Six Things You Had to Say About Cheating

Before moving onto the next blog topic, Relationships in the Military, I want to share just a few more thoughts on Why Guys Cheat on Their
Girlfriends.
I won’t repeat what has already been written. You can read my last four blogs and see everyone comments. Below are three of the six things that struck me about your comments over the last few weeks:

1.  Too Afraid to End It. A lot of people (guys and girls) commented that guys don’t end relationships before moving on because either they don’t know how to tell their girlfriend it’s over, or they simply wimp out and avoid all uncomfortable conversations. Some even cheat as a means of breaking up.

 Melzers wrote: I think guys cheat … because they want to end their current relationship…

Dustin wrote:…He (looks for) a way to make her leave him, so He finds someone else who fits those needs and finds a way to let her find out.

Dante wrote:  There are guys who cheat because they know its over but they’re not willing to end it…
In the meantime he goes out and cheats till he gets caught.

 HARD TRUTH: Nobody changes the oil in a car they have already decided to trade in. Get the point?
If a guy has already decided to move on, preserving and maintaining the current relationship is not a high priority. Sometimes those signs are not hard for a GF to recognize. Often girls are cheated on because after seeing the clear signs that the BF is shopping around, she should have dumped him on the spot.
Instead, she hang on until he cheats on her.

 

sw2 wrote: I read the first blog, and i love what she (Anonymous) said, ? think i just realized why men cheat, well one reason at least, its because it’s so hard walking away, and letting go, hurting someone.…When i read it, i knew that i had to take that step with the guy I’m dating, let him know it’s not personal, but im ready to move on. Im not a cheater, but i’ve never been so unhappy with someone before and it’s hard to
walk away, so i’ve been miserable lately, and now i know how to leave, thank you. 

2.  Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place. Unfortunately, there were lots of comments by people who were clearly in toxic relationships.
They know it, and probably everyone around them knows it too. They have been used and hurt and almost certainly will be used and hurt some more. But they cannot bring themselves to leave. Very sad!

 Cristy wrote:i’m 15. i was recently cheated on and don’t know what to do…he begs for me back and i was about to when i saw him again… he knew this. yet he got back with his other ex, f***** her then they broke up and he still wanted me back.. i just don’t know what to do and i feel so lost.. i think i am done but i love him…

 Gina wrote:(The) question would be why people stay with someone who cheats over and over again.

HARD TRUTH: The more you love someone, the more power you give them to hurt you. So, no love, then no hurt. But that’s not the best solution (although that would have been better than some of the relationship wrecks I have heard about). The hard truth is that you have to save yourself and guard your heart. You have to measure out your emotions according to your age, how much you really know about a person, and your true prospects for a life-time together. Guys or girls who get into relationships and quickly put the gas pedal to the floor emotionally are going to have so many wrecks, their love life might be permanently damaged because…

3.  Simple Trust Is Hard to Come by. Several commented about being deep into relationships emotionally, physically, or even sexually and yet still have very deep trust issues; trusting their BF/GF about their true feeling, their faithfulness, or even if they are who they seem to be. On a radio program last weekend, Taylor Swift was asked about the most difficult thing  she has learned about relationships. It’s when you think you know someone,she replied,then later find out that is not at all who they were.

Passion wrote:I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months and i found out he gave his number to another girl, I dont even see him the same as i used to, i look at him and wonder if everything is a lie.

LittleShorty wrote:  He tells me he loves me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me… But my problem is that he thinks i am cheating on him… but i am not cheating on him… What i wanna
know if he is cheating on me or not…

HARD TRUTH: No relationship is going to succeed or survive without a strong foundation of trust.

So, how do you arrive at trust? How to know if you can trust your BF/GF? No simple answer to those questions, but here are
a few ideas:

a.  Start out by simply avoiding relationships with people you already know are untrustworthy. That might quickly eliminate a
few possibilities.

b.  Look for someone who will talk to you about common interest, as well as personal stuff like like faith, values, and what you want to do with you lives. You can’t always go on what people says, but talking about those things gives you a momentary glimpses of what is really
inside that person. What if they don’t want to talk about that kind of stuff?
It’s not a deal breaker, but unwillingness to let you see inside makes you wonder what’s really in there.

c.  What they do and how they act under pressure.
That’s when our real selves begin to show.

 

d. Set your standard high and look for a BF/GF who wants to know you, be with you, love you for who you are¢not for access to your body, not to hitch a ride on your popularity, and not for something he/she want to turn you into. Loves you for who you, just as you are,
right now.




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Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
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