Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
I usually do hate myself. I can't do this. I can't do that. I think it has something to do with what other people think. I know I should not listen to what they say. But u do and I'm sorry. I'm such a hypocrite I tell quite a lot of people not to listen to them yet I do. But I find myself faking a smile so others think I'm ok. 😔😔😔😔😔😔
Your blogs are great.
I don't like how I am ending up. I feel like everything is stupid and pointless and I'm tired of it. I have a girlfriend but I like someone else....its not her just me (I don't cheat btw) and I wish I could push the game over button because I've been on for far too long, I'm tired and exhausted and done with life.....
Im 14 and I hate school and im not doing well in school no matter how hard I try and I hate my teachers. I know I wont get a job whrn im older. I do gymnastics but I started 2 years ago so there is no point in me doing it because I wont get anywhere with it cause its too late. I hate myself!
Clare, A HopeCoach is available 24/7 to chat online or talk to you on the phone. Call 800.394.4673 or to chat go to http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp. You are not alone, Clare, a HopeCoach is there to listen.
This is me, I am the not so attractive second option. I am
always second. First would be best, third would be worst, I am the one you
might go for if you don’t have another option. I am average, in body, weight,
height, my face. My eyes are blue, but not that blue. My nose is a bad shape,
you can see it in photographs and it sits wrongly on my face like a tear in
paper. Imperfect paper. But not unusable. Oh yes, I am usable, I am used often.
I am a passing option; I never stick around for long because I am not beautiful
to look at. My skin is dry and pale, it is not desired. None of me is
desired. I am not to be brought home to
your parents, I will be awkward. I am not a cheerleader. I try very hard but I cannot
be anyone else. The most I can do for myself is be myself, and I’m sorry that
that disappoints the world. Being myself makes me slightly happier than being a
someone I am not, even though i am not as accepted. I try to be kind. But I am
not kind to myself. I promise I would still be kind if I can be what I want to
look like. I am weird, my humour will baffle you and you will hate it. You will
talk about me and laugh about me and how I dress. You will not care to talk to
me lest you be seen with me. I will hide. I will go red if you talk to me. I will
want you to walk away, or stay, I don’t know. I contradict everything is say. I
am always sure of what I want. I know what I want to be, I will never be that.
I am lazy; I want what I won’t work for. Some will tell me to kill myself, I am
a waste. I am. But I am too much of a coward. I fear for everything. I am
stupid, I cannot do mental arithmetic. I know I am not the worst off in the
world, which is why I feel guilty. People who have less manage to smile more. Why
can’t I? I am ungrateful. I am never satisfied. I want to be her. I want him. I
try not to hate. But I hate myself. She is pretty, she is perfect, she is
normal, she is a cheerleader, she is what you want. She is what you get. She gets
you. You are happy. She is perfect. When things go wrong I am there, the second
choice. But not for long. I am not worth it. I am never worth it. I swear. I drink.
I smoke. I don’t even do them to cope. I just do them. I long for things that
seem whole, like travel. But I will not work hard enough to get the money to
save up for the trip. I trip, in public, I laugh. If I did not laugh at when I fall
at something, or for someone then I would never get up. I accept. I accept you
and your flaws but I will try and erase mine with something that will not work
on the crumpled paper of my life. You are looking for the one, you pretend she
is me. You search my average face. It is not enough for you. You leave. I am
alone. I like to be alone. But I don’t. I
wish I wasn’t so unstable. But I am. I am not worth this. I will die not being
worth it. I love my family. But I am mean. Because I am selfish. Because I am
selfish I am unlovable. I am sorry for being this way, I am sorry for existing.
I am sorry for being the way I am. I really am sorry, I am.