When An Ex Won’t Leave You Alone

Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is hard to do. But it’s even more difficult when your ex won’t leave you
alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won’t let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or just trying to get back at you.

When they don’t get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel.

Clarify the Message that the Relationship is Over

When they don’t get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try notporn and sexual assault to approach this difficult issue when you’re frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message.

Clarify the Boundaries, and Get Help!

It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you’re working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to the place where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing to you and how it makes you feel.

You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for some hope you might want to get back together. This is the time to be firm, because
you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight, you are merely communicating your boundaries.

You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody.

Get Back into a Relationship with an Ex?

my ex won't leave me aloneYou may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again.
Ty says: My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don’t know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can’t because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn’t, and I’m afraid that if he keeps doing this it’s going to get to where he might hurt me

It is not her responsibility to keep him happy, secure, or even alive.

Act like an adult and firmly end it.

Kalya says it’s been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is
priceless: When it’s time to let go, do it, there can be no comparing or second guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.

By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you.

By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them.

Are you in danger from your stalking Ex?

If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell an authority figure like a parent, principal or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Let me know in the comments below what advice you have for someone who’s ex will not leave them alone? 

Also, do you seem to get caught in an endless cycle of bad relationships? Check out this eBook my team wrote about dating.

Free eBook! Dating Reltionships from TheHopeLine!

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
TheHopeLine reads every comment. The purpose of the blogs are to provide help through the content, stories, and struggles of others. If you are looking for immediate help please click on an option above.
  • Franco

    Im with someone who keeps messing around their ex,often doing so in chats on xbox and its getting to me badly. I don’t know if i can be around someone like this anymore. She claims i’m jealous but i’m really not. How she carelessly flaunts total disregard to my feelings leaves me feeling suicidal. This woman doesn’t know how much shes hurting me. What hurts worse is she truly believes she did nothing wrong. What gives? I’m not friendly with my ex. A closed relationship should stay forgotten. Why does she do this to me?

    • Mohamed Ali

      Im gonna give you the best advice. You gotta be a man about this and dont allow your feelings to make you weak. Don’t let your GF take advantage of you like this. Let her know your angry.
      People do what you let them do, if your too kind and considerate to her she will walk all over you and lose respect for you.
      Put down the law no before its to late, dont be really sweet and make exceptions for her because in the long run that will mess the relation ship up more!

    • LaShawn

      She sounds like a classic narccisist to me. My best advice is to look into the disorder/arm yourself with knowledge and fill your life with positive activities/people. Good luck.

  • Kayla

    My ex constantly messes with me, & I can’t stop it. I’ve tried being nice. I broke up w/ him w/o sexual activities. I will be on my way to class and get stopped by him. He calls me everything he can think of and I end up cussing him out telling him to leave me alone & it never works. Especially after school w/ his childish friends. I’m sick of it. He knows the relationship is over. & some of my other friends say he is trying to get w/ them so obviously he doesn’t want me back. I’ve been there done that w/ him too many times. I’ve cussed him out that’s the only thing I can do & he just laughs.

    • LaShawn

      He’s doing his best to toy with you; calls himself getting back at you- why else would he target your friends? He likes when or if you cuss him out. My ex is the same way but I have kids by him so I have learned to just keep it about them and nothing more. If you haven’t already, I would suggest ignoring him. You have better things to do and you arebetter off than him.

  • amanda

    Hi! I’m in a bust right now. I broke up with my ex 5 months ago, and I have a boyfriend now. My ex won’t leave my boyfriend alone! What do I do?

  • Luce

    This is a sad scenario. One of the number one reasons why it is so deeply important to pray always when seeking a mate. If we would consider one another as souls, valuable beyond comprehension in the eyes of God, we would find true success in the command Jesus gives to us to “love one another as I have loved you.” I believe we would be able to see beyond the failures and deeply sinful behavior of others and feel compassion. I have seen many suffer not only as a result of other’s sins, but as a result of their response to that sin and all subsequent behavior. The real trouble comes when people begin to disbelieve in the existence of sin, or perhaps they never did to begin with. If we cannot see our own sick deficiencies, how are we ever to reslove them? Sad world in which we live.

  • pecahh

    My ex thinks he’s doing right by having two girls at the same time.. he manipulates situation. He acts like he is going to kill him self, but then doesn’t. He broke into my house and stole my laptop and other things like that . And movie tickets. He has a problem not to mention he is really sick in the head.

