Dawson’s Blog

Why do Guys Cheat on Their Girlfriends? 5 Real Reasons

Cheating.  This is not an “every-guy thing,” you know. Lots of boyfriends are honest, they keep to their why guys cheat on their girlfriendspromises, and they do. not. cheat. When it is time for a dating relationship to end, they end it and move on. In other words, they don’t start something with another girl while they are still in a dating relationship.

Some of you girls are already thinking On what planet do those guys live? I’ve never known a guy like that. If that is the case, maybe you need to start hanging around with a different group of guys.

If you have a history of dating cheaters or know way too many girls who have, then you might need to rethink how you pick your boyfriends. We’ll get to that later.

 And, yes, I know girlfriends can cheat too, but today we are going talk about boyfriends.

Reasons Guys Cheat

There is lots of advice floating around in books, blogs, and every-day conversations about why guys cheat. But if you haven’t figured this out yet, you will eventually discover that many reasons are really not that complex.

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The male approach to dating lies somewhere between that of a caveman and a mechanical engineer, often more like the caveman. So, I have simplified the WHY of cheating by whittling it down to five things. This is not intended to be a complete list, mind you. But understanding these few simple things about guys could help you a lot.

Boyfriends Cheat because they want out of the relationship

 Dustin wrote: I think the 2 main reasons why guys cheat goes like this:  1) Guys get stuck with a clingy girl. He figures maybe she’ll change over the course of a few months. He really likes the girl for a lot of her character traits but notices that she’s not going to let him go.

Miss Insecurity is dating Mr. Self-Confident, and with that relationship, she is trying desperately to plug some pretty big holes in her own self-esteem.  She becomes obsessed with her boyfriend. You know how that usually turns out…clinginess, jealousy, anger, tears.

But Miss Insecurity doesn’t want to press Mr. Self-Confident too hard about his commitment. She would prefer to assume (or in some cases, dream) he is as committed to her as she is to him.  But Mr. Self-Confident isn’t committed at all and is in fact, trying to figure a way out.

One reason guys cheat is that they want out of the relationship, but aren’t man enough to just break up, so they cheat in order to have an excuse to get out.

(BTW, guys have to deal with insecurity just as much as girls.)

Dustin continued: 2) Guys just want sex from a girl. Girl isn’t willing to give them sex just yet, so they stick around. They wait for a while, giving promises of everlasting love til they finally get what they want. Then they stick around a little longer and say Hey!…so I’ve met this other girl (who I’ve had sex with without you knowing) and I just don’t see things working out between us…so Yeah.

Boyfriends Cheat because their Relationship Goals are Different

5 real reasons guys cheatThen there are guys who are very willing to talk about the relationship. They make lots of promises, using words like,  “I love you,” “you’re so beautiful,” and “spend our lives together.”
The girlfriend might be saying the same words, but there is a difference. Some girls give a lot and put up with a lot in order to get what they want most…the relationship. And most often in the end they end up with a broken heart.

On the other hand, some guys (including the ones more likely to cheat) come at it from the other direction. They get excited about the relationship too, but only because the relationship is the way to get what they want…usually sex.

It’s pretty simple..  she wants a relationship, so much so, that she is willing to offer sex to get it. He wants sex, even if he has to give some relationship to get it. But cheating violates the relationship, not the sex.  To put it bluntly…guys cheat because the relationship was never their goal…it was the sex.

Boyfriends Cheat because they aren’t strong enough to resist the temptation

Boyfriends who cheat don’t always do it with a plan in mind. Remember, guys are not that complex. You probably know about some girls who stalk guys like sexual predators- they try in every way they can to get them to cheat. Unfortunately, some guys just don’t have what it takes to refuse.

Boyfriends cheat because of the influences around themGuys cheat because of the influences around them

Check this out…when it comes to being faithful to wives and girlfriends, one of the most important factors is a guy’s parents. Generally
speaking, guys who grow up in homes where their parents cheat, find it much easier to do the same thing.

Counselor Gary Neuman asked 200 cheating and non-cheating husbands about why they cheated. He found that 77% of cheating men have a good friend who also cheated.  Some guys give in easily to the temptation to cheat because that is what their friends and family do. You should not judge a guy by what those around him do, but don’t underestimate the power of influence.

Guys give in easily to the temptation to cheat because that’s what their friends do. Click To Tweet

Boyfriends cheat because they got away with it before

Do you remember Tiger Woods? He was married to one of hottest women on the planet, but he was a big-time cheater with lots of women. (BTW, only 12% of cheating husbands in the Neuman study said that the women they cheated with were more physically attractive than their wives.)

The guy cheated once, then twice, then three times. It became easier and easier to give in, harder and harder to say no. If you are dating a guy who cheated before, there is a good chance he will cheat on you too, even if from the beginning he never planned it that way. If he has cheated more than once, it is even more likely that it will happen again.

Bears Repeating – This is Not ALL Men

These five reason don’t paint a very favorable picture of guys…so let me reiterate, this is NOT all men.  And while it might be hard for a cheater to change his ways, it’s not impossible.  I believe sometimes people are truly ashamed of a choice they made and would like to undo the past.  My point in this blog is to point out things to look for and consider if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who cheats.

Free eBook! Relationships and Cheating from TheHopeLine

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
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    • TheHopeLine Team

      Josephine, Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I’ll share your post with the rest of the team!

      • Fifi

        My boyfriend put the password in his phone, I used to check what is he up to, what can I do?

        • Alex Boey

          Put on yours too.
          He loves you that’s why he doesn’t want you to get hurt by seeing weird staff on his phone.

  • Naaz

    My bf had cheated me. I love him truely and don’t want to lost him . Now he finding negative points in me and always try to fight with me . I dnt want to lost him what should i do to make him stick on me only and to become perfect in his view?

    • tutu

      Hey. I got out of a relationship very similar to yours. I stuck around for 6 year, an nothing changed. He did the ultimate betrayal, which was, he went an told his ex ALL of our personal business…even down to the sex. The entire time, he was telling me that he wasn’t talking to her. I had to findbout from her all ofbour business he had told her. Even then, I tried to be with him because I loved him so much. But after a while, I found muself trying to hold on to someone thay wasn’t trying to hold on to me. I couldn’t trust him after he told her all of these things. So then, hetried to find any and everything to complain about just to start an argument because he knew that I would leave. After not talking to him for a while, I would get a txt from saying, “I’m horny,” or, “Can I borrow some money.” I had to realize, even though he did the ultimate betrayal, I was still trying to be that woman for him; all the while, he wasn’t trying to be that man for me. I notice that I became a convenience for him. So my advice to you is, if he’s not showing that interest you need him to show, then you will just become a convenience for him at some point. You can’t make a man love you or be with you if he doesn’t want the relationship anymore. You can be everything he wants you to be, but if he lost interest some time ago, you are just wasting your time. Just don’t put up with for 6 years like I did. I know its hard, but move on. You can aleays get a better guy. I hope this helps. Good Luck.

    • Tbh I can tell you now he’s not good for you and the only was to get him to see your pain is to hurt yourself really badly, which is really sad but guys don’t just see pain in your eyes or your tears they need to see something worse to understand what they have done to you, also try not to get to attached it hurts to much when the guy breaks your heart and don’t let him take advantage of you. If the guy knows you really love him more than he loves you he is more likely to use you and cheat again…
      I know this from experience

  • lala

    My bF cheated on me with an uglier, no selF respect and brainless girl. I don’t know what he likes about the girl. IF i let them be together i know their relationship won’t last because i know the girl’s personality. Assuming, deceitFul. Even her current husband doesn’t care about her. She’s been depressed and lonely and cries every night cos her hubby doesn’t care. Talk about KARMA!

  • What’s up, just wanted to mention, I enjoyed this post. It was helpful.
    Keep on posting!

    • TheHopeLine Team

      ilana, Thanks for your kind words!

