I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for My Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Amelia asked, "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past the feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?"
I think there are a couple of issues going on here.
Too High of a Pedestal
First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn't. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It's great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.
Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.
What Would Make You Feel Good Enough?
But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you're not aware of them right now.
I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.
It's important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don't feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there's a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.
Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:
Braden asked, "Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?"
The short answer to your question is no.
Most People Don't Do Things Like Breaking Up With Someone for No Reason at All
Girls don't usually say, "Oh, it's Tuesday, I think I'll break up with my boyfriend today." It's usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.
Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it's because there's someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She's probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.
We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.
Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I'd encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you'll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.
There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don't let this girl's lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.
Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul
I had been dating a guy since last May. I found out in December that he had been cheating on me the last three months. He lied through his teeth until I found proof. I cut contact and then in January he reached back out saying he made a huge mistake. I took him back, but he was still distant and not making any effort. I cut contact again, he again reached out pleading for my forgiveness. I took him back. I told him I needed some kind of commitment, so he said he felt comfortable labeling us as "exclusive." Now its April and come to find out he has still been seeing the girl he had cheated on me with, and as of a month ago he started dating someone else. It makes me feel like Im not a good enough person. That im of no value.
Stop taking him back. How many times he screw you over? Three. Should learn by now he's not good for you. You can do so much better. You deserve better. It's not that your not good enough it's just that the guy thinks he can have the cake and eat it too. He knows your gullible. Don't ever let a guy make you feel like crap. Not worth any ones time. Be strong and move on.
I have a crush and no matter what I do I'm never good enough for him. Please don't say "find someone else" literally every guy in my school thinks I'm like the worst person alive. I just don't know what to do so I can be good enough?!
Hi, I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, and we've dated before back in 08' but sadly broke up because I moved away, but anyways ~
I have a big problem with him watching porn, and looking at other naked woman. I mean, yes all men do it? But if we live together, why do you still need to look at that?
I mean, it's bad enough my insecurities are really bad, I do not have a nice fit toned body like porn stars do or anything.. like it makes me feel terrible because he rather look at other woman than me.. I honestly don't feel good enough for him. If he has to do it behind my back, or better yet when I'm sick as a dog right next to him asleep all day and all. Like it really sickens me. We've talked about it, he says he'll stop, but he just continues to lie about it, and its mainly the lying the hurts the most. he'll literally do whatever it takes to look and watch other girls and it makes me feel terrible.. its bad enough I suffer with depression and such.. I honestly don't even know what to do anymore.. I'm completely torn apart and hurt, because i don't feel good enough for him.
Nichole- Pornography is hurtful and can be very damaging to a relationship and it sounds like it is definitely having a negative effect on you and your boyfriend. Please call TheHopeLine and we can direct you to some resources that can help 1-800-394-4673 (HOPE). Also, have you read Dawson's blog on addiction? http://www.thehopeline.com/12-so-whos-an-addict/
Hi Me and my bf been together for a year and a half and now we're exp a baby boy but he makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him I do my best and am always trying to put my 100% and more into making him happy but it's never good enough I have back problems let alone I'm about to pop out a baby and all i want from him is to appreciate and love me like he did when we first met he'd rather be out with friends drinking then at home relaxing with me I have no friends were we live but he knows everyone and he acts like I'm an embarrassment to be seen in public with like I have severe depression and feel horrible about how I look like I could look better and be prettier like those other girls but he's lowering my self esteem more then it is even if I try and look pretty idk but I need help I don't know what to do I love him with all my heart but I just want to feel like I'm worth it
Hi, here's my story I've always wanted to take the time and tell someone, but never had the chance. I've been with the same guy for 5 years going onto 6. We have 4 babies together 4,2,1, and a 1 month old. Ever since I had my 1st baby, I felt that I was never a good enough person for my boyfriend. And after I had my last child, it's gotten worse for me. My depression has increased a bit and my self confidence has gone since I had my 2nd child. I let myself go and after I had my 3rd child, everything went downhill for me. I felt like he was pulling away from me, and now after I had my baby. I feel like I'm nothing, I'm starting to scare myself. I'm starting to be obsessed with my kids dad, I want him by my side every day all day. Everytime he comes to my place I want him beside me but he pushes me away. I don't know why, but I get jealous of how much attention he gives our kids. Like I should be happy for that, I feel so ashamed to be myself. I never got that attention since we first started going out. And now I sometimes feel like he only wanted kids not me, he just completely gave up on me. I crave so much for his hugs, his hands holding mine, and him talking to me like I'm a real person. of course I love my children but why am I getting jealous of them?!. I feel so stupid. I try throw myself at him but he just sits there and laughs and says "later". Like I know all of this sounds childish but I do love him, I want to be with him. But I keep asking myself if he really loves me like he's always been saying he does. Or is he just feeling sorry for me. In so many ways I can explain how I'm feeling. But most of all I let my body go for him. I quit my job just to be with him, I dropped all my friends for him. And I feel very very ashamed. I have not many friends, I hardly even go out for coffee with friends no more either. I just can't believe I gave up my whole life to be with him.