    • Jacqueline Berumen

      Put a restaing order against him.

  • Jacqueline Berumen

    He’s just trying to end your current relationship so you could fall back just for a use. Dont fall for it !

  • fedup

    I am going through hell i have ended a really unhappy relationship with my ex partner who i have 3 children with, he has left the family home but will not stop texting me and ringing his children asking why i am doing this to him , he as even threatened suicide i just do not want to go back there any suggestions what to do ?

  • waterblue

    I agree. I don’t think that people who keep calling/texting after you break up with them and tell them clearly that it’s over are clear-minded and rational, so you can’t really sit down with them and talk calmly. You just have to do it in no uncertain terms and be mean if you have to. Not violent, just totally honest. My ex confused honesty with me being mean all the time – i would hear “why do you have to be ugly with me” and i’d say, i’m not being ugly, just honest, and you need to learn the difference.” I got so sick of the same crap all the time, day in & day out. I ended it last weekend in a way I thought was definitive but obviously it wasn’t because i get a text later, “I’m sorry you hate me” (what this really means is i hate myself) and today congrats that my favorite team won. Sorry excuses just like during the whole relationship.

  • http://www.thehopeline.com/ TheHopeLine

    Yes, stalking is a serious matter. Have you read this true story? http://www.thehopeline.com/abuse-in-relationships-can-turn-into-tragedy/
    Chat with a HopeCoach if you need help figuring out what to do. http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/

  • http://www.thehopeline.com/ TheHopeLine

    Have you read this guest blog? http://www.thehopeline.com/abuse-in-relationships-can-turn-into-tragedy/ It’s a true story and has some resources for getting help. Please chat with a HopeCoach anytime for advice on what to do – http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp
    We care about your safety!

  • charlie

    I have an ex boyfriend, I not only go to the same school as him but we both work in the same work force. I broke things off with him, when I realized that I knew him by lies. He is sexist, racist, homophobic, bias, self-centered. He was trying to control what I do when I do it and who all i hung out with. He kept throwing racist comments non stop. When at work or school he never let me be myself. I have a few family members that I care about that are gay and he would try to make me stop talking to them, i was never a low to spend a minute alone without having to message him or he would snap. Every time I tell him to stop, i need my space, or anything to that nature he would start screaming provanity and attacking the closest thing to him. I was honestly afraid of him. He was bringing back bad memories of my childhood when I lived with my birth father. The only way I was able to break up with him was through message, so he wouldn’t interrupt me.after work one day, we were both schedule the same shift, he tried to force himself on me in the parking lot. I was being resistant. At school the next 5 months he started spreading rumors around about me, saying that I was a slur, a whore, a bitch, and so on. Everyone who knows me knew they were just that. Rumors, I’m still a virgin. Now he’s starting the rumors up again starting at work now. He’s telling people that we did it when we haven’t. Both myself, our managers, principal, school counselor, my friends, my family, and his friends have told him to stop repeatedly. But he doesn’t listen.

  • http://www.thehopeline.com/ TheHopeLine

    Thanks for reaching out for help. Sounds like this relationship is really toxic for both of you. At TheHopeLine you can chat with a trained HopeCoach about your situation and come to some healthy solutions for both you and your son. All chats are free and confidential. http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ Even though your son might miss her, he is also learning an unhealthy relationship pattern by observing the two of you.

  • http://www.thehopeline.com/ TheHopeLine

    You should definitely take this seriously. The harrassment is not ok and it reveals a lot about him. Please chat with a HopeCoach to find out what you can do – all chats are free and confidential – http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ Here is a true story about an ex that wouldn’t leave a woman alone and killed her – http://www.thehopeline.com/abuse-in-relationships-can-turn-into-tragedy/

  • http://www.thehopeline.com/ TheHopeLine®

    Emma- These are great ideas! Thanks for sharing them here.

  • Donna

    Hi ive been broken up with my ex since 2013 dec. And weve pretty much been on and off most of the time and since our break up just about the same… but he was in a relationship. It wasnt until i got pregnant that i found out and i aborted the baby… still dea
    Ing with that hurts, since i used to feel that was opposed to my beliefs. Ill admit since our break tho, there hasnt been a year that has passed that we wasnt sexual at least once. I loved him i guess and maybe im struggling to let go but make many attempts. Eveytime im almost not ever thinkin of him he pops back up. The last time we were invovled was in January of this year. After realizing i was once again making a mistake. I decided to end things again… i ultimately feel, amongst other things, were just all around toxic for each other. Now he just stopped by after i told him not to come around anymore for the thousandth time. And there we were back and forth arguing for a half hour about why i want nothing to do with him. He tried coming on to me, but his true colors always show. Eventually he left but in my heart i feel like he will be back. I dont want to get the authorities involved. But truly i want to move on and be done with him. We have no children toghether or any other ties, but whenever he has no one to talk to just wants to have sex he comes around. I cant take it anymore and dont know what to do…..

