I Want My Daughter to Look Up to Me
“I just found out my girlfriend is pregnant. We are expecting a daughter and I’m addicted to being high…it’s reached that junkie level.” Collin’s an addict and hasn’t had a good past. He made a lot of choices that landed him in various institutions, rehab programs, county jails, and youth deterrent programs. He says, it’s hard for him because he has 3 ½ months before he gets to meet this beautiful baby girl. He wants to be someone she can look up to and say, “That’s my dad.” He knows he hasn’t stepped up to be a good role model yet.
You Can’t Be a Junkie and a Good Father
Collin is a junkie, and nothing’s been able to get him to stay clean. Is his daughter coming enough to get him to stay clean? He can’t be in her life right now because he’s not clean so he’s not healthy. He doesn’t want his daughter living with a junkie. He needs to get cleaned up first, for himself and then for his family and he needs to do it now. He can’t listen to the lie that says go ahead, wait until the baby is born then quit. He needs to get clean now. He needs to come up with a plan. His current plan is not working.
Collin says he does have a plan. He and his girlfriend are moving. He’s going back home to get surrounded by family and get away from his dealers. His girlfriend’s family has been supportive and really embraced Collin, even better than his own family.
Peer to Peer: Advice Needed for Collin
How can Collin use this big change in his life to help him stay clean? There’s no good father who’s a junkie. Collin has a choice to make and it’s time to make some major changes in his life in order for him to be the father he wants to be. It’s not impossible but it’s going to be hard. We had a huge response of calls for Collin: Amber, Samantha, Rachel, “I”, and Joanna had stout, moving, and awesome advice for Collin.
Switch Your Mind to Where Your Child is Your Drug
Amber has been where Collin is at. Here’s what Amber had to say, “You can only do it for so long until you get sick and tired of being sick and tired. You are already making the first step. Now, that you have a little one to look after and you want to be clean for them. You need to switch your mind to where your child is your drug, seeing that child smile, holding that child is your drug.
Do you really want to change and take that step forward in your life or stay down in the dumps? If you’re wanting to better yourself and stay sober, choose your child over the drugs. It’s all in your mind. You have to want what your heart desires. Does your heart desire being in your child’s life more or does it desire the drugs?”
Your Daughter is Worth It
Samantha says, “You’re not alone. You’re never alone. That baby is worth everything. It’s worth the sobriety and nothing else is more important than your child. Life is worth something so much more. My son is 9 years old and I was literally gone for 6 months of that just doing drugs all the time. It took me forever to realize it and it took my parents, saying, “Is that how you want your son to remember you?” That’s what woke me up.”
Collin needs Someone to Hold Him Accountable
Collin says he has someone to hold him accountable and that person is his girlfriend’s sister, Anna. She has a son who is about to turn 3 years old and she’s struggled with alcoholism and has seen so much of herself in Collin. Collin says she’ll hold him accountable.
I believe there also needs to be a guy he can turn to. He needs to start this accountability now, not when he moves. So, there’s trust being built, and advice being given sooner than later.
Your Mind is More Powerful Than Any Drug on This Planet
Rachel got pregnant when she was 18 and had been using (marijuana, pills, alcohol, meth) since she was 15. She used anything she could get her hands on. Rachel got pregnant and stopped using drugs, she shares, “My boyfriend never really stopped the drugs.
He said he was going to but never really did. He saw my daughter a total of about 4 times. I didn’t want him around her when he wasn’t clean. About 2 years ago, he promised he was clean. I said, he could come see her at my house and they spent all evening together. The next day he overdosed. My daughter (9 years old) doesn’t know the real cause of his death because it will just cause her heartache. I’ll tell her when she’s older. Remember, Collin, your mind is more powerful than any drug on this planet and if you put your mind to it, you can overcome anything if you really want to.”
Don’t Let the Drugs Take Your Blessing Away
“I” says, “I don’t have any experience with what you’re dealing with. I’m a stepdad myself but I feel you are on the right path. Do everything you can because there is nothing like seeing a kid smile…it’s such a blessing. Don’t let the drugs take your blessing away. It kills it and will kill you. I didn’t grow up with my dad. I don’t know him, and I wish I had. Not having a dad, I want everything for my kid. Seeing that smile and holding that kid in your arms, there’s nothing like it. You’re taking the right step so continue!”
I Had to Choose Too…My Son or Drugs
Joanna says Collin’s story really touched her because she’s been there. She explains, “I’m an addict and I’m going to live with that forever. I’ve been in that dark place he’s been. I’m a single parent to a 4-year-old now and I had to choose. I’m an addict of being high. I had to choose my son or that lifestyle. My son is most important to me than anything else in the world. You need to get away from the dealers, cut off all those people who are negative, and that are toxic in your life. Let them go because they will bring you down. What’s important is your family, your health, and your child who's coming into the world. When you see your daughter, your heart is going to explode and you’re going to get a high off love and it’s the best kind of high. It’s not going to be easy. You’re going to make mistakes; I have but I work at it every day. Find God and your love with God. God will help you.”
What advice would you give Collin?
Have you had to choose between drugs and your child? What helped you the most? How were you able to stay clean? Share your story and advice with Collin in the comments below! What you have to say could be what helps Collin get through this!
Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?
Addiction is a complex condition. Understanding you have an addiction, and that it harms you and your relationships, is a critical step toward recovery. If you are an addict, you need help and support. There are many caring experts and professionals uniquely qualified to mentor and support people with addictions. You can enroll in a drug and alcohol treatment programs, join AA, NA, or a Christ centered 12-step program, or get counseling from a professional!
Resources for Substance Abuse:
For hope and help in overcoming substance abuse and addiction, download our free eBook for information and help to overcome your addiction, Understanding Substance Abuse.
Also, check out my blogs to help you work through addiction:
- Recovery from Addiction
- Staying Clean After an Addiction
- 6 Steps to Change Your Life
- The Opioid Epidemic
You are not alone! Others struggle with similar doubts, fears, and question God sometimes. Here are some of their stories:
Need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, then: Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.
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