My Ex Won't Leave Me Alone! Steps to Take

Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is hard to do. But it's even more difficult when your ex won't leave you alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won't let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or they are just trying to get back at you.

When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel.

Clarify the Message that the Relationship is Over

When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try not to approach this difficult issue when you're frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message.

Clarify the Boundaries

It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you're working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to a point where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing and how it makes you feel.

You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for hope that you want to get back together. This is the time to be firm because you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight. You are merely communicating your boundaries.

You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody.

Get Back into a Relationship with an Ex?

You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again.

Listen to my call with Vanessa who's pregnant and still has feelings for her baby's father who cheated on her and pulled a knife on her mom.

I also talked to Ty who says: My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don't know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can't because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn't, and I'm afraid that if he keeps doing this it's going to get to where he might hurt me.

Act Like an Adult and Firmly End It

Kalya says it's been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is priceless: When it's time to let go, do it, there can be no comparing or second-guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.

By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them. 

Are You in Danger From Your Stalking Ex?

If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell someone...a parent, trusted advisor, principal, friend or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don't wait until it's too late.

Listen to my call with Candice. The father of Candice's son hit her mom and won't leave her alone. She has a restraining order against him but he keeps trying to come to her house and he's called her over 200 times in the past month.

Be Strong

You don't need to face this struggle alone.  God promises that He is with us and will help us whatever the struggle.  He tells us to be strong and not afraid because HE IS WITH US.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

Don't back down from what you know is right for you. Ask God to give you the strength you need.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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139 comments on “My Ex Won't Leave Me Alone! Steps to Take”

  1. I am the most happiest woman on earth right now, My fiancee that left me few months ago just came back to me last night crying to take him back. Guess what?? My highest surprise is that he just proposed to me right now and a car as a sign of apology.

  2. is it crazy if your boyfriend breaks up with me and tells me he wanted ti be single and got with someone a few days after and he kept telling me he loved me and then leave him alone and i wanted to see him so i went to where he was and we got into an argument and he yelled at me and something that hurt my feelings and i slapped him in the face and kept slapping him and he choked me and pushed me

    1. Once a person in a relationship tells the other one to leave him alone, then he should be left alone, regardless of how many years he told you he loved you or wanted you. You need to respect his choice and leave him and not stalk him

    2. Do write down and record every way and time he tries to communicate with you. Be prepared to go to the police and report him for stalking. He knows you dont want to communicate with him from the time u moved out and changed your number, so he needs to respect this. My advice is to go to police

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