  • Tori

    My bf broke up with me bc he doesnt get that im not fake and he ..flipped out bc i never facetime him or anything and i was gonna go to the movies with my friend ..And i invited him and they cancled the movies and he thinks im fake bc..he thinks i never want to meet up with him ..what should i do ❓

  • angle

    Absolutely , they need only sex n nothing much ….. its been two months since (.separation ), bcoz I heard him having mob x with a mean gal , he did break my hope n every thing , guess he shd be A play boy kind of thing n he abandoned me after using mee …that’s disgusting abttt him …..know, it feel s good to love someone n to be loved by someone , but gals know ur limit in every thing never fall for any cheater like me

    …… n am all set now , even ,kinda enjoying liberty after a long time …)

  • ann

    Hi I been dating my bf going on 3 yrs. He’s been very abusive and I just got comfortable it’s hard to leave. I feel alone lost confused. In his emails he try to hide these dating sites he signs on okcupid, xmeeting, meetme, instabang. I don’t understand why he would loose interest in me. He says I am ugly cause I Spanish not a white rich girl. I need help

    • aruna

      i hated reading what you wrote re your bf

      he is mean and you do need help : any local sources – or girl groups? i myself have just been cheated on but dont live with him and after confronting him and slapping him a few times

      we walked our separate ways

    • TheHopeLine Team

      Ann, There is no place in love for abuse. You deserve to be treated with respect in a relationship and need to leave. Thanks for reaching out and telling your story. Please call or chat with a HopeCoach that cares anytime 24/7 at 800.394.4673. If you want to download our free app to your phone to chat, call, email and get encouraged here is the link to download it. http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp

  • Jill

    They cheat because they can.


    absolutely correct the two reasons u gave in last para
    “Two reasons: either he never gets caught or he is allowed to do so by girlfriends who keep taking him back.”
    more importantly for this kinda boys itz no use of giving chances to correct themselves

  • ST

    The last 3 years of our 4 year relationship was just a big lie! At the end….we brought out the worst of each other.Just a big NIGHTMARE! I didn’t respect him enough & he took my love granted! Now looking back on the so called relationship, I should of walked away after proposing to me, I knew there was something not right!I asked him if he was Gay….he chuckled; and said No! Later…I asked him if he was married! It was like pulling teeth……but he finally said YES!

  • ST

    Come to find out he had lied to me, even stupid little things were a lie…..The cheating was right in my face by the end; I wasn’t taking all the riff raft very well(at all)! Its weird how we act when we just don’t know what to do…when we’ve been betrayed(or at least I didn’t! ) He told this woman he loved her right in my face! I freaked out,swinging, hitting, punching him….braking my pinky finger! It made me crazy…and NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR IT, so who do you talk to?!

  • – Jordan ♥.

    – Well sometimes guys cheat bcoz they get bored or they simply just can’t get what they want from you but that doesn’t make it right thou , someone cheated on me too but what really hurt was that it was with one of my “friends” that knew about us turns out she was a real bisshh that just want my bf …

  • Patsy

    I was chrated on in my face and while i was there. Fisical, emotional and mental abused for 18 years. Normaly if i was in right mind he would regret ever knowing and he would be gone from the first moment. But i was severely disable from car accident on several nsrcotics that kept me passive and numb. I loved him with all my heart and soul. Every told me to get rid of him that i can do better. The thought putting him out with no where to go and no money would tear me to pieces and felt sorry for him and rstionalizing thath he had a hard before i made some one out of him making so much more money and not work hard but smsrt. He would quit jpbs or walk off. He knew i was his leaning post. Once he did some thing frightening i came to my sences and it hurt me to the core to finsly reslize and accept the truth of him not loving but hated me for pressing two abuse charges on him. I started packing my clothes and making preparstion to get away from him. That is whem he kissed both of my hands telling me i am a good wife. Too latevak on my way out the door never to return. I was cold as ice no feelings. Signed off lease left every thing as it was my apartment to begin with and he was not working but i paid all bills and rent then walk away proudly. Started divorsce proseedings and supported him for one year and a moth to give him a chance to find work and get on his feet. After all that he continued to ask for help then i finaly said i am cutting all support. For well over a year up until two days ago after repeated told him not to not call or tex any more that we should accept is over and move on. This time he let go i have not hrard from him in two days. I lost weight and over came my suppose to be permanemtly disable. I no longer need care and getting back on my feet. While he struggles to barely survive. The last time he ask me for money i told him to get from the pu_ _ _ he is fu_ _ _g.
    Am gone baby and feeling good!

  • David

    I have given up hope..three years now since or child and she may ask for sex 4 times a year..leaving me to a lot of late nights and allot of porno..I work I pay bills take care of my family.yet any time no matter how long it’s been since the last time I asked her about it she gets upset and says that’s all I care about..I’m 34 and she’s 27 to me that should make for a healthy sexual relationship…I don’t want to cheat…I’ve been cheated on…ANYONE :-[

  • Hey its really true story. Think that me right this. thanks

  • Mero

    Davied don’t cheat her just leave her and don’t wast years of ur life coz they’re worthy and u can find someone who’s better ,,but if u love her try to fix the situation with her but don’t cheat cheating leads to a very hard heart breaking

  • I barely can move my neck its so soar.. excuse my spelling.my phone picks up my words slow because I type fast

  • carol

    I have a friend who is dating a guy I like and never once told me he asked her out until I confronted her and now they are couple. I feel hurt because she is hiding it and when I mentioned it all she says is I don’t have to tell you everything. I feel she has been dishonest with me and now I have been giving her the cool treatment. my question is shouldn’t she have told me. I’m so hurt by this feel that she can’t be trusted. not even really about the guy now its our friendship. any comments on this

    • Kat

      She has not behaved like a true friend and cannot be trusted.

    • Justin

      Honestly I don’t think she should have to tell you, as a friend it’s a choice, if she knew you liked him yes this can be a toll on your friendship but if it was just an honest mistake don’t worry about it,

    • lexi

      Transparency =friendship

  • Kat

    A guy i’m dating ( for 4 months) says he doesn’t like to french kiss because its too intimate.
    Any thoughts …. Anyone?

    • Justin

      I just suggest talking to him about it, obviously you can’t force anyone to do anything but if it’s too intimate, why are you two dating?

  • Kat are you really into him .. if not then drop him like it’s hot and find someone thats more you … and if you are into him let him know how you feel about it and if he doesn’t take it in to consideration tell him about himself in the nicest way you can and if he dont like that sets off some signs of how he”d act in the future of you guys relationship

  • Katrina N

    I was separated from my husband and started seeing an old friend whose relationship was “winding down” . We began a passionate relationship. He broke up with her then got back with her and lied to us both. So for 3 years he lied to her and for 6 months lied to me AND her. What kind of a man does this?

    • TayRae

      He married her for a reason. If a man cheats on his woman with another, he is very likely to do it with the next woman he is with.

  • I have been dating my guy for 4yrs in the beginning I thought it was nothing serious I made a mistake and cheated on him but I confess to him for three months I received silent treatment and after alot of pleading he said he forgive me but for the past 2yrs out of the 4 it been one cheating to another I have photo proof kissing and smiling together but he never take a picture with me and every time I caught him he his always saying sorry am tired of the relationship but I don’t know how to end it I always find myself going back to him. .please what should I do. .

    • TayRae

      Break up with him. If he comes back he cares. Imagine your life like that for the future years, is that what you want? But if he does, i wouldn’t except him back. It would be allowing him to do it to you and to the next girl he is with.

    • Amy

      My bf and I have a history we have known each other for 6 years and have a 5 year old together. We only started dating in 2013 and I caught him cheating on me with a hooker on his birthday and the day before a planned romantic getaway weekend. When he came home he told me he didn’t know why and it only happened once and will never do it again he love me and doesn’t want to lose me but I am deeply hurt I can hardly look him in the eyes. Idk what to do.

  • Oh my goodness! Impressive article dude! Many thanks, However
    I am having troubles with your RSS. I don’t know the reason why I am unable to
    join it. Is there anybody else getting similar RSS issues?

    Anyone who knows the answer can you kindly respond?

    • TheHopeLine Team

      Thank you for the great words of encouragement and thanks for letting us know about the RSS issues. We are working on getting this fixed today!

  • venus

    I need advice..I’ve been divorced for 10 yr I started to date someone younger than I, not knowing it would turn into a wonderful relationship. ..He is very confident respectful hardworking man with no criminal record, …I’m clear in my mind as to what I’m in need I am not confused…though one glitch he has a girlfriend he has been with for 6 years..it’s been a year since we’ve enjoyed each other’s company…I’m wondering if perhaps this is just a messed up situation?? Any advice …As I don’t date married men….and he has no children!!…yet family oriented

    • Jenn

      Run. He had 2 women at one time. He was able to manage both. (Lying and so forth) I’m guessing he hasn’t left this girl of 6 years. And I don’t know of how everything stopped for you two…but He sounds like a, for lack of better words, player. If you want a good relationship keep looking. Last thing you want is to be the girlfriend of 6 years and he’s found someone else to spend time with.

