How To Stop Lying

Lying is a Horribly Destructive Habit 

Any destructive habit leads to painful consequences. When we choose to lie, we choose to suffer. Think how much better off we’d be if we would stop lying and live in the truth. Listen to the words of Jennifer: "I was lied to my whole life by my mother…every day it was something new. After living with her for 14 years, I sometimes find myself exaggerating, and making up stories to seem cool. I don’t ever want to be like my mother, so how do I stop before I hurt my family, friends, and myself?"

Jennifer realizes lying can go from one generation to the next. One hurt person will then hurt another person because the curse of lying is not stopped.

Once we see how easy it can be to lie and to control what other people think about us, we start sliding down that slippery slope leading to a miserable, addicted place.

So, the most important question we can ask today is: How do we stop lying?

8 Practical Steps to Stop Lying

1. Admit you have a problem.

This is always the first, biggest, and most difficult step. Find someone you trust and tell them about your lying habit…no matter how big or small you think the problem is. The fact is you don’t want to lie anymore, but you can’t stop lying on your own. You need help to stay accountable. Megan said: "When I met the man who is now my husband, I knew I needed to work on [my lying] because I wanted/needed to be completely truthful with him. I told him that I wanted his help, and was amazed that he loved me enough to stick with me (even the few times I lied to him) and fight it out with me."

2. Remind yourself how lying messes up your life.

Lying destroys relationships and adds a tremendous burden to your life. Understanding that there will be consequences is a powerful deterrent in breaking the habit of lying. Phillip suffered the consequences of his lying in a big way: "I used to lie all the time, and I would normally end up getting caught in the end. It took me going to prison to find out that the truth is a much better way to go than to lie about everything. Take the time to think about what the consequences are going to be of what I say or are about to do?"

3. Try to figure out what pressured you to lie.

What were you trying to hide? What would have been a better way, to tell the truth? For example, all addicts feel they must lie to cover up their addiction. The more they cover up their addiction, the better they get at lying and deceiving. Almost every lie has a reason behind it. Wrong actions almost always lead to lies. The reason Hannah lies is to control people around her. That in itself can be an addiction. "I try not to lie but if I see someone that I like pulling away from me because they think I’m weird I’ll start telling lies to get me closer to them. I end up living this horrible lie."

4. Tell someone when you lie.

Admitting a lie can make a world of difference, and while it might hurt your pride, it’s far better than being a liar. Even better, confess to the person you lied to immediately and seek their forgiveness. This is humbling, but it will cause you to stop and think before you tell another lie. Someone once said Confession is good for the soul. And it is also good at helping us break bad habits.

It would also be wise to confess your lying before God. After all, He’s heard every lie you’ve ever told. And when you confess, you can also ask God to help you break the habit. The Bible promises God will always show us a way out:

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13.

God actually has a lot to say about lying in the Bible. Check out these Verses of Hope for Lying.

5. Be realistic about what you promise to others.

Deliberately broken promises are lies that lead to broken hearts. If you promise to do something and never intend to follow through, that is a lie. Additionally, many lies begin as a way to cover up the fact we can’t possibly do everything we promised we were going to do. Be honest about what you’re capable of doing, admitting to yourself and others your limitations, and you won’t feel a need to lie.

6. Talk to others about their expectations of you.

If you find yourself lying to cover up how you have fallen short of others expectations of you have a conversation with your parents, friends, or teachers in order to come to an agreement about what is reasonable for them to expect. Don’t sell yourself short. You may not be expecting enough of yourself, but an open discussion to get everyone on the same page is important.

7. Practice telling the truth.

When you start to feel the urge to lie, stop and think for a moment. Think about what the other person would feel about you if they knew you were lying. Think about how you would feel if people lied to you all the time. And then, as painful as it may seem, tell the truth. The more we tell others the truth, the easier it is to continue to do it. Lying is a bad habit. Telling the truth is a good habit. Work on breaking your bad habit by replacing it with a good one. Angel said: "It spreads like wildfire when someone is caught lying. Then when the person is actually telling the truth, no one will believe them because they have told so many lies. For the sake of your family, friends, and loved ones, always tell the truth even if you are afraid of the outcome!”

