Why Do People Lie? - Reasons for Lying

Most Everybody, at One Time or Another, Has Lied

Tell the truth now: that includes you and me. In fact, some people, sad to say, lie almost all the time.

Psychologists call these people compulsive or psychopathic liars. They tell lies even when they don't have to. Even the youngest of children will lie, especially if they think by doing it, they won't get punished for something. When children first learn how lying works, they lack the moral understanding of when to refrain from doing it.

Because lying can have such destructive and harmful consequences to both the liar and the one being lied to, I've written several blogs on this topic.

There are different kinds of lies, as well as different degrees of lying. It seems so many people I talk to have a problem with lying whether it's their own, or someone else's.

While maybe everybody lies at some point, few understand how destructive it can be, why we do it, and how to stop it. So, let's answer those questions.

Let's begin by defining what lying is:

Lying is saying something with the intent of creating a false belief or impression. It's an attempt to get someone to believe something that is not true.

Lying - Self Evaluation

  • How many lies do you think you have told this last week?
  • Who did you tell the lies to?
  • Why did you tell the lies?
  • How do you feel about the lies you told now?

Sometimes a lie might seem unintentional, or it may have been told to save someone else's feelings. For example, someone may say to another, "That sure is a pretty dress!", when the person knows it's ugly. We all have the capacity to lie.

Why Do People Lie?

FEAR

It was Tad Williams who said, "We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger." People can be so afraid of what might happen if they told the truth. Maybe they have done something wrong and are afraid of the consequences of their actions, so they lie to cover up what they did. As is often said about political scandals: It's not the crime that gets you in trouble, nearly as much as the cover-up.

MANIPULATION

Lies are typically motivated by a desire to get other people to either do something or not do something, or to make a decision in the favor of the person doing the lying. Someone might lie to get something they desire such as sex, money, status, power, love, etc. Lori said: "I'm young, but I realized quickly lustful people know how to get what they want, even if it means lying to you about how they feel." Probably the word love is used in more lives than any other. How often a guy will say to a girl (or vice versa), "I love you", simply to get the other person emotionally stirred up, so they can be more easily manipulated.

PRIDE

Many times, a person will lie because of pride. They use it for nothing more than a tool to create a favorable image of themselves. This leads to exaggeration, which is a form of lying. Often people will create fascinating, yet completely false, stories to improve their image.

Bottom line: We deceive other people because we think it serves our purposes in some way. And it's easy!

What's the Big Deal About Lying?

It becomes an addiction.

When you get away with a lie it often drives you to continue your deceptions, and in the process, we ruin relationships, hurt others, lose our integrity, and lose our peace. Truth becomes a feared enemy of the liar. It's a sick and tragic cycle that doesn't ever have a happy ending.

Lying may seem simple and harmless at first, but just like any addiction, you'll soon find yourself trapped and entangled more than you could have ever imagined.

Liars don't have peace

 Lying is extremely stressful. It causes you to be constantly looking over your shoulder and wondering who might be finding you out. You're always running through the lies you've told in your head, trying to keep track of what you've told to which person, and what's the next lie you need to tell. When you're honest, you don't have those worries or the negative consequences of your lies.

Roselyn commented: "I can say that not lying is a very relaxing way of life." The fact that you don't have to worry about remembering old lies or getting in trouble later on when the truth comes out (because it always does) puts a lot more relief in your life. Even when it's hard, telling the truth always has a better outcome than a bunch of lies.

Lies ruin relationships

 People are constantly looking to see who they can trust and who they can't. People are actually much more perceptive and aware of who tells the truth and who doesn't. Over time, honesty shows itself as a trait that is beautiful and deeply respected.  Liars are not respected.

This is true in all our relationships whether it's dating, family, friends, or at work. Macey put it so well: "It's always best, to be honest. It makes any and every relationship strong and healthy."

Someone commented about the value of being honest: "I used to lie a lot. I would lie only because it was easier than explaining the truth. And I have finally grown to realize that it's easier to [be honest]. Being honest and open has actually gotten me further than lying. My parents trust me, and I feel good about myself. And when you feel good about yourself then you know that everything is okay." This person has come to realize that when we tell the truth and live it, we become emotionally and spiritually stronger every day.