      Just remember that could be you someday. And no matter what he says (cause sweet talkers are usually liars) think about what you really want. What’s best for you. And imagine yourself years from now. Where do you want to be. Do whatever makes you happy. Cause you are the one who has to life your life. Trust your instincts, if it feels wrong then it probably is.

    • LetFreedomRing

      His a player . That’s what they do . They make you feel wonderful . Unfortunately I really feel for his girl of 6 yes cuz I am sure she loves him and if she finds out it will devast her .
      Woman code : Don’t be that home wreaker

  • Rebecca

    I’m not exactly sure where to begin. I needed advice and finally turned to the internet which I found pathetic, until now..
    I have always been the kind to leave one relationship and jump into another, I don’t know why but that’s just how it usually was. The one I was with would do me wrong and then i would jump into another relationship. Maybe to feel wanted, needed, i never really gave myself time to think or grieve in between them. In the past i never did a guy wrong, i would rarely text other guys flirt on occasion but nothing terrible, I never physically cheated, until now.

    I have been with John for 1 year and 3 months. I started dating him right after i broke up with a guy who had cheated on me. Our relationship isn’t exactly perfect but we try to do the best we can for each other. At first it was absolutely amazing, perfect, passionate, I didn’t know him for that long, a few weeks, until i slept with him. We were in the moment and the tension was insane, but it was amazing and i do not regret it. I’ll also just go ahead and add that sex is something that i love. On paper John is the perfect man, handsome, has a great job, sweet, caring, doing what he can to make me happy and i doing the same for him. We went through a lot together. I was with him for about 9 months i think when i cheated on him the first time, it was just a few kisses. I told him about it before anyone else could say anything to him, but i didn’t tell him the truth, i told him that the guy was drunk and didn’t mean to and apologized for it the next day, that was the story i made up and i stuck with it, i am very good at telling lies and making them believe every word of it, he always believes everything i say. the second time i cheated it was with an older man about 28, at first i was jus going to his apartment and we would watch movies and cuddle, then it turned into kisses, then it turned into sex, mind bowling sex. I kept that going for about a little over a month then i told the older man that i couldn’t do it anymore, i can’t keep cheating on John for the rest of my life. During that month and a half i took a one week break with John that i was hoping would turn into a breakup because i kept telling myself, If i love John so much and I’m happy with him why do i feel the need to cheat and get attention from other men? So after the older man faded out some how John got rumors of me sleeping with this older man, true rumors, but i told him a story of how when we broke up for that week that we just had lunch a time or two because i needed someone to talk to and that he was helping me at the gym. Well of course John believed everything i was saying, I’m not proud of it at all i hate it and i hate myself. Then recently At the gym i met a guy named Josh, a stand up guy who’s into fitness as much as i am great personality, hilarious, great body, and he does off shore drilling, so he has money. It started off harmless but i knew it was going to end badly. I got his number he meets me at the gym we train, we flirt, we talk, its great. I talked to Josh about my relationship and why I felt the need to get attention from other people and when i meet someone why i feel the need to rethink my relationship and rethink why I’m with john, i didn’t tell josh that I’ve slept with another man while being with John .Josh would tell me that its not healthy and i need to end it because it will only get worse. Im unsure if he’s being truthful or if he’s saying that because he’s into me. So i think things through and call John and not necessarily tell him i want to break up but i tell him we have problems and that I’m just not happy anymore, and he’s wanting to do everything he can to keep me, buy me anything, give me anything, do anything for me to stay, saying When he thinks of us he sees a house, a family, a future. I told him i was flirting with other men at the gym and giving out my number if a guy asked, he asked if i ever cheated of course i told him no.

    Im still very unsure of what to do i want to leave but i want to stay i know if i stay i will most likely just go back to cheating.

    A part of me wants to leave but a part of me wants to stay, if i keep cheating then John maybe isn’t giving me everything i need to be happy.

    Another thing stopping me is that I HATE doing breakups, there is so much emotion, and so much crying and they always want a reason why.

    When John knew i was thinking about leaving, he told me that if i left he can’t guarantee that there will be a chance of us getting back together. That scares me, what if i leave and its completely wrong and i can’t come back to John? That’s one of the things keeping me from leaving.

    -I know i need help with this. please give me some insight on what i maybe should do or consider doing. i can’t keep doing this forever…

    • Me

      Just break up with him. Your not satisfied with him if you are cheating, tell him the truth about cheating and go your separate ways.

    • Justin

      I think you need to grow up and break it off for him this man is going to end up finding out everything and won’t ever trust you if he really loves you he will end up staying with you and tryingg to work it out or dump you. You need to end it before he’s hurt by someone he cares for, let him fall out of love so that when he finds out he was cheated on multiple times maybe he won’t be so depressed.

    • TayRae

      Break up with him and tell him the truth of why. It will get the guilt off your chest and give him a chance to be happy. Its being selfish to do this to him. If theres no trust or communication, theres no relationship.

    • lovely_one

      You’re only hurting this man. If you care about him u dont want to hurt him and lying is just laughing at his face when he trust you. End the relationship and let him grieve and let him find a girl who won’t take his trust and love for granted.

    • daniel

      Heyy, I love this story. If you really like him, don’t hurt/lie to him. What you did isn’t right but at the same time everybody messes up, right? To be straight up, tell him. If he really loves you he’ll forgive you. If not to heck with it, its not meant to be & wish each other the best.

    • Jay

      Take responsibility for yourself. You cheated period. You should come clean and break up with John. You don’t love John. You only think you do. If you really did then you wouldn’t have cheated on him. You’re just using him to boost your ego. Truth is you’re bored of him because he’s too nice. He’s too accommodating. You wanted some excitement in your life, so you decided to sneak around and cheat because it gives you a rush. Go find someone you actually want to be with.

    • Bananpanama

      I think your problem is you don’t love yourself. You hate yourself, you said it a few times in your post. When you’ll love yourself, you’ll be able to love a man and you will never think of any other. Once you fall (litterally fallin his arms) in love, the world will stop turning and you’ll see nothing else. It’s a beautiful, powerful feeling and you will never cheat on him. Work on yourself before going to another lover and breaking the hearts of nice men all over the place.

    • Jimmy

      You actually have problems with relationships. If you like to betray and lie you should not be dating. Option 1. Go be single and have sex with whoever and remain single.
      Option 2. Learn to be a person that can be trusted and honest. And only date when you actually want a relationship.

  • Disappointed

    I really needed advice and the truth was staring me right in the face. He told me all these sweet stuff and I held out. After we had sex he began to change. I figured he was cheating but I didn’t want to believe it until I saw a picture he posted on Instagram while on a 2 week vacation hugged up on another girl. I can’t believe this. I put up with so much. When he gets back I’m telling him it’s OVER.

  • Erin

    My boyfriend of 10 months has cheated on me through the internet multiple times. He lies about it when I’m suspicious and when I found out he said he was lonely. If he doesn’t want to be faithful why does he want to be with me?

    • Destinee

      Because your his security blanket if nothing works out he has you to fall back on.

    • Autumn

      This is kind of what I went through. Was told my man cheated on me with his ex the entire time of us being together. he denies everything of course He didn’t trust her at all going her phone, but he’d be with me. I am realizing I am his security blanket because he can trust me.

  • Chloe Beaumont

    K so this started in middle school for me … he was a good friend in elementary school but sooner or later we started developing feelings for eachother… OR SO I THINK!!! .. :'( …yea I know guys are immature at this age and stuff but he was very sweet and wasn’t a bad boy he gave me hugs and kissed me on the cheek .. we would play together oh yah especially in class xD etc …… So I’m bummed because I have NO classes with him … I only see him when school starts and he walks by or lunch or the end of the day Or when switching classes but looking at eachother dosent last very long so :T…..K after 2 weeks or so I heard the school started gossiping about my bf dating this girl who I had no clue who she was… So at the end of class where cariders leave me and my friend/s would sneak in the gym where my bf was. THATS when I met his gf yah talk bout awkward. . Especially after i’ve been huging my bf infront of her having no clue he really was dating anyone …Till his friend one day came up to me saying I’m a stalker .. and said I hugged him infront of his GF .. I waslike wtf are you talking about?!?!?! Gf?!?! Yep he was with someone else who Was an awful gf like no love to him… so he still glances at me or says sup at lockers.. AND WHATS SAD IS I STILL LIKE HIM… I BLUSH OR DONT LOOK OR TALK WHEN HES THERE I JUST HIDE LOOK a WAY or walk off … I just want to have a chance to talk with him… WHATS WORSE IS MY FRIEND ADMITTED SHE LIKED MY BF ALL ALONG!!!! :'( I think about him but ik he’s just controlling me SO GOODBYE USE TO BE BF …

