Why Do You Hate Yourself?

Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?

It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.

Can You Relate to Caroline?

Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real.  You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.

Caroline described her self-hatred like this:  I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.

So why do people hate themselves?

We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.

Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen

When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.

Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.

Rejection or Abandonment

Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.

Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.

Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.

Negative Self-Talk

Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.

Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.

The Fight Against Self-Hate

The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.

I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.

So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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810 comments on “Why Do You Hate Yourself?”

  1. You are depressed. It makes everything seem bad and hopeless. I just saw this post. I hope you and anyone that reads this with the same feelings will reach out to someone. There are no perfect people in this world. We all accept.love and understand that with others. Give yourself the same acceptance. Love yourself the way you love and accept the imperfections of those you love and respect. Read and understand depression. Knowledge is a powerful thing. I came very close to ending my life when I was first thrown into a deep depression. I had a friend that called and convinced me I was not the way I perceived myself. I still have bad days but they are getting not as bad and less often. I am becoming à stronger and more confident person the more I learn and do. My strength comes from prayer, healthy foods, exercise, and living in the now. I slurp up joy to the fullest and work daily at throwing out the negative noise I've stored in my head. We are all different but truly equal...that includes you.

  2. I must practice the same thing day by day. I understand my self worth, an individual, with potentional. Family man, corporate man, architect, whatever I could be. I am a son, and I Dont even see emotions as human rather than complex reactt. This realization gave way to this hole. This hole inside, so large, unbridgeable to me. Its there and shows me the meaningless things and how irrational things are. It festers a hatred for all and even myself. I act on these emotions and can't stop it but I can control it.
    For years this hole has caused pain. I in my head see what I am and want to be this, but it hurts. It helps me stay strong yet alone. I Dont want this anymore, so for years I have both attempted, planned, and thought about ending it. Knives, the city bridge, freezing to death. I love freezing to death the most, you die in your sleep, very peaceful. But you can have a change of heart, this is not something I want. No, if I am ever driven to the limit that I am to take that last action to ensure the end of my life, I would hang myself. There's no room and time for a change of heart, and I Dont want to blow my brains out, to messy. I Dont even want to be buried in a box. I want the worms and maggots to eat my corpse after I'm buried. This is my daily struggle. The woods across from my house are beautiful.

  3. I have a husband and two kids, but I just can't seem to get happy. I love my family, but I am majorly anxious and depressed. I don't know what to do. I worry excessively about my children, and it makes me miss out on loving them.

  4. I've always hated myself. I've been rejected by kids always at a young age. I also look at myself and hate what I look at. I suffered from anorexia and being bulimic. No one understands the pain I feel on the inside. I also suffer with severe depression and anxiety and I just don't know what to do. I have tried self harm, carving, and overdosing. Though they don't make it much worse they haven't made it better. I don't have any hope in life and I've tried so hard to overcome it, but it always comes back.

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