Do you know someone who struggles with anger? You probably don’t have to look any further than your own mirror. I’ve written about what anger is, and now I’m asking the question, why do we get angry?
We get angry based on our reaction to a variety of things, people, circumstances, memories, or personal problems, just to name a few. It can also be a response to a single event, or a reaction to numerous events. What makes you angry? Here are some reasons people have sent me:
Shawnee wrote: What makes me angry? Being ignored.
Ali wrote: Fake people and liars.
Jake wrote: Trying hard at something and failing.
Ashley wrote: I hate it when people criticize me and have no idea what I go through.
Michael wrote: Being nice to people, only to have them be mean to me.
Jane wrote: Not being able to control my emotions.
When you feel anger, it’s easy to want to lash out to get back at whatever, or whoever, has hurt you. Unfortunately, we all know that anger can get out of control and become destructive, causing a ton of problems.
You don't have to let anger control you. Click To TweetSo why do we get angry?
- We get angry when our expectations are not met. When something doesn’t go the way we think it should, we try to take control over the out of control situation with anger. Chells wrote: Usually I don’t get angry much, however, being accused of things will set me off big time.
- We also get angry when we feel we’re being threatened. And it may or may not be a real situation. We’ve all seen a person get angry about something that isn’t a real threat at all. For example: the guy at a bar who gets in a fight with another guy because, He looked at me funny, when the other guy didn’t even know he was there. People carry a lot of emotional baggage into certain situations, making them feel more threatened than they need to feel.
- Additionally, some angry people carry their resentments and rage around with them at all times, creating an environment that makes other people be more aggressive toward them, just enhancing the whole anger cycle. These are the kinds of people who have a very short fuse, and any number of things will set them off.
Here are some other reasons why people might get angry. Maybe you have experienced some of these, too:
- Grief – losing a loved one.
- Rudeness
- Tiredness
- Hunger
- Pain
- Withdrawal from drugs or some medications
- Some physical conditions, such as PMS
- Physical illness
- Mental illness
- Alcohol, some drugs, alcohol abuse, drug abuse
- Injustice
- Being teased or bullied
- Humiliation
- Embarrassment
- Deadlines
- Traffic jams
- Disappointment
- Sloppy service
- Failure
- Infidelity
- Burglary
- Financial problems
- Being told you have a serious illness
The fact is, just about anything can trigger an angry reaction. Monica said, I get angry very often. And quite frankly I don’t know how to deal with my anger. I bottle it up inside and every so often it all comes out.
Remember, even though anger will most likely be a part of the rest of your life, you don’t have to let it control you. In my next blog let’s talk about ways to manage your anger.
Your friend,
Dawson
Forgiving people who have angered you, even if they don’t deserve it can free you from the toxic emotions which trap you. To understand how to forgive and why it’s so important for you to forgive, download TheHopeLine’s free eBook.
Thank you for describing the emotion.
Identification of a particular emotions (Any emotion for that matter), right at the time of “arousal of associated feelings” is the only way to understand and manage it. Mostly there is a time gap. Meditation helps in reducing this ”time gap” and bring it down to zero(Saints).
I’m constantly struggling with my own head. Sometimes things, places or conversations will trigger something negative from my past and I go from great mood to instantly irritated and not wanting to deal with anyone and just end my day Especially if the person that I am with was the negative experience I just shut down and want to lash out because I’m still not OK with what happen back then. I try to catch my self and not let it take complete control of me but then it’s just me pretending to be happy when all I can think about is that negative past situation. Other times so I don’t rage I will just shut down and want to be alone till I get over it again. I don’t know what to do. I try and try to let things go and remember it’s the past and move on but I can’t it still causes pain and anger to the point that I’m a asking my self what is wrong with me and why can’t I just let it go!