  • rania

    my bf left me because of a fight :'( I cant get over him. i love him alot. i text him all they day but he doesnot reply. :'( He thinks that we are totally different. and because in that fight i abused him because i was angry :'( Now i am apologizing from one month :'(

  • pinktoast96

    Mine’s the other way around. He has a girl. Well technically, when I met him online they already broke up. After more than a month of texting and flirting, I found out they were together again. It hurts so bad because we’re still texting and he’s still flirting with me, and I keep on pretending I don’t know about it. I really like him tho. And I can feel he likes me too. He lives in another country and it just hurts to know that in the morning till who knows what time and what they are doing, she gets to be with him and at night, he talks to me like idk, sweet talks and things and we’d be doing things. I don’t have to mention it tho. I told him, I thought you forgot about me, he said That’s impossible. I’ve been getting hints like he really wants to tell me they are together again, but he just wont say it. What should I do? Should I tell him that I already know? It would be so shameful cause he’d know I have been stalking him. Who won’t if you were in my shoes. He lives in the other part of the world and idk 🙁

    • lexi

      Honestly stoptalking to him. Think about this he gets to be with another girl, mess around with her and drag you along. What would make you think that’s ok for you. Your better than that. And deserve a man of honesty and he deserves the same.

  • Liz

    Hello. I am a confident, 23 year old mother. I have been in a relationship with the same man for 3 years. He cheated on me and we have broken up countless times.

    I was a great girlfriend up until the cheating. I was everything you would want a girlfriend to be. I think it was because I not only loved him, but had complete trust in him. I would have done anything for him.

    He cheated on me 1 year and a half into our relationship. I was 5 months pregnant with his child. And we were committed to one another. Or so I thought.

    We worked at the same place for a long time. Then I got transferred to another shift due to my pregnancy. I worked days and he worked nights. He ended up moving to his mother’s house. It was closer to work and more convenient. He stopped caring, started picking fights with me, and pretended like nothing was wrong to friends and family. He stated talking about how he has cheated on all of his other girlfriends but not me. He was too tired to do anything with me ever, and he was grumpy and defensive.

    I ended up stealing his phone while he was at work, and called the number that was unfamiliar. She said he worked with her and they got close. He had taken her to hotels and they had been together for a month. I ambushed him. I picked up the girl he was lying to and we confronted him. She yelled and I stood there with a half smile. He stared at me for the longest time, didn’t explain himself cause he knew he couldn’t lie to me, and he ran away.

    A few days later he ends up on his knees begging me to be with him. Apologizing and crying angle turning to god for answers. After a while of that I forgave him and we got back together. He promised he’d never hurt me again. And that he would work on himself. He wanted to do whatever it would take to fix this and to be together forever.

    My problem is that I haven’t trusted him since. It’s been almost 2 years since then. But I can’t forget and I can’t shake it off. I can’t pretend it’s okay. We have broken up many times since then. I break up with him every chance I get. Usually when I’m scared of him. Or he’s being really mean again. Or he starts acting the way he used to. Every time we break up he has the phone number of a girl from work. And at the same time he is chasing me trying to get me back.

    He still works at the place where he found his cheating partner. And it’s a place that has hundreds of women and he is in a position where he had to talk to tons of them. I am scared of him. I have a horrible feeling like he will cheat again. And the phrase “once a cheater always a cheater” has been ringing through my head…..and it won’t stop. Do you think he will cheat again? And do you think I’m wrong to question him? Is it wrong to feel trapped and want to run away?

    • Dedé

      Look up for narcissist personality disorder. He hás the hallmarks

    • candice

      Yes..because you except it when he comes crawling back

  • steve

    There are loads of reasons why good guys cheat which is simply because women have high expectations of their BFs and for whatever reason women create complications e.g. if their not in the mood they usually selfishly fake illness and flake at the last min on date. It doesn’t matter if the guy booked an expensive night out; women can flake on a date at anytime leaving a good guy hurt and confused.
    Women nowadays are the pickest they have been in decades thanks to social networking sites; making life easier for them to pick and choose what kind of man they can have and use for attention.
    My final point is that when it comes to love and relationships in the early stages most women kick nice guys to the curb because they didn’t feel an instant sexual connection…….like in the movies. Had they given the nice man a chance they could have had better experiences in dating world.

  • volleyball5

    something happened to me with a guy that I thought cared about me….he told me he was going to leave his gf for me but then the next day he told me that I was just some girl he wanted to

  • volleyball5

    he just wanted to do me everyonce in a while and then always go back to his gf..so that hurt then he just kept saying stuff that was rly messed up to try to get me back but that’s not going to happen I need some advice

  • Missy

    My boyfriend and i have been together for awhile. We both were doing great and moved in together. We are young, but we are each others first real relationship. At one point a couple month ago he started always hanging out with this girl, that people were asking me if we broke up cause they always saw them together. So i told him i did not like it and so he stopped talking her. But when i borrowed his phone to go on facebook i saw that he has messaged her, and what i saw was very concerning. He says he has never went over to her house, and that they have watched a movie but it was with a group of people. He said that she was getting very strange because she was getting very clingy and weird so that is why he had no problem stopping talking with her. But then when i see these messages by the looks of it she is upset, thats why they stopped talking. He swears up and down he did not cheat on me and that he wouldn’t but this is the second time i have thought he was cheating. I know i am not a very trusting person, but i trusted him until i seen the messages.

  • moniquee

    i think you just got used to guys doing bad stuff to you and now you don”t know and appreciate when a good man is with you….you really need help

  • Denisse

    I don’t know if it’s close to this subject but just need to let it out…
    Well…there is this guy i know him for more then 4 years now, and like we had a thing going on beofre he get a girlfriend. And we still do stuff and he doesn’t just seem like he just want the sex and fun with me. He acts like he we are more. But he always keep saying that he loves his girlfriend and that he will never let her go. I do like him, i just didn’t want to say anything because his girlfriend i know her. I guess you can say she’s my friend but i don’t really like her.
    But anyways, he does act like me and him is more then just sex and the fun. But that’s me.
    No one knows what me and him are doing besides him and i.
    I am a jealous person. And i do get jealous seeing them together. Even thought they get in trouble a lot, and so much things happen to them to break up. And i don’t want to be that one person to be like “oh yes. They broke up. Now i can get in and be with him all to myself.” i don’t want to be like that expectation that i do like him and i don’t like him being sad.
    So like yeah. I guess that’s all.

  • zoe

    I’m confused about the “times” of cheating…1 time means he had have sex with another for 1 time? My ex had have sex with one woman for 5 times in the past 3 months while I was not around (we are LDR). And 3 weeks ago that woman sent me messages via my FB, until then i know he had being cheated on me. I’m his 2nd relationship and his previous one was 8 years and he never cheated before, so he insist he’s not a needy person who can’t resist temptation. They started since August after we had a big fight in July (at that time I wanted to leave him), he said its because he was extremely depressed and just hooked up with that woman for “causal sex”; so they had 4 times sex in the past 1.5 months until September, because we went for a vacation, after vacation, I fly to the city i work, and he returned. 1 week after he returned, they meet twice and had sex at the 2nd time meet, and that woman found my stuff in his place at the 3rd time they meet and then got angry, so she came to me to tell me all those ugly things my bf had done. Is he consider a serial cheater?

  • zoe

    How to define “1-time” cheater? or serial-cheater? My bf had have 5 times sex with one same woman while I was not around, and he never cheated before in his previous relationship (8+ years), does this 5 times sex consider him as cheated ONCE? or 5 times?

  • AL

    Don’t give him chance. You would surely find someone who will be loyal and will loved you the way you wanted to be loved. If you give him another chance, he’ll be doing the same over and over again. Spare some mercy for yourself. ^.^

  • Aly

    hi girl, at your age you’re still young and lovely. You’ll meet more and better man in the future. 🙂

  • lis

    my bf was really nice he said i was beautiful and the sweetest girl he met his parents checked his phone and he was saying exactly the same thing to a girl he d never met b4 i still love him just so sad he cheated

  • Rose

    My boyfriend admitted to cheating for 2 weeks he said he cared and liked her we been dating for 4 years. He has 2 jobs and I also work and go too school. We see each other for 30 minutes for each day. And he says I don’t appreciate him enough. He said he couldn’t go on with this so he told. I’m an emotional wreck right now. He said they were also just texting and we work at the same job but different time.

    • your friend

      He is not satisfied with your relationship, dump that jerk. You deserve someone better.