    • http://www.thehopeline.com/ TheHopeLine®

      It sounds like you have been on a wild roller coaster ride and you are ready to get off the ride. It will take courage, but you sound like you are ready to do it. We can help you brainstorm some ideas for setting boundaries with him. Chat with us online anytime 24/7 http://www.thehopeline.com/GetHelp/ You can do this!

  • Mike

    I broke up with my ex a year ago. we only stopped talking a few months ago as I got fed up entertaining her since I wasn’t ever truly invested in being friends with her (she almost always reached out first and often bombarded me with texts$. it confused me sometimes because being around her made me think I still loved her, but when I was away I enjoyed my life without her and meeting new women. she still contacts me on occasion and though I never respond, will she give up and just move on? I don’t want to be harsh to her but I’ve moved on and don’t see it important to be her friend.

  • Bri

    I broke up with my ex over a year ago. I was with him for around 3 years. I tried for the longest time to break up with him. I finally was able to only with the help of my best friend. She broke up with him for me over the phone. Till this day he still contacts me. I can not get away from him. I blocked his numbers, so then he blocked his number so he can call me. He leaves voicemails. He tried to contact me through social media. I blocked his profiles on fb, twitter etc, so in return he creates fake profiles. He contacts my friends, he has even contacted someone I was dating and now my current boyfriend. I’ve ignored everything but I’m tried of running, it’s not fair. It’s getting to the point were I probably need to change my number and look into contacting the police. I shouldn’t have to do any of this. I don’t want to deal with this the rest of my life. But I have a gut feeling I will. I fear one day he’ll show up in person. He’ll try and stop me from getting married or something. It’s tiring. I need advice. Support. I need a miracle.

  • kimberlee girolamo

    I broke it off with my ex 8 months ago he yt?has popped up riding around my house n for past few months leaving letters n flowers on car or front porch I’m getting worried because it’s becoming more n more n i told him I’m over him he wants another chance he even went as far as sitting next to me in the church I attend n joining a men’s group I have informed the pastor’s wife about this I told him over n over I don’t trust him or wanna be in a relationship anymore he doesn’t get it .

  • http://www.thehopeline.com/ TheHopeLine®

    Vidhya, We can help your through this and help you take the next step to move on from this relationship. Please chat online with one of our HopeCoaches as soon as you can. You can chat with a HopeCoach anytime…day or night at http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp

  • http://www.thehopeline.com/ TheHopeLine®

    This is really serious. Has your family done anything to make sure you are all protected? When you feel scared please chat with us – https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/

  • Tirsa Mazariegos

    HI. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend. The reason was he cheated on me six months ago and I thought I forgave him but everything got really messy. I began to feel jealousy I never felt before, lack of confidence and went under massive depression. He obviously got affected by all of it and we decided to break up and we have been going to counseling. However, we haven´t stopped seeing each other and even as much as we try, something comes up and we need to see each other again. I really want to heal and move on and if he is the one, everything will change and he will come back renewed, but if not, he will never do. How can I deal with this?

  • Jennifer Clark

    Mine threatens to hurt meor anyonre im ever to meet. Hes cheated. Thats why were not together. Leaves me horrible voicemails. Telling me hiw stupid iam, and threatening. I have him blocked it still goes to voicemail. How can i stop that

    • Fred

      Jennifer, I’m unsure how to stop getting his voicemails. I blocked my ex on my phone and any social media app I have, but IF he calls, it goes straight to voicemail. Since I recognize the phone number, I just delete it rather than listen to the message because I know what this one will say based on his past ones. Fortunately, he’s stopped contacting me.

  • Fred

    Thank you, Mindy. That’s exactly what I did. I told the family member he’s closest to and trusts the most about what was happening with him. Everything seems to be going well now, as I’ve not heard from him in over a month now, so there’s that.

  • Fred

    The thought of having to go through a divorce is a super scary thought right now. I’m very happy and fortunate now that he never made the commitment to marry me, although I wanted to marry him in the past. I’m glad I didn’t.