me feel really bad sometimes like if im so lucky to be with him , he tells me i can GO when we argue like you dont have to be here i already have 2 girls in my life anyways so im always so confused how can he say he loves me but also say idc you can go ill be fine

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