  • It’s heartbreaking for you and he should know that. If he truly loved you he wouldn’t be doing this. Find someone who shows he cares, not just says it.

  • You’ve answered your own question. A relationship cannot survive without trust. Time to move on. You don’t want to see it become 5 cheats in 5 years.

  • Cougar Age

    If only all women would leave their cheating men, we might make some progress!

  • Tracy

    I was engaged for almost a year with my boyfriend and at that time was an open book. We even knew our passwords on facebook, emails. Nothing to hide. We separated for about a two months around the holidays. We are now back together, but even though he added me back as a friend on FB, we live together, he has me blocked. Then I found emails of music that he had sent to me and sent it to two other women while we were still together and split up and while we were reconciling. This music was our music. I feel betrayed and even though I have voiced my feelings about facebook, I feel there is no trust. I am even helping raise his 7 year old and getting ready to go to parenting classes. My children are grown and I feel like he really is not committed even when he says he is.

    Something in my gut does’t sit well and without sounding like a young drama queen, I am just too old for games and not feeling secure in my relationship.

    • your friend

      Express to him your feelings through a nice way. Observe if he deserve a chance and if he will change into better. If not, he doesn’t care about your feelings so move on. Focus in yourself. Be better without that guy,

  • tricia

    My boyfriend and I are in good condition at this time, but I always recall what he did to me year ago wherein he lied to me through hanging out with this one girl who’s an ex of his friend. From the start, I am suspicious with this girl and I tell bad words to her like she’s cheap and stay away. He lied about it and we fight a lot before about this girl over and over again, then I caught him hanging out with this girl through the picture I saw. The girl took selfie inside his car and inside his bed room, I ask that girl the she answers back inappropriately. I think that she hate me because I talk with her before rudely the reason why she make way to make me mad at my boyfriend, my boyfriend tell me that nothing happened to them every time I ask him, he answered that they are just friends and the reason why he lied is that I hate that girl. Months past by, we get back and officially okay then that girl stayed away. But my problem is this, I always remember how painful that thing he did to me and I can’t stop comparing myself to that girl and I am always worried. I suspiciously thinks my boyfriend had an affair even though right now after that long fight, he make lots of effort to win my trust back and I feel his sincerity and we already living together and I became happy.

  • LetFreedomRing

    They forgot to cover what the mid life crisis is all about . Your with someone for 15 yrs and never had a reason not to trust him. Had always spent all your time together . Then he starts becoming more withdrawn and weird about his appearance and doesn’t spend time like he use to with you and ditches you cuz so and so wants a ride or so so wants to have drinks . Then you know there is some else but they lie and then a few months later comes clean and tells you I think I got her pregnant and I need your help . OMG . unbelievable

  • Jordan

    So I’ve been single most of my life, well for the first 16 years. Now I’m in a relationship. I had my first kiss with my girlfriend who I had found out I wasn’t hers and at this point I found out a lot about her past. I could not handle it at all. I felt like why the he’ll did I keep my purity when I didn’t have to. So eventually I kept on thinking about it. At some point I couldn’t handle it and I wanted to kiss someone to feel what it was like to kiss another person..maybe it’s better I don’t know. So eventually I did but it was a spur of the moment thing. I had just met this older girl at my cousins 21st. She like through herself on me and we ended up kissing. What I want to know is will I cheat again. CHeating is the last thing I wanted to do. Help ???

  • TheHopeLine

    Yes, there is a such a thing as sexual addiction. Please call or chat with one of our HopeCoaches to learn more. We are here for you 24/7/ Call TheHopeLine: 1-800-394-4673 (HOPE)

  • Jennifer

    What should I do if I had sex with a guy who has a girlfriend, who I’ve heard he’s moving in with, but who tells me I’m beautiful and all that junk? I found out afterwards by one of my friends he has been in a long term relationship, which he totally lied about, and I was heartbroken. However, He’s really sweet, he still talks to me, and tries to hang around me still; and I feel we both have of caught feelings since we slept together. I could be wrong but he has definitely been more interested in my life since we had sex. But, I know now that cheaters will be cheaters, so how do I go about this, should I comfront him and friend zone him? Any advice?

    • your friend

      he just want sex from you, you deserve someone else who will not lie to you.

  • Anita

    Yh he just wanna fall back on u….

  • stevo

    I lost my bf of 4 years last Friday.He died of a drowning accident. a day later I was cleaning his room found a bra. Someone knocked at the door to see what happened to him, turned out I met one of his girlfriends.I found out through his friend he was thinking of dumping me for awhile. I was devastated. I feel so much anger and betrayal. I can’t cry. At first I was crying over his death, now after all the cheating stuff I’m so sick. I stayed loyal to him

  • naina

    my dear friend please leave him now….the same happpen to me i was with a guy for last 9 years. Like u i was knowing about his other affairs even then i cont with him. i thought he will marry me only bcoz he always use to cry in front of me. but at last after 9 yrs he askes me to get lost he not even bouthered to call me n chk what m i doing without him. i waisted my 9 yrs cooking for him, sab kiya khidmat bhi ki, laundry bhi clean kiya aur usne mujhe hi clean ker diya….. now my life is like a dog dont know what to do…now m in 30’s n not getting guy of my community for marry….so please dont waste ur time…men can get women to marry at any age but ek baar tumhari good age nikal gayi the u can do nothing….. so please stop

  • SnowWhite

    My boyfriend of 7 years abs 3 kids cheated on me. When I found out, I feel, he was ashamed. He kept saying that his mind wasn’t in it and all he kept saying was what are you doin to himself.. . I was pregnant with my daughter, we had just had a big bow out, he was upset that he was away at this training school and not with his family. how do I deal with it

  • lilian

    Caught my boyfriend with another gal in his room, ,have bin hearing that my boyfriend has another gal aside from me buh never believed,,went to his house one morning caught him with d gal even putting on his cloth,i asked him to introduce d gal to me,,he introduced d gal as his galfrd and intro me as his frd,,and he started dating us at d same tym according to his galfrd,,after introducing d gal as he’s galfrd he started pushing me out from his house, ever since then he has not called me or text me,,he has bin with the ever since that incident happened like 3wks now,,im just confused,,and I still love him,,wah should I do??

    • lee

      u need to move on,he is not for,don’t worry about it u will find the right person,his just a pig

  • 19year old mom of twins

    I broke up with my fiancé just yesterday, he always says I love u an all that kind of crap an says he means it but goes on pof an put up that he is looking for a relationship with an independent women an said he was undecided if he wanted children even tho we have 8 month old twin boys.. An adds a bunch of hoes on Facebook with nude an slutty pictures on there profiles an says he doesn’t know how they got added meanwhile I caught him looking at there pics an he memorized their name when he goes to “delete” them like he was suppose to over a year an a half ago an says he is getting help but checks out his councillor an all the girls he see anywhere that where tight pants, takes his phone to have a shower, treats me like I’m stupid.. Yelled at him for over an hour to get him to be honest an he thought just getting rid of his pof account was gunna get me to stay, I told him that there plenty of ppl that would treat me better an that I’d show him strong an independent I packed up everything my kids needed an have been at my parents, an he still texts me saying sorry an idc cause he is never gunna change he has acussed all his exs of cheating including me an I never have, an keeps harassing me when I tell him to stop texting or to leave me alone an doesn’t get that I’m not coming back, an he is such an angry person I have issuses sleeping at night cause I’m affraid he is gunna show up an start yelling an being an asshole

  • your friend

    Your young and you deserve someone else who will give 100% of his loyalty. If your always in pain, it means that.. your relationship is not healthy. A relationship should be mixed of love and happiness not pain and lies,.

  • your friend

    Boys will always be boys. stop believing him, don’t risk to trust him again. He will repeat.

  • your friend

    you already answered your question, yes.. you must be upset.

  • Ana

    I don’t agree with Megan up there. When a guy cheats, the other girl sometimes doesn’t know about the first one.

    I’ve just discovered the guy I went on two dates with and talked for three weeks may have a serious girlfriend for almost three years. He never wanted me to know basic stuff about him, add him on Facebook, and was always joking to change the conversation when I asked him about him trying to make me a secret.

    And believe me if it’s true, I will feel even worse than I feel right now, because she seems to be a great girl and also because I really liked him.

    So, if the other girl doesn’t know, it’s the guy who’s a cheater. Maybe he’s not getting what he wants from the relationship (and that doesn’t always mean sex), or he just loves the thrill. Either way, his fault all the way. Because it doesn’t matter if there’s a girl jumping on him – if he loves you, he will say no and walk away.