8. Commit to a life of honesty, at all costs.

Telling the truth might be horribly uncomfortable for you, but you’re starting to walk down a path of honesty and integrity, turning yourself into the person you desire to be. If you don’t know the answer to a question, don’t lie and make something up. Say, I don’t know. The freedom of the truth will be liberating.

Like any Addiction - It's Not Easy to Stop Lying...But Worth It.

Let’s be honest…it is going to be very difficult to stop lying. Claudia admitted: "I have learned that when you start lying it is hard to stop. It takes a lot of hard work and determination to get over a habit that has been a big part of your life."

However, as you wake up to the reality of what you’re saying and doing and put a stop to the lies you are telling, you will soon reap the benefits of living a peaceful life. I promise, if you put forth an effort to stop this toxic and destructive habit right now, you’ll be grateful forever.

Leave a comment below. I’d love to hear what you think are some of the rewards of being honest?

For more help to stop lying check out, Top Two Reasons You Should Stop Lying Plus How Liars Get Caught

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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297 comments on “How To Stop Lying”

  1. last night i lied to my dad, he's my hero. and i don't deserve all the things he gives me. in the past years my mom has always lied to me and my family, i promised myself i wouldn't become like her. and that's where the lie's started, i lied to myself that i wouldn't be like her. when i was little all i ever did was lie, but i got away with it. it hurts me that i struggle to control myself when i lie. i really hate it every time i do i feel guilty. my dad left me alone at home and said he wanted me out. i would like some advice on how to earn his trust back?

    1. I'm assuming since he wants you out, you're old enough to be on your own. Get out. Prove him wrong by making it right. Become independent and show him in actions that you're trustworthy. It will take a very long time. The thing about liars is the only one they are fooling is themselves if they think they've got the world fooled especially a good parents. Your hero deserves better than you've given him. A hero is someone whom you respect which is why you call him a "hero". You couldn't respect him or you wouldn't lie to him.

  2. can anyone help me please my lying habit has made my life a living heck? if you can cause it is really hard to tell the truth and I ly to try to stay out of trouble.

  3. I lie when I am too scared to face the truth. A couple of weeks ago, I made a mistake that I can never forgive myself for. I used illegal substances and ever since then, everyone who knows about it hasn't looked at me the same. Every day I think about this mistake I made and since then I haven't been able to stop lying. My relationship with my parents was deeply affected and will never be the same because of ME. I feel like crap and when other people can move on from this, I still can't and I would do anything to go back and change the mistakes I made. I'm a Freshman in high school and I want to be in the US Marine Corps but liars can't be trusted and can easily get booted out. This is a story to not only do illegal things but to not lie because it is very hard to break a compulsive lying habit. -Jack

    1. Jack, there is hope. Have you downloaded our free eBook about lying? Getting to the heart of why you are lying is really important. You can chat with a HopeCoach anytime 24/7 - it's safe, confidential, and free - here is the link https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ Jack, everyone makes mistakes in life and we learn from them and become better people.
      Here is the link to the free eBook, which would also be good to share with your parents to get a conversation started. Your parents love you and want to know the truth so that they can love you through it. http://info.thehopeline.com/lying-ebook

    2. Jack, You are being far too hard on yourself. First teenagers are the hardest critics and they don't mean to be, they are growing. Secondly even the best of teenagers lie. You can rebuild what part of your reputation you think you lost by NOT doing it again...first and foremost...drugs will ruin your life. On the lying end of things, this is something you can control...Forgive your past lies, stop lying and move on. Before you know it you will be far more comfortable with yourself and self esteem. Remember you and your friends all want to fit in, but that doesn't mean by choosing the option that will hurt you. You will find the friends that need you to say "no" too. Now forgive yourself sweetie. I hope you will be a Marine someday. Part of being a man is facing the truth and dealing with the consequences. The more you practice it the easier it gets and the stronger you will become...just a like Marine. Just be true to yourself Jack...no more drugs!!!

    3. Own up to it and apologize to those people you hurt and don't look at you the same way. In order to gain their respect or trust, you need to be honest as to why you did, why you lied, and prove in your actions that your words are credible. Perhaps getting involved in a drug program to learn how destructive drugs are to not only you but to those around you.

  4. What do you do if telling someone the truth is going to hurt there feelings? Example
    Wife: honey do I look good
    Husband: yes ou look great
    But really she doesn't .

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