Telling the Truth Increases Security

It stands to reason that if you are not always working to stay one lie ahead of your last lie, you will be more at peace and have greater security in your relationships with others.  The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, understood this well. He wrote, "Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out." Proverbs 10:9

God speaks of the dangers of lying often in the Bible. In fact, "Do not lie" is one of the 10 Commandments. God understands how much pain lying brings to both the liar and those being lied to and so He tells us not to lie in order to protect us from pain. The Bible also says, "For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all." Luke 8:17

Here is more of what God says about lying - Verses of Hope for Struggling with Lying

Following God can offer so much security in many aspects of life. For more on a relationship with God read Learn More About God

Honesty Challenge

I want to offer up a challenge to all of us. Would you be willing to commit to a life of honesty and integrity? If you're up for this life-changing challenge, please write me a comment below, and tell a friend about your commitment too.

Has lying become a part of your everyday life? Need more help? Listen to Dawson's Podcast, How Can I Stop Lying - EP -19.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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138 comments on “Why Do People Lie? - Reasons for Lying”

  1. I totally agree, I got into so much trouble for lying to my mom about my school work. Now I have to write an 8 paper essay about lying. part of me thinks that they are over reacting, but part of me thinks that this is perfectly soiitibly

  2. My uncle just died and he was not a good person. Everyone now says, "Ay, bendito", when I say he was not a good guy. He had his good moments as we all do, and he lied a great deal. He also used and put people down when they turned their back. I this and now I am the bad person who have been ostracized from the family. I don't get it. I am telling the truth. Why do we do this? Even the neighbors have told me, you watch the minute he dies they are going to say he was a great guy and never did any wrong. I know different! How can I get others to see this. I am sure that they all think I am the worse person in the world. He was a neighbor, I helped him as much as possible, I was the one that took him to the hospital, doctors appointments and cared for him. I did more for him than most others. He never married, he never had kids, he was gay and was the female in his relationships. So why do we humans eulogize and make them out to be what he was not in life? I wish someone would clarify this for me.

  3. I had to give my husband perfect peace about my loyalty to him, then give him respect he didn't deserve, then give him permission to tell the truth without me getting upset. VERY HARD WORK for both of us. We've been together 27 years now, and are now happier than most newlyweds. Lying still happens, both of us, but we're working on eliminating even the tiniest of bad lies. I've told the kids of my new total honesty goal. Sweet daughter, 17, called me out on my lie in progress two days ago. I promised to take daughter, 13, shopping for brother's birthday, but later that day I felt like waiting till the next day instead of going when I said. I had allowed us to get caught up in educational political videos for too long that afternoon, and didn't want to be gone when Daddy was home. But I had asked for help being honest about what I said I'd do, wanting to be a good example of honesty & hard work ethic, so I went. Didn't get home til 8:30 which was really hard since I had been up since 4 am with hubby (I help wake him up for work), but I'm so glad I went the same day. I want to be known for honesty & reliability. Old habits die hard. But my self improvements and unconditional respect (& apologies) & irrational loyalty have inspired my husband and kids to improve too. It's a team effort.

  4. When we became friends with someone that we soon realized was a pathological liar, who was also forced to be in therapy for lying & computer addiction, I decided to look at myself really hard. Did I lie too? Hmmmm...well, never as bad as he did, but I was horrified to discover how much I lied. If I said I would get a mess cleaned up by a certain time, but didn't because I spent that time on Facebook or bills that could have waited, or cleaned a different mess instead, or read a useful book, whatever, then i lied. If I said I'd go to the store at a certain time or day, but procrastinated for no really good reason, I lied. If I said I'd take the kids to the park, but allowed myself & the kids to get caught up in fun or educational YouTube videos and lost track of time, then we couldn't go...I LIED. People even lie to themself when they use a credit card for car repairs, claiming they had no choice, when the truth was they could have not spent that cash on eating out or non-survival clothing, or gifts, or more expensive processed food & empty calorie snacks & drinks which weren't even on sale, that unnecessary trip, etc. Most women who say they want to stay home with the kids LIE when they claim they can't afford to be a full time homemaker. There are more kinds of lies than the most obvious ones.

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