  • Anon

    I haven’t cheated on my girl friend but I’m thinking about it. Only reason is.. she’s cheated on me multiple times and it feels like we’re losing our spark.

  • Kim

    I just broke up with my boyfriend and he didn’t even seem to care.
    he told me that he loved me and that he wanted me to move in with him, and I believed him, he told me over 8 months ago that he deleted his dating profile. I found out a year later that he still had a dating profile on the same dating site, it said he was looking for a serious relationship, and it said he replied frequently, also he was talking to some other girl for a week and a half, and he never once told her he was seeing someone. He told me that he only go’s on there when he’s bored. That is not a good enough excuse for having a dating profile, when you know if your girlfriend found out she would be devastated. After I told him that, he said that he couldn’t talk because he was at work. So I waited thinking he would at the very least call me, at 7 I checked okCupid useing the fake account I created and he was on there. If your girlfriend just broke up with you for having that, why would you not delete it, but apparently having a dating profile is more important to him than me. Why would he claim to love me when he does that?

  • Victoria

    myexboyfriend and I thought we would be together again for ever is he ever going to change his ways and we have a son together that 13.00 he has a new girl friend and doesn’t want to talk to me anymore what should I do

  • Bryan

    I’m 49 yrs old and I’m a cheater.
    After the failure of my 2nd marriage I started dating days after we seperated. And kept it up for over a year. I dated for sex and a way of dealing with emotional pain. I could not be alone for very long else I would feel lonely. Eventually I met someone I fell for but she only wanted a casual relationship. If I was dating someone else and she called I would drop them like a hot potato and jump to her side. This went on for over a year. Yet she did not want a relationship. That’s how I became a cheater. I longed for her dated others for emotional security and came running to her whenever I could either dumping or lying to whom ever I was with about my situation. I didnot see the pattern. One of my new male friends a total playboy encouraged me to serial date and have sex and try to keep up with him. My record was 3 women in one day.
    One amazing woman I spent a lot of time with fell madly in love with me we acted like a couple but still my feelings were with my casual girl. So I really did not even see her the way she saw me. Eventually I developed feelings but by that time I had cheated on her several times. One day I realized I wanted this relationship and came clean on everything. Coming clean seemed a total mistake as I hurt this lady to the core. While I felt clean she felt she could no longer trust me yet we stayed together. Now I was on 24 hr lock down and became her doormat. I submitted myself to her retribution as my penalty for cheating and lying. It got so bad I eventually cheated again as I was looking to end the relationship and run away. This pattern went on for over a year. It became the most gut wrenching toxic love relationship you could imagine. Eventually she left me as I could not do it.
    Now I am heart broken if you can believe it. What’s my point? Don’t cheat, don’t cheat don’t cheat. Don’t use women as emotional security blankets. Wait suck it up get your head on straight before you start dating again. It does not work trust me. Think twice about coming clean about cheating with your partner. Best situation don’t cheat in the first place. You could end up hurting that person and effect them forever. Fix what you have. Stop cheating love your girlfriend or wife. Else beak up and move on.

    I messed up the perfect relationship with the love of my life because I did not have me feelings in check. Please learn from me. You will end up alone and emotionally broke.

    • Lisa

      My ex-boyfriend of 6.5 years is a serial cheater, liar, and sex addict. I did everything for him: car loan, nice vacations, got him out to the West Coast so he could be with his dad when his dad died. He admitted to cheating after I called him out on his behavior which had changed — he emotionally withdrew. I threw him out of the house and changed the locks the next day. He was emotionally needy but so am I. I thought we would be together forever. He has come back begging and crying. I could not go back to that. I can never trust him again. He moved on to another relationship within weeks of our breakup and announced on facebook he is in a relationship with this girl that he’s known as a “friend” for awhile. I am devastated. I feel betrayed, hurt, lost, and very lonely. Sad. I don’t know if I can ever trust another human.

      • Meowlody Mantic

        I’m sorry you had to go thru that,I’ve had two serious boyfriends cheat on me and both times it was devastating,I feel the same as you like I really don’t trust any men,best thing to do is focus on you and learn to make yourself happy,I do believe loyal men exist and remind myself not all people are the same,there is loyal and unloyal,unfortunately we had unloyal but doesn’t mean you can’t find a good one some day,best of luck to you

    • Meowlody Mantic

      Cheating just creates a huge mess and it ruins trust forever,my boyfriend cheated and I took him back but I will never trust him again,it’s been 3 yrs but I still can’t trust ready to leave and move on hopefully will one day meet a loyal man

  • Mason

    My boyfriend cheated on me three times and I forgave him but my trust for him is ruined and I’m don’t know what to do anymore I really like him and all but he always makes stupid decisions O

    • Meowlody Mantic

      A cheater can change but honestly it’s extremely hard to trust someone after they cheated,I took back my bf after cheating but I should of ended it then because it’s been three years and I still don’t trust him

  • Techspit Blogspot

    I’ve cheated twice with my soul mate. The women of my dreams. I can tell you now I regret every second of it. And the first time I let it slip but the second time I ate the guilt so badly. I lost weight, cried like a baby, prayed to God for forgiveness. Considered suicide. Beat myself literally. And I can tell you right now id never cheat EVER EVER EVER again. The cheaters always cheat is not always true. It depends on the persons soul and capacity to change. I def changed and if the same women won’t take me back I’ll treat the next one with complete loyalty and respect. Like a queen. Being the offender who cheated is literally hell. I’d choose death over a relationship without loyalty.

    • Autumn

      Ok so my an cheated on my the entire time of us being together, I mean, according to his ex. SHe didn’t know until I told our mutual friend about things. Thing is, he’s denied everything. If he did in fact cheat on me throughout the entire time ( we live together) will he not cheat again?

  • Peter Anthony

    But I agree, it’s not right for guys to get into relationships if there is a propensity to cheat. A good and satisfying relationship is based on trust and respect. However, it’s still hardwork and it’s important for both partners to be on the same page.

  • Erin Allen

    My boyfriend works out of town a lot and he claims he hasn’t physically (he says he only TRIED) cheated on me but I have evidence that says otherwise. He says it was All because of an argument he says we had. Over a stupid argument?? Is he for real? I guess he did it in November of 2014, but I did not find out until last week when I snooped on his ipad and his phone. I found emails and texts he THOUGHT he erased. Nice job, Einstein! Anyway, I broke up with him and he started crying and begging me to forgive him. When I said no, he got mad and flipped his shit. My question is: If he only TRIED to cheat, should I take him back? I mean, he swears up and down he never physically cheated on me. He also does not think it’s as bad as actual cheating if he never went through with it. I think that is pretty shitty of him. Now every time he goes out of town for work, I will just keep thinking he is messing around behind my back. I don’t know if I can trust him. To me, TRYING to cheat really is just as bad as physical cheating. If you can’t be faithful to someone, then don’t be with them!! Don’t two-time the person you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with. GROW UP.

    • Meowlody Mantic

      I don’t blame you for not trusting him,once someone cheats it’s very hard to trust again

  • Jovanie

    hi my name is jovanie i tell my girlfriend it not working out between us so i dont want her to get in trouble of the bus drive but i still love her

  • Jovanie

    if even i still love her even if it hurt me a lot of time i would do anything for her

