I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for My Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Amelia asked, "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past the feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?"
I think there are a couple of issues going on here.
Too High of a Pedestal
First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn't. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It's great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.
Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.
What Would Make You Feel Good Enough?
But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you're not aware of them right now.
I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.
It's important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don't feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there's a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.
Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:
Braden asked, "Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?"
The short answer to your question is no.
Most People Don't Do Things Like Breaking Up With Someone for No Reason at All
Girls don't usually say, "Oh, it's Tuesday, I think I'll break up with my boyfriend today." It's usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.
Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it's because there's someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She's probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.
We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.
Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I'd encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you'll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.
There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don't let this girl's lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.
Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul
Hang in there I hope your situation has gotten better. Don't ever lose yourself in the process of trying to make others notice you. I wish I can take my own advice. Keep your head up.
Hi im glad I found this... As I read Jessica post I started to cry. I have been unemployed for 2 years now going in June and my boyfriend of 9 years is holding it down now mind you i always been independent thru the whole relationship it's just these 2 pass years I haven't and I feel so down and he is kicking me while I am down he complains about doing for me and his kids he throws it in my face tells me I need to get a job already. We don't go out he doesn't even pay attention to me. We once had an argument and told me I wasn't crap who doesn't have crap. I get so depressed because of my situation. A man is supposed to take care of his family am
I wrong. When I was doing everything on my own there was no problem now the shoe is on the other foot it's a problem. I do love him but I do not love how he treats me he also has told me to "get out of his house" it's crazy. I recently found out too that he goes to work and gossips with his boss telling him I don't do crap he pays all the bills and rent. May I add I supply the food everyday for all of us I pay the extra bills all he pays is only the rent. I think this relationship just reached it's end. It hurts to be honest. Wasted invested time. 😭
What did you do for a living prior to losing your job?
Have you applied to other jobs?
Can you move out?
It sounds like he doesn't treat you well. You shouldn't be with someone who mistreats you like that. I would pack up one night when he's at work and leave. Become a ghost. Disappear without a word. Does he deserve a goodbye? That's up to you.
Hi, I've been seeking advice for being good enough for me, and for her. Recently, 75% of my close Frieda have gf/bf. I ask myself the question of. "Why don't I have a girlfriend yet!?" I tried to answer this with "I'm not good enough." And tried to fix it with a desire for death. This isn't getting me anywhere, and I am seeking advice. Help please?
My girlfriend of one year is leaving me because she said she always feels uneasy and not good enough because of the way I love. And it's not that I ever loved her in a bad way, I always showed it with every inch of my being.
Part of it is because of the way we started seeing eachother, me treating it as casual and seeing her once in a while without knowing it was hurting her. That was something she's never dropped and I don't know what she means that she always feels uneasy and not enough, but this always comes up when discussing it.
And after 2 years she still feels uneasy and not good enough, after getting passed the a-hole stage which I regret and will regret with my whole life, after declaring my love to her, after knowing how I feel and beig happy with being with me, this feeling of being uneasy and not good enough has never left and is now the reason I am losing the one girl that I love. It must be the worst feeling feeling that with someone you love but I don't know what I could possibly be doing that could make her feel that way. So much that she has never felt love that made her feel the way my love makes her feel uneasy. And she knows that there is someone else that loves her more then I do and loves her in a way that doesn't make her feel not enough and uneasy. So not enough that there are things about her that she will never tell me because she believes it will make me stop loving her.
I know that there is nothing much that I could ever do to change the way she feels feeling like the way she does or to change her heart, especially when I treat her well and when I don't know what I do or don't do to make her feel not enough and uneasy. I just hope there is someone or something out there that could help me fix this, and I do know that there is probably nothing that could ever fix this.
Leave him...I just finished dating someone like that. It took three years to finally get my head straight and call it off. The man does not value you, you first need to love yourself, be confident, and value yourself. No is no. You have to set the standards. You deserve someone who will love you as a companion, and make you feel whole. Let it go, don't let him talk you back, show him you are strong and do want to be seen as an object. It will take time to heal yourself from the relationship separation, but with patience all the pieces will fit. Believe you deserve to be treated with respect.