Sorry you are going through this. It’s good you are talking about your anger. Perhaps you’re struggling with some anxiety or PTSD that is causing you to lash out and be angry when your past triggers you. We have a couple of eBooks that may help you. One is on PTSD and one is on Anxiety. They are free to everyone. Try reading them and see if they help. https://www.thehopeline.com/ebook/anxiety-social-anxiety
https://www.thehopeline.com/ebook/post-traumatic-stress-disorder
I kind of thought so myself. I even thought maybe depression. My whole life my family has said that I had anger issues well since I was in middle school. But they don’t know what happen to me and I never intend on telling. As I became an adult I thought I had a good handle on my emotions I suppose you can say I learned how to lock things away quite well..but then in my relationships they started saying the same thing again. I’d leave the first sign of trouble I’d find excuses to leave and getting upset about dumb things was my way out. Getting hurt was never an option it was never sadness it instantly became anger. Then being in the military only made it worse. You learn to suck things up and deal with the worst. So my life became suck it up and move on I lost my compassion and sympathy for everyone and everything and believed emotions other then my anger were weaknesses. Needless to say it’s been a long haul for me. I’m now 31 and working on my masters in psychology-social work and I am still struggling with believing in anxiety, depression, PTSD and everything else as an illness/problem. Because I honestly believed there is no such thing, it’s an excuse but now I’m starting to see how this stuff buried has actually effected my life.
i get really angry when people doesnt trust me and suggest i did something i didnt over and over again!
I get a angey all time I don’t like the neighbors when they open there door or turn on there lights so I yell at them 🙁
I analyzed everything I truly get angry for no reason. Let me explain. It may not be all of the time but I get angry at things 5 minutes ago I have absolutely loved! Like my niece who I hosted a graduation party for. Everything went precisely if not better than what I hoped and dreamed except for this one lady in the corner frowning at the people present the whole time! Yeah, turns out this stranger was me angry for no reason. I mean I was happy decorating the party I was even extremely happy thinking the party over but as soon as I opened the door for no reason at all I was severely angry it was like someone had switched on a light. It came out of nowhere for no reason and it has been 2 days since and I still can’t figure out why. I have looked online and to me it can’t be depression because nothing tragic has happened to me. And it can’t be anxiety because I don’t feel afraid. It can’t be a masked emotion because I have tried every emotion any other emotion to switch to at that moment would have been fine. But I couldn’t. So now I’m thinking it has to be a brain chemical. I have had another episode like this 2 years back. I love hugging I’m the hug of my family well obviously not anymore because now I am not sure about myself. Well that one fateful day my brother hugged me at first I felt really good as usual but then boom out of nowhere I got abnormally pissed and it wasn’t anyones fault. He hug like he regularly does. Why did i get angry. I didn’t tell anyone but now i kind of wish i did because if i am going to have surgery to fix this i don’t want info out of nowhere like this. I have thought through so far that it has to be the coffee. It has not bothered me when i don’t drink coffee but do to work i need coffee!
i think that the angry in our life is good but some people are think that the angry is not good in life but i think that it is come in life is so easy in this generation we can write a word that we angry when we can not get any think that we angry i also angry with it any one can give this answer.
Im at school doing a research what would I f etc angry about what should I Wright
I get angry a lot. For no reason it seems. My husband tells me I am very negative and am unable to enjoy anything anymore. I’m sad most of the time and have tried to take my own life several times, but I do try to find happiness and I think I’m getting better most of the time. I guess my question is, how can I project happiness again to avoid conflict that makes me spiel or angry?
Happiness comes from the inside of you, and knowing you are good no matter what others may say, or do. It does not come from the outside world or material things. They only create temporary happiness. You can not as you say avoid conflict; you can only learn to deal with it in a respectful way. Learn what bothers you and adapt and communicate in a loving way to your important other at the right time why you are upset. And know that you taking your own life does not solve anything, and know that all things in life will forever change, and it is precious and not to be wasted. We are given a chance everyday to do at least one good thing. Even if its giving someone a simple compliment.
You will be sad sometimes. Accept it. It is your right. You will be happy sometimes. Enjoy it but know too this will not last. And finally, you can project happiness by doing for others. It shows you that you are not alone, and you can make a difference just by listening.
Thank you for your wise and encouraging words! Your advice is full of tools to help those struggling.