  • Vanessa

    I am really trying to figure this whole thing out. My boyfriend and I have been officially dating around 2 years. We have a 8 month old son together and live together, and on his suggestion had started making plans to get married, and build a life together. I really do not doubt he loves me but at this point because of the infidelity, I question whether it’s out of obligation, or whether he truly loves me. I guess I need to explain the entire situation so though I am 5 years older (33) our first time was his first time, and yes you can definitely get pregnant on the first time. Well prior to me he has only been in one other relationship with his ex on and off for 5 years. Though they had broken it off over a year before me and him even began talking, when she saw he was actually dating me she felt threatened and began with the drama. She has shown up on dates. At his job in lingerie, stalked both of us online, came to his house, and left 10 page letters describing what she would do to him, and how she’s depressed that they are not together and wants him back. She even blamed him for loosing her virginity because she was desperate to find out why he cared about me, and thought it had to be all physical. The first time he cheated with her was when her mom died and showed up at his house crying. It was also right after we found out I was pregnant. Though it was all oral and not intercourse I still felt betrayed. He called crying and saying how sorry he was, and that it was a mistake and he felt bad for her, and was so used to past stuff and all that. Now because we needed to decide what to do about me being pregnant we had to talk etc plus I had some important dr appointments. Either way he said if I’ll forgive him he loves me and wanted to build a family with me and spend the rest of his life with me. Though we had discussed that way before I got pregnant. So I forgave him and we decided to keep the baby and moved in together and we’re doing well, though she was always in the shadows attempting to cause drama, then about the time I was having the baby she showed up at his place with a letter begging him to leave me and build a life with her and nude pics. He still left her alone. Well 3 months after having the baby he changed his phone number and began talking to her again. They even we’re going out and hanging out and he would stay out all day, and treat me like crap when he came home which he had never done, not abusive, but basically all the sudden telling me stuff like, “I’m only a girlfriend I have no right to know where he is etc” when he returned. Which is out of character for him. He usually stays home playing video games. When I found out it was her he was with I became upset. So I left with our lil one for a few days. He called me over 100 times, left 58 voicemails, sent 86 text messages, and many emails. Even started calling my family and friends apologizing and begging me to come back, and when I did we sat down and deeply discussed our issues, what needed to be done to stay together and what I would accept. Cutting all ties with his ex was the main thing. Well he did, and again we were doing well until I got hired at the same place she worked earlier this summer, which I wasn’t aware of had just received an email offering me an interview. Well she began showing up to his job. I actually wasn’t aware anything had happened until she sent me over 80 messages on fb through our business account a few days ago, telling me how she had been talking to my boyfriend for over 3 months and had been having sexual relations with him and while I was out of town with my gma who was dying they had intercourse. When I asked him about it he wouldn’t admit it, he would just call her cussing her out and upset talking about everything is ruined and now he’s lost me and his son etc. He then kept apologizing to me and admiting he was wrong claiming the reason he did it was because he was to weak to say no and that he had been turning her down for months and whatever but still felt like he owed her for being there for him all those years. At this point our life is so connected I don’t know what to do, and even though he keeps saying he won’t do it again and giving me reasons why. I don’t trust he won’t. What is good?

    Living in half the house, seeking an honest opinion

  • Meowlody Mantic

    I’ve always been the same way loyal gf cook and clean like a wife,you deserve so much better,best of luck to you hope you find someone loyal and trust worthy,I think a lot of us women need to work on building up our self esteem and realize we deserve a good loyal man!!!

  • Meowlody Mantic

    I would leave and never look back most cheaters do cheat again

  • Meowlody Mantic

    I would get rid of him,in ten years you will look back and be glad you left him,loyal people deserve loyal people

  • Meowlody Mantic

    I’ve read everyone’s stories here and I’m seeing a pattern,a lot of us that are cheated on have a low self esteem,we need to learn how to be alone and make ourselves happy,after that we can seek a relationship and hopefully attract a loyal partner,cheaters are scum,and look at it like this when they cheat and the relationship ends what did you lose? Nothing of value you lost a cheater!!!! I also noticed a lot of cheaters will call loyal people crazy jealous and clingy,if you had loyal honest person you wouldn’t be feeling jealous and clingy because a loyal honest person would make you feel secure,the cheaters are the one that are crazy because they are heartless and like to play games

  • terin

    i have a boyfriend and i think im a second choice he likes with my best friend alot he asked me if it was ok if they exchanged nudes i really dont know im in love with this boy i cant decide if it would be considered cheating i dont want to leave him but i dont want to get hurt either. what do i do???

  • Kassie Hayes

    So I need some help my boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now and I saw that our 2 tear old daughter was on he’s phone so I had her give it t me so she didn’t tear it up. and I happen to see that she was on his messages and there was a pic and when I opened it up there was a naked woman….. I had woke him up and asked him who the woman was but he says he don’t know.. and then I asked him tolet me see his facebook and he said ok what ever…. and I looked back and found a woman he was and I think is still talking to…. but heres the messed up part I know her and its nasty because she slept with her half brother and now he’s sending nasty pics to her and she is too…. and in some of there text they talk about having sex… and now I just wanna scream at him so much but he denies it all the way.

  • If he is a cheater now he will always be. You never know if he will meet somebody who he want to leave you for. My advice is to move on and find somebody who you can trust.

  • Lei

    I don’t know what to do. I have been seeing this guy at work who has been in a 3 year relationship. I have been getting intimate with him for the last 2 years on and off. In the last year I have developed strong feelings for him. All I think about is him. I tried to end it as my conscious is telling me to. But he doesn’t want to at the same time he ignores me when he wants. Everything is on his terms when I should text and not. I don’t know what to do. I really have fallen for him.

  • Kayla

    So my boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year now and things have been great, we’ve had out ups and downs but it’s typical stuff. I’m a non monogamous person but I decided to give monogamy a try because I really like this guy. But about three months in I found dating sites with his account. We talked about it and he agreed never to do that sorta thing again. Just recently however, I found a whole bunch of them again. His messages to random females asking if they wanted to hook up and such (actively looking). I sat down with him and he told me that it’s a kink of his. I don’t want to kink shame him for it but I also hate the idea that he can do that sort of thing but I can’t? What do I do?

  • Haley

    So, I had sex with a guy I went to high school with and we recently reconnected. The big thing is I dated his brother in high school and I was always attracted to him but never worked up the courage to go after him, now 4 years later and some alcohol in the mix we ended up having sex. Which isn’t the problem, the problem is, is that he has a girlfriend who he’s been with for 7 months. I like him but hate that he cheat on her with me, yet I still want to be with him. What do I do??

  • CheyVelvet

    My BF hasn’t cheated but I caught him in contact with his ex, which would be fine, had he not been lying about it. I’m not concerned about things going far with them as she lives out of province, but the whole situation is just making me think. What else has he lied about? Can I trust him that he says he won’t do something like this again? Also thinking about the fact that he adds a lot of random girls on fb. He doesn’t message any of them (so far as I know, but I usually have access to his fb so I don’t think so). Just really not sure how to go about this and it’s making me so paranoid and insecure. I always said if I was cheated on I would walk away immediately, but seeing as how this is different, I’m confused.

  • Stace

    My story is almost the same, I know the conflict you feel. I caught mine doing this over a year ago and realized he had been doing online stuff for nearly 4 years but by the messages I read it was escalating to trying to meet these people. I trusted him totally and utterly so never even considered checking his emails or phone messages. I was a wonderful girlfriend and gave him sex nearly everyday as he is extremely affectionate with me and I loved the intimacy. I would have never believed he would do this to me. Now I realized how often he had lied straight to my face. He said he would never do this again as I am his soul mate and I haven’t caught him in the last year but it has changed me. I have turned into a stalking crazy person and have become obsessed with catching him again, I even fantasize about kicking his ass out when I do catch him as I am convinced he will do it again. I think maybe I have become unwell now, my entire belief system of fate and true love is gone, now I realize we are just higher monkeys controlled by hormones and nothing is real or true which diminished how I loved him.. It has been over a year now and my passion for him has never returned, I simply do not trust him and I feel I never will again. Why do I stay, I’m just waiting for next time so I can say good bye with a clear understanding. Its not about what he does, it is about my boundaries now and what I am willing to accept, there will not be a second chance, it will end once I catch him again. You have given your man too many chances, by the third time you should realize he will not change. Set yourself a line he should not cross, tell him. Find your strength in your boundary and if he does it again you need to leave, his behavior will only escalate if you keep letting him get away with it and one day he may bring you home a disease.

  • Lilly

    I need some advice. My current boyfriend is nice and he always texts me “I love you” a lot, but we have only dated for 3 days! So I told him to not use the word love because it was a very strong word, and that we should slow down a bit. He said yes, but today he asked if he still wants to be together… of course I put “yes” but I don’t know if he still wants to be with me. Should I ask him if he wants to be with me still?


    I’m a guy i have done this before never meant to it’s kinda stupied i got back with the girl that i cheated on we have been together for 11 months you know if you love them stick with them but like really don’t cheat your stupied if you do because ik Ithestick with the one you love work it out don’t give up ik I’m only 18 idk if I’m right there are so many guys out there that only use girls for sex but I’m not that guy

  • Gracie

    I had a boyfriend we dated for 8 months but then this girl walks into my life wanting to fight me. He begged me to stay, I didn’t want to put up with the drama but then i just found out he cheated on me with the same girl. I don’t know but how I still love him is crazy! Help me!!!

  • It sounds like what you have with him is sexual addiction. This type of addiction is the same as a chemical addiction because there is a high involved and there are risks and dangers. Please chat with one of our HopeCoaches about this. Click the Chat Now button or go to this page https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ to start chatting. Also, he is cheating on both of you. We also have a free eBook about why people cheat – http://info.thehopeline.com/relationshipscheating-ebook
    You deserve to have someone who truly cares about you and desires to be with you all the time.

