I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for My Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Amelia asked, "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past the feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?"
I think there are a couple of issues going on here.
Too High of a Pedestal
First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn't. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It's great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.
Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.
What Would Make You Feel Good Enough?
But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you're not aware of them right now.
I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.
It's important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don't feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there's a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.
Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:
Braden asked, "Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?"
The short answer to your question is no.
Most People Don't Do Things Like Breaking Up With Someone for No Reason at All
Girls don't usually say, "Oh, it's Tuesday, I think I'll break up with my boyfriend today." It's usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.
Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it's because there's someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She's probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.
We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.
Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I'd encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you'll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.
There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don't let this girl's lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.
Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul
I feel like I'm not good enough for my boyfriend because even though we see each other often it's like I don't make him happy as much as other people. Random people make him laugh and smile sometimes than me and I don't really say anything about it but it's been bothering me for a while now. Am I just too boring? It feels like Ican't make him happy even though I try. When he's at home he doesn't even text me that much anymore. I'm really nervous I'm not good enough to him and he's going to dump me soon even though I try my hardest to make him happy. Any advice?
Hello, I'm going to get personal since its kind of anonymous. My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years, but I still feel like I'm not good enough for him and that he is always comparing me to other people. We seperated for a year because of some problems including that he is completely obsesse with porn and anything that has to do with other women. Even after we first got married I would catch him all the time, I brought it up once before but he got so angry that we couldn't even talk about it. I thought when I returned he had changed but it seems to have gotten worse. He never looks up anything on his phone or the computer but other women and porn. If I leave the house for 20 minutes, that's the first thing that he does and he makes me feel like a bad person if I bring it up. He's always judging and critizing the way I look, it breaks my heart that I don't think he loves me for me anymore. He makes me feel unattractive and it really has worsened into this depression that I feel all the time. I just don't know what to do anymore, I love him so much but I don't know if this is worth it. I know men and men but is it wrong for me to feel this way? That's not even all of it, he is 28 and I'm 26 and we never have sex because of how much he watches porn. Then it just makes me disgusted and I don't want him to touch me. What should I do? Does anyone have any advice? If so please help!!!! Thank you
He's got an addiction. http://www.yourbrainonporn.com you can tell him to read that site for himself. the science is real and he doesn't even know how badly it's messing up his brain's pleasure circuits.
What do u do if u lied to ur bf to make it look like ur good enough for him? I've been with my bf for over a month and I lied about playing sport bc he is so active and I didnt wanna seem lazy. I know I should tell him but I am so afraid of losing him. He means so much to me but I know hes to good for me. Please hope line I really need ur help. I came on here when I was having suicidal thoughts and u stopped that so please this website really does work and right now u should b patting ur self on the back for saving so many lives including mine. Thanks again x
Me and my boyfriend are one year but due to my low self-esteem and being insecure so much i think that he feels he can find someone better defiantly because im younger than him ... i dont think i am giving him enough
Uh this is my hubbys phone i wanna ask we were talking about who is the most important persons in his life and he said theres only 2 and i asked him who getting exited thinking he would choose me and then he tells me his father and his brother then i asked him what about me and he sai no im the third important person in his life does that mean a bad thing were maried for almost 6 months now please i need advise
To be honest, before you guys were married that may have been acceptable but because you guys are now married, you are to be number one and more important than others. It's a covenant that you share and being married you forsaken all others no matter who it is. There's God, Then your spouse and everyone else comes in after that. His priorities may be a little messed up , but those are the people he are used to putting first. Marriage as is life is a learning process and it takes time to understand what marriage is all about. You are to come before anyone and he is to be as well., you stood before God and a pastor and said I do. That's the day that you chose to put one another first for the rest of your lives to death do you part.
-A.M.P.C