  • Advice please

    Okay so there’s this guys and before he dated this girl he was really clingy. He kissed and and everything then the next day he has a girlfriend but. He messages me telling me he loves me and sends me emoji hearts but I try to ignore him but really on the inside I want him back. He used to be mine and I miss him I made the mistake of breaking up with him a while ago. So he tells me I’m pretty and stuff and I don’t want him messing with my emotions! He tried to cheat on his girl with me and I said sorry I can’t do this, this isn’t right and as soon as I said that. He changes the conversation in a second he ignored the fact that I said that. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what to say. Like I’m really attached but I can’t let go :(.

  • Rebecca

    When i was thirteen year old,i told my current boyfriend to wait for 4 years before i could agree to date him. he waited patiently for 4 years….but unknown to me he dated six girls during the period of that 4 years. Although,he was still asking me out and always begging for my love every blessed day.
    The 4 years completed last year and finally i agreed to date him. After some months, i found out that he was still dating another girl. i got mad at him and almost broke up with him, because its seem the both of them has been sexually attached.

    He begged me and threatened to kill himself if i should end our relationship. i felt weak hearing that. so i could help but forgive him,,,but the trust was broken already. He promised to break up with her which he did.
    Now am fighting hard to build back the trust but he’s ex is getting in my way. She is always calling him even when am around him. she sent a friend request on Facebook which i accepted. We became friend, we talk to each other as if we’ve been friends for ages. she even promised to forget about him(my boyfriend).
    I know it wasn’t gonna be easy for her but i believed her. she didn’t stop calling him to the extend that i started i started suspecting my boyfriend again.

    I sat him down and spoke with him. he said he wasn’t dating her again more. he said she kept disturbing him day and night. i didn’t confront her because she was already my close friend. he posted my picture and his on facebook and wrote some thing about his love for me and about my birthday. He’s ex saw it and got furious about it. i tried to calm her down but she wouldnt listen. i felt hurt emotionally because i know the kind of pain she is going through.
    i feel bad when ever she’s in pain because of me.

    Please i need your advise, should i break up with him so that she can have him back?. i know it wont be easy for me cus i love him so much and i cant even imagine life without him and i know he sincerely loves me too but i cant just see someone else hurting so bad. i feel guilty sometimes.

  • Kei

    boy friend cheats because he is unhappy and doesn’t know how to cope with everyday stressors =/ how can that be treated, we love each other and want our relationship to be successful but he likes to use social media to visually and verbally lust over and flirt with women and i believe that is very disrespectful to our relationship. I barely had guy friends in our relationship.

  • Autumn

    I need some advice and help too…

    I am really starting to believe my man who I’ve been living with for 4 months and been with for 9months isn’t over his ex and may have been cheating on me with her throughout the entire time of us being together. There was major drama that went down on New Years , unexpected drama. One of my friends is friends with my mans ex. They talked and apparently my friend ( whos name is Mike) told me he had some things that he felt I needed to know. He told me he was still involved with his ex ( Sara). My bf told me that it was all lies and that he stopped seeing her in May2016..but we made things official in April of 2016. That’s all that he admitted to. So I told Mike that if she didn’t have concrete proof that I am going to stay with my man and continue on with our relationship because I thought it was solid. Well…. she contacts me on FB to let me know of the concrete proof… at that point, me and my man were kind of over. She told me these times where they were out together and hooked up over at her apartment. She said they’d go out on their lunch breaks to hook up or just have lunch. She said that he bought her a couch and a table My man denies it and says they’ve only been friendly and they’d just talk about things going on in their lives so of course she knows about events that went on in his life. He feels that shes just mad because he chose me over her. She told me that he took her to his friends/Coworkers birthday party. She also said that there were times he’d go through her phone. All of these things had me wondering if all this were true. I don’t know how I feel about things as he hardly ever talks about her. So I’m staying for reason I don’t want to get into. Hopefully things work out, if not I have A LOT of pieces to pick up. Does anyone feel like I should be worried? Is he still in love with his ex? Should I believe him? I told her in one of her messages to me that if he ever contacts her to let me know by screenshots because it’ll have his phone number date and time of contact. Was that smart of me to request that? I gave her my number to contact me. Do you all feel that he will try and reach out to her or will he leave her alone and respect our relationship? Again he’s denied everything.

  • nicole

    Not sure if anyone reads these things anymore but felt like getting someones option. Ive been with a guy for 5years now have 3 kids. Its not been easy but i love him and have tried making it work for our kids. However i now have answers to all the let downs. He has been carrying on a realationship that was before us. The women is 10 or so years older then him and im 8 years younger then him. Again we share 3 kids together and i feel so dumb. How could i have let myself down along with me kids. Why did he manipulate me from the beginning? Why did he prove to be the man he said he once was. Im just so hurt my the fact i believed him. So many questions but no right answers. I need feed back. Im trying not to do something on my own emotion. I must continue to remember we do share kids. i dont want to take them but i want to do what is best for them. So confused help if possible

  • Laura

    I have been with this man on and off for three years. Just crazy !! It would be great for a while we’d travel and have fun. Then all of a sudden something would happen that gut feeling something is up and boom we break up. Long story short. This last time we split I would not go back to him. I wouldn’t go out with him he’s text and call over and over. Persistently!! And finally I have in. It was so different this time. All he kept saying was he loved me. And looked for my replacement while we were apart and he couldn’t find it. WNted to spend the rest of his life with me. Over and over and then after weeks of this. Boom I caught him lying about him saying that he was going to work and wasn’t. I don’t know or get it.

  • lifelessonsalways1109

    I have been in a on and off again relationship with a guy for 3 years. We were only together for 3 months the first time he cheated on me. I honestly think if my son had not died a week after I caught him, I may have been able to kick him to the curb. His cheating is what ended his marriage too. We would be good for a few months, then I would hear about something or someone he was with. He always denied and of course came up with a lie. Which was usually so absurd, I couldn’t believe he thought I would believe him. I have to say, I think he is a narcissist. There is of course lots more to the story. I was a hot mess, depressed, grieving and empty when my son died, so I just wanted anything that was stable in my mind. I lost all self esteem and became a door mat. So we have been broken up since July. We would still chat every now and then. But this week, he has invited me over to visit. And the fool I am, I went. Basically for one thing. UGH! So now I feel so used again. What can I do to get him out of my mind, thoughts and heart? I have not been dating since then. But of course he is and was before we were done again.

  • becky

    I dated this guy for almost two years. Before it got to a year a friend of his told me he was cheating on me and gave me proof so I asked my bf then about it and if what his friend said was true. He admitted it but was like they stopped communicating but they didn’t breakup before then so dahs why he said they were still dating. I broke up with him but he apologized and I took him back. Almost two years that we were dating I got to find out that he was still dating the girl through his phone. He was chatting up with his friend about how the girl was coming to his house and his friend told him to have sex with her if she came. I have been to his house before and he has also been to mine and nothing ever happened. I confronted him about him still dating the girl after promising to officially break up with her. All he was concerned about was me checking his phone and I was just checking his phone to look for something to just tease him about.When I confronted him, he felt no remorse so I asked him to choose between myself and the girl. He was like he loves me so much and didn’t want to break up with me at all but he cant breakup with the other girl because he didn’t want to break her heart cause he didn’t want to ever break a girl’s heart. He also said the girl already knew about my relationship with him. I told him he didn’t know what he wanted and broke up with him. Please did I do the right thing and where did I go wrong in handling the issue

    • You did the right thing! You handled the situation very maturely. You confronted him and communicated really well. And you stood up for yourself by not continuing in a relationship where you are continually being cheated on. He is the one with a problem. You deserve to have someone who only wants you and no one else. I am really proud of you for being so brave and for valuing yourself. If you want to chat privately, we are here for you 24/7 – https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp

  • lin

    i have been seeing a man…we are mature adults for a year. i found out through emails depositing at night that he was sexting a woman. We were moving in together and he went out drinking with friends, sexted an ex and went to her house at 1.39 am. I saw the emails talking about their past hook ups and how they enjoyed each other at the beach. He says it was before we met but his texts were recent. he even said do we kiss and play and you dont need clothes. she sounded equally excited. he says nothing happened and he felt foolish. he lies to me 5 times with different stories about this over three months. says now the truth is he went to her place but nothing happened. i dont trust him now and can hardly look at him. salvageable? or not? doubt i!